Long Hobnob Poems
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January 24th, 2023 Hair washing heralds huge happening
Hark….the herald angels sing, and twitter
for mass communication
mediums stop the presses
when I, a regular schlemiel
take shampoo to mine matted mass mop
(no less than once a week)
of straggly follicles, and commence
to dispense with the heady eco system
viz rare crop of flora and fauna
(some rank as endangered species)
rub and band together
to scratch envy of
flaky key neigh bring ponytails
and create quite an niche,
and where also can be found
lousy knit wit vendors ready to scalp
and give shaft to razor sharp purveyors,
who mane lee scout out available
head and shoulder room to nap
without a stir, tub bed down
(praying Holy Scott no wash out
nor Harris mint occurs),
or burrow vis a vis,
where subcutaneous porous droplet size
watership down pieces
of prime residence found
counting one mister comb lee
bald bold faced realtor
amidst competing rival
bulb buss Edward scissorhands
(with knot to heavy a price toupee)
affianced to rapunzel,
whom he sheared split ends
as her barber of civil,
one dapper dander ruff dude to offer
lice cent shuss insects a tonsured
cut above other stylish habitués
preferring to fraternize,
glad-hand, and hobnob
amidst a cluster of big wigs
housed by yours truly - Samson
in gleaming puffy pompadour
pads tightly secured
with the best dreadlocks,
which harum-scarum
green barrettes serve
as first line of rinse able defense
IdentityGuard (with franchisee
Bob O Link averse to split hairs, but fierce
as a Mohawk and ring leader
to protect any curl of mine)
waving away intruders,
who if insist tubby persistent
and tangle with fate
cannot expect camaraderie
from buzz cutting crew i.e. the fuzz
to give expletive filled lathering,
severe shame poo wing subjugation
plus an up braiding experience),
and teach stragglers
they will suffer
a real perm in hint bang up job
if they brazenly brush
against brylcreem of the crop
rooted as rightful heirs
(hairs) of tousled doo mane,
thus concludes my tail.
Postscript: Yours truly
an aging long haired
seventh generation pencil neck geek
finds ultra joy when
volunteering for kitchen duty,
hence imagine the hypothetical picture
portraying Geico caveman
mimicking pseudo dawn of humanity.
Doctors (particularly biomedical engineers)...
really trolley train hard to keep track of patients
Eye tell ya we (spuds)
pulled up stakes after four yar
and zero scores ago living in Bryn Mawr
salutary heart and lungs figurative
storied Main Line Health medical network
latter part of June tooth thousand seventeen
approximately July first
same year bidding au revoir
bid good riddance account
to slumlord - hood did spat and spar
moved to Schwenksville, Pennsylvania
unsafe to ride bicycle without handlebar
economical, geographical, practical...
subjected by Grosse and Quade tyrannical czar
dom low income facilities housing
nattering nabobs of nihilism whose intellect subpar
candidates vetted by Jaclyn Geiger registrar
courtesy nepotism unexceptional manager
thanks be to her papa, she drives fancy car
unlike this pauper and the missus
limited to schlep near and not far
afforded by rattletrap motorcar,
no driving prohibitive number of miles,
crossing sketchy territory warning signs
picturing dangerous avatar,
(especially during inclement whee thar)
determining risk to forego
top manic kin Michelin
money grubbing cannibalistic
surgeon's earning equivalent silver star,
or comparable civilian rating touting specialists
while bonafide topnotch indivisible tailors swifty
stitch ink, viz tattoo back parlor shop whar
exemplary Patients Matter Always
buzzfeeding, inoculating, kickstarting...
healthy medical network,
hobnob, kibitz, schmooze...
drown lackluster lovelife at the bar
parting paramour with such sweet sorrows par
for the course during pouring rain how bizarre
necessitated our lucky find locating physicians
supreme nsync with Google high reviews
receiving, scoring, nabbing,
incorporating... truevalue re: vector and scalar,
we veteran trooper seasoned renters
luckily blessed chance
cost us pennies on the dinar
general bang for buck amazingly
found yours truly strumming his air guitar
pleasantly situated among picturesque poplar
resort within Skippack Village, a tourist
mecca for devout or
secular gourmandizing, earning
catering and acquiescing savoir
ole mighty faire Benjamin
legally tendering expensive bazaar.
