Long Guff Poems
Long Guff Poems. Below are the most popular long Guff by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Guff poems by poem length and keyword.
In my dreams
like many have dreams,
I went to number 10 Drowning Street.
in this pandemic, isolation to cheat,
there is no other better place
to meet, greet, drink and eat!
In the back garden, I sat with Boris,
chatting and laughing a guff!
Donald sat drinking a can of beer,
American, of course! all in good cheer,
tears rolling down his eyes in mirth,
as he recounted his Capitol trick!
there were a number of barking dogs,
running around and wagging their tails!
that waited to be fed of the remains
on the table!
their long ears pricked
but their faces were human.
I thought they must be Boris’ pets
all drawn from his cabinet.
The party lasted long into the night,
hopefully from media-hush, hush- out of sight!
such fun, such fun, such god damn fun,
with such a pack of looneys to govern,
this old queen’s country to run!
someone said the poor old bloke is dead!
that guy to whom the queen was wed!
couldn’t recall his name, these drinks,
makes you go fuzzy in the head!
Shall catch up in the morning,
send a wreath, or something,
right now let’s get on with the drinking!
there were some souls that stood
all in silence in the outer ring.
a crowd of souls, a very large crowd
in ‘thousands of thousands’ that watched.
I thought these must be the ones
that passed during the pandemic
dying in loneliness away from their families….
…and that shattered my dream..
I was back in my home nursing my own,
in fear, and all alone…..
Written 03/02/2022
That girl with a Nicki Minaj look really annoys me,
She boasts a lot thing that truly makes me dizzy.
Whenever I talk something about myself,
She overreacts and makes as well fond of herself.
She said it well but I’m not impressed,
We secretly mocked because she is so much suppressed.
She invisibly doesn’t know what others feel.
That girl who talks so hard doesn’t even know how to deal.
I frequently ask how she is being raised by her dad,
I can’t imagine how she was, when she was little cad.
Is she someone who I have to be with every single day?
Hella don’t know if I’m stuck in a not so filtered bay.
Is she trying to be frank? Loquacious? Or something?
That tactless mouth from hell is so never ending.
When will I ever say that I so much hate the way she speaks?
She ought to talk so guff that truly creakily leaks.
Oh Ms. Know It All is what I call her!
She’s doing many things like a royal blooded heir.
I can’t stand watching her in an over baroque style,
Can I just like eat, drink and love a little while?
Form:
TULSI ACROSTIC
T-Tulsi is tenacious and not one
to take any guff!
U-Unshakeable and uncrushable
under "missing email" HRC's
horrendous harumph!
L-Lion Hearted Tulsi was to
meet with HRC,face to face.
S-Staunch,so solid is her stand!
and won't take HRC's lies lined
with unproven disgrace!
I-Irate, she is! And rightly so!
She remembers so well HRC's
lies about being in enemy gunfire
in Bosnia, oh?
.....................
~Poem re:Tulsi's Nemesis~
HRC, had better things on her
to-do list, so just she didn't show!
Making a new,untruthful list~
of those she thinks are plotting
to overthrow her HRC presidency.
A shrew, who dreams of all her
political foes as
Dancing with evil Russians...
a go-go!
And so, like sweet petunias in
a funky,briar patch,
For HRC's calumny, there is
no match!
October 23, 2019
From John o'groats, to portland bill Sothend to Tenby too' Britain is straining might and
main, or p'raps we're muddling through? Through all the guff; the short supply; in the face
Of daunting news, our women and men have entered the fray, to fight this novelle flu'
Nhs staff and carers have taken the brunt, our leader was down a'while too!
Some have called on the Lord to stand in the gap, to strengthen heart; and soul and sinews!
As the doctors plan and rationalize; amidst the hullabaloo, come now let us join the fight
As come what might, for Britain is muddling through' the capt'n walks on a frame of hope
We salute the many like you! Though we stay at home, we've minds and wills; to search
The way till the day breaks true, let Britain unite and we'll smash this blight
We're understated yes.. Yet muddling through!
Who do you trust least
Preacher..teacher or literal beseecher
Ethereal spiritual feast or visceral ritual beast
Funereal foibles & surreal baubles
Of a Priest
Plead to heed with every deed to the creed
Erratic didactic tactic is tragic
There is no such thing as magic
Demagogic not pedagogic logic
Subjugation to the screed or damnation indeed
Survival battered by books tattered
The seedier leaders flattered
Primal tribal rival bible revival
Media…things that mattered…shattered
Connives..contrives yet thrives
Bet everyone everywhere writhes
Let’s not forget to pay our tithes
Had enough of this guff
Before you’ve blinked
Off the cuff
You’ve been hoodwinked
In a huff
You’ve been sinked
By the bluff
Scary skits & lairy fits
Notoriety..wary of
The gobbits & gambits
Entirety of Society in bits.
