Evil Elvira Sit was knitting shrunken skulls on sweaters for a friend
Her macabre weird creepy goth ways had no intentions to end
the friend was flattered, but knew she would never wear it
She kept this to herself, fearing the wrath of Evil Elvira Sit.
fancy guinea pig Elvira wore a floral cap.
She danced a jig, a waltz and she sang a rap.
We were dizzy when we watched, had to take a nap.
She was a pretty thing who knew how to read a map.
We gave her instructions, and she showed us the way.
Michigan State University is there, and they do not play.
We were grateful to Elvira, whose eyelids were gray.
She led us to victory in sports every other Monday.
She was a strong woman; everyone said it.
Elvira is so strong! Strong as an ox. Strong as a bull.
She was proud of it too; it was her reputation.
If something needs to be lifted, go get Elvira! Her family bragged.
“She can lift a cow!” her little bother told anyone who listened.
“Elvira has the back of a farmer,” Daddy boasted.
Hank, a traveling salesman needed a strong healthy woman.
He was selling his magic elixir, and he needed a female specimen
To show how potent it was, that it caused super strength.
Her strength would come in mighty handy. He decided to court her.
After their honeymoon they ran into her sister who was married to his main competitor.
“Let me guess,” the competitor said.
“They told you she was as strong as a cow.”
I am dressing as Elvira, the very sexy witch.
I will walk with her arrogant, self-confident twitch.
I will use a sultry voice, and leave admirers in my path.
I will take no prisoners, sashaying a widened swath.
I will tell my children if they call me mommy I will deny them.
I will be too beautiful and fabulous to pay attention to their grim.
Who got the biggest caramel apple. Frankly do I care?
I am ready to do Halloween up right. I will start with my black hair.
If my grandchildren even whisper the word grandma I will take them down.
Grandma is not a word I want to hear when I am wearing my Elvira crown.
And if the dog tries to follow me, begging for attention I will say,
Not today Sophie Helen. I am sexy and sensual and young –not me today.
They will stand back in awe, staring at my beautiful breasts.
I will tweak the imagination of men and women and all the rest.
I will be sensuous and fabulous, and they will stand back and leer.
I will be Elvira, Mistress of the Lark for Halloween this year.
Trick or treat
Elviras alluring
EEEeeeeeeek the small lad said, heat racing and pounding
Did he get the candy?
Now Elvira looks like Mrs. Munster
An Almond Tree
Elvira was walking her dog, a poodle, in a landscape
of rounded hills, when she fell into a cylindrical
borehole; her dog waited for her to come up again,
she didn´t, and since it was getting dark it ran home.
In the night an almond tree grew out of the hole
it had had white and pink flowers forever blooming.
In the morning people went looking for Elvira,
the dog led the way, and when they came to the tree
it sat down, wagged its tale and happily barked.
Elvira was never found. When the search was over
everyone walked home, but the dog stayed by the tree
only came at night to be fed; and people reckoned
it was the last place the mute had seen Elvira.
The dog was happy playing around the tree catching
falling petals when not snuggled up sleeping by its
trunk, people smiled and called the tree Elvira.
The faithful cur didn´t come home one evening it
had, just like Elvira, disappeared into the long night.
Beside the almond tree a miniature version grew it
too flowered all year; between them gossamer full
of dawn pearls glittered.
In Praise of Elvira Gulch
By Elton Camp
Just because she was willing to fight
Nobody wants to speak of Elvira right
She was just trying to guard her cat
Now what can be wrong about that
A dog with such a bad disposition
To punish him became her mission
To silly sentiment she didn’t give in
And wouldn’t let some schoolgirl win
Elvira went to the sheriff, had a fit
And she came away holding a writ
Her property Dorothy didn’t avoid
She intended to have Toto destroyed
So after the miscreant she did catch
All she needed was a basket latch
And give Elvira credit for being green
For riding on a bicycle she was seen
It’s mainly because she wasn’t cute
That, about Elvira, few give a hoot
(Note: This assumes knowledge of the movie, “The Wizard of Oz.”)
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