Best Superglue Poems
Apart from our nice 3 piece suite the cat has clawed and shredded
it's knocked over a figurine that lies there prone, beheaded.
I'm quite adept and nimble fingered-
Have I got the knack
to use a tube of superglue and stick her noggin back?
The bottled glue is near opaque, unseen and so I doubt
if any glue is left inside, then all of it squirts out.
I'll grab the phone, dial 101 and get help if I'm able
to prise my thumb and forefinger from off the kitchen table.
Should I get free then this might be the chance to commit crime
since two of my poor fingerprints won't grow back for some time.
I've scraped and polished tirelessly but the table's still got glue on.
Should one more figurine get smashed-
I'll just go buy a new one.
Categories:
superglue, funny,
Form:
Light Verse
Superglue won’t do it, neither will flour paste glue,
PVA is useless, and Araldite is too.
A broken heart cannot be stitched together,
And Gaffer tape doesn’t last forever.
How do you mend a broken heart?
Broken by a friend or lover that had to part.
Time they say is what heals best,
But until then there's a hole inside your chest.
A broken heart cannot be mended, remember it’s not a toy.
Always try to look after it and not give it to ANY girl or boy.
Love and time is what is needed, to mend a broken heart
So hold on tightly to your loves, so they never need depart.
How to Fix a Broken Heart by: Mandy Tams~GG~
Categories:
superglue, people, heart, heart,
Form:
Couplet
WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN
Jim’s fallen head over heels for a girl,
He’s forgotten his mates; they’re in limbo
One whiff of her scent, his head’s in a whirl
But why did he choose Sue THAT blonde bimbo?
Like a shadow they are never apart
Stuck together tightly with superglue
This bleached blonde airhead has stolen his heart
Jim bade all his old friends a fond adieu
Every single day they are together
Still they only have eyes for each other
Arms wrapped around her, true love forever
Jim wears jumpers knitted by his lover!
On bended knee Jim gives Sue a huge ring
He splashed all his cash to buy her some bling
WHEN A WOMAN LOVES A MAN
Sue won’t hear a bad word about her Jim,
with rose coloured glasses, Sue is blinkered
He lets out huge farts, but Sue will just grin
She just giggles and calls him a stinkard!
Jim snores like a steam train, he never halts
Sue turns over and pulls up the covers
She totally ignores all of Jim’s faults
They’re besotted since they became lovers
Jim’s mates pity him; he’s under the thumb
With a ring on her finger Sue’s smiling
They are contented and Jim’s never glum
Sue adores him; she thinks he’s beguiling
Forever in love through good times and bad
Sue chose Jim because he looks like her dad!
Two English Sonnets Contest
Sponsored by Mark Massey
Two Sonnets written with my sincere apologies to the Bard!
Checked with how many syllables 10 per line
12~14~16
Categories:
superglue, humorous, love, relationship, romance,
Form:
Sonnet
Once knew this dude named Bartholomew
Who tried mending everything with superglue
Now this is quite yucca
Got some in his cuppa
He was stuck for words in an interview
© Jack Ellison 2015
Categories:
superglue, humorous,
Form:
Limerick
I live in a family
who can't keep an umbrella
a flashlight
flour
superglue
post its
ink cartridges
ice cubes
ice cream cones
who can't find
checkbooks
gift cards
phone cords
appt reminders
who never has
extra cash
maps
penny rolls
the doctors number
the date of surgery
a camera
so we're always
wet
hungry
cold
late
early
lost
behind
thirsty
Categories:
superglue,
Form:
She’s eighty-nine years of age
So wise she’s quite a sage
As long as she’s sane
Long may she reign
I do hope she draws a good wage
She married Prince Phillip who’s Greek
His gaffes sometimes make him a geek
When he opens his mouth
His brains they go south
The Queen cringes when he starts to speak
They live in London in a palace so grand
The finest royal residence in the land
Waited on hand and foot
I guess they will stay put
Crowds are entertained by a marching band
Prince Charles is King in waiting
His mother’s reign he is berating
Banana skins on the floor
Superglue on the door
Some hope he will never be King
He married Camilla Parker Bowles
She loves to drive off in the ‘Rolls’
Before he was married to Di
Camilla had caught his eye
And now his heart she controls
Contest: Long Live The Queen
Sponsor: Judy Konos
05~09~15
Categories:
superglue, humorous,
Form:
Limerick
My mother had a treasured ornament
A big brown shire horse
To the mind of a ten year old
This was a toy of course .