A little smile delights my soul
A little money appreciates my life
A little love achieves my goal
A little care flatters my wife
Strengthening my resolve to perform better
Duties and responsibilities I bear
In my role as family pace and trend setter
In spite of mundane outfit and suit I wear
As through lifetime I educate siblings
Endeavouring to develop their potential
To scale heights, to break through glass ceilings
Beyond the conventional and the unintentional
As I elect and select to reflect on reasons why
At crossroads complications sometimes arise
To conflate faith and pride in minds of the lie
Lost in a labyrinth where to no surprise
Confusion and division estrange sinners from thinners
In the midst of splitting hairs and spreading fears
Among the lost sheep who deem it unfit to hobnob with cleaners
Immersed in verses of gossip as on my face tears
Roll down, fall on my chest in my quest
Into well intended missions that fall by the wayside
Too low for zero as I invest efforts to test
Waters in altars of misconception and prejudice propelled by personal pride
Gone too far to dilute and denigrate the sanctity
The salvation mission entails among fishers of men
Who appreciate Jesus didn’t die on the cross to pronounce sinners guilty
But to save humankind and I from the odious omen
Misguided human lips with little knowledge utter
As they wallow in a sea of benighted bigotry
Where they play God and pronounce themselves better than the sinner in the gutter
Who pleads at the feet of Jesus to send her providential poetry
To open human eyes to tenets Christianity holds dear
Not because I say so or I should denounce the new millennium Pharisee
Whose grasp of the biblical truth swims in turbid unclear
Seas of ignorance where the blind and the benighted can’t see
Limitations and diminutions brought about by little knowledge
Raised to a puny pedestal
Wreaks havoc as it conflates sewage and sacrilege
To decelerate a hallowed harvest and cause it to stall.
Bloody streuth look out mate here they come
The Tourists Downunder to have some fun
Clickin’ their cameras, looking goggle eyed
While out in the hot sun getting deep fried
Askin’ for service and getting in our hair
Makes you wonder if there really all there
Thinkin’ it Spring in the middle of May
Speakin’ foreign lingo, as they say G’Day
Forget we’re multi-cultural and highly urbanized
Give em the Aussie salute that the ads advertise
Imports are out, the Aussie image wins
Now here’s were your work it really begins
Wear Moleskins, an Akubra, Drizabone
Hide the credit cards and Bluetooth phone
Cover the microwave, throw out Sarah Lee
From now on its damper, pavolvas and billy tea
Yack about the outback and the old pioneers
Have a bush Barbie and down a few beers
Quote a couple of verses from old Banjo
Hobnob round the fire, put on a dinkum show
Get out the four wheel and take em for a drive
Never mention our crooks can eat you alive
Ignore all the snakes, sharks, mozzies and the flies
Crows flying backwards, and them peckin’ magpies
Explain that kangaroos don’t hop down our streets
Nor for breakfast do we bush tucker eats
Throw a boomerang, take em to a corroboree
Tell em the tour guides take care of the fee
Bush dances are popular, and so is Uluru
Dingoes, frilled lizards and wallaby stew
Show em the Australia that we’ve never seen
Mate tourists on nature are so bloody keen
Let em hug a koala, they’re as cute as can be
Just watch the bloody bastards don’t on em pee
Before they go home, help them spend all their loot
Then add departure tax, so they’re real destitute.
