Best Upped Poems
Let's All Drink to Lockdown
by Jan Beaumont ©
I'm normally a social girl
I love to meet my mates
But lately with the virus here
We can't go out the gates.
You see, we are the 'oldies' now
We need to stay inside
If they haven't seen us for a while
They'll think we've upped and died.
They'll never know the things we did
Before we got this old
There wasn't any Facebook
So not everything was told.
We may seem sweet old ladies
Who would never be uncouth
But we grew up in the 60s -
If you only knew the truth!
There was sex and drugs and rock 'n roll
The pill and miniskirts
We smoked, we drank, we partied
And were quite outrageous flirts.
Then we settled down, got married
And turned into someone's mum,
Somebody's wife, then nana,
Who on earth did we become?
We didn't mind the change of pace
Because our lives were full
But to bury us before we're dead
Is like red rag to a bull!
So here you find me stuck inside
For 4 weeks, maybe more
I finally found myself again
Then I had to close the door!
It didnt really bother me
I'd wile away the hour
I'd bake for all the family
But I've got no flaming flour!
Now Netflix is just wonderful
I like a gutsy thriller
I'm swooning over Idris
Or some random sexy killer.
At least I've got a stash of booze
For when I'm being idle
There's wine and whiskey, even gin
If I'm feeling suicidal!
So let's all drink to lockdown
To recovery and health
And hope this awful virus
Doesn't decimate our wealth.
We'll all get through the crisis
And be back to join our mates
Just hoping I'm not far too wide
To fit through the flaming gates!
Categories:
upped, encouraging, friendship, fun, giggle,
Form:
Light Verse
No Wait in Vain : Poets Meet
For decades I waited
and you did not come
to listen to my rude insertion
finger a sound at back of my throat
and the vibration of my name
For decades I wanted to meet
a small mountain as I read her
plain words in innocence
a bell in her Heart rang deep
with children running sweet
For decades I longed to touch
a struggling mottled moth
as he ached for new wings
smooth ebony cheeks
passionate with letters of adoration
For decades I watched for
a painter to mirror my songs
uncover a talkative witch who
still trampled from place to place
broken shoes echoing my silent breath
For decades I wanted a smooth ride
where conversation was free of tasks
words on both seats of equal length
with ripe apricots for the scoffing
almond chocolates wrapped in red
So I upped my thumb to a veteran one
who read from his leathered collection
notepads and pencils strewn about
space in warehouse oozed slivered glee
No wait in vain !
Categories:
upped, age, appreciation, mirror, poetry,
Form:
Free verse
Just when I think I've seen it
All throughout this land
They went and upped the anti
On the classic can of Spam
Those with the higher power
The ones that run the show
The Spam men of the hour
In a bunker buried way down low
Have added different flavors
To this meat of mystery
From Teriyaki to Tocino
That's bacon to those who don't speak Philippine
They heat it up with Jalapeno
Helps to liven up the slime
Those bunker boys as they're fondly known
Have really out done themselves this time
Aloha from Hawaii?
Imagine Spam in a Hula skirt
As they pull out the Leis and go all the way
Adding pineapple to those Spam burps
Exciting rumors have it
They're in talks with Oreo
There's no place in this universe
That a good slice of spam won't go
The only thing they need to work on
Is the dipping in the milk
They have yet to solve the problem
Of the massive oil spill
Yes they've taken what the rest of us
Never thought could be improved
Just goes to show what ingenuity
And a touch of crazy genius can do
Categories:
upped, funny, humor, universe,
Form:
Light Verse
Dear Cecile, when you upped and left, did you
happen to notice that someone had poured a can
of paint over the Bentley’s bonnet?
and the other curious thing…my golf clubs have been
found in various places around the town.
I’m also getting a lot of emails from the Swiss bank
asking why so much cash has been withdrawn from my
investment account, and assuring me of their future loyalty.
Mother has been on the phone in tears, saying that a
woman with a foreign voice, has been calling her a lot
of rather unpleasant names.
