Long Funnygirl Poems
Long Funnygirl Poems. Below are the most popular long Funnygirl by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Funnygirl poems by poem length and keyword.
That's not my elephant!
The man dressed like a modern day hammlet or Lady Ga Ga screamed
in his best Justin Biber voice once told me one thing.
It was a good time to make my escape.
Spaghetti night wasnt my trip at Shady Pines mental home.
Allthough the vicodin and nyquill casarol was almost as good as grandma's
well minus the wild turkey.
But enough with the foreplay children.
Like a big girl named Ella with a cute personallity at a all you can eat
Buffet.
I was off like lindsy lohan outta rehab well except
without a bad coke habbit.
The drugs,The wreckless abandon but enough about my fellow second graders.
In a borrowed mustang with a matching platinum card i was Vagas
bound.
And remember kids if your gonna commit grand theft auto dont
get busted for stealing hybrid well unless your trying
to be fashion forward or a dirty hippie.
As for the credit card if your gonna sit in grandpa's lap why not
get paid thank you dimentia like he'll remember anyways
that and my granpa's dead hey a girl has her needs.
The trip was destined for madness many hangovers and
much perversion that do to restrictions we can not bring you here
but what was the bill of rights but a big book with a lotta large words
not covred in high times magazine.
The road so strange and tempting like dirty little hamster
in this wheel we call seduction dam Gone With The Wind or
that other romantic wet dream of litriture called Twilight.
Yes this journey would have been epic.
If that acid hadnt kicked in and left me deep in conversation
with a hub cab but dont stop beliving.
For if not for hope or really good drugs, booze and tight skirts
We be just like another third world country
Dam you Alaska.
And so like that pig named porky
Who really needs to watch his feet.
This was your bit of Gonzo
And that's all folks Stay Crazy
Form:
Remember the Little Boy who cried wolf?
Well, there's more than meets the eye
See, he wasn't a little boy at all
He, I mean she, was a girl who was shy
Everyone thought the girl was a dude
Maybe cause' her name was Steve
It always hurt the little girl's feelings
And she wiped her tears on her sleeve
Now, Steve had sworn to get revenge
The village would surely pay
What were they thinking calling her a dude?
For they did it most everyday
Now, Steve knew a wolf, who lived in the forest
And she crafted her master plan
She told the wolf she needed his help
For she knew he would understand
You see, that poor wolf was picked on too
So he knew of the little girl's pain
He agreed to help her seek her revenge
With nothing for him to gain
He'd sneak into the village
And leave a footprint or two
Then Steve would wake up early
(You know what she's gonna do)
Yep, you guessed it
She screamed as loud as she could
The villagers all came running
Just like she knew they would
"Wolf" she cried,
"He tried to take me away"
The villagers were all in a panic
They didn't know what to say
This went on for a week or so
Til soon, they stopped coming at all
Now, of couse, this didn't set good with Steve
And she simply thought, "what gall"
Now, they really didn't think she was lying
They thought the wolf was there
But if he ate some dude named Steve
Then who would really care
Steve grew up and moved away
And now lives in New York City
But don't feel sorry for Steve at all
For she doesn't want your pity
Well, that's the end of my story
And I thought I'd end it like this
Steve decided to become a man
And is now some dude named Chris
Here's another story that might be true
Or at least that's what I've been told
Don't tell my wife I told you this
Or I just won't live to grow old
It happened about twenty-nine years ago
Well, give or take a day
Now listen close to this story I'll tell
For it happened just this way
I met this girl back in nineteen-eighty
She was as fine as she could be
Well, I just couldn't stop checking her out
And she was looking back at me
I asked her for a date, and she said, "Sure"
So I took her to the picture show
We were sitting pretty close, while sharing a coke
When they turned those lights down low
In the pitch black dark my ears begin to ring
I heard a whistle that was loud and clear
So I told my date that I'll be right back
As my finger finally found my ear
I crammed that thing in knuckles deep
When I noticed that the whistle was gone
'Til I sit back down and the whistle came back
And that's when I started to yawn
So that's when it hit me like a ton of bricks
"This chicks got a hearing aid"
'Cause everytime that I'd lean away
That whistle would start to fade
Well, I thought I should be a gentleman
So that's when I started to (YELL)
I scared the girl nearly half to death
And out of the seat she fell
She said, "What's wrong with you, are you crazy?
I said, "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULDN'T HEAR"
She said, "Please stop screaming at the top of your voice,
Can't you see that I'm standing right here?"
Well, that's how it happened when I met my wife
And that's how this story goes
She had a real bad cold that night we met
And the whistle was coming from her nose
Valentines comin and it won’t be long,
But I get a sense that you done me wrong?
You kissed that girl in the back of me,
Said it was gossip cause I didn't see!
You said she's ma cousin, and kissin's okay,
Now I feel foolish for acting that way!
But what about dancing and grabbing her hips?
You said," it's okay she can't have my lips"
And then when your hand roved up her back,
Said that's okay, we're not in the sack!
And that.s the reason I must tell you now
I can't let you go, I just wouldn't know how!
You're everything good like a male should be,
Considerate, kind, thinking only of me!
You're proud of my paycheck, telling me so,
And our wedding is comin, just so you know!
I asked for a ring on my hand that would bind,
And you said that was fine but not at this time!
We must live on love until things are straight,
And you swore that I was your very last date!
Said you'd soon get a job but right now you're tired,
There was no incarceration when you got fired!
Just try not to worry you said we'd be fine,
I'm the girl of your dreams and you didn't do time!
And now I must go and look for a dress,
That's white and as pure as love's happiness,
I must call on the pastor for a choir to sing,
You said I'm smart and should do everything!
So goodnight my darling and when we awake
Be home from the dance with the cousin you take,
I'll arrive at the church on a plain city bus,
A fifty thousand dollar limousine, just for us!
(chorus)
So Im just sitting in this rehab class
trying to get myself unhooked on ass
so then my teacher asked me a question
like boy are you over there sexting
ha ha OMG LOL KIT Smiley faces X and Os LMFAO
my girl went through my cell phone
i said my girl went through my cell phone
So Im getting treated for my sex addiction
in my private clinic and I need you to be sensitive about my condition
cos Im in it to win it and I really dont want to further disappoint my fans
and my teachers a cougar so I wish shed lend a helping hand
damn, calm down, BBC TXT MSG
after class come with me and can I get a little bit of TLC
she replied what the f-ck
FYI youre gonna flunk
SMH its such a shame
you aint learned a damn thing
chorus
So Im sitting in the crib just chillin and Im minding my business
got a text with a tongue out from a number I didnt recognize
I replied who is this
quick back got a hit back
said this is Stacy and Ive been missing you
had to change my number so I went and got a new phone and new tattoo
a what, a new tattoo wow,
oh yeah, hurry click
can you send a nasty pic
so I can see right where it is
and I promise I wont show my friends (yeah right)
she replied, well ok BTW by the way
SMH its such a shame that you aint learned a damn thing
chorus
Form:
Here's a story, I've only told
Just, maybe, once or twice
It's a story, I'm sure you've heard,
The one about the Three Blind Mice
The story goes they chased some chick
Now how can this even be true?
The mice were blind, they couldn't see
So I don't believe it, do you?
It wasn't mice that chased that girl
I happened to know it was possums
It was a place called "Possum Grove"
Where honeysuckles seem to blossom
See, the girl made up that story
She just lied between her tooth
Pseudologia fantastica
It means she just can't tell the truth
You didn't know I knew big words?