It was a steed for my action figures
A target for my toy gun
It carried cavalry and Indians
Giving me hours of fun.
One day whilst playing with my plastic bow and arrow
I knocked the shire horse from the table
Two pieces broken from its mane
But superglue held them stable.
I never told a living soul
I was never asked, So I never lied
and my mother polished that horse every day
Right up until the day she died.
Last night at my mates house
He and his wife were entertaining a fortune telling friend
What she had to say to me
Made the hairs on my neck stand on end
I think all that stuff is utter rubbish
and I got up to leave
When the lady asked me why
I said, I'm afraid I don't believe .
I said goodbye to all my friends
Then I turned to go
The medium/fortune teller
Told me there was something I should know
She understood I was a sceptic
So I must leave of course
but I should know my mum had forgiven me
For breaking her shire horse.
No one but me knew about that horse
I have kept it secret for so long
This morning my scepticism about fortune tellers
Is still there but not quite so strong
As I've said I broke that shire horse
So many years ago
I never told a living soul
So how did that fortune teller know ?
Categories:
superglue, mystery, mum,
Form:
Light Verse
My mother was spring cleaning
So I needed a reason to escape
I have got a devilish mind
and my cunning plan is taking shape.
The plug has fallen off the hoover
I've unscrewed the head from the sweeping brush
A little superglue on the furniture polish
and the button will not push .
Tomato ketchup on my white sock
I've trodden on a nail
Link that my acting
and my cunning plan can't fail
but mothers know when something is fishy
She gave me that look that doesn't need to speak
I lost use of my computer
and got grounded for a week.
Categories:
superglue, funny,
Form:
Verse
Yesterday I saw you standing there at the curb
With her , The woman you chose to invade our world
Breaking every single promise you vowed to me in pride
Every word I held close within my heart all your lies
The vital lies you used to confuse were used to woo
drawing me closer to you you scensed my uncertainty
got me to drop my guards for you giving no resistance
Only you have taken me to vulnerability that every inch of my
body always feared
And as I watch the two of you holding hands on the curb
You showing her the love that I alone should have endured
Let her steal my love without a care in the world all out in public
I almost vomit in my mouth Unable to swallow im lovesick
I am truly disgusted at you sharing what i valued more than myself
With this scantily clad I dont know what std's she may have had
trashier worthless trampier version of what I look like on my worst day
How could you trade my unconditional love for a 2$ Whore you've picked
a golddigger that looks so thirstay
I daydream thoughts of her looking that happy with her lip busted
Her Holding her fattened lip while you stand in horror as her blood gushes
Will you still stand by her side with that smirk? Or cure your amnesia ?
Realize the horrible mistake and fix us ? Im the one that can please ya
If you were apologetic I would take you back , Promising to earn back the broken trust
Helping to mend Back my broken heart , Together we can superglue the pieces
together again , after you have jumped back inside as i smooth out the final creases
Catering to every want and need you have. Your Cook , your maid , your seamstress
*Beep*Beep* The horn of the Cars behind me Shocks me back into Reality
Back into Hurt Back to Pain and My Sorrow , Back to agony the Jealousy ,
then Rage of fantasies Seasing And being stuck back in the Present ,
I thought we finally had the second chance we need for reconnection
As I drive past I leave alongside My shattered heart on the curb
To stay close to you and miss thang just in case the lust fades
if you ever need a place to stay it will be your shelter in the rain
I drive now no heart ,im empty within ,now merely a void
promise to myself The curb again i must always avoid
Categories:
superglue, anger, betrayal, depression, heartbroken,
Form:
~Love St(r)uck~
Desperate Susan
cannot budge from lovers’ bench
stuck with superglue
-------------------------------------
Contest: Picture Perfect Haiku #2
Sponsor: Skat A
Placed 2nd
Categories:
superglue, funny,
Form:
Haiku
Brownie broke her beak today
Purloining potted prawns
Despite Will’s whistled warning words
To only eat from lawns
But Brownie boldly battered
that toughened tin top jar
and broke her lovely beak in bits