It’s all very strange;
anyway, I thought I’d send you this email, in the hope that
you might be able to cast some light on this mess:
Incidentally, did you iron a shirt before you went, can’t find
any clean clothes,
yours, Toby.
Categories:
upped, humor,
Form:
Free verse
SIR CONRAD
The great explorer Sir Conrad Justine
Disappeared and was never again seen
Got too near the edge
Slipped on the ledge
Fell two thousand feet in to a ravine...
JIMMY
A bottle Jimmy found at the roadside
Drank it all and was lucky he survived
Didn't read the label
Was drunk wasn't able
It wasn't whiskey but neat pesticide...
FRANK
Old Frank went for a ride on a rickshaw
To visit the ancient sights at Mingtaw
Was having a good day
Until the seat gave way
His rear dragged on the ground till it was raw...
BO PEEP
A Shepherd girl called little bo peep
Was so drunk that she soon fell asleep
But it wasn't her day
She woke up in dismay
The wolves had eaten all of her sheep...
PETE
In a rain coat was the flasher called Pete
He loved flashing all his bits in the street
Girls said its too lame
So Pete upped his game
He bought a strapon that hangs to his feet...
JOHN BECK
A sexy stud by the name of John Beck
Below had trouble cried out flipping heck
He took some blue pills
To give girls their thrills
But all it did was give him a stiff neck...
Written 14 September 2019.
Categories:
upped, humor,
Form:
Limerick
I grieve a life that can't exist
for things that could not be
of cherished plans that upped and left
of a girl no longer me
I grieve my dreams that slumber on
that I can not wake from sleep
and as another does drift away
for it's emptiness I weep
I mourn the loss of who I was
of possibilities and more
and wave farewell to a life not had
as she walks out through the door
I sit and ache for what is not
for the girl that can't be me
of things that only might have been
for the she that can not be.
Brian Strand's contest 'A first 50 posting' (July 2011)
1st place
Categories:
upped, introspection, loss, sadgirl, life,
Form:
Quatrain
her heart was not up for the taking
without warning
he upped the anties
turned the tables
changed the rules
he called her bluff
he switched it up
bumped it up a notch
the stakes now higher
she was out of aces
checkmate
Published in my 24-page photo/anthology book ~CITYLIGHTS~ 2021
AP: 1st place 2025, 2nd place 2025, Honorable Mention 2022, Honorable Mention 2021
Read on air by invitation ~ September 8, 2021 'WORDS & MUSIC'
Categories:
upped, heart, love, relationship, romantic,
Form:
Free verse
Footie on the Telly.
Footie on the telly, England verses France.
They'll kick the ball into the net then do a silly dance.
The fans they like to chant a song, they love to sing and shout.
Then there'll be roars when England scores, France will lose no doubt.
The crowd all roared as France just scored the score now stands one nil.
Now second half has just begun, England could take it still.
France get another in the net, they've just upped the score two nil.
Were not a team to give up yet, to do our best we will.
Then we start to feel defeated as our fans have lost their roar.
Then at a glance we take a chance as England shoots to score.
Categories:
upped, football, soccer,
Form:
Rhyme
Didn't you not go to me?
How did I seethe, because an elongation of an entanglement is the alter-alto as the Omega cake..?
So swimmingly
I'm finishing the date,
I'm even allowed to procreate,
say that today as we all wander in the phase,
the glistening light is a connector of the ways...
48 equations away...
One more long lasting stay,
I am trapping the animals and characterizing,
you upped the anti with troubling enrapturing!
You even trampled the past in THE!!!
Sometimes I sweat over the gloat and the capturing,
sometimes I'm the boat that is rafting the very temperament I haven't opportunely been the camp in the.
Categories:
upped, character, city, conflict, cool,
Form:
Blank verse
A child up past his bedtime sat and stared,
a penny now for what he's thinking,
in the garden snow was scarce,
he saw the sculpture slowly shrinking.
He hadn't paid attention
when in those mid-winter thaws
the sculpture upped and disappeared,
'cos there was Santa Claus!
the Tooth Fairy! the Easter Bunny!
all are real to him right now,
sparking his imagination,
causing him to giggle
for those presents, candies, shiny quarters
made his young heart sing with joy!