Shucks, I do that all the time
If you know how to use Google
Those words aren't hard to find
Anyway, back to my story
Possums it was, this I know for sure
That girl was just a compulsive liar
And the possums became her cure
They waited till the girl went to sleep
She didn't know they were there
Then they called those three blind mice
And they cut off all her hair
Well, that was the end of that
She told her very last lie
They all lived happily ever after
So, I guess I'll say "Goodbye"
Oh wait, there is just one more thing
I'm sorry, I almost forgot
If you're thinking tooth was a typo
I'm just letting you know, it's not
Here we go again,
Another story of love’s pain
I met a girl on the internet
The things she said just made me sweat
We been doing it for 6 months now
And ever time has been mmmm…. Wow
Until it happened one day
Just after a bit of you know play
Me loins were burning as if on fire
Not because of her fuelling desire
No! Burning, I was in pain
Me bit tripled in size, how do I explain?
This! to my wife Jane?
I got on the chats and shouted at her,
“You two faced, low down, dirty little, saboteur.”
“At birth they should have strangled you with the umbilical cord,”
“You probably had more pr—ks than a second hand dart board.”
I was wrath and not holding back,
I would give her a piece of my mind before giving her the sack.
Then she said, “ It’s not me, it your fault for being in a hurry,”
“You didn’t wash your hands and the burning is the remnants of your curry.”
“So it’s not me to blame but you are the one,”
“This is an internet relationship and you pulling your todger, spoiled the fun.”
“We would had not know each other until this day,”
“You had a fantasy girl and my relationship was gay.”
“Now we can’t go on because I am your lodger.”
I said “WHA THE F—K!, I'LL KILL YOU, ROGER?”
For as long as I can remember
Me madda was de head voodoo club member
She taught me how to make love potion
To mess with der woman emotion
So me meet dis lovely girl
Seeing ‘er, give me a mighty trill
Me make a love potion I confess
From a piece of ‘er nighty dress
Mix it wit da loose hairs I find spare
From me teet and ‘er underwear
Put a drop a me sista’s joojoo
Me perform de dance from de club voodoo
Throw in me madda’s secret potion
And give me girl as a hand and face lotion
For a year everyting sweet
Me girl an animal love treat
Until one day I notice de hair
Growing on her hands and ‘er face
De one me puck from me teet and her underwear
She look like she not from de human race
‘er back bend, knuckles drag upun de floor
Der woman get a whole lot a chunky
She want me twenty five times a day, me sore
Each day me see her she look more like a monkey
O’ Madda your potion no work, why you lie?
Your son he been abused, he sore and he cry
Dis woman ruin your son life
He wake up to find she is his wife…
Bertha had a little lamb
That was Mary's sister
And everywhere that Mary went
Bertha often missed her
See Mary was the oldest child
And Bertha well she wasn't
And Mary understands her sheep
But poor old Bertha doesn't
So Bertha had a little lamb
Its fleece was black as coal
And everywhere that Bertha went
She just wouldn't let him go
See Bertha was the black sheep
And that youngin' even dipped snuff
They sent that girl to military school
But it just wasn't long enough
Now Bertha liked her sister
But she knew she had to go
Cause Bertha was eatin' her lambchops
And she didn't want Mary to know
But before she could get rid of Mary
They gave her an intervention
And if that girl didn't straighten up
They'd put her in dentention
Well that's the end of my story
And Bertha and Mary are just fine
Even though a lamb goes missing
From their fields from time to time
There once was a girl name of Hood
who walked tall, as every girl should.
She tossed over her head
a cover of bright red
and ventured out into the wood.
She carried a black riding crop
and critters she’s stop with a pop.
But, Ole Dracula saw her
and made her his daughter
Now, the blood bank is her first stop.
Well, sweet Red, she still loved her Grandma
so, though pale she went with a camera.
But who did she find
that awfull nighttime
in the cottage, was it her Grandma???
Red Riding hood took a look see?
beneath the night cap, who was she?
Long teeth, she had four,
her hands, they were paws
So Red fed, with a “Tee hee hee hee!”
*Little Red Riding Hood spoof for "Happily Ever After?"