Long Introspectionme Poems
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Bubbles
And I hold on
To the little dank smell
In that moment do you rise above?
Or do you look around for the usual savior?
Do you ask your friends in the fridge,
To answer the multiple choice questions?
Or do you submerge
Your mind in the boiling thoughts?
Who makes your decisions for you?
The languid darkness or abandoned time?
Do you think that you would be able to
Think again?
Stop for a moment, hold on to your confusion,
Do you walk everyday straight into everyday?
Have you never been held back or shoved, just for fun?
Or have you never been told
That what you say is exactly what people hear?
What did you do? But why did you do it?
Push pause then press play. Push pause then press play.
Do you want to walk? Alone? I can watch if you want
I can wait if you want. I can watch if you want.
With aplomb, with unwarranted gaiety
Did you ever think that they would never get to know?
When I cut out strange shapes from my little secrets
I lay them on the floor, then see them tremble and float.
So you have never been scared?
Have you ever been blind in the dark?
Have you ever sung along with muted blank noise?
How do you tip toe? Can you teach me to tip toe?
Can you tell me how to see through bubbles?
Will you tell me why we blur when we spin and we blur
Or why you don’t speak when you know all the words?
Can it ever be too sweet, too far or too black?
Do you want me to take this down or maybe, write it down?
Or should I wait for you to be wrong?
Can you teach me how to drown?
Or how to think without making any sound?
You know, I once was the past. Did you know me back then?
I could laugh, and I could stretch, I could die and then live.
Don’t tell anyone but once I told everyone
How I could no longer speak.
But I dreamt once, I even kissed,
I looked into eyes and pretended to understand.
But now I need to leave, I need to go, I can’t be away
So I need to go away
I hold on
To the little dank smell
I have seen you before,
in the marble of my floor
It’s a shame we never met.
But it was nice meeting you again.
26 May 2010
It's not when I'm asleep I dream,
It's the stages in between,
The moment just before waking,
The drifting before repose,
When fleeting seconds which with I gamble,
When the mind is allowed to amble,
Through the childish thoughts & tangents,
Through odditys, obscurity & madness,
Between dreaming & thinking, oh what a team,
Between you & me, I remember no dream,
Longer than it takes me to brush my teeth,
Longer still than that I bet you remember thinking thoughts,
Precisely this is why dreams are special they're thoughts you could not think,
Precisely without inebriation, drugs, alchohol & the kitchen sink,
Insane thoughts
Inane thoughts
These are what haunt me in the zone between slumber & regard,
These things these euphoric jaunts into the surreal & marred,
I don't dream of power, success or wealth,
I dream of pretty things like coconuts in stealth,
Parroquets singing barbershop to girls who have no hair,
Robot polkadot girly dudes wearing nout but underwear,
A friend is now my lover, A lover is now my slave,
I'm chased, I chase an abandoned & forgot old knave,
Who earned my ire & my wrath,
By failing to take a bath,
In a land where water doesn't exist,
But drinking honey gets you pissed,
A snake slithers slowly, seranading sirens shout support,
I take my mothers kitchen knife but quickly am I caught,
Before I get to slice into my favourite memory,
Dreams.
Dreams of transport take me from myself to another dimension,
Dreams like these are precisely why I fail to mention,
My own works of the deranged mind when at a party it is said,
"My oh my, I had the weirdest dream last night"
But I don't dream, I think, or atleast I think I think,
But if I concentrate on the thought i lose it in a blink,
It's like that chinese finger trap,
It's harder still the more you try,
So keeping a dream in mind is harder than most things,
So you might aswell just enjoy it whilst it lingers,
And then I think of the thoughts that I am thinking,
And then I'm brought to sobriety,
And left with my boring normal mind,
And that is less fun.
In the late of autumn you noticed me and I trusted for what seemed to be the first time.
And the night found us talking alone, the stars surveying us, smiling on our innocence as
the evening's chill gave us leave to be closer.
But the winter brought change and with the snow came solitude.
You were far from me.
And days passed.
And springtime spread before me.
And summer found me busy, but watching you from the corner of my eye, hoping you saw me
too, holding my breath in anticipation.
But no change came.
And though, I longed to dance with you across the fields, bathed in moonlight, you were
out of reach... and the fireflies danced instead.
