Long Kip Poems
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That goofball husband of hers brought her to this joint to see her get drunk for the very first time. She actually plugged her nose trying to sip her first glass of beer. Good grief. 20 minutes and she barely finished it. She walked to the restroom and I felt her teetering just a little bit. She likes the feeling though, I can tell! I sure liked it when she started boogying to the beat of the band on her way back to the table. Too bad Mr. dingbat won’t ever dance with her. She keeps tapping her hands on the table to the rhythm of the music. That’s why I have to write so slow. . . .
Now she’s tryin ta drink another beer but she can hardly stand it an her husband sez come on don’t ya wanna know how it fills ta be drunk? She says well at list I fill buzzd now. . .
The nice buzz wore off. It’s at least an hour later. She and hubbie got this idea to go to the liquor store. First time she ever went to one. She thought maybe brandy would taste better so then she could drink something stronger and know how it felt to be drunk. Brandy sounded sweet and fruity to her. Boy was she wrong. She took a little taste and it burned going down. That stuff sucks just like the beer. . . .
Wow she jus finisht tha hole boddle rily fast lik mebbie ten minuts ago so she kud fil drunk an she put me down ta finnish tha boddle in one shot now she kant evin kip her eyez opun UH ohhhhhhh
Epilogue: The preceding narration was based on actual fact. Upon consuming an entire bottle of brandy in less than ten minutes, "she" immediately passed out, and I recall she awoke in the morning having forgotten everything that transpired once she fell asleep. Furthermore, when she went into the bathroom the next morning and saw some flecks of vomit on the walls, she was quite amazed. Why? Because she had no recollection of throwing up, and she realized her goofball husband had actually attempted to clean up a mess in their house for the first time in their young married life!!!
By the way, Jenny, if you happen to be reading this, Shhhh. Please do not tell her other sisters. It would surely get back to you guys’ mother, and your poor upstanding church-loving mom might have a heart attack to hear of her daughter’s one transgression with the devil’s brew! Sincerely, Her Sober (albeit sometimes fanciful) Pen
Too little
too late
God said to me
in this dream I had about fate
So I asked him
what did he expect,
A goody two shoes
a prophet
a saint
to be something I ain’t
Not at all he said
I want to be entertained
Eternity is boring
mostly people snoring
especially at night
and during the day on occasion
Look god! I walk around an
Amazon warehouse all day
pigeon-holing tat
picking this and that
How am I supposed to amuse you
Well I do enjoy you
breaking stuff on purpose
sabotaging the line
Bunking off for a smoke
going to the toilet
and drinking erm… doing coke
Ok hands up!
I admit
I’m a total chancer
and do stuff I shouldn’t
But it’s alright isn’t it
that Amazon place is full of s-hit
Yes it is a terrible kip
but more fun when you entertain
Like in your last job
listening to you lie
not taking the blame
asking me to help out
In your moment of doubt
All that stuff you stole
and barely got away with
on the whole
That was quite funny!
Oh the (paper and plastic) I gathered,
before selling it to the highest bidder
Throwing expensive stock out in the trash
The owner was a bastard
all things considered
a miserly swine
But nevermind
Thanks!
I did need a dig out that time
Hey! remember when I was aged about 7
and was told my pal went to heaven
Why did it happen
A year later walking to school with another kid
he was only 8
And that nut-job attacked us with a hammer
Put a hole in my friends head
The blood pumped in fountains of red
I thought he was dead
All the gore I’ve seen
witnessed a killing at 18
Trying to hold down an abattoir job in between
Yes! Life ain’t pretty by design
sometimes the stars just won’t align
Others times they go nova
and leave black holes behind
still you’ll never really understand
The powers in command
So how about this poem
Will it see me home
Does it amuse you
are we cool?
You’re still alive aren’t you!
