Hms Detention

That old wooden box that we nailed to a plank The pram in the ditch that required a good yank All that we needed was front and back wheels We wouldn’t need brakes for we had rubber heels The front wheels we fixed with some bent-over nails At that point we didn’t think we would need sails The back wheels meant even more nails needed bending And soon there’d be holes in our jeans needing mending For steering we tied on a length of old rope I still wonder now how that rope never broke At the brow of the hill with a push for a start I lost all control of that ramshackle cart I laugh at it now, for the memory’s fond I wasn’t amused when I ditched in the pond To save face I said that that’s what I intended And then said my cart racing exploits have ended For here there’s an ‘ocean’ and here there is wood So let’s build a boat and let’s build it real good We mounted a mast with a very big nail And Grandma’s best bath towel was used as a sail From Granddaddy’s shed some string gave it tension And then I said this boat I name ‘The Detention’ We’d left all the wheels on, it looked kinda hideous But I wasn’t daft, I had made it amphibious Our boat’s maiden voyage now had to ensue But this time, for ballast, I grabbed me a crew I yelled ‘All aboard’ and me and my brother Set off with Freddie… (the head is his mother) If I had been older I’d claim I was drunk When we hit the water the bloody thing sunk Covered in mud we smelt like a latrine And I said ‘Hey lads, it’s a submarine’ But we knew the head wouldn’t be too amused And soon in her office we all stood accused She spoke in a tone that you might call sardonic Our naval past includes vessels iconic Your boat has made Freddie look like a drowned rat You called it ‘Detention’… that’s ironic that 10 November 2021 For A Noteworthy ship contest Sponsor: Robert James Liguori