Best Son Of A Bitch Poems
The New "Robbin'" Hood
This guy I describe can have many names.
He’s greedy and mean and likes to play games.
I’ll just call him Robbin’ with double-b,
for he is robbin’ from you and from me.
It’s possible he is from a real hood.
A gangster he’d be then, up to no good.
Oh yes, Robbin’ Hood (a fitting name, that),
who hooks kids on drugs. A scumbag, a rat!
A politician Sir “Hood” could be too,
who’s secretly robbin’ from me and from you.
Some rich CEO who plays on his yacht
with money which from the public he got.
He robs from the poor and gives to the rich.
Yes, he is the worst, that son of a *****.
The new Robbin’ Hood who dirties this earth
will find when he dies just what his soul’s worth.
Written Feb. 12, 2016 for
the twisted poem about Robin Hood Poetry Contest of CT
MY OLD BOSSES FUNERAL
by
JOHN M. ARRIBAS
Went to the funeral of my old boss
After several speakers I was at a loss
Who was this person they were eulogizing
Kind words and praise was so surprising
I knew him well for many, many years
Despised by family and also his peers
He was a tough boss that never praised
The toil of his workers, most thought him crazed
One speaker after another had bountiful praise
They must be mistaken or in a mental daze
Like I said I knew him well
Being around him was a living hell
His ex wife had nothing to say
His two daughters couldn’t make it today
His son sent a card but forgot to sign
It said” hi mom” are you having a good time?
I had an eerie feeling throughout the service
These lauding comments were making me nervous
I had to make sure I was in the right place
Walked up to the casket and stared at his face
I had to touch him to see if he’s cold
Lipstick and rouge made him look old
Underneath the makeup he was turning gray
Get him underground don’t wait another day
Sure enough the old codger was dead
But I couldn’t believe the plaudits said
He was a bitter psychotic misanthrope
He was cheap a bigot a total mope
He was intolerant abusive and never approved
To belittle and disarm was his every move
The praising went on like a marathon
It sounded as if they’re sorry he’s gone
It must be that he had more than one side
They’re talking about Dr. Jekyll I knew Mr. Hyde
BOSS’S FUNERAL (2)
Later I learned what the praise was all about
He left a fortune for his rep to dole out
Total discretion for his rep to give away
To anyone that had something real to say
Everyone here and others previously chosen
To say a few words about the recently frozen
They all praised and offered exaltations
Expecting a big payoff for their commendations
But when the will was officially opened
Not a thing awarded to those who had spoken
Instead everything was willed to his son
Cause he was best to continue his fathers run
Of all of my kin and friends it was easy to see
My son is a son of a ***** just like me
So he gets my wealth and also my genes
He’ll succeed using unscrupulous schemes
When its his time to turn from ecru to gray
He can expose the hypocrites as I did today
ZEN DOG DAY
DOG:
A’m jest trucking on down the road
Hangin loose got no heavy load
[Stops in middle of road and proceeds to scratch every part known to man or dog]
Motorist behind blows horn]
DOG:
Now I hear a horn playin Hey! Hey!
Well Zippety doo dah dey!
I can feel some cool music hatchin
Just as soon as I finish my scratchin
MOTORIST:
That was my motor horn you heard play
To ask you just get out of the way
I’ve an important meeting with top brass
So kindly move your canine ass
DOG:
Well I got some important itchin
That can’t wait for my position switching
My doggy ass is in its proper station
For sedation of my irritation
MOTORIST:
Now listen you son of a *****
My meetings more important than your itch
DOG:
Wow! Now don’t you talk about my old lady.
[After final scratch]
You can pass now, so go in peace baby
MOTORIST:
If you’d moved sooner I’d have saved time - near ten minute
DOG:
And with that time, what would you then have done with it?
[Aside]
That’s my philosophy for today just to start out
Jean Paul Sartre you can eat your heart out
...The devil didn’t hide, he strutted right out,
a smile painted on his red face.
“Why my dear sheriff, how in the world
Did you ever find my new place?”
Abner stared on, seething with hate.
“An old friend told me to find you here,”
He explained, glancing up to the sky.
“You know why I’m here, you son-of-a-*****.
You made those poor people die.
And now has come your time!”
The devil he laughed, and shook his head.
“You think that Colt will take me down?
I’m a damned archangel, and well beyond
The people of this backwater town.
Now behave, and toss that on the ground.”
Abner lifted his arm, taking careful aim
at the devil’s broad, muscled, red chest.
The devil just sighed, and started forwards
“You should not put me to the test,”
The devil did smugly confess.
Abner squeezed back on the trigger,
And a shot rang out in the night.