Much later, as a loving father,
he'll relive these wondrous dreams,
and enjoy them with his kids,
these wondrous dreams
now well remembered,
of the days when he was just a boy.
Categories:
upped, fantasy, easter, giggle,
Form:
Verse
SELF HELP POEM
Self help Poem: It started off with one-
I was really startled by the potency
I was overwhelmed by it -
It seemed to disappear faster than
I could afford to be without it.
I wanted it to last longer,I upped it by two.
That burst of euphoria traveling faster than
the time it took to think it.
I mean before I could mellow
out and write a whole poem,
I had already required three;
Three in my mouth same time-
melting on my tongue dispersing
flavorful burst of peppermint
"Mentos" it was like a big distraction --
I couldn't write for long-
Not knowing if this would be
the last bursting sensation
I would experience for tonight.
I am down to one pack. My fingers are
clawing open the packaging, there is only
one left deep down.-
I am terrified, It's is so good,
My mouth is making my brain jealous.
I cram in the Last one.,
a poem comes - I can't concentrate.
Mentos excites my attitude.
I want to thank them;
Them who dumps pure exotic
peppermint oil into a candy that
is so sooo chewy and sweet,
Inducing erotic feelings and fear...
Mentos I can not get enough of you,
two packs down and I
sit praying for the will-power
not to suck another Mentos tonight.
Ok the Mentos, in my mouth is almost dissolved;
I am looking at the last package... I am scared
Categories:
upped, addiction, humorous, word play,
Form:
Light Verse
Was I planned when you conceived?
Its something I would like to believe
But the truth is so blatantly clear
You didn,t really want me here
A burden to you from the day I was born
A mother and child bond was never formed
My father God bless his heart
Became mother and father from the start
It was not long before you upped and left
Running away from your responsabiltys is what you did best
To live a carefree life with no ties
Drinking and partying until sunrise
Five times,five children,five lives you destroyed
But in your mind we were all void
Why does God allow people like you to conceive
When so many childless couples would love to achieve
Having five children all healthy and well
But not you everyone around you could tell
A moment of fun is all you wanted to feel
Having children was not part of the deal
A mother is a name that should be earned
But this will never be the case where you are concerned
You didn,t really want any of us
All you were interested in was lust
Categories:
upped, mother, mother, father, god,
Form:
Lyric
Li Na Tennis Champion
Asians in general sat up to take notice when from the vastness of China arose a tennis great…
Never mind it was a she, and at an advanced chronological ripe old age of almost touching 30…
Li Na from China was one well travelled tennis star, her world accolades coming in very late…
When many a famous players were thinking of retiring in fatigue, she upped her game to the level elite..
First and only Asian to win a Grand Slam Singles title, she was a ripe old 29 when it happened…
Many more illustrious tennis professionals have long gone to pasture before reaching 29 or after…
But not Li Na the most famous professional tennis player from China, the most illustrious too..
2011 French Open Champion at age 29 followed in 2 years later , 2014 Australian Open at age 32…
Now , if one were to check up on China’s most famous tennis daughter, Wikipedia has it all …
It chronicles in fascinating details the checkered career of this badminton reject since she was small…
An astute coach suggested she had best switch from the ever popular racket game called badminton…
In that big nation of badminton crazies all over, it must have hurt to be ejected from badminton…
But her excellence in tennis was astonishing to say the least, by 1997 she was in the national team…
Incredibly, she was then only a teenage at fifteen when China drafted her into her National team…
Two years later, in 1999 following a 10 months stint sponsored by Nike, Li Na turned professional…
Her rocky path to be a successful professional was camouflaged by her many ITF numerous titles…
However, she quit the National team in 2002, going on to complete a Bachelor of Journalism in 2009..
This was another cap in her journey to tennis success, an academic complement to her tennis prowess…
From the barrage of numerous first evers for this Chinese tennis phenomenon until her retirement..
