I hate feeling this emptiness, though not as much as when I have this living being by my side,
It may not fill all that emptiness, but at least it makes it less visible.
Perhaps I can't express my emotions as the 'current society' expects,
Although I know they will never come out, trapped by being just another 'psychopath',
Marked by a trauma that
Society will never understand,
Of which I couldn’t care less about their opinion.
I feel that losing this living being of mine
Makes me feel impulses that I try to hold back for the damage
They might cause.
Categories:
inner demons, deep, grief, how i
Form: Free verse
I found the monster in the mirror, fleshed stitched with the fear of guilt, a puppet bound by veins. With whispers of rot beneath each breath.
I fed it well, fed it lies, fed it fear, greased its tongue with my own deceit. Till the shadows spoke in cadence with my voice and I knew there was nothing left to redeem.
I chewed on my own skin, hoping to purge the beast gnawing from within, each tear a prayer to silence the beast, but all that I tasted was the stench of my own decay. The bitter rot that was me. The truth suffocated me, and in that suffocation i became the beast.
Categories:
inner demons, dark, gothic, horror,
Form: Prose Poetry
Locked within the confines of my mind’s dark cell,
Both convict and captor, a self made hell.
Each thought a shackle, every memory a bar,
Confined by my own mind, a prisoner of psychological scars.
In this self-imposed exile, I am utterly alone,
A solitary figure locked in a world of dark, cold stone.
Forsaken by hope, abandoned by light,
I dwell in the shadows, a prisoner of everlasting night.
These lonely walls echo my silent screams,
As I fight with demons, trapped in dreadful dreams.
I reach out for redemption, but find none there,
In this self made prison, my remorseful soul lays bare.
For I am the architect of my own demise,
Sentenced to solitude, beneath storming skies.
Cramped within the confines of my own creation,
Condemned to a life of eternal damnation.
Categories:
inner demons, anger, angst, dark, emotions,
Form: Rhyme
Hair the color of saffron
undulating slowly
capturing the sunlight
entangling pearls in her curls
mesmerizing
Surrounded by life
bursting around her
some billowing with the ebb and flow
in time with her glorious hair
some moving through the water
at their own pace
she smiles, face upturned
reveling in the sun that filters down to her
She loves her home
especially in the moonlight
it envelopes her as she gazes
at her eternal twin fish constellation
the waters part as she slices through it
sinuous emerald thrusts Atargatis would envy
Nothing hides her beauty
and the magic that she bears
encouraging us to face our inner demons
forgive our darkest selves
and allow
transformation
Categories:
inner demons, fantasy, myth, mythology, ocean,
Form: Free verse
It is hard to see past the tragedy of lost time
When at once you realize its chains have rusted
Away. Where moving on feels more like a crime
Of passion. As if your heart cannot be trusted.
Upon the mid summers day, where happiness you flaunt,
My gaze remains frozen upon the evergreens
Spanning miles; reaching heights myself they haunt and taunt.
Time crunching beneath, tracking pathways unseen.
Wherein there lies the problem I face within;
The tragic comedy of soulful commodity.
Where love lies and burns sick grins, like inner demons rush to sin.
Pushing, pulling, shoving my mind to embrace my odd oddities.
Time passes fast in a constant rhythm – my life fleeting, beating, sounding, and pounding.
While my life slows down to the lingering moment, of heart and soul regrounding.
Categories:
inner demons, lost, nature, sad, time,
Form: Sonnet
The howling wind is blowing through the trees.
Reminding me of battles that dropped me to my knees.
Physical pain is endless.No hope for a cure.
My health is failing.Its more ed up than before.
Medication has done more damage than good.
Poisoning my organs,instead of healing them like it should.
I'm so angry! What is the point of my pain?
My soul is dying.I long to feel alive again.
My emotions stir up painful memories.
Dark thoughts invade my fantasies.
My inner demons are winning this fight.
I feel so worthless.That is why I write.
Chemicals in my body bring me closer to death.
Time is a clock ticking with every breath.
Categories:
inner demons, anger, anxiety, depression, fate,
Form: Free verse
Inner demons tear me apart
Night and day
Today, tomorrow and in the days to come perhaps.
Relentless torment of the soul
Obliterating rational thought
Seeking to show the meanderings and
Peccadilloes of fickle fate
Ennervating desire and drive
Cleverly rationalized by reason
Towards a life of constant strife
Inching steadily to depression
Ornate with self-pity and regret
Notwithstanding the little altruistic acts.
~ 23 Jun 2016~
Contest: Introspection - Acrostic sponsored by John Hamilton
Categories:
inner demons, depression, emotions, wisdom,
Form: Acrostic
If only you could see,
The things that roam inside.
They wander and creep from one corner to another.
They want to introduce themselves to you,
But get stopped at the gate.
Mouth wide open,
But unable to pass.
Mind crowded,
Trying to escape.
But out comes nothing.
The chaos in my head,
The rawness of my wrists,
The dryness of my lips
That fail to utter a word.
"I'm sorry", I repeat.
I have so much to share but the best I can manage is a brief and quiet
"I love you"
Inbetween the long expanses of silence.
That's all there is anymore.
The misleading silence.