The devil lurched backwards, screaming loud,
his hellish face a mask of fright.
He looked down, shocked at the sight.
A hole their awaited, the flesh dissolving
around where the bullet had hit.
He gasped and looked up at Abner,
saying,”No! No, I don’t believe it!”
Abner just smiled, then on him spit.
“Pride, its goes before a fall,
that you of all folks should know!
I talked to your Pa, and He answered true,
and showed me the best way to go
about laying your carcass low.”
“See into each bullet I carved a cross,
and in holy water I dipped the tips
Then old Priest Frazier blessed each one
Blessed my gun, and then gave lip
to the Big Guy to watch over my trip.”
The devil shrank back, eyes afire,
struggling to say on his feet.
Abner he fired five more times,
what the devil sowed he then reaped,
and fell to the ground in defeat.
His body dissolved into the snow,
His soul went screaming back to Hell.
Abner breathed a sigh, holstered the gun,
and stood their quiet for a spell.
They he walked out, heading down the hill.
Now some folks say the crash of ninety-three
was what drove folks from Aspen’s mines,
And ushered in the beginning
of the town’s long and sleepy times.
But the real story you will find
Is that the dark one roamed and destroyed
until an old cowboy took him apart,
And for decades to come he raged in Hell
about Abner Gidden, that damned upstart
who dared shoot the devil in the heart!
Ex, T-Rex, Box, Spandex, Sex, Tux.
Ex, a person who used to make you the happiest,
Ex, an ******* you are better off not having in your life.
T-Rex, the mightiest of the dinosaurs,
T-Rex, also a reminder that even the greatest things can die out.
Box, a cardboard container for something from a loved one,
Box, a place you put thoughts in your head to avoid addressing them.
Spandex, the material that stretches across my skin to look skinny again,
Spandex, the material that gives me hives from sticking to my skin with sweat
Sex, the eye opening experience that brings you closer to your person,
Sex, the legs opening experience that hurts like a son of a *****.
Tux, the suit men put on before seeing their blushing bride.
Tux, the suit men put on before settling into their final resting place.
Ex, T-Rex, Box, Spandex, Sex, Tux.
After all these years I dont understand how you can
Play me for a fool
i vouched for you
because I trusted you don't play this crooked game
It used to be just you and me
Fighting against the world
Here's the time to make it right
Just give me piece of mind
Trust is a fickle thing
And I doubt you comprehend
exactly what it meant
Knowing you were my friend
All good things must eventually end
And I guess you never cared
You selfish prick you son of a *****
For your sake pray we never meet again
I pray pray pray for your soul
That you don't burn in hell
My kindness is not a weakness
It is sad you've mistaken so
One foot two foot walk away
Our lives May never be the same
Play with fire some one gets burned
Today I learned you're not worth the fight
So many thoughts. so much stress, tryna peel around corners of suggestion, dodging fear bullets tryna answer your questions.
Feeling so distant from thought, thought I could run, but i'm caught up again, words just aren't good enough to describe the pain i'm in.
I'm losing, losing my war with self, losing sanity, & losing it all, backed up fetaled in a corner,
slowly losing vanity, vision blurred, curved, &skewed. Like condemn your thoughts. Believe words and blame views. Definite deficit difference, acknowledged by many, feared by some, &ignored by few.
young minds grab a pad and let the pen speak scriptures and leak truths, like the bible was known to the face of the unchanging, &pissed on by the blasphemy you hear in the news.
Thanks swizz, we cruise on to the next one, limiting all within all I've seen young-in slung, hung by nuice louder than ears drum, ears drumming out catastrophe. Comparing natural disasters to the lord's only begotten son.
Son of a bastard father, son of a *****, son of none, A motherless child. They treat me like i was a new religion, judged by appearance, Looking into my equivalent of a bible and treating it like it's Saul Williams' diary, Opening a telegram of coded language & screaming Sha Clack Clack at the misleading analogies,
of me,
to things like hurricanes, earthquakes, and tsunamis, naw mean, naw, me, not me, wrong clip, take another picture, &reassess the image in your menstrual mirror, get to know me a lil and maybe you can judge me. Because until then, you'd never know my fear of what you think of me..
"Will Rogers never met that son of a *****"
Famous quote from Will Rogers.."I never met a man I didn't like"
you crossed me
that did it
you insulted my intelligence
Critics
yet who are they really anyways ?
you live behind four walls that close in
it's too late you blew it
my pride is on the floor
lest I implore more
but that of what
a challenge to be free is a quest of time
you gave me the middle finger
just remember there's four fingers pointing right back at you
have I bitten off far more then I could chew ?
