Sorry Hilarious Poems

Driving through the neighborhood in a shiny armored truck,
The exterminator arrives, looking to make a few hundred bucks.
He goes from door to door and asks...

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It was one of those days

Started with the shower

She wanted to join me

Which in any other day would’ve been great

But her best friend was sharing...

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Jack and Jill went up the hill

This was never in dispute

It was how Jack fell down

With severe lacerations to his crown

That the jury had to...

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"Fartastially yours," he says as he shoots them out like a gun 
I pinch my nose in disgust and then I speed out like a...

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Who loves a woman,
                     who...

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Number one.

"Good morning. Would you like tea with your breakfast?"

No. I want milk with my porridge but it hasn't yet come."

"You will have to ask...

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I run and play 
While you're away.

       Uh oh!...

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Step right up dear folks
Please listen if you can 
For tonight I tell a tale
First buy from the ticket man

Go ahead and sit dear folks...

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Proudly the white tummies purposefully sauntered forth
Orange arrow beaks decidedly pointed 
Stubby feet not nearly strong enough to hold them up

Yellow mirrored eyeballs, reflecting the...

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Halibats are the worst of the worst, for they steal purses, 
and they wear your lipstick.
But they are sneaky about it, so you put it...

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Cleaning Clyde got to the other side
Feeling sparkly with lots of pride 
Puffed up with zing
Cleaning had been his thing
Angels felt so sorry for Cleaning...

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There's no such thing as a drunk text message
alcohol just gives me the confidence to say stuff I didn't have the courage to say sober
I've...

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Some people reading this will think I sound arrogant
but I'm sick and tired of the drama and babbling
I don't care about their news and don't...

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Every morning at a quarter to six, I can hear my he him trotting down the hallway to the bed where I lay, shriveled up...

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I threw up at one o’clock.
I hurled again at two. 
I threw up banana, an ugly color yellow.
I threw up eggplant, and it landed on...

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