So, fall approached and the soft warm sunlight caught in the changing leaves, but the
coolness in the air did not draw us together again.
No, it only reminded me of our distance.
So, I learned to admire this beauty without you, but still I watched you from afar.
Yet, winter passed, spring faded, and summer stretched.
And the fireflies danced again.
Autumn fell, winter slipped, and spring unwound.
And the fireflies danced again.
And those months filled themselves with friends and laughter and lessons and tears, but
still I waited for you.
And the fireflies danced again.
So, slowly I relinquished certain things: ideals and daydreams, but not hope.
And the sun still cast a warm glow on the leaves and the wind continued to remind me of
you and spring never ceased to be itself.
And in their time, the fireflies danced again.
And I laughed deeper and loved more freely and I discovered that even when I put it all on
the line, I really couldn't lose it all.
Somehow, I always walked away with something.
And that year I marveled at those blinking, winged lights and I learned who I was and what
it meant most to be me and I let people in and I allowed myself to dream dreams without
you, to let you go.
And finally, those airy lights, those firefly friends of mine, brought back the fondest
memories... and at last I danced with them.
Form:
One quick snap I'm cognizant, no standing in this
place, in pitch black dark I lay can't see my hand
before my face,
my wingspan's non existent, cushioned wood up by
my head, the sayers nay have fine'lly gone and
buried me for dead.
They should've checked my pulse before they shut
the coffin top, attempts to leave me like they do these
young'ns off the block,
but haters are so sloppy otherwise they'd know for
sure, my heart is truly still before the final coup de
jour.
I don't know how much time has passed since I was
buried deep, the casket lid is weak, I feel the dirt and
moisture seep,
through cracks unseen, it's blasphemy to think that
I'd succumb, I'll resurrect my being cause I'm
nume'ro dos to none.
I use my knees to break apart the lid atop my cage,
the soft'ning soil drizzles down onto my suit clad
frame,
I claw my way through earth ignoring parts that
scream with pain, my right hand breaks the plain to
feel the rush of streaming rain.
The nighttime air is filled with all the power of my
core, they left me dead and buried so I'll give them
all what for,
and resurrect myself to fit the image of the gods, a
total metamorphasis in spirit, mind and bod.
My words will wrap around you like a python,
squeeze you tight, enough to make your ribcage
splinter til you bleed inside,
don't hide behind requests for mercy, it was meant
to be, which may convincingly convert my friends to
enemies.
Committed sins I will atone to climb life's hill alone,
with skills from off the dome I turn my foes to
skinless bones,
a mind as warped as mine will kill em all and steal
the throne, decapitate the king and have his
cabbage sealed in stone.
I sit now on my grave with fractured personalities,
there's Donald Rhymus, Tony Stanza, JD's R.I.P.,
I then begin to scream out to the thunderstorm I see,
like Al Pacino on the steps, the end, GodFather 3,
I'm not a joker still, wait til they get a load of me!
theres a hole in my soul
feel numb and cold
damn am i going insane
there is only rage and pain
maybe i'm not to understand
cause i'm only just a man
mixed thoughts, insecurities
this what becomes me
try an try to explain
my thoughts and words just go in vain
no one believes in me no one will understand
just do what i do if i can i can
always was told we aint worried bout you
knew i would find a way to get through
so many struggles trouble and strife
make me just want just end my life
surprised, even the strong get weak too
imagine if thats what i wanted to do
who would miss me whom would care
go around every day like i'm not there
just wanna be free no more pain for you or me
everything i've done would be gone
if you love me give a chance to speak
cant keep holdin it in rage begins to seep
sometimes cant explain what i did stuff for
mind always going feel like a mental whore
feel like i'm trapped in my mind
feel like i'm lost stuck and behind
stop running a long time ago trouble follows whever i go
everything i touch turns to crap
people you love seem to get out the trap
lost and turned out sream at the sky i always shout
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO!!!!!!!
HOW MUCH MORE DO I GOTTA GO THRU!!!!!!!!