Sing “Waltzing Matilda”, “Advance Australia Fair”
In those tourist dollars, we all want to share
This Aussie image to some may seem passé
Mate you watch em flock here, what more can I say!
no diminution in tiredness arose
gnome hatter how off tin ma dis bows
Zoe let his bot tee succumb,
via mental application
of autogenic phrases
and/or counting crows
cuz upon awakening,
aye immediately wanted ta doze,
thus this artful dodger hankered to expose
extreme cockamamy idea incumbent,
where corporeal essence gets froze
zen, the scientific procedure named
emergency preservation
and resuscitation (EPR)
more familiarly known
as suspended animation
pursuant under the appellation cryogenics,
where living tissue no longer grows
old, a wishful yearning
approximating immortality i sup hose,
yet this copacetic drowsy
generic human struggled in vain
trying with utmost effort to stay awake
Swiss to hobnob among urbane
feeling helpless (fearing
he might be narcoleptic),
nonetheless aye didst train
intent concentration
(and/or feeble exertion mustered)
to swat away worrisome thought
this hypochondriac,
could be afflicted with mononucleosis
since lassitude less likely sprung
from overcast and rain
knee skies, which type weather
generally energies me
to conjure a quatrain
sometimes complex versus
written straight away plain
panacea hit upon finally
to ward off sleepiness,
whereby literary endeavor
boosted by a strong brew
namely fair trade
manufactured coffee chew
zing among socially conscious entities,
and hoping to do
some dollop of positivity
without fanfare I eschew
to fulfill personal hue
man conscientious anonymous impact
that some benefit will en sue.
The day I died I smiled,
This was the day I waited for
from the day I was born
Now I’ll go to heaven
and meet my eternal God,
I’ll meet beautiful fairies and
hobnob with the angels divine.
I’ll stay away from the tree of knowledge,
and adamantly deny the devil’s design--
Dah! Just wouldn’t eat the fruit of this tree
for I have the free will on my side
and privy I am to Adam and Eve’s plight.
But in the midst of nowhere I stood still
Dumbfounded like in a twilight zone
with not a stirring soul in sight;
It wasn’t heaven but not hell alright!
Now who said it was all honey and milk?
Has he seen it firsthand I was beginning to think?
No wind, no sky, not even a wisp of cloud,
No howling spirits or a jubilant crowd;
Hello!!! I let out a resounding shout,
Hello, anybody there I cried out?
Now without a body, no mind, no heart,
Just a spirit I was beginning to fall apart.
There was this one yawning void
Absolute darkness, absolute quiet,
There were no eyes for me to see
There were no ears to hear,
Just an oppressive nothingness by far—
No desires, no aspirations,
No goals, no directions,
No love, no hate, no anger,
Neither kith and kin nor a stranger.
Overwhelmed by a feeling of nostalgia
I turned around with a pressing urge
to get home and with my body merge.
Oh, how I miss the ocean and the fresh air
And my kindred souls to love and care--
Ha! Here is my heaven and here’s my hell
The only place that exists now I know well.
~Abdul Malik / 11/26/15
I went to Heaven contest by Laura Urbaniak
God on my side
Guides my path and controls ripples
That endeavor to sneak astride
Initiatives I take in triples
To galvanize and utilize my talents
To the fullest in concordance with the Creator’s specifications and intentions
Cooperating and collaborating with kindred souls God crowned as consultants
To bring about the realization of innovations and inventions
Which stand humankind in good stead
As rat race dies and disruptive ventures
Diminish to extinguish malice from the homestead
Where foes and friends bury the hatchet and embark on conducive adventures
From which I and souls in my life I accost
Work towards common goals and promote goal congruence
Ensuring we achieve unity of purpose at the least cost
Building bridges across different perceptions to influence
The course of events in which neither winners nor losers
Feel they lose face thus embracing one another
As members whose demand I tolerate boozers
Praying that they perceive me as a brother
Whose intentions mean to build lives
To bless the lost, caress the stressed and distressed
Ensuring that chives and sharpened knives
Hobnob with one another as they grow well versed
With interpersonal skills and display unusual tact
In dealing with one another day and night
As they build and rebuild trust to make contact
With the best assets within their souls to kill plight
Praying for one another’s growth
One another’s success
Taking and keeping the oath
That ensures one and all to bliss they get unlimited access.
