Long Humpty dumpty Poems
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Before Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
And before Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
From all the king's horses
All the king's men
Had to pick up all the manure once again
Before Little Jack Horner, sat in his corner
Eating his Christmas pie
And before he stuck in his thumb
to pull out a plumb
Jack's thing had got caught in his fly
Before Little Miss Muffett sat on her tuffet,
eating her curds and whey
She captured the spider that sat down beside her
When she pooped behind a bail of old hay
Before Jack and Jill, ran up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack wrote out his will
"Cause Jill said- "I will"
And she told him she was the king's daughter
Little Bo Peep her head full of soft cotton wool
Lost sheep! No wonder. She thinks her ram is a bull
Over the hills and far far away
forever these sheep are astray
whilst their little plump bellies remain, delightedly full
There once was a sweetheart with title of Cinderella
Met a desperate and randy old fella
In her carriage she fled
prefer he stayed out of her bed
If she has to she'll hide way down in the cellar
Hickory Dickory Dock a big electric clock
shorted out, three mice endured a shock
The farmers wife's knife very blunt
Kept their tails laughed at her stunt
Will they run up again they'll immediately now take stock
There was a tarantula spider well known as Incy or Ipsy
Hotel every Friday always came tottering home very tipsy
His dwelling is named the Web Inn
When drunk renamed Wobble In
Constructed inside a web that's attractive and wispy
Humpty Dumpty he sat on a ten metre wall
Such a conceited big head he was due for a fall
Suddenly bricks took a tumble
Humpty now atop this big jumble
Come stick me together that was his desperate call
Jack an invitation to step sister Jill
Together lets go sliding down this long hill
Jill ripped her pants
can't wear them to dance
But the sliding together gave them a wonderful thrill
Little Miss Muffet sat perched on her tuffet
The porridge too hot to eat she said stuff it
Through her guts went the curds
passed out now as turds
She then arrived to eat some fruit at a buffet
Little Jack Horner still remains in the same corner
For many years an inveterate mourner
Once pulled out the plum
That injured his bum
Decided it's time to cheer himself up so dived inside a hot sauna
Goodness me, fiddle dee dee and la de dah
Mary turned into a black sheep, baa baa baa
That naughty little lamb
Has contrived a big scam
She's gone too far astray and has lost her way
Mary's been tinkering on an old fiddle
But she can't play worth a piddle or diddle
She's as crazy as a loon
Mind and fiddle outta tune
Even the cow can unravel this riddle
I heard about the guy, name of Jack Horner
Who hangs around the lamp post on the corner
Mary does his bidding
It's true. I'm not kidding
She didn't listen when I tried to warn her
What'd you plant in your garden, Mary Mary?
I heard smokin' it will make you quite merry
The feds have grown wise
To her innocent disguise
My goodness! She's become very contrary!
Mean ol' Mary dressed up as Little Bo Peep
To bully and mock the flock of grazing sheep
She is shamefully cruel
I'd meet her in a duel
To put an end to that mean-spirited creep
Last weekend she frightened Little Miss Muffet
Who was eating a light lunch on her tuffet
Munching her whey and curd
When Mary dropped a turd
Then ran off, telling Miss Muffet to stuff it!
What a fussy hellcat Mary has become
Her lies have people describing her as 'scum'
She's bonkers in the head
Obviously ill bred
and if you believe a word she says, you're dumb
Evil is a person who chases blind mice
But by now we all know Mary is not nice
She screamed at them, "Now run!"
Then shot 'em with her gun
One day that ghastly creature will pay the price
The Big Bad Wolf's a hero in Mary's thinking
Cuz he's dreadful to others without blinking
He was mean to two pigs
when he blew down their digs
Mary's just as horribly cruel, I'm thinking
Like Humpty Dumpty, who once sat on a wall
Mary's wicked ways will lead to her downfall
A powder keg's been lit
It will hurt quite a bit
But she's a bad egg who always starts a brawl
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
But he didn't fall deliberately, he was pushed.
He was smahed to pieces when he landed on his tush.
Now his family is without a father and that is sad.
His family doesn't think it was a yolk, they are mad.
His poor family had to pick up the pieces after Humpty fell
And when I say pieces, I mean the pieces of the egg shell.
After six months, the murderer was finally caught.
He thought he'd get off scott free but he did not.
He killed Humpty Dumpty to get revenge because some eggs made him sick.
He was food poisoned when a chef used rotten eggs when he ordered eggs benedict.
The killer asked the judge to have mercy and he got on his knees and begged.
He doesn't understand why he got life in prison just for breaking an egg.
Humpty Dumpty
By Curtis Johnson
We all get knocked about or slip and fall down; but we don’t have to sit around and mope.
All of us were born for a purpose; so let’s get busy finding it, because life is not a joke.
We are neither the first nor last to make mistakes; none are perfect; not even the pope.
Sometimes, we are blown by the wind and lose our sails; but never let go of hope.
We can go anywhere we want to, and there’s still plenty of time to get on the boat.
Stay connected to the ones you love; work and study hard; learn all you can; take notes.
Get quality and timely rest; do your best to stress less; and by all means, stay away from dope.
Neither God nor any human said that life would be easy; but there are good and decent ways to cope.
Let’s not spin our wheels, whining about the milk that spilled, and complaining about other folks.
You may be out of cash and have neither property nor equity; but that does not mean that you are broke.
You may have fallen to the bottom of the pit, but there ‘s someone at the top, extending to you a rope.
No, we need not experience Humpty Dumpty’s great fall, nor collapse like the walls of Jericho.
cj10182015
My mind and heart will never be friends.
Sworn enemies, they wrestle and box
for control of me, the battle never ends
like the tick tocking pendulums of clocks
I ask my mind when it keeps me awake,
"Tell me, what do you think I should do?"