It is obvious she was a tennis prodigy who happened to come from the far east to tennis fans' amazement...
For further readings of Li Na, the most famous Chinese phenomenon in woman professional tennis …
Do a Google search and feel amazed at the massive write up about China’s most famous daughter in tennis..
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Li_Na
Or Look out for Li Na Superstar Part 2
Categories:
upped, appreciation, celebrity, community, dedication,
Form:
Narrative
Erstime, ere bards nor Wondering Joyceters
did glybb their gobs with glanjous tongue,
Sir Slip The Most (a Figleafmoistner)
was undangled…and his sling unslung.
‘Twas on the Ile de Deux Sans Mustard,
with her Fowlling Fopplott never wording,
that the hunkerflesh-fed Fowlsome Bustard,
marked best by dark, was ever curdling.
Sir Slip, slop-upped and grammar-morphing,
from moltensteam one dawnless dread,
swear-foring most and all ef-alling,
did clopp young Fopplott's furgeld head.
The Bustard drubbed Slip: 'Dumcummayler!
To flump the sweet lad's yearnsomeness!
Bludaddled knight! Brain-drained wassailler!'
(Sweet Fopplott mock-loomed nasalfless)
"Clogsfyberbucks!" Slip rudblud obscented,
'That nert, that frot, that wibeljankie,
swombodled, gobbed, or sexcremented
God don't know notwot, in me hankie.'
The discompuncted Bustard illglimned.
Then, ventforthing with a scroatful shout,
she snouted, all redblynd and goredimned,
to clip Sir Slip a gobfilt clowt.
Bowelwildered, and fear-smeared arear,
and awefulled of trans-plonker stretch,
Slip, leaping to escape his nadir,
unware… did bare….. his hunkerflesh….
Hencetime, though bards and Wondering Joyceters
do glybb their gobs with glanjous tongue,
durst ne'er no Sir nor Figleafmoistner,
no furgeld Fowlling to one bung.
Categories:
upped, fantasy,
Form:
Ballad
There was a fussy old toad, yes; some might call him, a curmudgeon, at soul.
When his ladylove died, he took it in stride, and sought someone else to pester.
Eventually, he came to our lake, and jumped on the Troll Bridge, quite blazon.
Trouble in his eyes, he met the trolls, eye for eye, and with strength, blustered.
“I’m King of the Hill”, he spat out, ignoring the clubs and frowns… all about.
Grandpa Troll looked at the toad, and got ready to do battle, quickly…at that.
I chimed in, “They’re renters my dear. You’ll have to fight me, it’s clear. So dropout.”
“And I’m too worn out, for a silly old toad, who jumps like a gnat, now, scat.”
“I’ll have this bridge”, he said, “I’ll fight you anywhere, so be very, greatly, prepared.”
“I’m worn-out”, I said, “But battle we will. I’ll win! So look where you tread, instead.”
I said,“You challenged me first, so I’ll pick the test, you’ll play Grandpa Troll at Chess”.
Amazement filled the toads eyes, but to my surprise, he took the bait. Rather smart.
Now Grandpa Troll is a whittler. “I’ll commission your own home bridge, if he loses.”
“At the end of the lake, you’ll have a home place. If you lose, you’ll learn to whittle!”
The old toad looked me over, and with a frown, then ask, “What good is whittling?”
“You could make a chess board like no other, Toads verses Trolls, in war forever!”
He agreed that was quite a stake! And knew he couldn’t lose, the old reprobate!
Still he haggled, to strike a better bargain, and he Hee Hawed around for more.
Now, Grandpa Troll had never lost a game. Still we upped the ante, just the same.
“If you lose, I’ll build you a home bridge… if you teach the youngun’s, chess, instead.”
Now, he was sold! So off they did go, playing chess and whittling, by the seasons.
You know, I’m trying to be a writer, but the interruptions seem to always get harder!
So as you can see… With situations and things such as these …
I’ll just have to keep trying harder, and harder…
Categories:
upped, adventure, funny, imagination, uplifting,
Form:
Light Verse