Long Grouch Poems

If you would like to have your limerick(s) posted, soup mail them to me.

Ms. Rude is still writing her snide remarks
She sounds like a mad dog who barks and barks
Geeze, lady, give it a rest
Your...

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I am the Grinch

I am I am, you know that I am
The Grinch of Grinch's and so
Don’t call me Sam
For Sam I not am
I am the grouch of this festive season
I take what yours; I...

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Millie Mable Millipede was worried by the news.
Mike and Molly Millipede would soon need winter shoes.
Their itsy, bitsy, tiny feet, until now free and bare,
Were leaving cold and frosty foot prints almost everywhere.

Winter soon would...

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It'd been one of the most bizarre days; downright crazy
so I had a martini, maybe four, so things got kinda hazy
I fumbled in my wallet so I could pay my pricey bar tab
Friends thought I...

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I AM A COUCH POTATO
By Roy Merritt

I am a couch potato, but not russet, red or white
I’m the kind of potato that sits up late at night
And I watch the TV shows the shows I...

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Ode to the mother who is so kind
who’s beauty and gospel light always shine.
The mother that I love so dear always does the wash
The mother that I love so dears loves the kitchen store called...

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What a wonderful thing is an elephant,
He is savvy and witty and eloquent,
He remembers your name and he'll never forget
Everything that you said every time that you met,
What a wonderful thing is an elephant.

What a...

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The Hermit
Part 1

Beyond Two Sullen Hill, not too far away,
Lives a solitary man, bitter, old and grey.
Known as the Hermit with heart of cold,
His life of unpleasantness is often told.

Many believe you would turn to...

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That marmite stuff I’ve never had:

I’ve never had it in a jar. Never had it in a car. How could I? UK is so far!

Not on land and not afloat, nor paired with cheese like...

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Flight
Fright
I don’t feel safe—
And that’s why I like it.
Horizen turns blue
And clouds melt to grey
As my body leans back 
and is thrusted
into the sky.
The power of a plane overcomes me
I hate flying
And it won’t be...

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I've given thought to "What if Rubik's cube was round?"
My answer might be considered to be somewhat profound
Initially, my reaction was, "If it ain't broke don't try to fix it,"
but that would be a lame...

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A Visit by the Mother-in-Law

By Elton Camp

My mother-in-law lives in another state
Her annual visits I most intensely hate
For her daughter, I wasn’t good enough
So, from the old crone I get lots of guff

“To Mother you...

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This person is so mean
it is a shame to be this grouchy
sometimes wondering why is this?
it just seems so misleading
what is really going on?
lack of fun?
how can you feel this way most of the time?
you're...

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Just like a germinating node,
so are the childishly preened pudenda load.
Ecstasy in fluffs of dew are bestowed
as croissants for neonate are getting bold.
 
Silky gazelle of a nymphet endowed with
sacra enshrouded in rotund paunch.
Void of...

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he wakes up
in the early morn
he is grouchy
mean as a lout
he barks
at times
I wonder
does he have green ears and a big snout?

Horns sticking out of his devilish head
I bet he steals gifts to hide under...

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The cruelest of all villains lives on Mount Crumpit
for when it comes to Christmas, he says, "Dump it!"
He keeps trying to "Pooh pooh" that sacred holiday,
but so far everyone's efforts have kept him at bay.

Oh,...

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We have a Christmas tradition in our family as you’re about to see,
We’ve always hung a shrunken head in the boughs of our Christmas tree.

His eyes and mouth have been stitched shut which makes him...

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JEALOUS of my poem being featured this week Ms Onclaud? It’s not like you to be so:
Petty,
Nettie
You mind floating me a loan? Rumor has it that you’re richer than J. Paul:
Getty,
Nettie
Ow, that hurt! Look, you...

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Wherever they gather, on the porch or nigh a glowin' flame,
The conversation of older folks is just about the same.
Invariably, they'll discuss their aches, pains and weather,
Anytime two or more of them chance to git...

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Ma issued a decree that Pa received with very little ardor:
"A vegetable garden is needed to supplement our meager larder!"
Pa would rather spend his leisure time snoozing on the couch,
But he allowed he'd better get...

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I retired gracefully, happily, knowing I could never be fully completely replaced even to this day.
I was slick, photographic, revered by so many, loved by a few, heavy, a bit conceited but in a good...

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God hath provoked man with many challenges about this globe.
One of them requires the patience of a long-suffering Job!
Ensconced with fishing pole in hand on a grassy bank,
Waiting interminably for those wily fishes to yank!

Whether...

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Beneath the mistletoe I stand
Wishing for Santa to land,
Presently. 

Under the tree sits a motion
to fix with a heartfelt notion,
Understanding. 

However long it takes to stay
the house requests to play,
Lovingly. 

St. Nick comes down tonight
with...

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I suppose in every neighborhood there is bound to be,
An old grouch who with everything tends to disagree.
It matters not whether it happens to be a her or him;
He or she will zoom into orbit...

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She Gets Off From Work at Five

By Elton Camp

Quitting time is still three hours away
I wish she didn’t have that long to stay
The breakfast she fixed is now long gone
And my stomach begins to growl...

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