Best Take Umbrage Poems
Sportin' a wrap on one foot
A hard grimace set on his jaw
A Beagle walked in, holdin a grudge
Because somebody shot his paw!
He growled, "Pour me a rain water,"
"And none of that chlorine laced crap"
The Bar dog, a well known poodle,
Said, "Sir, I take umbrage at that!"
A German Shepard said, "I'm Sheriff,"
"In charge of the pet carrier clink"
"Don't get a bee in your bonnet"
"And bar dog will pour you a drink"
The Beagle said, "I'm an abandon,"
"Raised in dirty alleys and such"
"That bein' said, about my bite,"
"It's worse than my bark, but not much"
Bar dogs sister, Pixie Poodle
Said, "Hold on boys I know this cur"
"In fact we met in an alley,"
"But I'll vouch for this Beagle for sure!"
She and the Beagle left together
Her brother, of course, had a fit!
Not to be tellin' tails out of school,
But theirs were waggin' quite a bit!
I've heard about the arrival of fanciful fushia strangers
but I've no fear of them and not worried about dangers.
They seem a bit nonsensical; funny the way they speak
To me, everything they say comes out sounding like Greek!
Maybe on their planet, peaches have three turquoise eyes
Could they be humans, just wearing an alien disguise?
I've never heard the haloed moon referred to as mother Mary,
nor of opulent opal oceans and a three humped dromedary.
I call them fluff nuggets; an accurate description, I think
Their gibberish makes me shake with laughter, quick as a wink
Life forms like these AI are manipulated by puppet strings
They're infringing upon planet Earth, inhabited by Earthlings.
*These are my thoughts and words, but if you take umbrage with
any of the lines, I'll throw Jan under the bus, cuz she started it.
Limerick: Once Japanese Robot lied about its age
Once Japanese Robot lied about its age
To an American Robot under age
At marriage registry
Paid haemophrodite fee
That night in shed they locked jaws in mad glad rage.
One said: “If only I knew your true old age
I would not have stooped so low to engage
You in pédophilie
Despite the reduced fee!”
Said the other: “Shut your trap. Open your cage!”
All night they toiled without oil or French vintage
Pungent fumes coursed through finely wired visage
Love counter showed much glee
-Unusual degree-
Neither side of Pacific need take umbrage.
Hiroshima Nagasaki sheer mirage
Robot lingo spout like Zen-type soul adage
Nuts bolts screws a-plenty
War rights out of country
Robots join dumb Robots in Atomic Age!
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2015
Ever so peaceful you appear,
Disguising your eternal suffrage.
Silent is your noted fear;
For to humans, you take umbrage.
Yet you try to smile,
As the crimson stains your body.
You chant “Peace!” in denial,
To your own folly.
Bear witness to carnage;
Bear witness to despair.
For you are the stage,
In which they all appear!
Stagnant are we in turning peace to war,
Leaving your sorrowful mind with a silent scar.
Am I the only One who sees the need elsewhere,
Who objects to TV's in the takeaway shop here,
The hospital waiting room over there,
And one in the adjoining corridor, just to be sure.
Huge ones at too many sports venues in case we missed the four.
They don't tell the patients that cost of putting them there,
Could pay for a Nurse for a year,
Or the reason your takeaways take so long to appear.
Is that TV is more important than adequate kitchen gear,
The large ones prohibit free sports gear,
And keeps families out of there.
You can put a TV in your car,
And I see no need to care,
Or watch the one behind your bathroom door,
I still won't care,
But when my medicine is too dear,
And the standard of care,
Is beyond unfair,
Even though I pay my taxes every year
Then I take umbrage here,
And hope an ulcer will not appear.
In winters softness
each flake of snow seeks refuge-
ill winds take umbrage
Not so long ago your heart was irreparably broken
You didn’t want to hear his name spoken
Your misery was so all-consuming -
And you were full of dooming and glooming -
That the threat of self-harm was bandied about
Just for attention, of that I have no doubt.
Yet here we are just a few weeks down the line
It seems to me that you’re doing perfectly fine
Professing yet more undying adoration
To the object of your latest infatuation.
I’ll give it a couple of months at best
Until he works out that you’re an unbearable pest
And like those before him (me included)
He’ll realise that you are emotionally deluded
He won’t want you clinging on like a limpet
He’ll be wanting, quickly as possible, to forget
That had the misfortune to learn your name
And became embroiled in your sick game
Because a stupid game is all it is to you
It’s the way you work; it’s what you do.