CANT YOU SEE MY PAIN MY MISERY
or are you just laughing at me
there is a hole in my soul that just wont heal
too much to handle dont know whats real
cant take back anything i've said
writings on the wall an its all red
God dont let my seed be like me
messed up and lost for all eternity
No one can look in my eyes an really see
the pain just consumes me
tell you i'm ok but i'm really not
stay to myself continue to just rot
where is the place where i can be free
not a place but inside me
so filled with stife and agony
nothing seems to matter or get to me
but it does you see
not gonna burden not one soul
just lost an hurt with this hole.........................
Form:
Folks think I'm a nice guy, to a fault I guess I am, if
those folks only knew deep down I just don't give a
d@mn,
I'm tryin to keep my language clean like crispy
Franklin notes, I am that cunning linguist spittin nifty
antidotes,
that cross you up the Hardaway and leave ya ankles
broke, hot feces exits out my mouth, I got a stanky
throat,
that exhales dragon fire but believe this aint a roast,
there's too much jumpin off and I'm afraid it aint a
joke.
Like women nowadays, I often wonder if it's me, that
sees how some are free to divvy up the wizard
sleeve,
then they don't know just how they came to get the
hivv disease, deny and keep it sweet to give it up to
Nick and Steve.
I get up on my soapbox when I have to drop a jewel,
the niceness gets mistaken like I still won't drop a
fool,
for comin outta pocket, I aint talkin poppin tools, I let
go of the knowledge cause this dude can drop it
smooth.
I'm Harry Belafonte but don't call me Mr. Tibbs, this
poetry just flows in me and what a gift it is,
you may not think my skill's correct but I insist it is,
I'm so unlike the others, verbis not ipissimis.
Confused on what that means? Well I advise you
look it up, vernacular's like stir-fry in a wok; I cook it
up,
and dish out healthy servings, I won't let your brain
cells starve, in executing verbal warfare, yes I am
well armed.
My aim will blow ya head off like Bin Laden, picture
that, the YouTube vids and image will confirm this
vicious fact,
don't need Marines and choppers flying into distant
lands, I'll do you like Waist Deep but they won't find
the missing hand.
My adjectives are ravenous but that's just certain
ones, my scarface resonates of how I kill these
words for fun,
to crush the competition and I do it big like Pun, then
ride off in a Matrix, cunning linguist, I'm The One.
I am bigger I see it every night every day
Either arrogance, or manifest, physic-ally
I am now faster, my mind darts quick, alights
On new theories I rest, dendrites oh so bright
I am so much stronger, felt in power of body
My hands crush and warp, power so rowdy
I dream of a dream, where I am enough
To make you draw to me - a diamond in rough
I prostrate myself, I make me a slave
To your azure look, your judging gaze
I crowd out regret and allow in the peace
The peace that with each push, I bring you to me
My size to dwarf you, more than even now
You're little but I'll be bigger, if God allows
My speed to outstrip you, to make you now gasp
To make you try pace me, hold gaze level, rapt
My strength to enfold you and hold you in arms
So big in their power, bring content not alarm
In Big-Faster-Stronger is your dream, your vice
All three I am now, your dream, your price
Here I stand now, your Perfect Prince Charming
And yet you do waver, your indecision alarming
If I am these three that you wish I would be
Why are you not here, unerring, with me?
You voice that these are your certain desires,
these three that I model, past my fear and through fire
Yet I am these now, these fees now from me
I've paid my debt so... when will we two (too) be?
I am even more, your soul-match afore
Yet still you push away, reach for fourth door
What is the fourth, the one I am not
What is beyond my trinity, my thought?
Is it something beyond present understand
Or is it something I will not know, the promised land?
I will seek it thus now, and keep pushing forward
To find what you want, what keeps us from reward
A few more years and maybe we will see
If I wasted all effort, or made the changes you need
Let us see what shall come in you to be
If you will love dream, that should be current me
Grey clouds and cold air,
pale flesh, frozen
She is laughing breaking the stillness
can't you hear her
or is she only mine to hear now?
"You're mine my love,
all mine,
what tiny shard are left of you belong
to me."
There is no one there staring back but me
or is there?
My hands reach out to touch
but they meet the cool glass,
of a mirror
like the sky
reflecting white and gray
cold like the sky
and a world just beyond it that we
find is
completely unattainable.
She is just beyond where i can reach
so close
but lifetimes away.
