Best Betsy Poems
It is said the first flag maker was Ms. Betsy Ross
Was also said she could do well with some dental floss
As one can imagine twas because she ran out of thread
She forgot to order it because she didn't take her meds
Battle Of The Clerihew---Contest Of P.D.
Written By: Carol Brown
6th Place Winner
Categories:
betsy, funny, history, uplifting,
Form:
Clerihew
Betsy Ross of Colonial days
Could never imagine the ways
Our United States flag would be blessed
To fly on the Moon and Mount Everest.
Categories:
betsy, image, love, usa,
Form:
Clerihew
To the Redcoats Betsy Ross lied.
“It is not a flag!” she decried.
“I'm due at a wedding
and all of this threading
will be a new gown for the bride!”
“But it isn't just one little dress,”
with nose growing she had to confess,
“A collection I've planned--
t'will sell big in the land--
at my discount stores, Ross Dress for Less”!
Categories:
betsy, humor, satire,
Form:
Limerick
There once was this girl named Betsy who lived on my block. This chick was so ugly she looked like a rock. She had two big titties and a scar on her thigh. She had a really big nose and only one eye. She use to mess around with this guy named Drew. And this guy was ugly too. He wore thick glasses and had really bad breath. He had a body odor that smelled like death. Late one night on November the third. Betsy was in her bathroom disposing of a turd. When there was a knock at her door that only she knew. You guessed it right. It was that ugly old Drew. He had a bag of weed and a bunch of crack. All bundled up in a brown paper sack. When she saw what he had she dropped her draws quick. But when Drew smelled her coochy he got really sick. The room got really funky and flies fell to the floor. He tried to make a run for it but he couldn't get to the door. When both of their odors hit the air there was a chemical reaction. The coroner said that both of their noses looked like Michael Jacksons. When Betsy and Drew took that breath it was their very last. The moral of this story is you got to wash your ass. c. R. Mendoza
Categories:
betsy, funny,
Form:
Rhyme
This is a story poem. I call, ALL FOR THE LOVE OF BETSY
ILL start this little story by asking a question,what is love?
They say there is all kinds of love.
This story is about a new kind of love.
I had two loves my girlfriend and I was in love with my car.
Now you might say that is strange to be in love with a car.
It is not me that is strange being in love with a car.
What is strange,is the strange behavior of the car.
Now I got you confuse, or you think IM just plain crazy.
Well my story really begins when my grandfather gave me 1955 OLDSMOBILE.
I was so proud of the car,I even gave her a name.I called her BETSY.
She was two tone yellow and black,she was a beauty.
I wash and waxs BETSY everyday.
I even carved a heart on BETSY dashboard.
I wrote in the heart,ALL FOR THE LOVE OF BETSY
About the time I had BETSY,I met my future wife BARBARA.
She also was a beauty.
This is where my little story starts to get strange.
TRUE BUT STRANGE.
BETSY seem to take on a life of her very own
When I was alone with betsy,she run like a jewel.
When BARBARA was riding in BETSY.
BETSY would run like a mule.
One night I had four flat tires.
Another night BETSY loss all her power.
I thought the cable on BETSY battery came loose.
NOTHING WAS LOOSE.
Whenever I played the radio it came in nice and clear.
Whenever BARBARA played the radio nothing came on but static.
The strangest part of the story when BARB and I was on a pinic.
We were sitting under a willow tree.
I carved a heart on the bark of the willow tree.
Inside the heart I wrote,ALL FOR THE LOVE OF BARBARA.
Just I like I in the heart I carved on BETSY dashboard,
ALL FOR THE LOVE OF BETSY
BETSY was parked on an enbankment.
We were sitting under the willow tree below the enbankment.
Some how BETSY hand break came loose
and BETSY started to roll down the enbankment.
BETSY crashed into the willow tree and scapeof the heart on the bark of the tree
where I wrote ALL FOR THE LOVE OF BARBARA.
BETSY burst into flames and was gutted out.
All except where I carved the heart on BETSY dashboard,
that I wrote ALL FOR THE LOVE OF BETSY.
BARBARA and I got married,
but as for BETSY,I never had a car quite like her again.
I dont know if you believe my story or think IM strange.
But do you want to know what is really strange,
LOVE IS STRANGE
Categories:
betsy, love, mystery, nostalgia, wife,
Form:
Crown of Sonnets
Styled like a T Bird.
She really purred in third.
By listening to the engine
you did shift.
Ahe was sleek and styling
if you get my drift.
Her body golden cream,
the roof black.
It's the one with the roof
that slants slightly back.
Pop shifting soon became
my speciality.
I just loved my
1964 Super Sport Chevy.
Categories:
betsy, funny, happiness, history,
Form:
Rhyme
Old Betsy is my shotgun and she keeps most salesmen away.
But some come on my property but they sure as hell don't stay.
Old Betsy shoots the hats off of their heads and she shatters their windshields.
Because of Old Betsy, they drive away because they think that they'll be killed.
One man took off running and left his car behind.
I don't know who he was but now his car is mine.
One salesman thought that I'm a transvestite because he had heard rumors.
That damn moron was trying to sell me a dress and a pair of women's bloomers.
I shot the cigar right out of that idiot's mouth.
He jumped in his car and started driving south.
They try to unload junk on me but because of Old Betsy, they fail.
If you ever come on my property, you'd better not be trying to sell.
(This is a fictional poem)
Categories:
betsy, funny, humor, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
Ride by Betsey Dowdy
Old Jarvis used to always say
That the British will come someday
And burn our houses darn them all
So on Joe Dowdy he had to call.
Joe, Great Bridge, Dunsmore's heading for
Then he will be here we know for sure
Stealing everything that is in his site
No one will be here to help us fight.