By
David Kavanagh
A mystical mayhem is a deity left undisturbed. Yet in corrosive eras even a sharp shrapnel can shatter even the most strongest of iron souls. Interesting is it? The formations. The planned plane. The corrosive killers. Plan not a wield upon a shield. And merely hide and lounge behind a base curve. Expect no larger ten weeks of a kip is neither a lay down sausage nor is it an elongated pillow public pillow case. Haha to that. And benign is the duties of the metre long united slumber chain. Symbolised stirring sap syrup should start saving some. And of course a clam giggling and gurgling likes marble gargling in a tentative terminology. Arteries arresting attestation arbitrary are applied apples aren't they? And no beacon blob. And no born booming boiling bonnet. Oh ho ho to that. Now get up you lazy guts and start a curfew curve. Ridgeback dodge ball in a pie is an anagram of wisdom in a shy ping pong ball. And to work is to wound so to work is to want. And the disco ball reflects the antonyms and synonyms against a backdrop of high fluted time gems. Hahahahah synergistic syndrome symmetrically symbolised stirring sap syrup as aforementioned......6%6%6%6%0%0%0%0%00000%800% of a cubic metrical device. Leaping. Of course. Wow. Fantastic. Interesting isn't it and the clan of the world is a good day and night and sweet dreams of the world is full on a trip and the other side is the best thing for the purpose of the world of goo. Choo choo then in a chip shop. Xxxxxx and a hahahahahahahah deviational duties xxxxxxx catalogues cauliflowers carbonated carbohydrates xxxxxxx coniferous clambering clam xxxxxx and an interesting chat emerges from an amateur radio station broadcasting organization xxxxxx feel felony's frailing fleas frying....xxxxx carbonization z z z
Form:
A Woman’s lot!
Not yet 50 - well nearly - but not yet!
But I would never have bet
That this would be the year
That would start to drive me to tears
And night sweats….and brain fog
That makes life at times a bit of a slog
Now, who in their right mind would invent
Menopause - someone obviously hell bent
on wanting to cause maximum destruction and misery
As when a mood swing occurs and the potential of causing injury
A woman can easily say “sorry about that” and simply forget
As she embarks on another night of sweats!
Now, where was I, I do forget
It’s my memory you see, again it’s let
me down. From numbers to names
at times they all merge and become the same!
So, I’m told that reaching 50 that it is a great age
to do what you want - even get on that stage
But wait one second - my glamour has gone
My hair is falling out, my weight is bent on
increasing - so to the diet book I must go
to a menu of soup and salad and sometimes I have to throw
caution to the wind and have a bit of bread
to stop me throwing my Ted
at someone’s head!
Sleeping - who needs sleep?
Is it a habit I want to keep?
“Yes” I cry, I love my kip and my good dreams
not the night sweats that streams
down my body - leaving me soaked to the skin.
But not all is lost as to these words I have written
on a topic that is often untold - even forbidden.
So share these words I will
for these feelings and emotions we need to spill
and share with all
so we know it’s ok not to be ok
And make tomorrow (however hard!) another day of people we will not slay!
Cnt think ov anythng other than u
cnt stop smiln whn yo name z talkd ov
uve managed to get thru me ,all wories turnd of
u hve cleand dat melancholy on ma mind
mde m show u, parts i hide e most
a day ,a minute ,a sec without u ,im lost
dat special thing in m,im selfish to share
u that 1 secret n m in failng 2 hide
that 1 thing i wil do anythng 2 protect ,evrythn to kip
the first and i ope the last i wil feel ths dip for smethng
dat special thing i cnt talk of
but that 1 secret i cnt kip
u and only u a secret n me i cnt hide
a day ,a minute ,a sec with u i cnt mention wat its lyk
i think and hope dats hw heven is
u eas ol the pain ,mke evry dae new
at tymz i thnk we wre md fo each othr
they say t doesnt exist ,bt with u ive seen it ,felt it and its true
true love ,or mybe ts the true us
clouded my judgmnt ,md me an inmate ov your soul
for e first tym im not scard and yet im frightnd i wil want more
evn whn im n pain ,yo voice tkes evry dip thorn awae
Silence with u ,filz lyk a 1000 songz
since e moment we met ,uve nvr escaped my mind
all i want ,ol i wil evr nid z u by ma side
bt u a secret ,i cnt show u around
@ e sme time i wish i culd hide u
i dont nid to say t, ts writn ol ovr my face
i wish i culd hv met u a moment ago
bt t feelz lyk ive known u fo a long tym
my past, my life ,my future,
i cnt talk abwt u, i wil alwyz kip u hiden
bt ey know abwt u ,i cn nvr hide
u dat dern im willn to talk of
n me z a secret u, i cnt hide
u the secret n me i cn writ
I am,
or shld i say we r
i cld swear im bipolar
tripolar, quadpolar, grab a cola take a
seat n listen
i jus nid ur earz, i cld neva have ur
heart, believe me i tried
n ma mind?
