Long Hee haw Poems
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bloodied fingers madly claw
caskets hermetically sealed
bullet riddled bodies crazily didst draw
triggered bloodshed tsunami,
where logic insists there must be a flaw
precious priceless proud loved ones demise
festers "stunned disbelief" to gnaw
perhaps shell shocked next of kin
utter primal wails resemble distorted hee haw
lifeless loved ones alive just moments ago,
these special darlings (dozen plus youth)
premature death deprived
never delight one or more in-law
whereat deceased brides and grooms
denied pledging troth
from permanently stilled jaw,
while bereaved
inconsolably cry deafeningly, drenching
cloths cupping raw cheeks,
a cruel prank sans burden thrust upon a maw
(whose womb once housed
forever lifeless son or daughter),
rigor mortis out buzzfeeds Stihl chain saw
shrieking, how,
this "NON FAKE" living nightmare
cast an excruciating pall,
whence diabolic demons lear
into the opened seam,
where under a sheltering sky Gaia doth hear
the deafening lament against
a cool, calm and collected
frenzied maniac whose flare
ring nostrils adrip with rage
exchanged slugs of lead for dear
lee departed souls,
where dark clouds may never clear
as the living suffer horrendous psychic hemorrhage
agonizingly bid their own
flesh and blood affixed atop a bier.
Form:
I've traveled this celestial ball visiting many places of beauty and renown.
My world travels are over, but there is many an American city and town,
That I really pine to visit before I cease to function and cash in my chips.
I reckon you could say these places are on my bucket list for country trips!
On my grand tour I will visit Tick Bite and Lizard Lick, North Carolina.
While in the area I'll see Shoofly and also Spider Web, South Carolina.
On the way to Texas I'll visit Turkey Scratch and Toad Suck, Arkansas.
In the Lone Star State I'll drop by Buffalo Mop, Cut and Shoot and Hee Haw.
I'll visit Bean Blossom when I swing through Indiana, the Hoosier State.
In Ohio I want to visit Spunky Puddle and Knockemstiff on the same date.
Just a short drive south, I don't want to miss Monkey's Eyebrow, Kentucky.
Hopefully, I can travel to Monks Misery, Maryland the same day, if I'm lucky.
Since I'll be in the vicinity, its a short drive up to Pennsylvania to Intercourse.
Then on to Cricket Corner, Vermont and Hell Hollow, New Hampshire, of course.
Heading west through Colorado I want to see Punkin Center and Cripple Creek.
I'll take a side trip to Bug Tussle, Oklahoma, for more excitement to seek!
While in Washington I'll take the opportunity to visit the town of Opportunity.
And down in Oregon I'll make a special effort to visit Scappoose and Sublimity.
Lord willing, I hope and pray that there will be nothing my tour to forestall,
Then I can truly pass in peace and say that I have seen and done it all!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved
NOTE: This is a fictional write written with considerable tongue in cheek. It is not be taken seriously. A lot of the stuff I write is written for the pure fun of it but a lot of comments I receive think I'm dead serious! The names of the places are real, however, and I wrote it purely for entertainment! Enjoy.
Only when yours truly busies himself...
Feigning to emulate NON GMO
garden variety English major oh just so
ho-hum, this ousted son and cingular bro
biological byproduct of papa's yoyo
after mama taut Peppy how to grow
big and become vein, her issuing blow
by blow stroke, thence pecker
imitated fountainhead
unleashing at apropos
time outburst analogous when an arrow
loosed from archer's bow
shooting off about hip height mo'
than bajillion microscopic
one celled lil longfellow
(Oh Henry...! wad art thou doing?)
just hmm... giving mutual sin O
Job whelp... subsequently
little squirt begot
sole son this all because sticky clot
hit bullseye right on the dot
nope, no where near size of ergot
spore, yet radiating
burning temperature more hot than...,
liquified gold prior
bitta bing bitta bang forged into ingot,
now just little more about fertilized
ova, I wanna jot
potential pluperfect parasite (me)
acquired, cultivated, fashioned...
one after another deft bon mot
while in utero until umbilical cord
severed than christened newborn tot.
Now fast forward blaw blaw blaw
when I began to clamor and claw
nope, cuz I ne'er learned how to draw,
the least significant genetic flaw,
cue laugh track and prerecorded guffaw
similar to popular nineteen
seventies television hee haw
laughter muted upon meeting
battle axe mother in law
another story... genre mccaw braw,
she excelled spewing vitriol out her maw,
thence I slowly must heard,
mixed metaphors and mastered...pshaw
modesty keeps me from bragging
yea - boot as a non sequitur
non secretor, yukon call me
the word wrangler outlaw
lo never cussing out anybody,
I can more easily whip out pistol
if captive audience
critiques mein arcane saw
jeering (matt speak feeble attempt
at wordplay - i.e. soldiering)
receiving affirmative nod
courtesy none other
than quick draw mcgraw
now ye butter listen (er... read) up
and don't blather and beast not shtupp
to conquer, when ya hear bit ching pup
that maybe be yipping faux ruse
to empty pocket inner empty cup.
Cowboy Ray here...
I am a bronco bustin lover
Sunday meeting goin to see my girl Darla
Hankerin fer a cold can of beans to be eatin
So I git off my horse
As I arrived on coarse
Met up with the stagecoach
hankering for a brawling
Saddle bag in my hand
Even I have been brand
Watch ya self partner
Wait a minute
git T up horsey
hankering for a brawling
Over yonder
That fellow’s messin around wit my darling
So mad I could have been spittin on the floor
Pisstle whip that man fer..
