Happy Birthday Matthew Scott Harris

Yours truly snapped, popped, and cracked his crown out cervix (I'll spare ye the bloody graphics), whence obstetrician able, eager, and ready underscored with italics to pass (think football) garden variety wrinkled newborn asthma noggin heralded lix plus deux orbits ago sported an ordinary uneventful, nonetheless miraculous biological secrete reproductive tricks immediately screaming without assistance courtesy Gran Prix (now pronounce as pricks) also envision Dolby surround sound nsync with spastic kicks 'o mine straggly mostly gangly lovely bones mox nix. Within some nondescript Cincinnati, Ohio hospital heed gypped (i.e. none other than me) thy young mother of prolonged labor as his bony ass easily slipped out uterine crypt whereby with Vernix caseosa, the waxy or cheese he appeared made rather dipped in tallow, thence unexpectedly whipped minuscule fist ready to bump. Once placenta and fetal membranes (unnecessary as wing ding) discharged out uterus after birth of offspring, and thar weren't no more major contractions in the offing ma mommy lovingly did cling to her bundle of joy and bring maternal breast I ravenously did suckle fortunately toothless against her tender bosom trickling (if mammary serves me correctly) I presently recall no iota of inkling what events transpired, nope no recollection about me circumcising. Moost likely I felt Jew bull lent glad yours truly chose decent mother and father, which opinion subjected to radical change, when as grown adult child living nonsocial under their roof forced to hire agent provocateur to practice sparring, when standoff event on horizon, which eventually begat ultimatums their red hot poker rage spent belittling, cursing, damning... quiet as Unitarian Church mouse content internalizing later smoldering anger I needed to vent in retrospect diminutive little boy tied to mama's apron strings afflicted with mental health issues inherent of course hindsight gleaned social, psychological, neurological... healthy development got rent asunder partly explaining why I became indigent.