Long Burnt out Poems
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We Survive Instead of Burn
We waste our light just to extend a shadow passing through,
And our life's a forgotten ritual lost in the fog of a lonely dream,
We live like candles burning in the wind, our flame grown cold and blue,
We survive — beautifully blind — like angels fallen from the seam.
The madness of optimization has drained us of our blood, our mystery, our ember,
We compensate the abyss of being with bodies greased in counterfeit immortality,
We're like dead stars still shining on — spectral, strange, a fading member,
And we mistake the echo of a life for a stage lit up on burnt-out ground, in all its false reality.
Production is the new opium with which we put our deeper selves to sleep,
Performance — a beautiful illusion embroidered on a silken burial shroud,
We're compared to rivers that forget the sea, slow, without a cliff to keep,
Flowing perfectly and hollow through cold worlds of digits, untouched, unbowed.
Intensity sleeps inside us under heavy layers of consumption and haze,
We've numbed within the soul everything that burned with fire and pure melancholy,
Like forgotten gods inside their own temple, blind throughout their days,
We survive magnificently — and die with every breath, with every enmity.
But somewhere in me there still boils a magic blood, old as the world's first light,
A wild flame that refuses the chain, the number, and the silence,
It knows that to exist means to burn yourself alive — and claim what's right,
That life is not survival — it's a sacred fire, it's the burning, it's the tide.
Why as black women do we just have to accept everything
Can't complain just accept the bare minimum
Treated like mothers who didn't get a choice
Forced into a life of sacrifice
Treated like animals but stripped of dignity
Our lives were never ours just a product of control
Used and abused like some rag doll
Dressed to impress like a model
Except insulted and sexualised on the catwalk
Blamed for existing
Then punished for being angry
At a world that keeps us miserable
For the sake of their own joy
But then again why expect respect from the world
When we are not even respected by our own men
Who would do anything to attract white women
Even if it means betraying the loyalty
Of their own community
But I guess that's what happens when
They chase whiteness
Who are filled with self hatred
Transferred into colourism
A black woman's desire is to just exist
Not a life drowned in exhaustion
The constant looks over the shoulder
The being driven to psychosis
Gaslit until we are burnt out
Plagued by judgement
A standard of infinite perfection
And to always be held to an unreasonable standard
A singular question
Of when we will receive our protection
To them we are not humans
Just experimental tools
To be poked and prodded
And have our scars out in the open
Scrutinised in life and death
For us there will be no rest
Just a test
Of who will come out the best
It devoured me
Changed me
Made me anew
But because of this monster
Mine heart is askew
I left my baby teeth
Upon the church floor
My shoes at the doorway
Covered my open sores
Told my mind fairytales
Of faeries and witches’ spells
But my mind’s eye knew
I can’t hide this purpled bruise
I wear rotting chains
Forever on my wrists
Moving painstakingly slow
Towards the world’s abyss
Their eyes tell me shouts
Of how I could be
If I wasn’t held down
By the villain who sought me
But I’m a silly little child
Just a little pet
I shall believe the lies
That say I can’t,
Not yet
The cracks are painted over
Not gold or silver
But a rotting green clover
That begins to whither
The more dreams creep in
The more lies they believe
Now I’m burnt out
And I don’t know how to scream
I’m here, but not
I lie, but I believe
I’ll let myself die again
Let me be conceived
"Brrrr move over darling it's cold tonight, he said, "and you're feet are like two blocks
of ice" as he stroked her on the head.
"I saw you're folks this morning, out shopping up the town, I pulled my hood up over me,
and kept my head low down.
I know you miss them sweetheart, just stop now, I'm getting mad. I told you, they would
not understand, you're mum or you're dad
They would judge us harshly, and we would not be together, they would take you from me,
and I would see you never"
He turned to face her kindly, his smile became a laugh, it amused him when he pictured how
she'd struggled in the bath.
"You silly girl, so feisty, trying to fight with me, I was merely helping you to bathe,
and look, you clawed at me"
He stared at his forearms, scratched and stained with blood, he thought she would of
bitten him, if she could of done she would.
"You really are quite cold now, and you look so awfully pale, and every-time I warm you
up, it seems my best attempts all fail"
His relationships were always short, they never seemed to last, after the heat of passion
had burnt out, his lovers went cold on him, dead fast.
He had hoped this would be different, that this time it would last, but he realised it
wouldn't, after she had taken that last bath.
His mood began to darken, his thoughts were running wild, he looked at her as she slept,
so sweet, so, meek, so mild.
PART ONE...
Bask and bathe
In river red
Lay down to sleep
In fire’s bed
I tell a tale
Of lovers lost
A legend of death
At twice the cost
Muse of beauty
So lovesome indeed
A look at her visage
One’s heart doth soon bleed
Prompt and denying
Through the sea of her suiters
She saw a man leaving
But her words left sooner
Come, she told him
Her voice hit his ear
He turned his head quickly
And she drew him in near
She whispered sweet nothings
And he fell every time
She sang him a song
And she rhymed him a rhyme
She had him hooked
For he was now so in love
He could not quite tell
Whom she reminded him of
Someone he knew
Of great fame, she was
An angel, he thought
Or something above
But in fact he was wrong
And soon he could tell
She was no angel
But a shadow from Hell
He remembered her quick
And tried to draw back
He had known her before
She was dead, he knew that
His former flame
Whom he had burnt out
Yes, he was sure this was her
Of this, he had no doubt
He had gotten bored
But she loved him so
When he told her to leave
She did not want to go
He snuffed out her light
And buried her deep
Now the woman was here
And began to quiet weep
She grabbed the man’s arm
And opened up the floor
Engulfing them in flames
And they both were seen no more
Bask and bathe
In river red
Lay down to sleep
In fire’s bed
I finish my tale
And plead you of this
Remember your past
I ask, I insist
TWINS DIE
‘HELP’ twins are on fire,
Proud buildings, tall, there,
To admire,
Firemen rush to the scene,
Risking their lives, their,
Everything their complete being,
People jumping from windows,
100 or more stories high,
Kept falling out of the sky,
Some from burnt out planes,
Others burnt inside the twin towers,
And became cinder,
Adding to the flames and tinder
Smoke, bodies, debris everywhere,
Tears, shouts half burnt
People soon to become corpses!
It looked like hell
From all directions a yell,
A horror movie, a bad spell.
Soon silence, just concrete falling alight,
On the ground with a thunderous might!
Survivors screaming, looking for the lost,
Some found still burning, what a cost,
These innocent people had to pay,
To believers praising Allah prepared to die,
On this disastrous Day!
The devils carnage, to please remember,
This year as we celebrate 25th December,
What Happened on the 11th September,
2001, disastrous, horrific,
Our wish to their families is peace
For their heartbreak will never cease!
And then to those who bore,
The brunt of the American wrath,
Innocent children amongst thousands killed,
Indiscriminately who were bombed,
Perhaps also fried and grilled,
By flames from buildings that spilled!
We are all children of God,
Why should anyone have to face,
Any human attack, a death squad!
United we all want the same,
We want peace to reign.
Letting Go (3 Form Contest)
Loss lingers upon this barren heart
Eventually it seemed as if I'd fall apart
The suffering was driven within me
The torture was evident for all to see
Intellectually numb unfocused brow
Nothing is all that I felt somehow
Going, going, going but not yet gone
Giving up? No not this one
Opening a new book I've just begun
My inner conflict of fault and doubt
Fighting amongst another unwilling to heal
The lights were on but yet seemed burnt out
Now the pain I choose to feel
Do I blame myself
Now that you're gone forever
No not anymore
04/01/16
Desert Life And Ice
Sand, granular dust, polished white by fire in the sky
Bones of the old camel scorched as well
Scattered about the dunes in broad day light
By the red sun punishing the wasted land
Pushed at winds back and un-breathable command
Dire consequences of a flooded inferno ignited
On a lifeless world, in constant heat, killing
Wells dried up long ago along with ground water
The last oasis on the land evaporated
Vegetation, animals, withered
Leaving a hole in the heart of life
Marching over the desert’s screaming pain
I drag my burnt crisping body on in agony
My last drink, like me, was an ancient relic, lost and gone
Skin blistered, tongue swollen purple, air too heavy to breath
Feet burnt and bleeding on the desert rising distances
There is very little left behind my sunken red eyes
I walk the endless sea of fire sands and think of ice
Dwell on frozen stories of cold winds and storms
And contemplate on an iron tub filled with glacier ice and water
A friendly woman by my side to take the plunge
Below freezing, below the cold, we grow old
Sunk in bitter winter frost together
Sinking into the tub forever
Usually clad in nothing
Under the blue distant burnt out sun
Sometimes I hate seeing pictures of myself when I was younger. Baby pictures, homecoming photos, the embarrassing high school Facebook selfies. The nostalgia is there, sure. But when I look at that girl, sometimes I don’t recognize her. I don’t feel any true connection to BEING her. But I do envy her. It’s not like I hadn’t experienced pain and heartbreak yet. I was born into trauma, so I’m not sure there was ever a time when heartbreak wasn’t my rain cloud. It’s always been there. No, I think I envy her because she’d experienced pain and tragedy but she didn’t fully understand it yet. She thought she did. But she also thought she’d dance again. She thought her first love would sweep her off her feet and never let her touch the ground again. She thought stars never burnt out and that there were always happy endings. She thought the sun always eventually came out from behind the clouds. She thought men respected the word “no” and mothers came home to their babies. She had naivety disguised in her heart as hope. Optimism. She saw the world in color. She never dreamt that she could lose that outlook on life. But she will. In just a few years, she’ll feel that hope fade. I wish I could go back and hold her. But I wouldn’t tell her. I wouldn’t tell her that her first love uses and abuses her. I wouldn’t tell her that addiction takes over her little brother too. The only person who truly understands her pain on a personal level. I wouldn’t tell her that her mind and body are hiding secrets from her to protect her from the trauma those memories will awaken. I wouldn’t tell her that mom doesn’t show up to do her hair for homecoming or even to see her graduate. I wouldn’t tell her that the burn from the trauma only gets worse. I wouldn’t tell her that the rainbow doesn’t always come after the storm. I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t take that from her. I would let her keep that mirage of eternal optimism for as long as she could grasp it. I wouldn’t tell her that we don’t see the world in color anymore.
When is enough enough
When do you draw the line
When will it all come to ahead
When will you see more in life
After you turn fifty
After you crash and burn
After all has been said and done
When is the time you look past everything wrong
Find what is right
Despite what we think we all are capable
We all have the means
It's right there for all to see
Except for you
Let me tell you you can change
You can be the solution
It's all right here
In our hearts
We all share one
Let yourself go
Let yourself be free
Let all you fear disappear
We are all a shining star
It's there no matter how dim or burnt out
It's capable of shining
It's with in us all