"But I can reach you,"
and I can feel her too
her touch it burns,
hot like metal kisses
staining white into red flames
a slow form of poison in the disguise
of my own body,
a form of mind
both unacceptable and unattainable to society.
I can't ask who she is
Am I afraid of what she will say?
The clouds continue swirling overhead gray
and indifferent.
Her smile is barbwire in my mouth
and her overtake leaves me
with hardly any memories
was that me or her?
Watching the skyline
slip gray and white and dripping behind
the stars
piercing through.
She pierces through us too,
more laughter
"All mine my lovely, your blood
is mine."
Inside of all of us they say
is something great but undiscovered,
something that will
make them
remember us,
inside of us all they say is talent and beauty.
I cut deep inside myself and found:
something grotesque,
something horrid,
something monstrous
inside of me is someone else.
Which leaves the question to a perceptive mind
as to which of us is real.
She comes out into the world in
my body
a perfect disguise in this masquerade,
trading me for her and
her for I.
She surfaces to breath and dance deadly ways,
I surface to suffer her sin.
In perfect rhythm we beat in time
with the changing of the sky
bleak and gray
in a perfect two person masquerade.
By the snap crack clackings of my thumbs
Something wicked this way comes
In robes of finest silk did it dine
and found our flesh most divine
A creature who wore the cloth
In life did it spit upon the cross
To eat the flesh, and consume the blood
And many have drowned in it coming flood
Long, lean and sheik
It's gaze can make many a man meek
Teeth of bright white
Polished to hide the deeds of its night
Upon my house did it knock
Pray sanctuary with the blessed souls
Standing beneath our clock
Did it ask the toil for it's stroll
Clad in its finest Black cloth
Book in hand and cross over chest
Did it read the Lord's Prayer over our broth
Little did we know it was our last Prayer under our family Crest
It dined that night upon the flesh
It suped our blood while it was fresh
I watched my loved ones dies one by one
Wondering when it's deed would be done
Awashed in chilling foresight
That this will be the first night of many to come
It approaches me and picks me up as you would a doll
Then rests me on the table near it's bowl
Smiling down to me as if it was in delight
It shows it blood stained fang enhancing my fright
It pets my head tiding my hair
Speaking to me as if it offered me life, does it truly dare?
Good evening, young Hostest.
One so full of life, should never be fearful of one such as myself
The table you set I must protest does not suit my palate so I took matters into hand
And as such I must offer more to you for going out of my way
would you join me and my merry band?
Let me be a guide for your weakened heart
And show you the warm sweetness of your own blood
I shiver and shake, lost in the dark
Do I tread the mud filled waters of this demon who took all from this fool
Now in all the ends of days do I ask
Did I die that night,
Or is it you that died?
Form:
Why was born in that specific time,
sealing a fate too quick to regret,
when changes swept an entire world?
In some places there was war,
and in others there was peace,
but the unrest was read on every face;
and the most courageous ones joined the fight,
to defend their freedom on this once-serene shore...
who could have sensed the anticipation of discord?
My dilemma seemed to bother me alone,
everybody else went about their normal living,
without the anxiety and the worry of being
carried away by the pathetic winds of sub-consciousness;
was I being neglected and rejected for my opinions?
Nobody seemed to listen or even care:
a battle is fought by all, and the fiercest warrior must lead
them in the challenging battle-field...
to determine ways how to win it without incurring many losses;
and an exaggeration, with boastful praises, would be unfair!
I exercised caution not to provoke hostility,
or aggravating those tensions already exposed to anger,
so I hid myself in the shroud of an incognito: to bear
a day-to-day existence sensing a denial of sympathy;
to be a sentinel and warn what was the scourge of the lie,
because the evidence was as clear as a moonlit sky!
Making compromises to underline my concept...
words as concise as the ones spoken by a truthful mouth,
unvarying in their pure meaning, piercing as roses' thorns;
and then, menacing glances and sour eyes became the phantoms
that could have easily frightened me or harmed me with their enraged voices...
I intercepted that danger and ended their madness!
Approaching life without questioning one's heart,
without asking what can be claimed for every effort ever made,
implies an ignoble cause not needed to be scornfully concealed:
in the shroud of an incognito and be blameless of the internal conflict!