Betsy Winters
I try drawing you from old memories
but can't get your eyes right. I don't see
the body that destroyed my earnest vows.
I can't see your warm young breasts and
nipples that grew so hard by my caress.
I can't see us dancing naked in the dark.
I wish I'd kept the photos. I cremated us
in an ashtray and I can't see us anymore.
Categories:
betsy, lust, parody, sin, wife,
Form: Free verse
O, do you remember sweet Betsy from Pike?
She trekked ‘cross the prairie in search of a dyke.
She developed incontinence in Illinois;
She was cured of what ailed her by a strange nether boy.
Well, she only spoke German and he only spoke Dutch,
But the way that he plugged holes, didn’t need to speak much.
She’s sworn off the women, and forsaken the booze;
They’re now clogging in Portland in some fine wooden shoes.
Categories:
betsy, silly,
Form: Couplet
Betsy Wetsy was the doll we all had to have in the sixties.
She drank water, and she wet, and she came with diapers.
We were thrilled, watching diaper changes on TV
Every Saturday morning until we were in a frenzy about it.
I think every girl in 1965 had a Betsy Wetsy doll.
Because I did, and I was always last.
Categories:
betsy, nostalgia,
Form: Prose
I saw the Christmas pendant and I knew
It would be the best thing to buy for my Aunt Lou
She loves Betsy Johnson, a decorator with flair,
So, I bought it for her, to show that I know and care.
Aunt Lou was overjoyed for sure
She knows I love her and my heart is pure
She did not care I bought the pendant at half price.
She was thrilled and excited, said "it's so nice!"
Categories:
betsy, christmas,
Form: Rhyme
To the Redcoats Betsy Ross lied.
“It is not a flag!” she decried.
“I'm due at a wedding
and all of this threading
will be a new gown for the bride!”
“But it isn't just one little dress,”
with nose growing she had to confess,
“A collection I've planned--
t'will sell big in the land--
at my discount stores, Ross Dress for Less”!
Categories:
betsy, humor, satire,
Form: Limerick
Old Betsy is my shotgun and she keeps most salesmen away.
But some come on my property but they sure as hell don't stay.
Old Betsy shoots the hats off of their heads and she shatters their windshields.
Because of Old Betsy, they drive away because they think that they'll be killed.
One man took off running and left his car behind.
I don't know who he was but now his car is mine.
One salesman thought that I'm a transvestite because he had heard rumors.
That damn moron was trying to sell me a dress and a pair of women's bloomers.
I shot the cigar right out of that idiot's mouth.
He jumped in his car and started driving south.
They try to unload junk on me but because of Old Betsy, they fail.
If you ever come on my property, you'd better not be trying to sell.
(This is a fictional poem)
Categories:
betsy, funny, humor, humorous,
Form: Rhyme
There once was this girl named Betsy who lived on my block. This chick was so ugly she looked like a rock. She had two big titties and a scar on her thigh. She had a really big nose and only one eye. She use to mess around with this guy named Drew. And this guy was ugly too. He wore thick glasses and had really bad breath. He had a body odor that smelled like death. Late one night on November the third. Betsy was in her bathroom disposing of a turd. When there was a knock at her door that only she knew. You guessed it right. It was that ugly old Drew. He had a bag of weed and a bunch of crack. All bundled up in a brown paper sack. When she saw what he had she dropped her draws quick. But when Drew smelled her coochy he got really sick. The room got really funky and flies fell to the floor. He tried to make a run for it but he couldn't get to the door. When both of their odors hit the air there was a chemical reaction. The coroner said that both of their noses looked like Michael Jacksons. When Betsy and Drew took that breath it was their very last. The moral of this story is you got to wash your ass. c. R. Mendoza
Categories:
betsy, funny,
Form: Rhyme
Old Betsy is my shotgun and she's something that men end up dreading.
When my daughters get pregnant, Old Betsy is responsible for shotgun weddings.
When men impregnate my daughters, they try to run.
But Old Betsy stops them, she's one hell of a shotgun.
When one man tried to run, Old Betsy put holes in both of his butt cheeks.
He married my daughter and he couldn't sit down for about twelve weeks.
I give the men two choices, marry my daughters or be buried.
When I point Old Betsy at them, they choose to get married.
I make the men do right by my daughters because I'm their Pa.
Because of Old Betsy's influence, I now have eight Sons-in-law.
(This is a fictional poem)
Categories:
betsy, dark, daughter, father, funny,
Form: Rhyme
Old Betsy is my shotgun and she's the reason why I don't keep my money in a bank.
When people try to steal my money, they learn that Old Betsy isn't filled with blanks.
People break into my house but they end up not leaving.
Because of Old Betsy, the damn thieves stop breathing.
The crooks think they're intelligent, they think they're pretty sharp.
But thanks to Old Betsy, a lot of them wind up playing harps.
A lot of people have tried to steal my money but they failed.
If you try to rob me, you'll get a taste of Old Betsy as well.
(This is a fictional poem)
Categories:
betsy, dark, funny, humor,
Form: Rhyme
Betsy Ross of Colonial days
Could never imagine the ways
Our United States flag would be blessed
To fly on the Moon and Mount Everest.
Categories:
betsy, image, love, usa,
Form: Clerihew
Ride by Betsey Dowdy
Old Jarvis used to always say
That the British will come someday
And burn our houses darn them all
So on Joe Dowdy he had to call.
Joe, Great Bridge, Dunsmore's heading for
Then he will be here we know for sure
Stealing everything that is in his site
No one will be here to help us fight.
Betsy heard this trembling with fear
They'll steal my horse Black Bess oh dear
She called, "Bess, Bessie, Black Beauty,
Come now for we must do our duty."
Horse and her galloped along the sea
Gen'l Skinner'll beat 'em off said she
After reaching his home rushed inside
To tell her true story with great pride.
Betsey soon came home in time to share
All the nice notes of victory in the air
Proud people out they immediately cried,
"Dear God, thank You for Betsey's ride."
James Thomas Horn, Retired Veteran
Categories:
betsy, adventure, appreciation, war,
Form: Couplet
Styled like a T Bird.
She really purred in third.
By listening to the engine
you did shift.
Ahe was sleek and styling
if you get my drift.
Her body golden cream,
the roof black.
It's the one with the roof
that slants slightly back.
Pop shifting soon became
my speciality.
I just loved my
1964 Super Sport Chevy.
Categories:
betsy, funny, happiness, history,
Form: Rhyme
It is said the first flag maker was Ms. Betsy Ross
Was also said she could do well with some dental floss
As one can imagine twas because she ran out of thread
She forgot to order it because she didn't take her meds
Battle Of The Clerihew---Contest Of P.D.
Written By: Carol Brown
6th Place Winner
Categories:
betsy, funny, history, uplifting,
Form: Clerihew
Fell down off my horse today,
broke a tooth, falling down I felt
pretty alone.
It was pastel, I picked up my hat,
light green, got to wondering a
yes I was wandering, rubbing off
my shirt, knees... pants,
She's over there grazing
must have been hungry,
Perfect timing we were
just starting to gallop... .
Full belly of oats you
know man my mouth
hurts pretty good, but
that's my Betsy; I'm-
still-wondering why... though... !
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0AcHR_0PzU
Categories:
betsy, inspirational
Form: Prose Poetry