Whacky? Perhaps but extremely powerful too.
He’s a guinea pig wizard from north Kalamazoo.
We have seen him turn the windows both pink and blue.
He has commanded a crow to fly in from the flue.
We call him Mr. Tibblets Tanglewood Tony Treble Clef Two.
He likes the whole name, he says we simply cannot overdue.
His power and might terrifies my brother and sister too.
He is heading this way, so I suggest you be your best you.
Categories:
kalamazoo, 3rd grade, 4th grade,
Form: Monorhyme
We left on a Wednesday headed for Kalamazoo
Michael and I and my dog named Old Blue.
We were a tiny crew, and a teensy bit cuckoo
But at least we did not bring my brother True Boo.
Boo has a can do attitude, tis true
But he can be a pain with his choppy moo moo
Yes, he thinks he is a cow, and he wants to live in a zoo.
So we left him at home, which is what I meant to do.
We wanted to bring some lively beef stew
But my mother was busy doing an old lady’s hairdo.
So we had to survive on crackers thanks to that shrew.
But at least we had enough, as there was only us two.
Blue ate some dog stuff that we brought inside dad’s shoe.
He ate more than he should have, but that raft fairly flew.
Before you knew it, we had turned away from Kalamazoo
And we were heading home to taste mommy’s delicious beef stew.
Categories:
kalamazoo, 10th grade, 11th grade,
Form: Monorhyme
A Welsh corgi in Kalamazoo
has a whole lot of explaining to do
With no beef or potatoes
or leeks or tomatoes
there’s nothing much left in the stew!
Categories:
kalamazoo, humor,
Form: Limerick
They had to notify and call it in.
They had to cordon off and begin.
Apparently, he was middle-aged.
Apparently, he was married.
Apparently, he was a father.
Allegedly he had a mistress.
Allegedly he had left his job.
Allegedly he had embezzled.
A gun was found in his mouth.
A hole was found in his head.
A note was found by his side,
by the bed.
No one knew what it said,
until it was read
The note was unfolded,
bloodstains decoded,
a message behold-ed:
“Who could have known
I would end up in a cheap motel
with a TV chained to the wall,
with a nickel plated gun,
and a bottle of spiced rum;
just a hell of a thing.
Just one hell of a thing.
Just one hell of a damn thing” it read,
“and me without a clue
alone in a forking town
called Kalamazoo.”
Categories:
kalamazoo, poetry,
Form: Free verse
There once lived a girl with a bonnet of straw
her song was so bad yet they did not outlaw
blame the song not the brain
said the chap, quite insane
at the Kalamazoo bar even whiskey guffawed
Milton the server from the far edge of town
wiped down his bar and then gave her a frown
she did not take heed
she was all voice and greed
at Kalamazoo hub all they drank was the Crown
Her name was Petunia she sang like a spoon
until Mexico John said, " I'll marry you soon"
she married him quick
though thick as a brick
he was cute as can be and played a bassoon.
Categories:
kalamazoo, humorous,
Form: Limerick
The darling green-eyed cat from Kalamazoo
Was plotting the death of me and you.
She looked unassuming and sweet and mild.
But she could have eaten a newborn child.
Her eyes are mesmerizing people often said.
Don’t look too closely I cautioned, or you’ll be dead.
They thought I was kidding and laughed themselves silly.
But I am serious; you can ask my Great Uncle Billy.
He used to date a green-eyed cat from Kalamazoo.
She took him for every penny and took his house too.
She looked unassuming, a delicate delectable flower.
But he soon found out she was full of woman power.
Categories:
kalamazoo, 10th grade, 11th grade,
Form: Rhyme
They had to notify and call it in.
They had to cordon off and begin.
Apparently, he was middle-aged.
Apparently, he was married.
Apparently, he was a father.
Allegedly he had a mistress.
Allegedly he had left his job.
Allegedly he had embezzled.
A gun was found in his mouth.
A hole was found in his head.
A note was found by his side,
by the bed
No one knew what it said,
until it was read
The note was unfolded,
Bloodstained words decoded,
“Who could have known
I would end up in a cheap motel
With a t.v. chained to the wall.
With a nickel plated gun.
With a bottle of dark rum;
just a hell of a thing.
Just one hell of a thing.
Just one hell of a damn thing” It read,
“and me without a clue
alone in a bloody town
called Kalamazoo,”
the note read.
Categories:
kalamazoo, poetry,
Form: Free verse
It will be a fine, fabulous, fun, day at Kalamazoo.
Susan will be riding on the back of her golden elephants,
Elise, flying in on her velvet threaded purple magic carpet,
Marie from France, transported by coach pulled by six ebony horses.
We will get into a party bus and make paper lanterns.
A happy, smacking, popping bonfire will be waiting upon our return.
We will watch Elise do acrobatic tricks from her magic carpet
And we will make s'mores, laughing happily.
Hopefully no one will get trampled by elephants
Or forget to feed horses, for they get really peeved.
Categories:
kalamazoo, joy, life, woman,
Form: Prose Poetry
There is a young cricket from Kalamazoo
Who always knows just what to do
Is to rub his legs and chirp tonight
To make beautiful music all night
For a magical evening for me and you
Categories:
kalamazoo, animal, eve, music, night,
Form: Limerick
There once was a lass from Kalamazoo
Who got a large Mickey Mouse tattoo
'Twas inked on her fanny
When she became a granny
It sagged looking more like Winnie The Pooh
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Placed No. 1 (Shared) in John Freeman's "Choose Your Own Subject And
Create Your Own Category" Contest - July 2010
Categories:
kalamazoo, funny
Form: Limerick