Best Tarty Poems

I'm flattered by Nina but need to take her to the cleaners,
and splat her inbetweeners with fluid from wieners.
Don't mock or beat down Bath when you're Bristolian,
you were all conceived in a seat in the Odeon,
and you should defuzzle that muzzle after a dozen shots
or...

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I don’t have a favourite;
I love each and every one
Whether happy or sad
Cheerful or glum

I love tarty Marti
And svelter Delta
Sloppy Poppy
And vulgar Olga

I love baddy Maddie
And angrier Andrea
Clean Jean
And fairer Farah

I love scorer Pandora
And messy Bessie
Gaudy Maudie
And sassie Cassie

I love a damp vamp
To tell the...

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Setting sun

Splash of burgundy paan-spit
and the paterfamilias nodding off

pink  filial freeness
silhouetted against a crimson feel- flare
(or was it orange flair or even purple fair)

symbiotic exchanges
slapstick sequences

elfin  hemlines and tarty décolletages
catching agoraphobic impulses
homing…


04 aug 13

For Charlotte's contest...

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What you sayin?
We own it
For the morning of the lord
To the night
Greatness
Don’ start
Tarty mart...

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I don’t have a favourite,
I love each and every one
Whether happy or sad
Cheerful or glum

I love Grim Kim
And Moanie Toni
Henpecky Becky
And Naggy Maggie 

I love Bella Stella
And Indie Lindy
Funny Honey
And Windy Cindy

I love Tarty Marti
And Burley Shirley
The Felon Helen
And that twirly girlie

I love Flabby Gabby
And...

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Lost Soul

We’ve gathered here to say goodbye
to yet another boring guy,
kept on yelling for attention
till it gave him hypertension.
Now in the box beneath the shroud
he’s got the eye of all the crowd,
best leading role he ever had, 
but no applause and no one’s sad.

Old mourners...

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My Aunty, Patricia, she travels the land,
her bag of in-cases gripped firmly in hand.
The contents of which are largely unknown;
although just a few I've sometimes been shown:
One small first aid kit
in case of a cut, sting, or zit.
Two bottles of gin
in case her horses come...

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paper            typewriters        books and dictionaries
pens             pencils         ...

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Answerable to none

He waltzed across the party floor
A rosy cheek, a kiss
Dainty lady or tarty whore
Not one would he miss

Divorce had come and gone
As messy as it could be
With no dictator to look upon
He could not hide his glee

Of most domestic battery
Men on women we’ve...

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The sixth of July, the postman passed by
The stork brought little old me
Come rain or come shine I’d want to know ‘why?’
And wrote my name when I was three 
I’d read and I’d write whatever the weather 
But now I can’t string words together

And as...

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Growing Up 
When I was eighteen or nineteen, I discovered beer
Dance-restaurants and women generous with their wares
I didn`t eat sweets anymore which was good for my teeth.
Alas, beer made me talk and women laugh I was fun
but not in the morning a Jekyll and Hide...

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Pink, wet, ripe lips
Crystal blue eyes
Provocative timely swinging hips
Sensuous chunky thighs

Black, long, silky hair
Perky firm milky breasts
See through pink underwear
In a low cut skin tight dress

High heels, to pump up the calf
Long pink nails, not too tarty 
A thin tight neck scarf
Sid you’ll be a...

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A firkin of gherkins in brine
Were found floating along the Rhine
They, tossed from some party
For being too tarty
And spoiling the taste of the wine



It's A Pickle Party Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Mystic Rose Rose
Date wrote: 13th August 2022...

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We groomed him to perfection
lured him with our lights
cooed him with our sizzles
blurred his dreams and sights
We slotted him in awkward
hampered his imput
laced his drink with moonshine
on his fingers shut
We cautiously immersed him.....while his mind involved
then cut him in slow motion.....as our pills dissolved
Goons staggered...

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(for Wentworth Miller)


… jewels of the jungle,
gems and trinkets strewn 
across sacred, stained altars of the mind, 
desire whimpering and simmering 
like cats on a hot tin roof never 
meant to be cooled by rain,
Night is an unquenchable flame,
the sun is the eye of a...

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