Best Spinster Poems
Six simpering thick-skinned shifty spinster sisters stiffly sit
Stitching sticky skid-marked scivvies of sixty sick stingy sailors.
Six sick from stitching scivvies of sixty sick scrimping sailors
Stickle over nickels; those insistent six thick-skinned spinster tailors!
For Joe Sandler's Tongue Twister Challenge Poetry Contest
A shy, young spinster, named Sue,
felt sad, cause her lovers were few!
So, she walked out the door,
wearing a fig-leaf - no more!
Now, she's in bed ... with the flu!
How could a man be so cruel, i was thinking at deep
How could one make her weep , i was thinking at deep
she was a spinster,,and it was all she made for her
The abiogenesis of emotions never grew as she met a sycophant
It was all abnegated as she was a shrew,
While he was a taciture with a misogynistic heart
She was all fastidious but he always had a belief
Nothing is much balefulI unless we are not eccentric
Unless we are ascetic holding the parasol
It is only then all sycophants would die
It is only then when spinsters would have their men
When there is no intestatement of a soul
Limerick: Once a Barrister hired a Spinster
Once a Barrister hired a Spinster
To work his pump short of a sphincter
She bought piston and nuts
Fixed up the leaking guts
Then Spinster married Barrister’s sister.
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2013
With underlying arms well akimbo
Seductively they glance at each other
Smiles seasonally defined
Amidst celebration in the bed of rose
Gently they pulled their panties
Preaching to one another amidst copulation
The Bible too far from bed
Humbly replaced rubber cum metal
None was Godly alarmed
The Reason for the season ruefully undermined
Where then lies the climax
As ejaculation overtakes redemption
Who will save the saving Jesus
Lonely outstretched on the cross
Works already ongoing on the second grave
Christ Himself has run drought of blood
Where lies a candid remorse
For the pints already outpoured
Salvation has grown archaic
Wooing versus soul winning epitomize affray of the moment
How can the immoral game be refereed
The spinster is much in need of it
Gently lovely lowly she plays her wing
Who can suspend the salacious match
Time is here at hand
When Christ Himself shall arise with whistle
Showing the end of the match
And making selection for next league
Being the reason for the season
© Izunna I. Okafor 2017
Let me emphasize why they criticise :
Such boundless lassitude, lover hater.
Paltry commitments get one scrutinized.
On a questioning spree with that hipster.
That hostile face, in joy or in sorrow.
Merry miser, buy compliments as much
O! Pitiful spinster, don't you borrow.
Nagging like a meemaw, fretful as such.
Why would you write a self panegyric?
The entire world calls you a cynic.
Hope, love and pain, The Holy Trinity
Might help you get back your gone sanity.
Ponder upon the things you were given,
Shed evils away and welcome Heaven.
There was once an old spinster named Ruth
Who was renowned for stretching the truth
"Tho' many young swains wooed me,
I could have married" said she,
"But found them lecherous and uncouth!"
She liked to dip her toes in the water
To check out the temperature
But other girls would dive right in
And take the man away from her
She liked to drive slow and steady
Avoiding the highway speeds
But by the time she reached her destination
Someone else had fulfilled his needs
Cautiously, she lived her life
Cautiously, she approached a love
Cautiously, she lives alone
Still a pure and white little dove
Time is cruel to even pretty girls
Men don’t wait to buy the cow
She pretends to be the happy spinster
She has no other options now
I didn’t know George was an amorous lad,
causing chat on the bush telegraph.
I’d never heard George had done nothing bad,
‘cept splitting one marriage in half.
George never delved into breaking the law,
so there’s never a day spent in court.
Not being wed, he’s a dull bedroom bore,
well, that’s what one husband had thought.
George is a bachelor to his bootstraps,
so alas he had slipped through the net,
but now eighty years old he had a relapse,
through a spinster with similar regret.
It was only by chance near a bench in a park,
where I toiled in an arbour plantation.
Behind two old spinsters I raked up some bark,
eavesdropping on their conversation.
Dot and Edna - their names, spoke really loud,
‘bout George and the antics of him.
It seems Edna asked Dot, who fervently vowed
her attraction is based on a whim.
“That lovely George Johnson; exceptional man,
Dot, has asked me out on a date,
now I want to ask you has George got a plan,
that might inhibit my virginal state.”
Then Dot replied with an answer to boot,
about George and the night that they had.
Dot mentioned, “He dressed in an excellent suit,”
adding flowers that made her heart glad.
“Then George took me outside to a luxury car,
to a dinner of lobster, wine and dessert,
then off to a show with an absolute star,
but alas - George turned into a pervert.”
Then Dot said to Edna as I raked up the bark,
“In the quiet of the house when alone,
George turned into a beast, erotic and dark.”
And I listened quite baffled and prone.
Continued, said Dot, “That man was insane,
he went crazy with lust and desire.
I fought for my vanity but all in vane,
from this man who could only inspire.”
“George took to my body with lustful intent,
once tearing my new dress off me.
The bodice was torn; and the pleated content,
like the sleeves were tattered completely.”
Edna replied with a voice that was low,
and which sounded more like a lament,
“Are you telling me, that I should say no?”
but Dot answered, “That’s not what I meant!”
“You go out with George” Dot gave a wry grin,
and unbending Dot said, “Edna, say yes.
You’ll love the dinner, the show and the sin …
but for God’s sake just wear an old dress.”
Your lonely years measured
By other people’s celebrations;
You always sat and smiled.
You had your callers,
The oil men, the plumbers,
Big family men
Who humored your weekly salon travesties
While you stifled chuckles
As they crouched and straightened,
Butt-winking through their clothes.
Later, the chuckles you checked echoed bitterly
When the microwave rang you for dinner
And you spotted phantom fingers lurking
On your counter-top,
And grieved for a sooty, rough hand to hold.
Now you sit at your window
Dunking a coffee-bag
Waiting...
Waiting for the Bible man,
Wondering...
Wondering what to wear
To your niece’s wedding;
Composing more lyrics
To your lonely lullaby.
Eleanor. Who was she?
A spinster. Quiet, aloof, alone.
Well-known yet stealing away to the recesses of her singularity.
An old maid.
One who navigates through the motions of life.
Solace or sorrow who would know?
Sung to the world yet unknown.
How to Become a Spinster
By Elton Camp
Sue set her standards for a mate very high
Found fault with every man who came by
“I don’t think this one is handsome enough
And this other one is too full of silly stuff.”
“Joe there just isn’t smart enough for me
And Billy isn’t rich enough as you can see.”
Robert doesn’t have a very good build
And Ronald I find to be too unskilled
She is waiting for fate to bring a surprise
And present a man who’s right in her eyes
When the right one finally came along
It was to another his heart did belong
So all chances at marriage Sue did miss
For a perfect man simply does not exist
The fire in her kindled,
All too soon dwindled:
Nearly in a twinkle
That made her laugh a crinkle
While her forehead described a wrinkle…
Max’s disappearance shall ears tingle,
For remain she will single;
Alone with lover-fed pringle…
Things haven’t been at all simple.
And she’s beautiful, no face pimple.
The harshest of prices for love in ample
By one merely longing to emerge An Example…
Now she’ll have to damn it and ahead go to show it:
A Wronged-By-God Spinster,
Her Absconding Max, A church Minister.
the spinster
doling out
her advice on love
AP: Honorable Mention 2022
She is a spinster
Seventy years of age
and still going strong.
When asked why
she never married,
She whispered an answer:
“Somewhere in the land
I will never know
my husband was aborted
at the very hour and minute
I was born.”