You create drama in your sad and empty life
And engineer all the stress and strife
To garner all the sympathy you can get
Whilst painting him as the worst one yet
Oh, the pain, the hurt the misery!
It wasn't how it was supposed to be...
Until the next unsuspecting guy comes into view
To be zeroed-in on by predatory you.
Then the whole charade will start again once more
But your game is tiresome and you’re a bore.
There’s a chance that one day the tide will turn
And that you will finally come to learn
That love and relationships are a two-way street
And that you will somehow, someday meet
Someone who will refuse to play by your twisted rules
Just to end up on your List of Fools.
To see beyond your artifice and manipulations
And develop for you true and strong emotions
It may come to pass, who can tell
Meanwhile you’ll put through hell.
Your latest beau has yet to experience
The depth and extent of your malevolence
When you take umbrage at an imagined slight
And manufacture yet another fight.
It’s not down to me to save him from his fate
Besides it’s probably already too late
But, what the heck, he’s made his bed
He’s believed everything you said.
You’ve dug your claws in, good and fast
Which guarantees that this relationship will not last!
generally not worth a cent
citizen bankers, agitately hankering
with venomous, traitorous, riotous
antithetical highjacking governmental statutes
representing dangerous extent
particularly objection raised
to deter Uhauls to truck away
liberals deem as eyesores i.e.
particularly long in the tooth statues
whereat ultimate thuggery
violently take umbrage,
(whether on sunny or rainy day)
to topple Confederate statues
perhaps relics as admired by this cognescenti,
especially Civil War debacle pwould never post on E-Bay
boot treasure as keep sake
unbeknownst if same mindset
extant among proponents representing
(real or imagined) moral majority
upholding abominable
misdeed meaner fighters donned in Gray,
whose seccessionist symbols stood upon bloody turf
yet, I do not commiserate, concur, countenace
cockamamie with heretical axe to go hay
wire, and purge landscapes
of abonimable, despicable, galling
bronze soldiers (sitting proud
on his Anti Unionist steed), who stood opposed
to slavery, but ugly reality doth lay
within the body electric, fabric, kinetic...
and thy stance uphold reprehensible reminders
of implosion of United States government MAY
do justice to educate population – nay
sayers to tear down what exemplified
Antebellum and Postbellum south tis not okay
to wipe the abstract slate of American mosaic
clear of any offensive,
about one hundred and fifty plus years ago,
an August role such crafted artifacts did play.
eclipse an errant eon
inhale discordant ions
exhale insectile icons
disarm misfiring memes
take umbrage under a titanic umbrella
recede from seething red-holes in sinkholes
just so you know…
Helga and Zohar orbit the Moon
a harsh mistress giggles indifferently
a cold cosmos says nothing
you are (not) what you think (you are)
forbid fallacious words
forget wordy fallacies
forgo fatuous wormholes
FYI, it’s Awesome
FWIW, it's Perfect
TBH, it’s FUBAR
COPLA 67 INVOCATION: This Bad Guy World
“That’s the spirit, Tell the Old Man off!
Who does He think we are, s’il vous plait!
Of course, you’re right.”
If there were a God anthropomorph
Yes, we could all take umbrage and pray:
Universe might
Might we not be an experiment
Of some advanced civilization:
Testing Self Will
Or the chance physical accident
Of Immuable Laws’ equation:
Force renounce will
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2014
Portraits can take many shapes and forms
Unlike in Rembrandt, a Rubens, or even a Dali
Modern artists will often eschew the norms
Portraits of myself do not look much like me.
Unlike in Rembrandt, a Rubens, or even a Dali
A portrait may be merely a fine-line drawing
Portraits of myself may not look much like me,
Asked why, the artist will do some hem-hawing.
A portrait may be merely a fine-line drawing
Having none of the subject’s facial features,
Asked why, the artist will do some hem-hawing
Artists must see subjects as mythical creatures.
Having none of the subject’s facial features,
I find it impossible to know who I’m looking at
Artists must see subjects as mythical creatures,
But I take umbrage when I am drawn as a cat!
I find it impossible to know who I’m looking at
Modern artists will often eschew the norms
But I take umbrage when I am drawn as a cat,
Portraits can take many shapes and forms.