Betsy heard this trembling with fear
They'll steal my horse Black Bess oh dear
She called, "Bess, Bessie, Black Beauty,
Come now for we must do our duty."
Horse and her galloped along the sea
Gen'l Skinner'll beat 'em off said she
After reaching his home rushed inside
To tell her true story with great pride.
Betsey soon came home in time to share
All the nice notes of victory in the air
Proud people out they immediately cried,
"Dear God, thank You for Betsey's ride."
James Thomas Horn, Retired Veteran
Categories:
betsy, adventure, appreciation, war,
Form:
Couplet
Old Betsy is my shotgun and she's something that men end up dreading.
When my daughters get pregnant, Old Betsy is responsible for shotgun weddings.
When men impregnate my daughters, they try to run.
But Old Betsy stops them, she's one hell of a shotgun.
When one man tried to run, Old Betsy put holes in both of his butt cheeks.
He married my daughter and he couldn't sit down for about twelve weeks.
I give the men two choices, marry my daughters or be buried.
When I point Old Betsy at them, they choose to get married.
I make the men do right by my daughters because I'm their Pa.
Because of Old Betsy's influence, I now have eight Sons-in-law.
(This is a fictional poem)
Categories:
betsy, dark, daughter, father, funny,
Form:
Rhyme
O, do you remember sweet Betsy from Pike?
She trekked ‘cross the prairie in search of a dyke.
She developed incontinence in Illinois;
She was cured of what ailed her by a strange nether boy.
Well, she only spoke German and he only spoke Dutch,
But the way that he plugged holes, didn’t need to speak much.
She’s sworn off the women, and forsaken the booze;
They’re now clogging in Portland in some fine wooden shoes.
Categories:
betsy, silly,
Form:
Couplet
BETSY MEEK AND MILD
There was a cow called Betsy
She was gentle meek and mild.
A pretty coloured Jersey one,
Milked daily by a young child.
Betsy loved to feel the touch
Of the child's warm soft fingers,
Sending her into a dream like state,
Memories on which she lingers.
When the child became school age,
He'd no time to milk her any more,
This upset Betsy meek and mild,
So she kicked in the barn door.
Then the father had to milk her,
Under her udder he put the pail,
Betsy not wanting his rough hands,
So whacked him with her tail.
It knocked the farmer off the stool,
And cracked his head on the gate.
Being furious the farmer said,
'I'll teach you a lesson mate'.
Determined to continue milking,
He tied her tail to a post.
And sitting down on the stool,
She kicked him; where it hurt the most.
The story soon spread around,
About Betsy the cow meek and mild,
The towns folk thought it hilarious,
Which just drove the farmer wild.
He thought he'd have the last laugh,
To the butcher this cow he'd take,
Thinking of such sweet revenge,
When tasting her juicy steak.
But that laugh belonged to Betsy,
She escaped the butcher some how,
And they never ever found her,
That wily meek and mild cow.
Copyright © Vivien Wade April 2014
Categories:
betsy, urban,
Form:
Rhyme
My only true love Betsy and, I are away for a day out down by the sea shore
Both of us holding hands, I am with a lass, I am sure I will love forever more
The innocence in her laughter, as we draw our names and hearts in the sand
Taking me far away from the troubled hell, I’ve seen in a far and distant land
Where within the wetted green grass - lies a ground soaked all in bloody red
Thousands upon thousands of my fellow man all piled upon each other dead
These deaths leave a silence - that is more than deafening on my closed ears
As the mist of the mustard gas clears yet still stings my eyes brought to tears
Each face of the dead leaving behind an expression either of torture or peace
Lives given for their country now lie upon the rubble mounds of soil & grease
Each face whiten beyond the pale, photos of loved ones trodden in the shale
As back home the M.O.D write the dreaded words put their letters in the mail
But here I'm with Betsy on our own beloved sea shore, innocence beautified
As far as possible, I keep her from the brutality of our young men’s genocide
As I listen to her laughter, as I look into her eyes of the lightest emerald green
It all helps to take away the horrors of a bloody war I wished I had never seen
I am going to marry my beloved Betsy, have beautiful children, three, or four
But never as in never, will I tell my children of the brutality of this bloody war
Categories:
betsy, soldier, war,
Form:
Couplet
Old Betsy is my shotgun and she's the reason why I don't keep my money in a bank.
When people try to steal my money, they learn that Old Betsy isn't filled with blanks.
People break into my house but they end up not leaving.
Because of Old Betsy, the damn thieves stop breathing.
The crooks think they're intelligent, they think they're pretty sharp.
But thanks to Old Betsy, a lot of them wind up playing harps.
A lot of people have tried to steal my money but they failed.
If you try to rob me, you'll get a taste of Old Betsy as well.
(This is a fictional poem)
Categories:
betsy, dark, funny, humor,
Form:
Rhyme
I saw the Christmas pendant and I knew
It would be the best thing to buy for my Aunt Lou
She loves Betsy Johnson, a decorator with flair,
So, I bought it for her, to show that I know and care.
Aunt Lou was overjoyed for sure
She knows I love her and my heart is pure
She did not care I bought the pendant at half price.
She was thrilled and excited, said "it's so nice!"
Categories:
betsy, christmas,
Form:
Rhyme
Betsy Winters
I try drawing you from old memories
but can't get your eyes right. I don't see
the body that destroyed my earnest vows.
I can't see your warm young breasts and
nipples that grew so hard by my caress.
I can't see us dancing naked in the dark.
I wish I'd kept the photos. I cremated us
in an ashtray and I can't see us anymore.
Categories:
betsy, lust, parody, sin, wife,
Form:
Free verse