she’d pushed her peck too far
but wily Will he had a way
to triumph testing trial
so searching for some Superglue
he produced a plastic phial
But Brownie fussed and fluttered
And Thang a tuneleth thong
Worried when Will wrapped it up
thseed thing her thong all wong
One dinky drop of adhesive
Fast fastening he found
Forever fixed his flailing foot
But stopped that thsquawking thound
Categories:
superglue, funny
Form:
Rhyme
Moo
It bounced down my street like a mad thing on heat
Or a kangaroo doing a trick
The farmer that blocked it was knocked off his feet
By his cow on an old pogo stick
So a cow on a pogo stick bounced down my street
The footrests weren't right for her hooves
So they're welded with superglue onto her feet
Which is okay so long as she moves
But you can’t stand still on a pogo stick
Cos if you do you will fall over
So she bounced on her stick and she went quite a lick
As the farmer pursued her to dover
She hopped on a ferry, they thought she was merry
As she did her mechanical ballet
She said she had nary so much as a sherry
And she promised to hop off at Calais
A shift of the rudder made the ship shudder
Our cow made a messy mistake
Thanks to that judder she jiggled an udder
And sprayed half the deck with milk shake
Her strange bouncy dance continued in France
Until the old farmer arrived
A touch of sedation and glue separation
Meant our bouncy bovine survived
Categories:
superglue, animal, farm, funny, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
My 8 year old Nokia E72 came undone
The screen came loose and had to be glued
I wrapped tape round it to hold it in place
Hoping my glue fix does the job
4th time I’ve fixed it this way
The first 2 times was with superglue
This’s fine except when you drop it
Something flexible is needed that bounces
So I used Evo-stik borrowed from a gluesniffer
Who was sniffing under the bridge
Then I fixed my old skool phone
I pulled the screen apart and jumped to it
Using a knife to carefully put glue on both sides
The answer will be given in a few hours when it sets
If it’s ed I’ll burn it then bury it
Give it the sendoff it deserves
Filmed for posterity and YouTube
But I want it to live to fly to work to be fine
Time will tell for I want 8 more months use
Until its Yule and Nokia E73 time
My dear old E72 replaced by the E73
Keeping my tradition of having an 8 year old phone
Which I want to be as strong as my old E71
It was drop proof and built like a tank
Not unlike the pretty and dainty E72
That comes apart like a 2 bit whore
All will be eclipsed when I get a newbie
A remake of the famous Nokia 3310
Old skool cool I so want now
Before then it’s fun with myE72 if it survives
My glue fix operation Heath Robinson style
Categories:
superglue, computer, science, technology,
Form:
Free verse
Tie Me Down by Rob Barratt
Tie me down, tether me to a pole
Rope together the wings on my soul
Fill my wellies up with rocks
Put big pebbles in my socks
Nail my boots to a railway sleeper
My heart grows light as my love gets deeper
Superglue me to the ground
Until an antidote is found
(Not that I want an antidote
I’m quite content to idly float)
Gaffer-tape me to the floor
Let’s hope that they don’t find a cure
Make me hold a lump of granite
I’m really on another planet
Pin me up against the wall
Load me with a cannon ball
Put something heavy in my pocket
To stop me soaring like a rocket
Staple gun me to the shed
Fill my trousers up with lead
I guess that you have got the gist
I don’t need a psychiatrist
So now that you know how I’m feeling
Will someone get me off the ceiling?
Categories:
superglue, loveme, me,
Form:
Rhyme
To my heroes with rainbow eyes,
You brought color back to my world,
You rescued me from my demise.
To my blue haired sprite,
Who took my shattered soul and said,
“It’s cool, I have superglue”,
And made sure I never left a single shard behind.
To my green eyed puck,
Spilling everyone’s tea,
And is unabashedly herself,
Cracks and all.
And to my ever smiling Seraph,
A gift from la Grande Madre,
The yin to my yang,
The moon to my ocean,
The lifeblood of my still beating heart.
To my wayward sisters,
Always by my side,
Renewing my hope,
Destroying anger, fear, and loss,
Instilling faith, love, and peace,
Seeking the light in this dark world.
In sisterhood we stand,
Maybe it was meant to be,
Perfect they are not,
Aware of the pain that festers in the past,
Living in fields sown with salt,
A pillar of flame in the storm of life.
Categories:
superglue, 8th grade, friendship, friendship
Form: