Long Familyme Poems
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This is going to hurt. As the catheter was inserted into
my groin, I screamed, I cried and I was forgiven.
I watched the whole procedure in awe, There before me
was my heart, vulnerable, beautiful. I saw what Dr. Dib
called the snake, come to a stop within my heart. Dr. Dib
said, " do you see the snakes tail? Yes I said. Just ahead of it
is a 100% blocked artery,Now watch! All this time which was
actually a couple short minutes, which felt an eternity with
the heart attack still in motion, he pushed the catheter
through the blockage, " I'm going to pull the catheter out
now and attach a balloon and what is called a stent. ( he showed
me what it looked like later) And re-inserted the catheter.
As the balloon arrived back at the partially open blockage,
Dr. Dib said " Are you alright?" Yes.. " Then here we go"
" Keep watching" The balloon was inserted into the blockage
inflated a bit, deflated and pulled back into the stent. The
balloon and stent were re-inserted and the balloon re-inflated
until the stent locked into place in the artery. As soon as the
balloon was removed from the in place stent, the pain was gone.
From massive pain to no pain in an instant. I felt that
voice again, " You still have work yet to do" I prayed, I
thanked God, I thanked Dr. Dib for saving my life, he smiled
and said " You're going to be fine, rest now" As I was
now whisked to the Cardiac ICU all wired for sound,
The hand remained, ever present. Finally less than an hour
after it started, it was over, basically. I was in my room to
be greeted by the smiling, yet concerned face of my Mary.
I knew the full impact of God's Grace and Love for me.
She said do you want me to get Josh from school? "Yes".
She kissed me, told me she loved me and for me to rest.
I closed my eyes, feeling more at peace than I had in years.
I awoke to see my wonderful Son concerned, yet strong.
He kissed my forehead. The hand that was holding mine slipped
away and was replaced by Josh's. I felt his love ever present,
my hand in his.
Thank you Dr. Dib, Thank you Mary and Josh and all who love me.
Thank you Father! from your Loving Son!
MAN IN A SUITCASE
Used to joke how Gregory Peck was my father
But never knew why I was called Sydney.
Or why Australia’s city was named after me -
And a dozen other cities around the world farther.
My dad surely was where mum’s love-treasure was spent,
But died before I was born and before they could marry.
Her family hated this guy but she was tough, didn’t worry,
And named me after the man for whom she was meant.
She never discussed her feelings buried,
Showed no photos, never talked about him to me.
Broken hearted I guess. Who wouldn’t be?
I never knew the man she would have married.
I didn’t really cotton to the name I had.
I preferred Alan or Steve or maybe Vincent
And a dozen other names meant for a gent,
Regardless of who may have been my dad.
I also disliked the name for its ambiguity, this name Sydney
- Sort of amphibious. A name in American movies - for women,
It could swim across the ocean and in British movies - for men,
(Always small-time crooks who were chirpy and cockney).
No, I never liked the name. It wasn’t worth a jitney
To me; and I used other nicknames for many a year,
It was only used in mockery for it was relatively rare.
Even today, “Syd” is ok; but please, never call me “Sydney”
But I found a dusty old suitcase and lifted its lid
After she passed away. Her life’s treasurechest,
And out rolled some gold, photo of old soldier dressed
In uniform: he looked like me: the name on back was Syd.
That moment - Damascus Road - change of heart.
Now, proud to have it, say it, hear it. Nicknames I forbid.
I like it especially when my loving wife says “Syd”
Now with this name I’d never part.
…………………………………………………………………………………………….
Written for Linda-Marie’s contest WHAT’S IN A NAME?
Mother let me tell you
what no one ever knew
the secrets on this page
I dout God has a clue
for if you see through my eyes
what daddy did was nothing
you were all I had left
why did you think i was bluffing
It wasn't a joke mommy
I tried, I cried and I cut myself
I even begged for you to get me help
and you had no idea?
How could that be
mommy I told you everything
How dare you lie to me!
I lived with my self hate
and daddy got off
what didn't you get?
I always looked lost
I locked my door
and I screamed I hate him
but all you did was say
You can't escape him!
Well mommy I could always say
you'll never know me better that way
you'll never see the innocent me
it was taken, shaken and re-made
in a whole new way
this poem is about you mommy
things I don't have the guts to say
Honestly mommy I don't know
what hurts more
looking in your eyes
as you called me a WHORE
for I didn't do it
I didn't dress wrong?
I just wanted a daddy
thats why it hurt all along
Mommy but you hurt me
most of all
you never trusted me
Even after telling you
mommy should daddy
haved'lusted' me?
but you didn't listen
and I had to cope with the shame
cutting myself everytime I got away
and creating a whole new name
a facade and a wall
I put around myself
I told you for years
"Mommy, I need help,
I hate myself, I can't live this way,
mommy what daddy does,
I don't think I could say.
It hurts to look at the man
I am supposed to trust
My daddy how dare he Lust?"
But all you did was say
do as he says
I begegd and pleaded
But you'd just shake your head.
And now mommy it's to late
I'd glady rather be DEAD
I lost the little girl
That i use to be
everything inside
has died and I am just not me
so I gess the stranger
that I now see
is a broken child
that could neve just BE.
From time to time I find myself staring into the heavens lit by our stars
The elders spoke of each star having its name, and how God knew the all by it
At a very young age I grew much interest in adventure, to be an explorer of such
Dream after dream, a huge imagination for images costed no money, dreams of much
I lived by my creativity and will to be strong
Not many believed in me
Some of which even put me down, stateing that I was worth nothing
With a shattered heart I saw the days evolve into night
Patiently awaiting the sight of the first star
Dropping to my knees making a wish upon the first star in view
Who would know that the stars grant no wish
My first language was spanish
Not a single word of english or french I spoke
Growing up in grade school, I was the cause of many jokes
I had not much but a few rags that I kept clean as best to my ability
Shoes with holes made my month
None mattered because the love I searched was not of school but of my own home
Always been so different
A mind of a genius
The will of a warrior
But the love of...
When the tide is high swim not
For a tormented sea might just never return you
I play guilt
Guilt I know not for I made it as best I could
Sing me a song that I may sing to
Paint me a portrait so that I too may loose in the form and color
Write me a poem so that I may see it play
Pardon me for not being what you wanted me to be
Pardon me for being me
I hope one day you may forgive my life
I meant no disrespect, what did I ever do to you
You abused me and stomped on my heart
You punched my soul right out
I'm sorry for not being you
And I pass to find my joy
I will live to meet my future
This one is for you dad
WHILE YOU LAY THERE SLEEPING....
Changing Diapers and Midnight Feedings
were just a few things i had to
do...
Holding, Kissing, and Smiling Proudly
is all i could do, when i saw you sleeping
soundly.
WHILE YOU LAY THERE SLEEPING....
I began pulling the cover's up on you,
making sure that you were nice and warm..
Just as i did, back then, when you were a
newborn.
WHILE YOU LAY THERE SLEEPING....
I see nothing but pure perfection on your
face,
For you are My Creation, My Reflection, and the
Harmony that fit's perfectly into
place.
WHILE YOU LAY THERE SLEEPING....
I sit here thinking about our day today.
Bouncing Balls, Running Races, Screams and
Calls with Smiling Faces.
"Come Daddy, Let's Play! " I heared you say..
and at that moment, i wished that every day could
be this way.
WHILE YOU LAY THERE SLEEPING....
You have reached the age of three..
tossing and turning in your sleep.
As your eyes began to open..starring at me,
still very sleepy, saying in a whisper..
" I Love You Daddy!", Then falling back to sleep,
For this is a moment frozen in time, that i will always
charish and keep.
WHILE YOU LAY THERE SLEEPING....
I thank God for blessing me with you..
My Son
My # 1 and My Best Friend until the
end.
For i am your father in every way...
My Prince, My Prescious...the face that lights up my faith...
and
The spirit that fills my heart
everyday.
WHILE YOU LAY THERE SLEEPING....
So continue to dream sweet dreams...While your
Smiling and Calling for me in your
dreams.
For this is my bedtime story for tonight, I love you my son,
let me turn off this light, but first..let me give you a kiss..and
wish you a goodnight...
The End!!!
.
I wake from the monster
coming home from his usual
rage
Looks like he is drunk again,
like an animal escaping from
his cage
The pian in his eyes shows as
he lines up his poison
He puts his nose on the
forsaken table and sniffs in
With no regret he grabs the
arm band and ties it around his
bicep
So he can make his reminiscing
mind forget
Forget about the past as he
injects more poison in his veins
But little does he know, that I
can never make this memory
go away
But what happened next scars
me to this day
With his drunken high haze
He calls me over from the
shadows like a slave
He looks at me like an enemy
on a battlefiled
I had fear in my eyes and
thought i'd be killed
He states that i've ruined his
life
And he calls me a mistake and
to get out of his sight
I was 7 years old and couldn't
move
Was frozen as he grabbed my
hand and put it on the stove
He turns the heat on low like it
was a game
Hovering my hand over the
flame
Did this give him pleasure and
satisfaction?
In the morning he won't
remember a single action
As my hand feels the heat rise
He pulls from his grip because
his high has died
So I run back into my room as
he reloads
He grabs the glass container
and lines up another line before
he goes
Does my father realize the pain
he brings
The screams my pain sings?
No of course not, all he cares
about is his poison and brew
He used to be a hero in my
eyes, but now he is just a fool
To this day I remember these
memories in my nightmares
But like I said he doesn't care
In his eyes I a a mistake, all he
cares about is his next fix
He is a monster, my father, an
addict
Unique from the start, temper of flame.
Tiny but tangy, you best know her name.
By evil nor grief, did she take her blame,
But morals of integrity, her anger did claim.
To hurt one she loved would put you in fire.
Her Motherly, inherent, protective, desire,
Would tear you to shreds in the blink of an eye.
Herself she'd not think, for beliefs she would die.
