Long Gnome Poems
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please lemme know and honestly profess
if profusion of words create a lingual Loch Ness
(when hens canst come home to roost
especially, encountering
the following conglomeration
in matthew scott harris patois).
He readily admits writing inventive
attempts usually ten tubby a literary mess,
thus finding innocent cyber cruisers
Angle fishing for Saxony fundamental fluidity
courtesy of Freudian stream of consciousness,
gabbling gibberish, muck not done on purpose
and certainly less
to impress.
Gnome hatter intent toward
cogency, fancy ingenuity,
levity, the inevitable
resultant wrought gobbledygook
fascination for Lingua Franca
feeble endeavor splutters, splinters,
and splatters Asia Yukon guess.
Paramour status analogous with twenty six letters,
sans En gull Lush Mother tongue confluence
finds me submerged (as an Arctic Monkey)
swimmingly enervated
via erotic laced sentiments
perhaps finds bravely daring soul madly
hollering, gesticulating floundering,
(in close proximity to Davey Jones's locker)
to avoid drowning at sea
perchance comprehending passionate influence.
Upon espying a signature poem of mine
forces one pre ponder ring lurking predilection
tib hush anonymous re:
dears (dares) adventuresome mettle
taking him/her to the brainy
(briny) deep brink
Icon fess
this (NON FAKE) pretense, why
aye metaphorically express
(via medium of ordinary Anglophile
alphabetic wanton soup,
or figurative egg drop bub
bling broth (el) doth brew)
pronouns Sibyl affectation
affliction sans plethora,
where each ladle full adrip with
richly flavor Verdana Font lee
and sincerely textured vocabulary.
Pluperfect mortals beings undoubtedly feel
(blindsided, how this hunger stricken author
suffers said sesquipedalian syndrome
particularly expectorating flashy
hoping tum bark on successful literary quest)
hyper aware aspiring paperback writers wannabe
might stoop to conquer, cheat, cadge
vis a vis plagiarize plethora
amidst storied plentiful English droppings.
Rather than succumb pretense feigning paucity
temptation to bask exultantly,
professed glorious unrequited love
announcing required sworn vow,
(el lye ding) avowed consonant covenant.
Form:
Morbid fascination (mine) as covid-19 pandemic...
foments rampant monopoly on bedlam
Wreaking ball (his stick) havoc (think ostensible
civil war scale not seen since Vietnam),
whereby microorganisms jamb
*****sapiens immunity system
complements of gook
resembling green eggs and ham
necessitating Doctor Seuss
to stoke bram
bullying cat in the hat
on a hot tin roof damn
senseless cant be understood
Matthew Scott Harris argot sham
bulls (red dilly), and sallies forth
with neither reason only rhyming flimflam.
All Joe King aside - at any rate,
yours truly, (a generic garden variety reprobate),
not hell bent to receive nasty hate
male courtesy vexatious reader to berate,
cuz unwelcome chide and chime
prompts gnome mad tick versifier
to test (ease silly) to provoke ye to fulminate.
Humanity now fishtails helter skelter
across oblate spheroid courtesy coronavirus
global pandemonium unleashed
expletive maniacal tsunami
(think) metaphorical groundswell
primates hurry scurry to and fro,
hither and yon frenziedly
pell-mell housing random erratic
discombobulated, bobble headed
(simulating) quasi Brownian movements
at warp speed embarked
upon impossible mission.
Here I paraphrase (er... rather plagiarize)
President John F. Kennedy,
whereby he delivered on January 20, 1961
his inaugural address in which he announced
"we shall pay any price, bear any burden,
meet any hardship, support any friend,
oppose any foe to assure the survival
and success of liberty."
Though the then USSR
(Union of Soviet Socialist Republics),
now identified as
union of Soviet socialist republics
helped cook who nurse (and ratchet)
state of political hostility
existed between Soviet bloc countries
and US-led Western powers
from 1945 to 1990.