Lie low when convenience calls
Stick out your neck at optimum moments
To climb and scale high social walls
As you swerve away from avoidable torments
To shunt aside a servile lifestyle
Predicated on premises so thin
You risk to frisk and whisk green bile
If you hobnob with characters so mean
They drive you into a ditch
Where awash with confusion and indecision
You struggle to make a switch in the stitch
That misses the fabric from which a fusion
Mixes and waxes fact and fiction to forget
Why for a while you chose to lie low
How you determined it wasn’t worth pursuing the target
You once thought you knew lay in row
Number one at the behest of fairness
Until you perceived much water under the bridge
Had gone by to cede room to meekness
Grown more significant outside the fridge
Where belief in necromancy
Blew a hole in the knowledge base
That inadvertently fed sycophancy
Deemed significant in the case
You strove to consider for possible inclusion in the novel
You contemplated writing
But gave up when it became clear your sleep in a Kafue National Park rondavel
Lit up and rekindled your fighting
Spirit to reject out of hand
The notion that social associations grow cold
When you openly take a stand
Against attitudes that strike the prude as too bold
To contemplate
Too weak to make a lasting impression
Too forward to merit a serving of caviar on a silver plate
And too silly to warrant a mention in a poetry recital session.
When within me grow powers of selfishness
Self satisfaction and self gratification ensue
To advance an agenda steeped in short-sightedness
Which under normal circumstances I shouldn’t pursue
Unless I welcome revulsion
From circles where I draw friends
Who hobnob with me with a passion
That sets gregarious trends
Few folks enjoy
Set to an exacting standard
Which no friendship toy
Holds in high regard.
Reflecting
On consequences of embracing a selfish culture
Selecting
Options that nourish the future
That paves the way for progress
In the most critical aspects
Where selfishness doesn’t address
Prospects
For congenial interaction
At the right time, in the right place with the right partners
Whose affection, selection and protection
In cosy corners
Where I get succor
That moves my modified agenda forward
With the ardour
In which the pursuit of a reward
Doesn’t rank higher than the pursuit
That focuses on satisfying and meeting needs
Of stakeholders whose type and colour of suit
Shouldn’t matter in terms of speeds
At which my selfishness dwindles
In major platforms
Where selfishness swindles
My bid for reforms
Meant to nip selfishness consequences in the bud
Once and for all
The scud and mud
That ensure I free fall
Unless I change
In attitude and seek fortitude
Though it may seem strange
To finally rise to my selfless latitude.
Aspire to disseminate inspiration
Respire to ameliorate affection
Mire fires and spires of misinformation
Contribute to spreading care
Distribute love to play fair
Develop attributes with plenty of love flair
Seek to provide answers
Hobnob with love dancers
Fight and blight social cancers
Break backs and stacks of malice
Build bridges and bonds of justice
Scoff at the bluff of prejudice
Share love
Support love grown from above
Rabbles and squabbles dare to solve
Don’t jump on the bandwagon of arrogance
Steer to bonds of care in every circumstance
From evil and weevil maintain a healthy distance
Grow into a harbinger of good news
Principled friends dare to choose
Abstain if you can from strains and banes of booze
Perfect the art of loving
Delight in healthy living
Build a field and shield of forgiving
Arise to sunrises and surprises of initiative improvement
Sway away from egregious involvement
Build and wield a progressive movement
Cement and augment halos of happiness
Desist from fists and twists of sadness
Dispel bells and cells of wanton weakness
Above all be a pillar of immutable truth
Discount chains and mountains growing uncouth
Cling to wings of hope, moulding the youth
As bliss spreads
A swathe of sorrow dreads
A bright future weaves peace threads.