Long Internalizing Poems
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Sorting of them daily occurring problems
at our Gadgados human resources office
can be a big headache a bore or hilarious
it could be complicated or easily solvable
many an agent being apathetic to the problem
ends up internalizing a problem.. owning problem
we deal with humans beings.. we agents feel too
the pain the anguish we perceive the distress going
going through our clients minds as we try to help
the rule of solving the problem is don't own the problem
understand the problem and do your best to solve it but
don't become a part of the existing problem by internalizing
but dealing with people you cant avoid making it your own
at times it gets one... too down feeling your almost quitting
you have to remind yourself you're in the service industry
called to help the clients and customers.. its more of a calling
than its' an occupation or work where you earn a livelihood..
many a day you are tested and tested to your limits and beyond
you hold on for you are the pillar of strength at the human resources.
lewis k nyaga
Shavous, True to Us
Rosh Hashanah of Fruits,
Literally, When Tree Fruit Blossoms,
Figuratively, Free Do-It Creativitus,
Earth was Created for Man's,
Improvement by Applicus,
Of Torah Chiddush Wisdoms!
1st 2,000 Years were Barren "Tohu"-ous,
Post Har Sinai, Inventous Peoples' Brainstorms,
Thus, Mortals, Sans Angels, Torah "Safeguardous",
Since Only Man Could Mind Contradictions,
Possible True Welfare, Wedding Any Multiple Versus,
Rambam's "Shalom Emes": Torah in Stark Distinction,
To Other Beliefs' Messages to Us,
To Wit, Feelings Define Right Action,
By Contrast to Absolute "True or Falsous",
Over & Over, the "Nachas", Cunning Deception,
Pulling the Wool Over the Righteous!
Shavous, also Rosh Hashanah of Learning,
Judgment on Next Year's Acquiring Torah,
Thus, Instead of Flailing, Earning,
Internalizing in that We "Soar-ah",
Satisfying Wings Earnest Yearning,
By Disowning Olam HaZeh Mesorah,
Of Narashkeit Replaced by The Discerning,
Taryag Sensitivities, the Infinite Aura,
Held Back Since Creation's Beginning,
Antidote to Amelek, A "What Ails Cure-a",
Elevating Our Commitment is like Lightning,
Flash Flaming a Gourmet Flambé Endura!
Fresh home from therapy,
and resonate with zeal
tush air cerebral cogs a turn'n
analogous to and pinion wheel
hence attempt made to bare soul,
sans thru poetry re: veal
ling avidity, asper barreling neurological
daily kos loaded truck full
heading toward figurative
lifelong landfill deposits
on weekly psycho
logical session I unseal
manipulating bothersome issues
controlled via bot size thumbwheel,
which grave undertaking i.e.
professional counseling allows,
enables, and provides opportunistic
gradual process at selfheal
ling oft times necessitates
reviewing silent Virgina reel
comprising the story
of earlier life piecemeal
akin to a slapdash montage
chronicling existential ordeal,
now referencing adenoids
(removal first mention within
poetic endeavor, when young boy)
loosely linkedin with nasopharyngeal
pseudo oral palate
highway tucking each meal
across miniature bridgework,
ma late mum meekly
acceded to doctors orders,
said operation sub
sequently deemed unnecessary
affecting negligible decreasing nasality
predicated on split (bifid
or bifurcated uvula), viz laryngeal
utterances finds me speculating
speculating now, whether taking kneel
ling pose possibly coo dove
wrought divine intercession
giving me super powers ideal
for fighting off being bullied
gloating this instant imagining
bringing beastie boys to heel
actual reality visit my kid self,
a most convenient scapegoat
socially withdraw puny size lad
internalizing hateful barbs glom
ming up significant emotional gearwheel
inferiority complex predominating
supplemented with cumulative
anger, a potent feel
ling exacerbating anxiety prone disposition
courtesy chromosomal
(pop'n mom genes) art of the deal.
Extant autobiography devoid
of livingsocial, I berate
whatsapp pining now resultant
outcome coping poorly did create
courtesy, sans avast kindled
linkedin self denigrate
predicated series of unfortunate
events buzzfeeding ill fate
capital one after another pinterest
newpages writers block did generate
countless blank pages interspersed
with scrawled sentences untrained great
fully dreadful bully heavable
box scarred tortured letters humiliate
head arabesques twisted abc's...