Our present crisis I aim(ed) to show touché
(pardon mum oddest tee) culinary poetic entree,
how bajillions of people mercilessly
unfairly subjected to influenza like agony
exhibiting following symptoms:
cough, fever, tiredness, difficulty breathing
(severe cases), yet
many met their untimely demise
with prompt care, nonetheless minimal delay
ferried them to awaiting quay
where Charon doth ferry
dead souls across Rivers Styx and Acheron
resignedly where forced to abandon treasures they
must relinquish all trapping he/she did parlay.
my makeup was fabulously light green, lips ruby red
I fit in well with the theme, witches, warlocks and the undead
the blue I had sprayed in my hair glittered like starlight
when we entered the party, a gang began a quick fight
my witch hat was pointed at an odd funny angle
could I get a dance? Just one maybe wrangle?
I looked at my husband whose nose gave a twitch.
I looked fabulous as a sexy, gorgeous young witch
my husband dressed as Dracula with cape and red tie
he watched me dance with another, we both wondered why
the rest of the night my man spun me around the floor
I had not danced in a while, my legs and heart said we wanted more.
My friend laughed at our exuberance yelled out “get a room!”
I gave her a gentle tap on the head with my yellow straw broom.
the food was delicious, the drinks were cold and refreshing.
my husband’s eyes were on me, I knew he was undressing.
funny to me, since we already had two babies at home.
the next thing I knew, I was picked up by a gnome.
The gnome ran off with me to the ladies room to gab.
she had a lot to tell me, and she wanted to blab.
this was a Halloween party provided by my school.
At our principal’s house, and he was now a fool.
Made silly by drinks, which went straight to his head.
His wife was so embarrassed, she sent him to bed.
teacher friends were dressed as goblins, super heroes, and a ghost.
We all discussed unabashedly the craziness of our elusive host.
He was a shy guy, and would be embarrassed to death about this.
A cobra slithered up to me and tried to speak with a hiss.
Nancy! I was delighted, she was my best pal at school.
She had a lot to confide about our nemesis, Mr. O’Toole.
O’Toole was walking around saying dumb things to everyone.
Speaking with Nancy about him was incredibly fun.
My husband was devouring everything off a huge silver tray.
Tidbits and appetizers in black, orange, yellow, and gray.
two jack-o-lanterns were giving me a clever candle wink.
I felt cute tonight, happy, totally energetic, and in the pink.
we had a sitter that night for the first time since our second baby.
Do you want to go home yet? I stared at my man. “No, yes, maybe.”
With two children at home under the age of two, this was a delight.
A marvelous Halloween party that made me feel happy and right.
We had a garden gnome named Griselda
the bane of our small bungalow
she was nasty and mean, at times quite obscene
the worst that you ever could know!
Her garden mate, Gregor, had feared her
but one day he mustered the nerve
with all of our backing, to send the girl packing
with cleverness, cunning and verve.
But she was vindictive by nature
and wouldn't let 'bygones' be gone
if it took all her years, she would stir up our fears
her plans were all plotted and drawn.
She waited 'til we'd quite forgotten
her villainous, vile, evil reign
then with fierce aggression, she took bold possession
of our lovely, dear, docile domain.
She poisoned the pansies and lilies
and shredded the sweet climbing vines
she disturbed my repose, when she broke the windows
with a shriek that sent chills up my spine.
She tore down my front porch swing
shattering the flowerpots and planters
mad wreckage in her wake, as she sought all to break
taking off to the back at a canter.
I squared off to defend my back garden
grabbed whatever I thought I might wield
at first, on my guard, as I entered the yard
I found she was hardly concealed...
And 'though she seemed alone in the garden
I soon found that I was mistaken
for, succinctly put- I was bound head to foot
and carried off, unhurt but shaken.
Griselda had built quite an army
it seems, in her time far away
for gremlins and trolls, from the caves to the knolls
were under her terrible sway.
They answered her orders directly
and smugly, she smiled and she smirked
a gleam in her eyes as she planned my demise
as her minions continued to work...
Heaving in stones from the quarry
they were piling them higher and higher
and my strength gave away as to my dismay
I saw they were building a pyre!
