Best Tesco Poems

Only six months 'til Christmas...
Yes, just six months to go- 
I'd best start making lists, 
Buying bottles for' ‘rellies' who like to get pissed
And scouring for bargains at Tesco.

Only six months since the last one 
And I've just finished paying the bills-
The credit card's clear...

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PERPETUUM MOBILE

I must go down to the pigging shops again
To Morrison, Tesco, Aldi or maybe Lidl
For I Just went there for the sodding milk in vain

How could I forget! it really is a riddle
To me, though to my wife it’s clear as day
It’s because my...

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No one knew that Mavis was a stripper,
They thought she worked at Tesco on the till.
Most folk knew her since she was a nipper,
No one knew that Mavis was a stripper.
A woman always cheerful and chipper,
She twirled her tassels publicly, but still
No one knew that...

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No one knew that Mavis was a stripper,
They thought she worked at Tesco on the till.
Most folk knew her since she was a nipper,
No one knew that Mavis was a stripper.
A woman always cheerful and chipper,
She twirled her tassels publicly, but still
No one knew that...

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the croissant curved
is now no longer to be served
said Tesco, spreading it
has so many people dreading it....

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This is the tale of Whistling Jim and how he met his maiden fair.

By the shores of Richmond's river, by the shelves of sparkling water
In the shining super market, Meg Macauleey, Nimble Fingers
Nimbly checking out while dreaming, checking out the goods at Tesco 
Drifting with...

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Every little helps Tesco motto, something for me and you
Every little helps something i can call my own.
Every little helps with the shopping, bills, and debts to pay,
Every little helps absolutely nothing stands alone.

Every little helps, a mystical phrase that has stuck in my mind.
Its...

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ShopLift To A Job

From a bustling town called Bukit Mertajam, a mainland part of Penang Island,
Outbreaks a story that warms the heart, about a man being given a helping hand.

With a headline that boasts of a shoplifter who is offered a job after being caught,
Here...

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My Phone

I've just been down to Tesco to get some shopping done,
I never go with money cos I have a little fun
You see it makes me snigg*r when I hear old ladies moan
'What was wrong with money,' as I Pay them with my phone

I went...

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Homeless Alexander

Why are you so bloody happy,
Living in your cardboard box.
Looking at life from street-level,
Holes in your boots and socks.
 
Hello Alexander, my old friend,
Did you enjoy luncheon at the Ritz?
Just popped into Tesco express,
Got you a coffee and a few bits.
 
Sleeping outside’s not...

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I'll dibble dab and squiggle on my pad,
I'm just a lad, and if it's good it's bad
and bad is good, words are misunderstood,
not could, would and should or does and mood.

Food for a dozen with frozen pudding for they are rude,
with a lethal laxative active...

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It was in my old Cortina
Well you really should have seen her
She was naked as the day that she was born
We had only just begun, we were having lots of fun
When her foot came crashing down upon the horn
Well, she gave a little groan and...

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Birdman

Bold Dewi Jones would leave his home
first thing every morning,
and trot him down to Towy Wood
just as day was dawning,
and there he filled his Tesco bag,
five pence from any store,
with chickweed celandine and seed
and other weeds galore.
Then he fed them to his finches
to peck at...

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Bah Humbug

Christmas comes but once a year,
With that I am in tune
But what makes me shake in fear
Are the cards in store arriving, during the month of June!

Trying to find a birthday or any general card
Can leave one feeling stressed and tense
For it makes choosing...

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A student whose first name is Fred
Got legless and fell out of bed
Many lectures he missed
From uni Fred’s dismissed …
He’s working in Tesco instead!

* legless means very drunk

11-15-17...

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