It growls and huffs, "Oh, for goodness' sake.
If you heed your heart, it will lead you askew!"
It went on to tell me to slow down to a crawl,
and I shouldn't hurry to make a quick decision.
It compared me to Humpty Dumpty on the wall,
headed for a fall and on course for a collision.
I'm weary of refereeing their constant scuffle,
especially when it concerns falling in love or not.
I keep smoothing the crumpled feathers they ruffle.
When they argue I'm the one put on the hot spot!
When I ask my heart, " Will you lead me astray?"
I can feel it ache as though it's crying deep inside.
It replied, "My emotions are not easy to convey,
but from love's fervor you should not choose to hide.
Falling in love is a risk and a big decision to make.
Your mind may be a sage with words and thought,
but there's much to lose if real affection you forsake.
No mind can feel the love that lives in your heart."
An unresolved dilemma, so I petitioned my soul,
but it remained mute, mind nor heart did it refute.
"Which one of you should I trust with control?"
That became the cornerstone for another dispute.
Mind: "Heart, I knew to your whim she'd concede."
Heart: "She chose to love and fulfill her great need."
Wife - "Once I kept you locked in my heart
But now I release you like a fart
So that I can have a fresh start"
Husband – "Once I disobeyed God
So, He put on my back a heavy load
Now I pray, take this load off my shoulder, my Lord"
Wife - "Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Like Humpty, if ever you have a great fall
I will never come running at your call"
Husband - "Horsey, Horsey, don’t you stop?
Why blabber like an idiot nonstop?
If you have no work, go and mop"
Wife - "Oh! Tut...This is why I strongly say
Dogs like you should be left to stray
How, from men like you, I wish to stay away"
Husband - "Then why linger? You may boldly walk away
How I wish to rid of a 'Donkey' who can only bray"
Wife – "With a man like you, do you think I will again stay?
Never! But for making my life a mess you should pay"
this is a scary nursery rhyme
One from an olden time
Full of tales of blood and gore
isn't that children? what you really here for?
Mary Contrary from gardening rhyme
The one whose victims are spoke of after all of this time
next it is Humpty Dumpty who was full of gold coins
Who fell off of the wall stretching his loins?
All broken and cracked he lay on the ground
Screaming and yelling “look its gold that I found”
then we will hear of Jack be Quick
Burned himself with a candlestick
While running around and jumping up high
He burned his britches all the way past his thighs
And the girl with little lambs
She petted and bathed and fed from her hands
Their fleece, were sure was white as snow
But after a day at school the blood stains showed.
The blind mice with tails no more
Ran all through time to settle a score
They found the wretch that cut off their tails
And did despicable things that i will not tell
And for my final rhyme
I will tell of three little pigs this time
They were attacked by a wolf while building their home
The wolf ended up missing, that’s why wolves don’t walk alone.
Writing my first Sonnet was like a pregnancy.
I knew I wanted to give birth to one
and took on the parental responsibility
knowing it wouldn't... or shouldn't take nine months.
There'd been no morning sickness nausea
but there were times when I wanted to change my mind.
"Too bad, kiddo," I thought. "You gotta see this through.
because you can't put Humpty Dumpty back inside his egg
once the shell has cracked and broken."
Determined not to have yet another unfinished poem
take up space in a notebook, I persevered
spoiling myself with ice cream, chocolate fudge slivers,
a few cherries, and a liberal squirt of caramel sauce.
I indulged myself with a reward after the first verse.
I've never liked dill pickles, so when I couldn't find
the right rhyming word for verse two, I didn't eat those.
Pregnancy or not, I wasn't going to suffer puckered lips
because my muse refused to be pregnant with me.
She'd have made a useless midwife anyway.
Said she'd be back when she got a birth announcement.
I suffered alone and pushed this baby out
with the same force a laborious woman uses to birth a child.
No epidural in the spine, although I did partake
in a bottle of wine during the entire nascence process.
"LOOK," I screamed. "After fourteen hours of labor
it's an eight-pound boy."
Actually, it was more like eight hours of labor
to deliver a fourteen-line Sonnet, and lots of anxiety.
I took comfort knowing this baby wouldn't need breast feeding.
Now that it's here, it will be reread a time or ten...
a line edited here or a tweak somewhere.
It will be mollycoddled, burped, and pampered
but not with the naked butt baby kind.
I'll sing it to sleep when I'm the one needing a lullaby,
and I'll be glad it doesn't cry for a two am bottle.
I won't worry about it getting sick or growing up too quickly
because ten years from now it'll still be my baby.
Birthing a child is difficult work but we both survived the labor.
and my firstborn is not crumpled in a basket, lying on the floor.
I was leanin' on the fence slurpin' a mug o' joe,
Admirin' my neighbor's garden and watchin' Harry hoe.
"Harry, Harry", I asked, "What makes yer garden grow?"
"I spread oodles of fecal matter on each and ever' row!"
Clyde spent an afternoon guzzlin' Coors in his neighborhood saloon.
He swore he saw a cat play a fiddle and a cow jump over the moon!
He was so sozzled that he was taken to a clinic to recover from his swoon,
And it was there that he was certified to be wackier than a loon!
Humpty Dumpty fell from a balcony splattered upon the street below!
Was he shoved, was he soused or suffered an untimely bout of vertigo?
He was a fairly 'bad' egg from what is heard from pals in the know.
It was just 'rotten' luck that his fragile shell couldn't withstand the blow!
Little Jack Horner sat in a corner devourin' a large pizza pie.
He furtively sipped some brew and was gettin' rather high!
His momma was aghast at such behavior and confiscated the beer.
"Just wait 'til yer Pa gets home" said she and boxed him on the ear!