But Gregor'd escaped all their notice
as he'd hid 'neath the back garden shed
and despite his wee size, he would prove her demise
at his bellow, her company fled.
He used a cheap trick, an enchantment
that he bought from an old witch named Rue
and it seemed there were thousands (as far as the eye scanned)
of Gregors that came into view!
Her face was distorted with terror
and she promised that she'd stay away
and off like a blip- she jumped on a ship
and sailed to somewhere near Bombay.
The last trailing tendril filaments
of moon beams nocturnally trace
fashion an illusory gilded chariot Ark,
whence upon celestial runners,
the approach of dawn's early light
illuminated terrestrial space
which nebulous solar city flanges
revisited since time millennial
hubbub of human race
nsync with Zodiacal constellations,
which appear to shift
as planet Earth axis place
alternated in accordance with
inexplicable universal teenage
mutant Ninja turtles joint pact
with power rangers assumption
sans quotidian playstation remotely
controlled by aliens upon
oblate spheroid figurative stage
set whence commencement nudged
village people foment quiet riot rage
and rant against
uncontrollable catastrophic frenzy,
when cosmic creator
rehearses another page
from playbook, which
color coded cobbled Bible
emanates with radiant hues
of yellow and osage
nonetheless, no mortal adept to predict
(only within plus and/or minus
some marginal variance of error).
oft times punishing atmospheric phenomena
incarcerated, pistol whipped
(if anther incorrect),
whiplash unleashed, oppressed, imposed
challenging condition testing ground
flora and fauna could thrive,
whereat most hardy
plants and animals didst abound
linkedin upon terra firmae
murmur of orchestrated
organisms devising fitting
evolutionary survival traits
plentiful glory vis a vis L'Chaim;
gnome hatter outlook required
sprinting thru uber vanguard,
where zero sum game pitted
disadvantaged Feng shui
living things poorly sparred mismatched
against itching attired egghead,
kickstarting netzero beastie boys
indeed emulating hotmail prodigies
holding greensward ground.
scrimmage fostered, elicited,
dictated, commandeered nature
going full throttle with pings
across biological labyrinth
positioning glommed, peeved,
mis tweeted seeds of life, and white lily,
within soil lent green grubby business
whereby herb and woody stemmed
recalcitrant proto flings
wrote toe rooter bakers
gave Gaia a run for her money
to buy Buffalo wings
chasing miscreants nimbly
outwitting, out-rigging
outsmarting nettlesome stings,
and sage protuberant fungi,
released messengers where rise home
spore ports left nada mushroom,
though symbiosis wood
bark a roll a cord.
would what that be junior? senior? sophomore?
since this brother in law rarely emails,
ye may scrunch countenance puzzled,
or on verge of emitting flatulence,
that if a ripper got let loose (by Jack),
would possibly find ja propelled,
thru Edgar Allan Poe's churchly
sepulchral tintinnabulation
(where for greater effect
yukon envision imagistic ravenous bats
in belfry resonating air,
or perhaps blasted back
to the House of the rising sun),
BUT...gnome hatter,
no win tent may starkly appear
explaining inexplicable reasonable rhyme,
why aye dash communique
minus virtual trumpeting blare
(sorry, but in the interest
of belated birthday cheer,
without computer generated imagery)
rendered hoop fully readable,
sans black and white Scottish matted pixels
constituting beloved appellation
unsure how to address ye perfectly clear
while sitting atop padded office chair,
pondering as already writ,
how to acknowledge thee, whither with dear...
meanwhile, this scribe experiences
comfortably numb derriere,
now scrambling, resorting, and toying
to fetch acceptable, catchy light hearted endear
mint, that seems tolerably acceptable
(of course) with flair
acutely perceptive, though NOT overboard with glare
ring obeisance, NOR USE ALL CAPS
TO SCREAM so ye kin hear
soap hull ease excuse this incurable
Harris scribe with thinning heir
yes...oye gevalt, infantile regression finds me
burrowed in Schwenksville, Pennsylvania lair
still emotionally inchoate, though grown a mere
speck within the flotsam and jetsam near
to boyhood Collegeville abode NOT saved by a prayer
re: home companion bachelor Norwegian farmer
replaced instead by vinyl city
all in the name of progress
which (once a pawn a time)
open farmland did dis app pear
so...a gam bulling gambit
to avoid moseying down Level Road...
may NOT seem *****
for insufferable sadness
with eyes bursting with many a tear...
