Long Flatus Poems

In regnis verborum, ubi somnia avolant,
Versum componam virtute purissima.
Calamo in manu, cor meum flagrat,
Narrabo fabulam, notissimam unquam.

Super tabula caelesti gratiae,
Colores amplexus amoris exprimam.
A primo mane ad crepusculi fulgorem,
Tapestry conficiam, poetae somnium.

In pratis aureis, ubi flores...

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I've grown a bit slower, I've grown a bit fatter,
  my mission each hour: relieving my bladder.
When I was a youngster, I had no idea
  old coots who eat fruits will just get...

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Stressed?

Another story hot off the press
Should you want to lower stress
Johns Hopskins research found a link
That somehow soon may raise a stink
Hydrogen Sulfide found in flatus
Appears to have a healthful status
A blood enzyme it will...

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Polar bears, spotted owls and honey bees 
Care nothing of scientific debates
Over flatus of cattle and SUV’s.

Some drop big oil drills and some drop big trees
To provide a place for our dinner plate,
With its filet...

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The Ohio wipes its face every few miles.
This bend in the river
forgets the wharfs, the gravel silos
and power plants,
only occasional coal barges 
push an industrial flatus before them.

Here cattails gather herons
into measured dominions.
The river gallops...

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Based on BBC news article "Fart in parliament: Row blows up in Canada"
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-38037187


Should our leaders discuss debt?
Under which we toil and sweat
How to tax us? Lots or little?
Or somewhere roughly in the middle?

Do we grow...

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I accidentally let one loose
one you hope no one had noticed 
so guilty, face like a red spruce 
acting like I hadn't the remotest,

It was lethal, Silent and deadly 
people retching, gasping for breath
I don't...

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He’d eaten baked beans for his brunch
Then onion rings he did munch
He built up so much gas
Which he then had to pass
The odour it sure packed a punch

Poor Michael was quite broken hearted -
His fiancé...

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