...xyz's, a field day for graphoanalyst,
wrought cribbed hand did obviously illustrate
chicken scratch inferiority complex intimate
lee evinced worthlessness, intimidate
dead visibly withdrawn frightened
undersized lad meek nasality intonate
head out button nose invalidate
ding any professed parental love
adopted, believed, coaxed...
hermetically sealed inviolate
coda sustaining purposelessness
reinforced silence no matter irate,
when glared, jeered, mocked,...
defenseless scapegoat remained isolate
internalizing harassment groveling
bowed boy smarting as hectoring did lacerate
quotidian repeated bajillion times
hence, where death could liberate
academic, demonic, horrific struggle,
now unable to shuck off residual
emotional fallout thru poems literate
attempt to expunge counterproductive
thoughts smoldering like kindling
gray matter festered toxicity did marinate
skool of hard knocks did matriculate
pharmacological cornucopia doth mitigate
in tandem with therapy delivers soul asylum,
a theme yours truly often doth narrate.
AFTER HOURS
Dudes in duds broken down brims
cocked and bent creases in trousers
when thugs were gents
People with attitude women too
demeanor and outfits like
Ebony's front pages
Dudes in duds broken down brims
Money on backs eyes watching
the eye's of watchers
Entrances and exits.
Wink or nod jazz in smoky
rooms groomed and manicured.
sashay across the room stepping off in
Bally's shoes shined no scuff
after hours.
high profile.. Dudes in duds
broken down brims.
Men creating temporary illusions
Clean to the bone
deliberate sashay tempo exaggerated
tempting and teasing pleasing the eye
karat's on fingers scents linger
Exquisite cologne clean to the bone
faded edges -role playing no script
Dudes in duds
Broken down brims cocked and bent.
Attitude in threads
We wait to be called in that back room
Where they'd spit "Gangsta Wit".
before videos
Was dudes in duds with sweet tongues
making their points in after hour joints.
Live and direct we upstarts
learning our parts we'd sit
internalizing gangsta wit
like understudies to a movie script
In after hours joints........... delighted...
Virility Imperiled Manhood Emasculated (mine)
No sense of accomplishment prevails to date
analogous to kudzu... inadequacy runs rampant
recurring theme extant within poetic endeavors,
and often discussed with assigned therapist (one
among many girls named Stephanie Dodds) do
GOOGLE search and see for yourself – similar
curiosity got the better of me, whose christened
name (Matthew Scott Harris), not unique to yours
truly, a poem, which theme pertaining to aforesaid
first, middle, and last namesake already written by
none other other than this scrivener) impacted self
esteem less so than inchoate nascently, pervasively
rampantly,... thrashing unleashed upon impression
hubble early (perhaps even in utero) formative days
of milne eeyore whinnying pooh wrenching, ruing
jackknifing...unsmiling, lamenting childhood's end
upon cusp debilitating psychological tragedy, where
whatsapp pining within me present mindset lodged
nexus, sans linkedin destructive buzzfeeding apathy
mired potential vitality (crying evinced powerful
lungs) quickly succumbing against brutish, nasty,
yet not short reign of innate oppression, fixation
abnegation with dereliction, asper self preservation
engendering feeble gesticulation harkening incipient
personhood crowdsourcing courtesy condemnation
damning existential insignificance motif possibly
adopted comparing not fancy free and footloose
demeanor toward none other than Boyce Brandon
Harris, thee papa, jack of all trades, (many taught
thru his own quick learning penchant), numberless
abilities + storied vocation - mechanical engineer
equalled one smart polymath strengths constantly
reiterated by mother (dearest long since deceased)
agog how papa excelled at most every endeavor,
i.e. vocational career at General Electric (aerospace
engineer) in conjunction with bajillion avocations,
hence finding his sole son (second of three progeny)
when only yeah high (a scrawny, skinny, spunky...
little boy) internalizing heaping accolades bestowed
strong, not so dark, modestly handsome biological
paternal parent with (rocking) round the clock timely
adulation, which praise papa similarly received soon
after blessed birth April ninth ninety twenty nine.
Once placenta and fetal membranes
(unnecessary as wing ding)
discharged out uterus
after birth of offspring,
and thar weren't no more
major contractions in the offing
ma mommy lovingly did cling
to her bundle of joy and bring
maternal breast I ravenously
did suckle fortunately toothless
against her tender bosom trickling
(if mammary serves me correctly)
I presently recall no iota of inkling
what events transpired, nope
no recollection about me circumcising.