Sacrifice and self deny,
For all her charges sanctify
Not a day did she regret,
Never a need did she forget
Remember her and be not cold,
For she our Mother this story told
And I who write with eyes so dim,
See clearly with this ink and pen
To your hearts, I send this plea,
Your sister younger than you three
Raw emotion consumed by flame
She's gone and forgiven but I carry her name
With me she travels and every day
This grief, my burden, I must weigh
Her only sin as my eyes see,
Was to leave so early for eternity
Now sisters dear and brother too
I pass this verse from me to you
Your little sister, to you request
An hour of honest and heart felt rest
How can this by you, to me deny
This is my prayer before I die
Just one hour face to face
I hold for you a love of grace
Her name she gave me with out knowing
Her heart I carry and contents glowing
It's full to brim with all she taught me
And overflowing with love for you three
In Christ her children were taught to believe
And of the gifts they would receive
The knowledge of his holy word
And strength to face a world absurd
To bring her back to Earth to share
I dare not wish, not we compare
For Heaven's gates have opened wide
And Mother's there, on the other side
as i look into your eyes i see what i become a mirror image of you,i learned how to survive
from seeing you hustling and bustling on the grind.my mentality is the same as yours was my
motives were worse.i sat doing timein federal prison while you layed in a hurse.
the streets were my home because no home existed they welcomed me with open arms so i
enlisted.my pain came in time through rapes and beatings greetings from the devil in our daily
meetings.
i missed you when you were gone and hated you when you came around but deep in my
heart i never stopped loving you.i am your prodigy your seed your everything in between.
all i wanted was to be like you.now look at me from another view.im not you!
i went from a child at 13 to a woman overnight having to know wrong from right.in the
daylight i romed the streets alone wishing you'd come find me.i stole to eat and put shoes on
my feet struggled to hide and stay warm.i slept on a strangers porch and covered up with a
tarp washed in the gas station bathroom.eating scraps out the garbage taking clothes from
the clothes line the world was mine because you left me!
everything i did i did alone only wanting someplace to call home.hooked up with bad people
just to be loved sacrifycing myself for a dollar.the price i paid throughout the years landed
me in prison facing 5 years.no way out was my fear didnt wanna die in there so i let myself
go and let God take over.i promised id do better and change my life though i knew
adversaties were inevitable.
today im here and you are gone but you never leave my mind.we amy of been alike but im me
and you are you and thats why ill always love you!
Form:
One of my grandsons, name of Benjamin
He likes eating toast made with cinnamon
But uses his wits
To not eat his grits
Then excuses himself like a gentleman
Charlie thrives on competition
Out smarting you is his mission
Bear hugs
Tiny bugs,
And “stick to it” repitition
William’s impish smile is contagious
The attention he wants is outrageous
That slobbery kiss
He can’t let you miss
Borders on being sanctimonious
The little princess is Laura Nance
She wears frilly, girlish underpants
She loves a warm lap
Cartoons and a nap
Getting attention with a coy glance
Joseph loves learning karate
He seldom is rude or naughty
A steady grind
Kicking behind
Finding wisdom beats the haughty
There is much to say of Caroline
She is definitely DNA of mine
Quietly aggressive
Lovingly possessive
She calculates when to toe the line
Jackson just started to first grade
I’m sure he has more game plans made
Like the rest
Mom knows best
His lunch is PBJ and marmalade
Colin just finished his S.A.T.
I’m sure he did better than me
Sharp as a tack
Knows how to rack
The pool balls to break wimpily.
Derek made the junior varsity
The “main man” he would seem to be.
Fit to be tied,
Praise not denied,
He’s still that six foot little boy to me.
Ryan—such a smart young man
I teach him a card trick when I can
He learned how to play
Challenged me one day
Skunked me then got up and ran
Three dogs, alpaca and a kit
Where in my family do they fit
My pseudo grands
By a daughter’s hands
Who admires them more than a bit
© 02 Dec 2010 Charles Henderson
I know I haven’t written for awhile and you're probably worried sick about me.
I’m sorry to have worried you but I wasn’t sure of what to do.
I can’t be sure I’m still the same kid you watched pulling away on that bus.
I’ve done things I never imagined and said things I’m not sure I mean.
That’s the problem, I think I might have become someone you won't recognize.
You have to understand, I’m not sure I have a choice anymore if I am to survive
I’m proud to be an American and I know this country should be defended;
I never knew how much it would take or if I'll ever be the same again
People here tell me they want to be left alone, are we intruding over here?
I may never know the truth but in the meantime I made a commitment;
I have no intentions of disgracing our name or dishonor my country.
Try and understand; it was you that told me to hold all life in reverence.
You two don’t worry; the strength I got from you both will help me to stay well
I’m going to have to end this pretty soon because I have to go out on patrol;
I’ll write again when we get back but that might be a few days, but I hope not.
Please give my love to all and tell them I can’t wait to see everyone again.
Stay well because coming home to you is the only thing that keeps me going.
God willing I’ll come out of this alright and a person you both can be proud of
With love;
From the sands of the eastern desert
( )