I sit here and wonder
bored in this air port,
what life would be like
If I was short.
How would I reach the carry on compartments
all the way above the seat?
In restaurants I'd need a booster chair,
and I'd have really tiny feet.
I could crawl through tiny doors,
and climb trees with the squirrels.
I'd be an expert at hide and seek
and hang out with all the short girls.
I would point and laugh at tall people.
They have no advantages in life.
Who wants to be tall?
What guy wants a tall wife?
Short people yearn for height,
extra inches is all they want.
Well I want crawling advantages,
and have a little body I could flaunt.
I'd give anything to be short.
Even a foot or two.
I just want to be normal,
there's so much I could do.
“Flight 41 for boarding.”
said the stewardess aloud.
No more day dreaming, no more short,
and poof went the cloud.
I stood up and grabbed my bag
as people stared in appall.
But hey, you get used to it
when you're over seven feet tall.
WALES
Lived in Wales once for little over a year
Can’t say I enjoyed it - Welsh people were *****.
They answered in Cymraig if I spoke English to them; *
Tried a little Cym - they responded with phlegm.
Harps and daffodils was their idea of fun,
And they never noticed the absence of daily sun.
(Rained ‘most every day - made my feet squelch)
What’s wrong with Wales is the Welsh
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Note
The Celtic language spoken by many people in Wales
is called Cymraig (pronounced coom - ra - eeg )
A man had a really unusual name
which gave him a lifetime of grief.
Odd, was the name he was given
which really was beyond belief!
Why would you name someone, Odd?
It's a strange name to give to a kid.
However, the fact remains
it's not right that they did, but they did!
All through his life he was troubled.
Other people made fun of his name.
"Oddball" was one of their labels,
it gave him a feeling of shame.
He asked his family to promise
that after he drew his last breath,
that all they would put on his tombstone
were the dates of his birth and his death.
When he died, they complied with his wishes.
He went on to be with his God.
Now when people see only the dates on his stone,
they all say, isn't that ODD?
This is interesting
We are bombarded by constant stimulation
Some internal
Most external
The processing center is in over-drive
I like driving because it's one of only situations where
People completely ice each other out of existence
This weird amalgamation of people sitting at a stop light
And nobody wants to acknowledge anybody else
Our little constructs of metal and rubber
Keep us just a bit more isolated (protected)
Turn up the stereo
Call that long lost friend
Watch **** on the dash mounted flat screen
Eat a fruit salad from a slider cup
Pluck your eybrows
Take a healthy swig from the liter of glacier water
Just don't look to either side
Or at a 45* angle
Nor straight into someone's rearview
Because if eye contact is accidentally accomplished
Some kind of psychic melt-down might occur
I've watched people staring straight ahead without moving
For minutes at a time
I get mesmerized just observing how still they are
The stone people
Then I'll spot an inkling of a head shift
Once traffic has resumed its peristalsis
Damn
Thought I was witnessing some type of carved rock effigy
Moving and driving
Among us
I thought that my painting was a masterpiece.
But the bad critiques of it never ceased.
My brother said it was a masterpiece of sh**.
I was so upset at him that he got hit.
I thought the people who saw it were going to turn into the Incredible Hulk because their
faces turned green.
When those assholes said that it stunk, I thought they were being mean.
When it was being sold at an auction, the people puked.
I was so mad that I told them to put up their dukes.
But somebody bid on it and I was tickled.
I didn't even mind that it sold for a nickel.
But then something happened that made me feel ashamed.
The buyer didn't want the painting, he wanted the frame.
Instead of hanging it over the fireplace, he threw it in the fireplace.
Everybody said that it was for the best but I think it was a disgrace.
(THIS IS A FICTIONAL POEM.)
Here's some things that get overlooked
in truth, I'm sure they should
I don't know why I bothered
I guess it's cause I could.
Time is a funny thing
I'll tell you what I mean
change is inevitable
except from a vending machine!
I shouldn't have to say this
but this is sound advice
you won't need a chute to skydive
unless you plan to do it twice.
Here's a hint I'll pass along
if it's money that you lack
borrow from a pessimist
he won't expect it back.
Some people will cause happiness
wherever they may go
conversely there's a few of them
whenever they may go!
Hospitality is a tricky thing
I'm sure you will concur
It's making people feel at home
despite wishing that they were.
Diplomacy's an asset
if you can do it well
when someone looks forward to the trip
after you told them to go to hell.
A Forest Fire can start
with one careless match
Yet to start a Campfire
can take a whole batch.
Well that's enough of this stupid stuff
to write it was silly that's true
but you wasted your time reading it all
What does that say about you?
I'm so late for work; this line is just crawling along
With only two windows now open here out of ten.
Though silent, inside me, I'm wailing a misery song
and wishing I lived in a century way back when. . .
Far back to a time when a person might buy untaxed land,
When air still was clean and the number of people was small.