The palpable culprits
At the heart of it
Twits in culpable pulpits
Totemic hysteric polemics
Sinister vicar & minister
Systemic Cleric relics
Tire of entire dire quagmire
Of the liar denier empire
Cast asunder by another blunder
Besmirch on a pedant’s perch
Tone of brimstone, thunder & fire
Prone to lurch under the church spire
What do you expect
Cause and effect
Have always been suspect
When a Rector gives a lecture
On the spectre of conjecture
This institution ain’t the solution to destitution
Why does all religious passion
Ration rather than fashion compassion
More moral blindness than kindness
Cerebral lobe flashing
Surely all we need from above
Across the globe
Is liberal lashings of love
My grandad was asked on his death bed
“Pray tell Harry…you going to heaven or hell?”
“To be frank…don’t give a monkeys” he said
“I’ve got mates in both ..so all’s well that ends well (or swell for our American cousins)”
From his sweetie Dave took lots of guff
'Cause his beard was mighty ruff
Too bad you get fewer kisses, Dave
Try Burma Shave - its all the rave!
Do you sprout a very wild stubble?
Have you heard of the latest rave?
You'd save yerself a ton of trouble
Taming yer mug with Burma Shave!
We feel very sorry for poor Walter
His bride left him standing at the altar!
His whiskers scratched her lovely face
Should-a used Burma Shave to save face!
Is that 5 o'clock shadow giving you stress?
And are the ladies noticing you less?
Then, on yer mug you should slather
A creamy coat of Burma Shave lather!
While they were dancing cheek to cheek
Said she, "Go paddle up the creek!
You scratched my face, you hairy knave!
Next time treat yer mug with Burma Shave!"
She breathes honesty into the bedroom
Dispelling liars and troublemakers
Flinging lechers into the fires of hell
She takes no guff
Sure at first some thought she would go easy
Targeting her at the bar
Sidling up, expecting her to fold
Someone to take home and fondle, possibly molest
She disarms them with her light green eyes
Her lilting laugh, her pretense at being inebriated
She gives them the little girl smile
So they will take her home.
When her eyes go amber and her face goes gray
She takes their lives, trying to conquer their souls
Some wail and scream
Others go quietly, knowing they deserve it
She gives no mercy
No hope
No relief
For at one time
When she was young
None was given to her.
I am at the stage of my life where I can do what I want.
If I say no, don’t, beg, give me guilt or try to cajole.
I will not take any guff or persuading, so you had better hunt
For an accommodating person who will care more for your goal.
I have my own interests, things that can make my day fun.
I gladly entertain myself and do things in my own time and place.
I do not care that you need day care and you are under the gun.
I have already put in my time, been contributing member to the human race.
Now my time is my own, and I do it up proud.
I paint, and cartoon, and I draw pictures of stuff.
I live in the moment, away from all kind of a crowd.
I do whatever I want, and I will not take any guff.
They continually tell me about my life
My Mother, my family, my friends
It's not like I want their advice
Again and again and again
I have someone special I always turn to
Whenever it is I'm feeling down
A professional that lays out the hard truth
The best in advice to be found
No fancy titles or degrees on the walls
Simply known to many as Bob
Keeps the drinks and advice always flowing
Say's he's just a bartender doing his job
Having trouble with your latest lover?
Keep getting guff from the boss?
Bob's always there to give you a listen
Keep the drinks coming...the only cost
The more drink get I advoice better
From Bip, Bop, Boob, why can't I remember his name?!
As the regular old women start looking like exotic dancers
That's when I ask what's his name for some change
With eagerness I start filling the juke box
Asking all the old hags if they'd like to dance
It's too late but tomorrow a slight memory
Will ask what was up with all that
I even drunk texted my girlfriend
Pictures of incriminating positions
And a 4am call to the boss
Telling him where to cram his restaurants dirty dishes
I certainly made a mess of my life
And have no idea where I left the car
In desperate need of advice
I head back down to the bar...
This won’t hurt me at all; it’ll hurt you.
The meek shall be buried in coffins of little worth
Don’t put off ‘til tomorrow what you can put off forever
Don’t call me. In fact, forget we even met.
Crime may not pay, but at least it’s exciting
Smoking is glamorous ~ so is dying
Larry Bird in your hand is worth both of George Bush’s
Rome wasn’t built in a day; neither was your bulging stomach.
Talk is cheap, especially when it’s you talking.
The rain in Spain is mainly a great big pain.
It’s either the wolf at the door or the three little pigs.
Worse than a worm in your apple is ½ a worm
Laughter is the best medicine, unless you’re choking to death
The sign said ‘No bikinis allowed,’ so I took yours off
Always eat a big breakfast, so you can work your ass off the rest of the day
Mares eat oats, and goats eat oats, but little lambs follow CDC guidelines *
___________________________________________________________________________________
* CDC = Center for Disease Control