Moost likely I felt Jew bull lent
glad yours truly chose decent
mother and father, which opinion
subjected to radical change,
when as grown adult child
living nonsocial under
their roof forced to hire agent
provocateur to practice sparring,
when standoff event on horizon,
which eventually begat ultimatums
their red hot poker rage spent
belittling, cursing, damning...
quiet as Unitarian Church mouse content
internalizing later smoldering
anger I needed to vent
in retrospect diminutive little boy
tied to mama's apron strings
afflicted with mental
health issues inherent
of course hindsight gleaned
social, psychological, neurological...
healthy development got rent
asunder partly explaining
why I became indigent.
Out of patience and sick of waiting,
I just want to get out and socialize.
Despite what I want to go and do,
Need to be smart and safe when I do.
I’m not going out like the Florida fools,
Or chilling with friends by the pool.
I just want to get out of the freaking house,
I’ve never been good at lying around.
Some of us can remain sheltered full time,
Others are bored as hell in these times.
Some people are so driven by fear,
Won’t go anywhere no matter how near.
Can’t live life trapped in a bubble,
That doesn't mean go and form huddles.
Can’t close yourself off from society,
That’s like internalizing personal anxiety.
Yours truly snapped, popped,
and cracked his crown out cervix
(I'll spare ye the bloody graphics),
whence obstetrician able, eager, and
ready underscored with italics
to pass (think football) garden variety
wrinkled newborn asthma
noggin heralded lix
plus deux orbits ago
sported an ordinary
uneventful, nonetheless miraculous
biological secrete reproductive tricks
immediately screaming
without assistance courtesy
Gran Prix (now pronounce as pricks)
also envision Dolby surround sound
nsync with spastic kicks
'o mine straggly mostly
gangly lovely bones mox nix.
Within some nondescript
Cincinnati, Ohio hospital heed gypped
(i.e. none other than me)
thy young mother of prolonged labor
as his bony ass easily
slipped out uterine crypt
whereby with Vernix
caseosa, the waxy or cheese
he appeared made rather dipped
in tallow, thence unexpectedly whipped
minuscule fist ready to bump.
Once placenta and fetal membranes
(unnecessary as wing ding)
discharged out uterus
after birth of offspring,
and thar weren't no more
major contractions in the offing
ma mommy lovingly did cling
to her bundle of joy and bring
maternal breast I ravenously
did suckle fortunately toothless
against her tender bosom trickling
(if mammary serves me correctly)
I presently recall no iota of inkling
what events transpired, nope
no recollection about me circumcising.
Moost likely I felt Jew bull lent
glad yours truly chose decent
mother and father, which opinion
subjected to radical change,
when as grown adult child
living nonsocial under
their roof forced to hire agent
provocateur to practice sparring,
when standoff event on horizon,
which eventually begat ultimatums
their red hot poker rage spent
belittling, cursing, damning...
quiet as Unitarian Church mouse content
internalizing later smoldering
anger I needed to vent
in retrospect diminutive little boy
tied to mama's apron strings
afflicted with mental
health issues inherent
of course hindsight gleaned
social, psychological, neurological...
healthy development got rent
asunder partly explaining
why I became indigent.
Incorrigible Recalcitrant - Doppelganger (mine)
Ala Goofus and Gallant
highlights my diametrically
divergent alter egos
always the reserved
obedient docile boy
afeared to stray outside narrow
circumscribed comfort zone
figuratively tethered
extremely short leash
choked me like yoked oxen,
albeit non red dually bullish
under bated breath
otherwise submissive
internalizing fury and rage
relentlessly lambasted
daily school bus ride
analogous highway to hell,
thus envisioned monstrous physique
linkedin to superpowers...
whereby giant beastie boy
within scrawny nerd
visiting jocular comeuppance
bopping "jocks" on their beanies
with rotten tangerines
(Tom Lehrer would be proud)
knocking senseless nasty brutes
gleefully pummeling rapscallions
casually, heroically avenging
purging immediate threat
while smugly jauntily
relishing carefree blessed awesome
fistpumping air joyous ride
duplicating bad ass daring
do dexterously doubling
(wishful) dream come true
one prior pipsqueak - yours truly
punishing pestiferous classmates,
who sadistically doled
out daily dose,
non USDA approved
cavalier fierce injustice
taken aback when mine knuckles
compress hoodlums opprobrious
wicked yakking (actually silenced)
fountainhead spewing toxins
exuberantly effusively ebulliently
cleaning principle ringleader's clocks
at long last
traumatizing measure for measure
antagonistic arch nemesis
inflicting insufferable torment
once passively quaffed ruffians threats,
now all's well that ends well,
no matter yours truly expelled
forever pleasantly humming
merrily merrily, merrily,
merrily, imagined life
tis but a dream.