Neighbors were friendly and offered to give you a hand
and probably people did not need a license at all.
But now we have all become numbers that wait in a line;
And yearly you pay for the right to keep driving your car.
Yes, honor Big Brother, or you will be faced with a fine,
and nor does it matter in which of the states that you are.
I think I would rather be driving an old Model-T
than be standing in this frigging line at the dang DMV.
Here is a riddle to figure out
Try to read between the lines
I'll give you clues throughout the poem
That will only be written in rhymes
I'm always seen at Christmas
Some people think I'm great
I'm known for peeking your interest
But I'll always make you wait
The day before your wedding
And I'm never far away
You just can't wait till it gets here
But I'll make it your longest day
I'm always at the hospital
When all the children are born
And the night they're saying trick or treat
As all the costumes are worn
Well, have you figured it out yet?
Can you tell me who I am?
For I've given you all the possible clues
That I absolutely can
For some people I've even been known
To give a slight tingling sensation
I know you can't wait for the answer
For I'm simply, anticipation
Now everybody has got one
Some people even have two
And tho it's seldom seen
We know that we all do
They come in different colors
And even different sizes
They're often given as gifts
And make for good surprises
You can see them at the mall
And some even walk around
For everywhere we look
They somehow can be found
Some are even holey
And yes, I spelled that right
Some are way too loose
While others are just to tight
Well, can you tell what it is?
Or will I have to share?
Some people say their undergarments
But me, I just call it my underwear
"brothers it's Christmas
old people love Christmas too
hark the master's voice
one and all hear me!
old people are beautiful!”
thus spake our preacher
“I want you to know
Jeeeezus loves all old people.”
says our fine shepherd
“if Jeeeeezus loves ‘em
then we have to be patient.”
shaking one finger
“in the grocery store
if you get goosed by a cart,”
the reverend smiles
“then friends by Jeeeezus
if you would go to heaven
turn the other cheek!”
----------------------------------------------------
Why don't people say what they mean?
or at least mean what they say,
the language we use can be misunderstood
and becomes more confusing each day.
I keep seeing these adverts for travelling
you can go by road, rail, sea or air,
I would like to see a demonstration
to show me how it's done,if they dare.
For travelling by road is just suicide
I doubt you would get very far,
unless of course what you really mean
is that you are going by car.
Going by rail is a balancing act
in which you have nothing to gain,
you might find it much less stressful
if you simply went by train.
Of course some people will go by sea
if you're swimming here's a good tip,
give it up and save your energy
it's much easier to go by ship.
To those who prefer to go by air
this method is really insane,
unless you've learned to fly like a bird
you're much safer catching a plane.
A Boat
How come people buy a boat and don`t take it to float?
It sits in the yard and people go by and gloat.
Why don`t they ever take out that boat?
Hum-mm, I wish I had that nice boat.
What you don`t understand is even the boat wants to go float.
Cause everybody needs to get their bottom`s wet, now and again.
-------------------------------I failed English in High School
Could not understand the writing rule
If I say, when it reigns it pores, people agree
Yet when I write the same phrase people say what’s wrong with me
I before E (accept) after C less it sounds like an a as in neighbor or weigh
Where do the words foreign and sovereign (steigh)
Do they stay with a goose among geese or with a moose among (meese)
Do they live in a house with a scavenger mouse or something much bigger
Is there several (hice) with several scavenger mice
WHY DO YOU DO WHAT PEOPLE TELL YOU TO DO WHY DONT YOU LEARN TO LISTEN TO YOUR OWN HEART. WHAT EVER YOU DID YOU'R PEOPLE IS NASTEY.
WHY ARE BLONDA CALL DUMP
IS IT BECAUSE THEY DONT THINK RIGHT
IS BECAUSE THEY MAKE WRONG CHOOSE
IS IT BECAUSE IF YOU TELL THEM A LIE THEY BELIEVE IT.
WHY I ASK ARE BLONDA CALL DUMP
IS THAT THEY LOOK FOR LOVE IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES.
IS THAT THEY CAUSE THEIR OWN PAIN.
WHY I ASK YOU ARE BLONDA CALL DUMP
IS THAT THEY MARK THAT THEIR OWN MAN
GAVE THEM.
OR IS IT THAT THEY JUST ASK LIKE A DOOR KNOB.
I ASK YOU WHY ARE BLONDA CALL DUMP.
i think you need to get it right.
THS IS A SPECIAL PROM TO ALL THE WOMEN THAT DID ME WRONG.
let see if you can forgive!!!!!!!
I finally find a decent site
to post my poems both day and night
why would this site be bothered by hackers
why do people set out to become attackers
The soup is on it's nice and hot
hackers go to some other sites that are not
it's such a shame that people are so mean
but the soup is hot and much more to be seen
So I am glad the soup is here to stay
so bug off hackers and stay away
P.S "JUST A LITTLE HUMOR GOES A LONG WAY"
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