Written November 28, 2022
generally not worth a cent
citizen bankers, agitately hankering
with venomous, traitorous, riotous
antithetical highjacking governmental statutes
representing dangerous extent
particularly objection raised
to deter Uhauls to truck away
liberals deem as eyesores i.e.
particularly long in the tooth statues
whereat ultimate thuggery
violently take umbrage,
(whether on sunny or rainy day)
to topple Confederate statues
perhaps relics as admired by this cognescenti,
especially Civil War debacle pwould never post on E-Bay
boot treasure as keep sake
unbeknownst if same mindset
extant among proponents representing
(real or imagined) moral majority
upholding abominable
misdeed meaner fighters donned in Gray,
whose seccessionist symbols stood upon bloody turf
yet, I do not commiserate, concur, countenace
cockamamie with heretical axe to go hay
wire, and purge landscapes
of abonimable, despicable, galling
bronze soldiers (sitting proud
on his Anti Unionist steed), who stood opposed
to slavery, but ugly reality doth lay
within the body electric, fabric, kinetic...
and thy stance uphold reprehensible reminders
of implosion of United States government MAY
do justice to educate population – nay
sayers to tear down what exemplified
Antebellum and Postbellum south tis not okay
to wipe the abstract slate of American mosaic
clear of any offensive,
about one hundred and fifty plus years ago,
an August role such crafted artifacts did play.
1.
“Communion of saints, forgiveness of sins,”
Worship words recited, relationships
Reflected among restless, inconstant,
Imperfect people, somehow sharing a
Faith which makes them one. I appropriate
These sacred words to speak in hallowed
Terms to the bond which unites our two hearts,
Holy Union, Wholly Uniting Us!
COMMUNION – Like a song without words whose
Message, nonetheless, is yet understood,
So the silent speech flowing between us,
Is Presence, Attentive, Observant, Sure.
Two souls be one, binary Nirvana
Admitting but two in oneness sublime.
2.
SAINTS – Hardly perfect, my dear, you know me
Far too well. Eccentricities abound,
Sometimes so irritatingly. And yet,
We cannot deny in process, we are
Progressing toward Union perfected
The Goal is in sight, detours abundant..
But what we can be, and who we become
Are foreshadowed now in who we are.
FORGIVENESS – the grace we apply to each
Failure and hurt is commitment which says
Your Worth is far greater to me than this.
When you fall in the path, I will be there,
For I fall, too, and would fail were it not
For my kinsman-redeemer rescuer.
3.
SINS – game changers,lower’d estimation,
Marks of judgment, condemnation of wrong;
Relationship Enders? Hardly! For when
I remember yesterday’s offense was
Mine, and through tears you helped me understand
The wounding I caus’d in a delicate soul.
Now, it’s my turn to take umbrage, or be
An agent of mercy embracing you.
With wonder we gaze, appreciation
Abounding for our miracle Union.
The love we communicate through hands, lips,
Eyes, Ears, Hair and animated solely
By this deepest Stillness, soul assurance
That this be an unassailable bond.
Football is a grand old sport
So much fun to play
It's easy to escape injury
If your opponent you outweigh
My favorite part's those bone-crushing hits
That make your head and ears just ring
You'll heal up in 'concussion protocol'
With a few injections from a syringe
'Course, if you value your cartilage
You may want to reconsider once or twice
Unless you truly don't take umbrage
When both your knees the surgeons splice
Then there's ankles, ribs and shoulders
And all your other parts
Which when they break are nothing
Compared to a mother's broken heart
People are so easily offended today
This is quite ironic really
As due to political correctness
We are censored so heavily
And with all the sanitising
There is so little opportunity
But those who do take offence
Fall into three distinct categories
Firstly, the genuinely offended
Those who feel the detriment,
Whose opinion is seldom heard
Unless it’s politically expedient
Second, the white middle class heterosexuals
Who like to be offended on others behalf
And are particularly suspicious
At anything that gets a laugh
Thirdly, come the professionals
Those who get offended for a living
They frequent the morning TV sofas
And are relentlessly unforgiving
The professionals feel no offence
But find their roles financially fulfilling
They will take umbrage for anyone
Just to earn another shilling
Even worse however is anticipated offence
Those who want to act just in case
Some unspeakable offence may be caused
If things are unchanged or left in place
The original intention may well have been
That a better society was planned
But what they have managed to do instead
Is to make the world more bland