lost dat so löng ago
i only knw it as consiousnes, its hidin in
ma head sumwere.
I knw its there sumwere coz every otha
day it clicks, in dat breif
moment i experience gud pain
the kind thats just enuf to kip u frm the
bad kind
the kind that leaves an ugly scar
n unlike da duckling time wont make
ths 1 a swan.
I cld have sworn
infact i swear i knw beta
extra extra read al abt it
go ahead n tel the world that im its
smartest fool and if im schooled it can
only mean im
grouped wit da fishes,
gosh im slipin wit da fishes,
lifes maffia's got to me...
Tho its dark, its kinda comfy in this
boot/
trunk SPACIOUS
It must be a be a benzo, maybach : )
always wanted to ride in 1
look how it had to happen
bt i kip smilin
godfather cldnt get me to kis hs pinkie
ring
heck i cld take hm out if you put me in a
ring,
i run wit GOD THE FATHER
n dats y im stil standing
even wen ma whole worlds shaking
nuthn lasts 4eva
certainly not this uncertainity
that has threatend ma sanity,
moments ago my mind clickd
i felt gud pain
ma life jus gathered momentum ima
be aite
and yeah if u stil wonderin, i am nuts
da kinda crazy dat makes people give
their hearts
wen they knw they r playin darts
in the dark wit no hands
yeah dats me
: )
THE END
Form:
A bloke who hails
from New South Wales
will know of Gundagai.
Some guy found gold,
or so we're told,
in days now long gone by.
I grew up there
without a care
when both of us were nippers:
she was my mate -
her name was Kate -
I used to call her "Kipper".
We loved to lark
around Yarn Park,
and sing Frank Ifield songs,
play hide-and-seek
on Morley's Creek
all golden summer long.
I'd glance at Kip
(she fielded slip)
and try to hoist one high:
but quick as thought
she'd yell out, "Caught!"
or "Nice try, Gundagai!"
Her brain was quick,
her wit was slick,
and ready with a joke.
She'd bat and bowl
and kick field goals
as good as any bloke.
Well, time moved on.
Those days are gone,
and never to return.
I've roamed this earth,
for what it's worth,
and one thing I have learned.
In this wide world
there's heaps of girls,
and some of 'em are ripper,
and dark or fair,
I've had my share,
but none of 'em's like Kipper.
I'm not that grand
with pen in hand,
but I've written Kip a letter:
I may be wrong,
it's been so long.
She may not even get 'er.
So now you know
the way it goes.
You've heard my tale unfold.
I'm like those fools
with sieves and mules,
hell bent on striking gold.
I'm a chafing chook
on tenterhooks,
awaiting her reply.
I know my Kip -
she's sure to quip,
"Oh, nice try, Gundagai!"