Now your messing with a son of a *****
give you another lousy dish
you tend to sweep things underneath the rug
no sense of remorse from me & no love
you bit & devour with viscous fangs that bite dripping blood of side
go run away & hide
standing alone with a noose around my neck
what the heck is this life for ?
it's not known in a Studio 54
nor of that a Warhol piece of Campbell soup cans
hopefully someday you will understand
that you can't get away from sticking it to the man
life is to short for losers like you
sit back with your spaghetti with sauce & Ragu
you got eyes of blackened hot wired stench
ears that hear but you straddle the fence
said you read your books in school but you haven't made a dent
try to even the score lest I implore
another place in time hence another door
you bastard
you took something from me that no one else has or could or would
I want it back you creep but you're dead your glowing obituary honoring
the many years of public position as a chiropractor and husband and
father of five what would they all say huh i bet they'd call me a liar and
just a sicko trying to get revenge or publicity or some other absurd
inane rationalization instead of believing their beloved doctor could do
such a thing to another human being by the way this poem has no
punctuation because you don't deserve the time or energy required you
sick sorry son-of-a-***** and the worst thing is I let it go I never confronted
you while I had the chance because I was so ashamed I wonder how many
others you took such liberties with under the guise of your practice THEY
are the reason I should have spoken up but I was a coward such secrets
you have taken to the grave and they are rotting with you decaying and
stinking like holy hell the shame you passed along with the act was your
insurance wasn't it you bastard you counted on it and counted on it rotting
right along with everything else but there's no grave for my memory no
such sad sorry end just IT rotting along in my head and the horrific carrion
stink that fills my senses rotting curses and names and empty vengeful
thoughts I save for you that I'll never get to shove in your twisted face
Young G II
my daddy was a son of a ***** married to an evil witch
long time ago let the truth be told my family was my dynasty
as a young G painting the town in my new Mustang with my girl
crossing the street and a blast a freek hit my ass
broken down falling apart at the seams such an evil scheme
my mother was a whore selling her junk in the trunk behind the liquor store
you know I had it rough this is so true but what was i to do
a loaded plate of fries down at Denny's i was broke living on pennys
still its the bounce of the ounce to the tower of power have to take a cold shower
although those many years have passed still have a god reason to grasp
poetry with music is my thing gets to start that new style swing
got vibrations in anticipation as I break it all down hanging my head as a clown
masturbation, apathy & solace
time has a way to deal with the pain leaving some suckers insane
say you want to be me in a society that never lets things be see you on the flip side squeeze
bury me in the sea of tranquility cause in tine you'll see a good enough reason to be
a big explosion inside yet we want to run away in hide from the frenzy
today we got politicians that no it all they need to talk to the wall
Now the Young G is full grown in his prime created by a higher powers great design
he made it through it all some high yet deep inside he got pain he cannot hide
come along for the ride
you read your books in school bruh
they taught of lessons needed in life
some how along life's way you got lost
busting down doors sleeping with dirty whores
rap scene was you first priority
flirting with fire of Satan's burning desire
trying to get you higher
you were so blind you couldn't see
now your messing with a son of a *****
you realize eternity is a long time
had to stop all your dope rhymes
yesterday it was wine, dine and 69
got to keep it real cause the truth will set you free
let the devil flee as you king on to Jehovah
turn your life over
you wake up late stating it's one of those days
getting lost in a purple haze
take a chill pill & wear your Sunday's best
swing in your corner and turn your thought life over
yesterday we used to pray
yet today you say it ought not be that way
Jesus Saves
Jesus Saves
you were a mouse stuck inside a maze
until you gave your heart to the savior
now your eating another ice cream flavor
disaster was your best friend
slipping & sliding nothing was guiding
today you stand ten feet tall
cause you took your chance with the king of kings
the world outside is so very mean
coming back to your first love
kick that old dog Satan underneath the rug
Knocked from my saddle,
I didn't see it coming,
shot in the back,
he thought I was dead.
He didn't wait around to see,
if I was killed,
because God let me live,
I will kill him someday.
Getting stronger every day,
that bullet didn't kill me,
passed right thru,
God decided I would heal,
getting back on the trail,
I'm coming for you.
The saloon doors swing closed behind me,
there stands that back shooter at the bar,
I see the fear in his eyes,
he doesn't know he's dead before he hits the floor,
his pistols never moved.
The click of two hammers in my ear,
two 44's looking at me,
you better GIT while you still can boy,
we never liked that son-of-a ***** anyway.
The morning sun lights my path,
I see home down the valley,
quietly calling me,
asking where you been?