My Phone

My Phone I've just been down to Tesco to get some shopping done, I never go with money cos I have a little fun You see it makes me snigg*r when I hear old ladies moan 'What was wrong with money,' as I Pay them with my phone I went off to the countryside to see some lovely views I also liked the country sound of bleats and quacks and moo's A bloke lugging a tripod let out a little groan As I stood right beside him taking photos with my phone You should keep up with all the news my father said to me You can get it from a newspaper or see it on TV He snigg*red and he chided in a most sarcastic tone When I told him if I want the news, I Watch it on my phone Was driving in to central London later on that day My dad said take an A to Z, don't get lost on the way If you're like me you know you will be wrong direction prone I said it doesn't matter, I've got sat-nav on my phone Took my grandad to the library, there's a book he wants to read He's always liked his fancy fish, there's some he wants to breed I told him how to do it and produce a guppy clone And if you're wondering how I knew... I read it on my phone Sailing on a pleasure cruise, booked it up online Suddenly a wicked ocean broke the liner's spine Treading frigid water, foghorn having blown I wish there was a lifebelt app loaded on my phone Stuck on a desert island, no signal, battery flat No Google, Facebook, Instagram... Don't think much of that Tired of eating coconut at washed up wobbly table Dad stuck my phone under its leg to make the table stable My dad near drove me bonkers fidgeting with string And tying to the end of it a small bent metal thing To crack another coconut I hit it with a stone Then dad went off and caught some fish... didn't need a phone. We made a kind of Barbecue and gutted all the fish We cooked the fish on skewer sticks and what a tasty dish I asked him how he got them cos they really tasted fine He grinned and said, that's easy son..... I got them all online