...Hoender - Afrikaans, Pulë - Albanian, ???? - Arabic, ?????? - Belarusian, ???? - Bulgarian,
Pollastre - Catalan, ? - Chinese (Simplified), ? - Chinese (Traditional), Piletina - Croatian,
Kurecí - Czech, Kylling - Danish, Kip - Dutch, Kanaliha - Estonian, Manok - Filipino,
Kana - Finnish, Galiña - Galician, ??t?p???? - Greek, ??? - Hebrew, ???? - Hindi, Csirke -
Hungarian, Kjúklingur - Icelandic, Ayam - Indonesian, Sicín - Irish, ?? - Japanese,
??? - Korean, Calis - Latvian, Vištiena - Lithuanian, ??????? - Macedonian,
Ayam - Malay, Kylling - Norwegian, ???? - Persian, Kurczak - Polish, Pui - Romanian,
?????? - Russian, ???????? - Serbian, Kuracie - Slovak, Kuku - Swahili, Kyckling - Swedish,
??? - Thai, Tavuk - Turkish, ????? - Ukrainian, Gà - Vietnamese, Cyw Iâr - Welsh,
????? - Yiddish, Huhn - German, Frango - Portuguese, Poulet - French, Pollo - Italian,
Pollo - Spanish, Chicken - Maltese, Chicken - Slovenian, Chicken - English.,...-=.....-=..-=..-
=..............-=...-=....-=....-=...-=.............-=...-,...-=.....-=..-=..-=..............-=...-=....-
=....-=...-=.............-=...-,...-=.....-=..-=..-=..............-=...-=....-=....-=...-=.............-
=...-,...-=.....-=..-=..-=..............-=...-=....-=....-=...-=.............-=...-,...-=.....-=..-=..-
=......HA! HA! HA!...for old times sake...lol...Your Kidster, Your Majesty.
Form:
Well, I survived...
That stretchy thing!
Time to pause....
Have a bite to eat,
bed for the night
A good sleep,
is a real treat!
Now ,I am thinking....
It's been quite hot here...
What about some cold and snow?
Antarctic!
Is the place to go!
Great Scott of the Antarctic!
Deep snow!
All the way to the pole!
Is my goal!
I am wearing eskimo furs
I hold on to the sled....
Lashing the curs,
onwards I sped
The deepening cold....
chills me to the bone
I am beginning to fold
I feel all alone....
alone in this icy cold
No fancy navigation here.....
me,the dogs and sled!
With the cold instead!
Storms of ice..........
Are really not that nice
Deep crevasses
Makes me curse
Still,it could be worse!
In the distance I see a flag
The dogs begin to lag....
With a whip lash
I make my dash!
Now, I am thinking....
The south pole
Easy to get to....
The trick is to get back!
Thats my goal!
The long walk back..........
The ice never did melt!
Now I know how Captain Oates felt!
I hope I have the knack!
Weary days later.........
I meet my ship
Whew!
I really need to kip
The ice, numbing
I didn't see that coming!
I made it south though!
Through storms of ice and snow!
I am cold and very much alive!
To start chapter five!
She is super, she says. After I leave there, I feel great!
This is my friend Louise who is trying to convince me to sign up for a massage.
I suspect if she gets a friend to sign up, she will win a pony or something.
I had a massage once, I say. The woman was rough. I was screaming in agony.
Kip is not like that, she says. She is wonderful! You would love her massages.
She put her thumb out on my back, I tell her. From pressing too hard.
Kip is gentle, she says. Really gentle.
You would have to kill me and drag my dead body to her table, I reply in the loveliest way.
I am not kidding, she says. She makes me feel great. Do you want me to make you an appointment?
I look at the bag of candy I am eating. Only 65 calories for a mini-Almond joy, I say. Not bad.
She looks up from her vegetable burger. Only 65 calories for what?
An Almond joy.
She takes another bite of her flat ugly unappetizing vegetable burger. Back to my masseuse, she says.
I really would like to make an appointment for you.
I would rather jump off a cliff into a vat of wild boars who have not had lunch, I say.
She really is terrific, Louise says. You owe it to yourself to try it.
I owe it to myself to find a different lunch partner is what I am thinking.