Trying to romance my darling
hankering for a brawling
Pull the triggle
Shoot his finger
Guess I have ta saddle up and mosey on over
To the sheriff
Everybody dun saddled up for the county ho down
What???
Somebody hankering for a brawling
Trying to romance my little Darla darling
hankering for a brawling
Hee haw……….
Gamesomeness goads gawky, gingerly,
goofily graceful, grandiloquent gent, gallant,
genteel, geico, guppy gecko, gabbling gaffes,
gagging, gamboling, gestating, gesticulating,
garlic, gnashing, gobbling, gyrating,
gruesomely grinning, grappling, gnomadic
giggly, grubby, gastrointestinally grumpy
gewgaw gazing guy, geographically germane,
gungho, grave gremlin, grumbling, guiding,
guaranteeing, guerilla gripped gatling guns
ginning gumpshun.
Hello! Herewith halfway harmless hazmat,
haphazard haggard, hectored, hastily,
hurriedly, harriedly hammered, handsomely
hackneyed, heady, hellbent hillbilly, hirsute,
hidden hippie, huffy humanoid, hexed, heady,
Hellenistic, holistic, hermetic, hedonistic
heterosexual *****sapiens historical heirloom,
homeless, hopeful, holy, hee haw heretical hobo.
Indefatigable, iconographic, iconic, idealistic,
idyllic, inimitable, idiosyncratic, ineffable,
irreverently issuing idiotic, indifferent, inert,
ineffectual, ingeniously iniquitous, immaterial,
insignificant, indubitable, inexplicable, ignoble
itches, ineffectually illustriously illuminating
immovable infused ichthyosaurus implanted
inside igneous intrusions immensely
imperturbable improbable.
ANIMALS TALKINGS
In the manger, away word manger
The animals were also worshipping
In the manger, away word in the manger
The animals were also worshipping
They to were praising HIM, JESUS
The cow says moo and he's talking
and he to is praising Jesus, baby Lord
yes my Lord say's the cow
and he to is praising Jesus, baby Lord
The ox huhht noise liken grunts and he's talking
and he to is praising Jesus, baby Lord
yes my Lord say's the ox
and he to is praising Jesus
The donkey hee haw, hee haw he to is talking
and he is praising yes the donkey talking bout Our Lord
and he to is praising Jesus, baby Lord
All the animals gather round with 3 kings
the mother and father as they all worship the Lord
The sheep says ba ba, as the elephant rows what about the lions
and all the birds
Unlike the days back in Noel
these animals praised and worshipped
So all the animals were talking
All the animals were praising are no born King
And all the animals were sounding off with vocals of your..
Yes my Lord said the Ox
Yes my Lord said the Cow
Yes my Lord said the Elephant, Lion, Sheep and All
Animals Talking
Yes, even they too Praised the Lord
12/21/17
I get my mass shootings mixed up
every day-another one-
makes you somewhat numb
the killers are all much the same
lifetime losers- twisted agenda
so quick to place the blame-
They can plan and finance their mayhem
then claim that they're insane
spared the sparky chair and ball and chain
a lifetime of freebies...at the peril of my pay-
There's a pack of mad dogs lying in wait
ready to unload their unbridled fangs
time to (perc) up folks-time to lock and load
at least you'll give society a chance
when the next time bomb explodes....
Bernie and the hee-haw gang want to give these A-holes
the right to vote--
enthusiasm grabs me by the right foot
shakes me here
tosses me there
I land over the fence
I am laughing
because I landed on wet pumpkins
enthusiasm is giggling
she adores shaking me out of my age self
I feel five-years-young and it is fabulous!
she tosses me up into the top of the sycamore
Now what? I ask.
We are both laughing like Missouri mules.
that loud, ugly, hee-haw laughing between friends.
Jump down! She encourages me.
We are howling now.
the neighbors run over to see what is happening.
They act like I am looney tunes.
I am.
Thanks to enthusiasm!
and I love it.
my heads about to burst
cant take no more
that damn squeaking
of that broken barn door
the dog is barking
a car horn blows
a baby is crying
as someone blows their nose
birds out there squawking
my wife coughing
the old bed springs
3 in the morning and my phone rings
the cats meowing what am I going to do
and what the hell is that out therekeep screaming who
crickets chirping in the tall grass
and now a hee haw from that old dumb ass
damn that rooster and his cock-a-doodle-do
its 4 in the morning are they really playing the blues
rain is falling on that tin roof top
is that the bad weather siren or is that the cops
someone walking through the house and the floor creeps
I guess its about obvious that im not getting any sleep
That’s why I write because I have no other choice
Cause all night long I hear these crazy noises
(to be read out loud)
I'll eat the nibble naggle nooky nickel
nipple nappy mum mum mum
I'll chew your gooble gobble giggle gaggle
gimpy grampa's gum gum gum.
I'll call the wimpy wappy wiggle waggle
wacky wobble wum wum wum
I'll drink the wiggin' wimple whoopy whacker
wookie worker's rum rum rum.
Woo wow wee wah
Geegaw mee mah
Hee haw hoo har hey hey hey.
Mao moo mud muck
Wigwam poobah
Mad mook mick mack yay yay yay.
I'll have a murky muddle maple maggot
monkey marbles chum chum chum
I raised a ticky tacky tinky tonka
tailor's tiny thumb thumb thumb.
I'm really punky pickled pooka puckers
pitter patter dumb dumb dumb
I hear my diggle daggle doggy dingle
diddle daddled hum hum hum.