Makes no sound to you
As it screams in my face.
If only you could see
If I could make you hear,
Make you feel.
Walls caving in,
This pain is unmatchable.
Categories:
inner demons, boyfriend, depression, emotions, heartbroken,
Form: Free verse
U I've had dreams before,
But life had something instore.
I failed in a lot of ways
Had to cry for many days.
Success was a myth
I could never be with.
Am I still the same me?
That same person I see
When I look in the mirror,
With that look of horror
Etched in those brown eyes.
How time really flies
One would wonder.
Each failure was a reminder
Of how worthless I am.
Every smile was a sham
That no one seemed to know.
Happiness you see is for show
Yet, no one realized the truth
That pained me even in my youth.
Tried to think of one happy past
A total blank came up fast.
Hating where I'am now
I had to ask myself how
I finally ended up here?
To the very future I fear.
Future I hoped never to face
But it seemed I lost the chase.
Loneliness has found me,
Emptiness wont let me be.
Hating what I have become
That bright light, I long to welcome.
Maybe when I finally do
Then I'd be happy too.
Categories:
inner demons, angst,
Form: Free verse
Where do the Demons come from
That reside in us from deep within?
Where do their evil powers lie?
Were they always dwelling there
Or did I somehow invite them in?
Haunting you…Haunting me
Did I commit some Cardinal sin?
Will someone, somewhere someday
Help me to drive them out
To free me from their evil whims
To allow me to ever live without?
They are always, always, there it seems
Pushing me to the verge of the ever after
And I struggle daily just to cling
To the rafters of myself and what I’ve been
To hold on to the tangible
And not get swept away
Into the demon’s nothingness
Where I’ll cease to forever have been.
Copyright Christine A Kysely 2010 November 26, 2010
(c) Copyright 2010 by Christine A Kysely, All Rights Reserved
Categories:
inner demons, death, depression, introspection, life,
Form: Free verse
TEN INNER DEMONS TO LOOK OUT FOR.
inner demons can confuse you
INNER DEMONS.
inner demons can deceive you
INNER DEMONS.
inner demons can lie to you
INNER DEMONS.
inner demons can distort your mind
INNER DEMONS.
inner demons can control your soul
INNER DEMONS.
inner demons can be contagious
INNER DEMONS.
inner demons can crush a relationship
INNER DEMONS.
inner demons can damage a heart
INNER DEMONS.
inner demons can rip a marriage apart
INNER DEMONS.
inner demons can be suppress.
if you know someone with inner demons call
1-728-369-7685
save my soul.
Categories:
inner demons, caregiving, education, hope, life,
Form: I do not know?
angst
intese anger
such a wimp
been played
betrayed
nothing but a shoulder
to cry on.
lost soul
forgotten....
undiscovered ridges
under my skin
sharp sting
gliding slowly
lost to be found
wrung sheets
no sleep
this is what you made me
what i have become
building inside
the inner demons let
loose......
Let the games begin
Categories:
inner demons, angst, confusion, depression, life,
Form: I do not know?
My Morbid thoughts stir
awakened by the agonized screaming
of the severed limbs of my emotions
the weathered back drop is fading into the distance
I am now displayed on a stage, the world my audience
The dark fantasies parade around in my mind
Whirling and twirling a devilish dance
they gain in enthusiasm
through my skin they seep
controlling my hands and feet
I bend at their will, for i am merely a puppet
putting on a show, dancing for their pleasure
Flaying and thrashing
pieces flying and falling
All thats left of me disappears
in between the acts
I become the demon dreams
Categories:
inner demons, depression
Form: I do not know?
Have you ever had thoughts that scare even you?
Have you ever had days when you feel extra blue?
Can you understand how I could feel this way?
Even though I have love now will it stay?
Can the dream filled nights and happy mornings
Continue this way without becoming boring?
My inner demons are my own worst enemy
And it keeps me from being who I wanna be
I've struggled for years to kill them off
But it hasn't worked, they still scoff
So I try to assume a semi-normal life
And try to be the best, most loving wife
My husband loves me and I love him
With his love my life will never be grim
The demons aren't gone, they're deep inside
But my heart and soul I bear with pride
For I made it through, despite the odds
Without help from medicine or Gods
To those out there, who've struggled to breathe
Or had to lie down or fall on your knees
Remember my words and know this much
Love can conquer all with it's gentle touch
Categories:
inner demons, hope, life, love, love,
Form: Rhyme
Rising up just to see you fall into the abyss
The bleeding seems to worsen, the same wound
There is no vaccine for a disease like this
The heart has been gagged and to the floor, bound
The bleeding seems to worsen, the same wound
It’s a heavy sound the heart makes, hitting the floor
The heart has been gagged and to the floor, bound
It gets beaten and bruised and still asks for more
It’s a heavy sound the heart makes, hitting the floor
Insomnia takes hold of the soul, causing insanity
It gets beaten and bruised and still asks for more
Your inner demon grows, crushing your humanity
Insomnia takes hold of the soul, causing insanity
There is no vaccine for a disease like this
Your inner demon grows, crushing your humanity
Rising up just to see you fall into the abyss
Categories:
inner demons, death, introspection, lost love,
Form: Pantoum
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