Mid-Week Side-Splitters, by Guff Awer
This won’t hurt me at all; it’ll hurt you.
The meek shall be buried in coffins of little worth
Don’t put off ‘til tomorrow what you can put off forever
Don’t call me. In fact, forget we even met.
Crime may not pay, but at least it’s exciting
Smoking is glamorous ~ so is dying
Larry Bird in your hand is worth both of George Bush’s
Rome wasn’t built in a day; neither was your bulging stomach.
Talk is cheap, especially when it’s you talking.
The rain in Spain is mainly a great big pain.
It’s either the wolf at the door or the three little pigs.
Worse than a worm in your apple is ½ a worm
Laughter is the best medicine, unless you’re choking to death
The sign said ‘No bikinis allowed,’ so I took yours off
Always eat a big breakfast, so you can work your ass off the rest of the day
Mares eat oats, and goats eat oats, but little lambs follow CDC guidelines *
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* CDC = Center for Disease Control
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