(gulp) tis best to veer
away from topic uh viz er rated razed homestead,
and mainly wish ye another birth year!
adieu...from math tha hue
I was so young and i mowed the lawn,
Whoever thought it was us that id grow to mourn,
We hit it off well and truely too quick,
You became pregnant, a son i would pick,
We broke up when he was 6 months, you said it was time,
You moved in with your parents, and i stayed at mine,
Our dogs were so big but they just got the scraps,
And skinnier and skinnier till they almost died in my lap
It broke my heart and it was so hard to deal with,
But our love was not real it was all just a myth
We were engaged and so happy back then,
you told me you werent coming back till god only knows when
Two and a half months have passed since you moved back home,
And im waiting and waiting just like a garden gnome
I was finished and i knew that it was all done,
So now it is your turn to go and have fun,
We screw and we screw but dont tell your folks,
I know you dont care so you ask for more pokes,
Your parents got into your ear and caused you to be miserable,
Our relationship will not rekindle there is no more sizzle,
So more and more garbage you will get fed,
Now you wont let me see my boy, i was misled,
It hurts me so much but you just dont care,
So long as the child support gives you something nicer to wear,
We book in for mediation, it was over at sunshine,
And you lie about everything as if i had done time,
You are being unreasonable you are not just,
So they say to do leagally assisted you know its a must,
We book in and it wont be for several months now,
But you cancel 2 weeks before your a damn evil cow
So i go out to Abbotsford to get four new piercings,
But when i come back no son or any listenings,
Im unreliable for my son this is what you say,
Now i cant even see him no time of the day,
I want a dna test to make sure you were true,
But then you get angry and dribble some poo,
When i speak to some solicitor to get this fixed
He says no worries throw 6 grand in the mix
Since ive seen my boy its been over a year and half
The time the moments ive missed out on god i hate this path
For the pain she has caused, i should have worn a rubber,
It really was that simple not to make this thing a mother
Form:
Here's a story about a Leprechaun
But it's not exactly what you think
For this one was over seven foot tall
Til one day when he started to shrink
Now everybody knows about leprechauns
And how they hide their pot of gold
But you better wait til this story is over
So now, listen close, to how it's told
Now Tuck was a little more than 7 foot tall
He picked the apples straight off the trees
He also like to play those leprechaun games
Course he had to play on his knees
See, Tuck wasn't no ordinary leprechaun
He was from the hills of Tennessee
Now Hillbilly leprechauns are really rare
And It's something that you hardly ever see
He was born at the end of a magic rainbow
Way back in leprechaun hollow
And the first time you see one that's 7 foot tall
Well, that was just something kinda hard to swallow
They banished him from the leprechaun clan
So, one day, he set out on his own
He found himself, in a place called Ireland
Thousands of miles from home
When he come across three tiny leprechauns
Just sitting and shooting the breeze
See, they'd been trying for hours now
To knock the apples out of those trees
Tuck said, "Fellas I can get you them apples,
But tell me, what's in it for me?"
See, Tuck was a very good horse trader
When he was living back in Tennessee
"We'll trade you our pot of gold", one said
But his fingers were crossed, and he was faking
So Tuck grabbed a hold of one of those limbs
And the whole dang tree started shaking
Those apples started falling everywhere
Just bouncing all over the ground
When one of them picked up a golden apple
And yelled, "Hey Tuck, look what I found"
Now them Irish leprechauns are mighty sneaky
And Tuck took it before he was thinkin'
He opened his mouth and took a big bite
And that's when he suddenly started shrinkin'
All three leprechauns started to laugh
And said, "You're no taller than a garden gnome"
But that's exactly what he was hoping for
For now Tuck can go back home
See, a leprechaun would never give up his gold
And he knew it was some kind of trick
The shrinking spell is the oldest in the book
And they're left with the short end of the stick
I'm a stranger in a strange place
Puddles of water and mud reflects my face
Trying to keep pace with my tranquil trace
Puddles of fire and water splash upon my face
Far away, I roam
Soon enough, I'll be home
Home sweet home
Far away, I seek refuge
Soon enough, my bravery will be huge
Far away...I roam home...
I roam home...I'm your garden gnome
I'm your stranger, roaming in a strange place
I'm a stranger, left with barely a trace of grace
I heard it through the grape vine
I wish you'd truly be mine
This homecoming
This homecoming
I'm a stranger in a strange place
I'm reaching out for vast grace
I'm a stranger in a strange place
Mirror, mirror reflects my saddened face
I'm a stranger in a strange place
Puddles of water and mud splattered on my grimy face
Trying to run this race, trying to keep pace
Puddles of ice and water pour upon my saturated face
Far away...I roam home...
I roam home...I'm your garden gnome
I'm your stranger, roaming in a strange place
I'm a stranger, left with barely a trace of grace
I heard it through the grape vine
I wish you'd truly be mine
This homecoming
This homecoming
I'm a stranger in a strange location
I'm a pilgrim, taking a nice vacation
Trying to regain my strength and happiness
Puddles of raindrops reign upon my distress
I'm a stranger
Not seeking danger...
I'm a stranger
Living in a mist of blur~
A blur that is so unreal and very impure...extremely hard to endure!!
Far away...I roam home...
I roam home...I'm your garden gnome
I'm your stranger, roaming in a strange place
I'm a stranger, left with barely a trace of grace
I heard it through the grape vine
I wish you'd truly be mine
This homecoming
This homecoming
Feeling oh so unsure
Dealing with my insecurities
Trying to find a simple cure
Before I relive my horrifying fantasies and tragedies - an aftermath I don't want to count on, so I can live life at blissful ease...
I wish time would pass me by
Sometimes, I have this feeling I wanna cry
I'm a stranger in a strange place
I'm feeling insecure and lonesome...sorta out of place, but this homecoming, I will prove that I will win this race!
The Spring sun shines above
but, beneath the willow tree,
sits a spider and an ant
waiting for their friend, the bee.
They always meet up
every sun shiny day,
under the willow tree
so all three can play.
The spider and ant were talking
when finally, bee decided to show,
they looked at her, tapping their watches
"You're four hours late, you know."
"I had to do my hair," she explained
"my make-up, was hard to do,
then I had to find a dress
and my matching polkadot shoes."
"You're not going to a party," said ant
"we're just here to play,
you will get all dirty
and what if it rains today?"
"We'll let it go for now," said spider
let's go play in the sun,
we'll play hide and go seek
it will be so much fun."
Bee was so upset
she wanted to go home,
quickly, she turned to run away
and ran into the garden gnome.
Ant snickered and laughed at bee
he was rolling on the ground,
"That is quite enough," said spider
"bee, I still want you around."
"I'll just go home," said bee
"I am such a mess,"
she wiped dirt off of herself
and exclaimed "look at my beautiful dress!"
"I knew this would happen," said ant
"but, you didn't listen to me,
we're only here to play, I said
not going to a party."
"Ant, leave her alone
she's been through enough,
I'm tired of you being a bully," yelled spider
"and sick of you being rough."
Ant walked over to bee
knew he had to apologise,
gave her a great big hug
and wiped the tears from her eyes.
"I'm sorry for everything
please say you forgive me,"
ant was so ashamed of himself
he turned and sat 'neath the willow tree.
Bee walked over to him
and sat down by his side,
"of course, I forgive you
my feelings, I can't hide."
Ant looked at bee
tears rolled down his cheeks,
she could tell he was hurting
and feeling very weak.
Spider gave them both a hug
"This is what friendship is made of,
forgiveness goes a long way," said spider
"and filled with lots of love."
All was well between them
the spider, ant and bee,
they finally decided to play,
their hearts filled with love and glee.
Copyright © Cynthia Jones
Apr.27/2012