Best Seamen Poems
Skinny-dipping with you is a thrill
For a man who is over the hill
But just one squiggly squirm
From a small dangling worm
And a fish will dart in for the kill!
A Sperm Whale with a mouthful of krill
Can swallow more than you ever will
Only octopus arms
Could adore all your charms
But for you, this is only a drill
30.VII.19
(as per Jan's request, written for
Tania Kitchin's Two Sea-themed Limerick poetry contest)
Syllables Per Line: 9 9 6 6 9 0 9 9 6 6 9
Total # Syllables: 78
A Bo'sun in the pub was wheezing
From Wanda Mann's underhand teasing
An organist by trade
And accomplished milkmaid
Her fingers were quite busy squeezing
The Bo'sun recalled a sperm whale
That spouted away in a gale
Wanda knew how whales blow
And performed it just so
The Bo'sun would buy her more ale
The Bo'sun was never a sinner
And saw her a champion winner
He took her for wife
She took up her knife
And swallowed his sausage for dinner
The Bo'sun now lies underground
His widow is fooling around
Like an octopus
She will grab men thus
Explaining she's on the rebound
A widow must have food to eat
A sausage is filled up with meat
Just one dram of rum
And seamen will come
To give Wanda a cream-filled treat
But the Bo'sun's fate still lingers
Like Wanda's octopus fingers
'Tis said on her plate
She'd resuscitate
A galley of real humdingers
Now the Bo'sun's fate took a toll
On many a poor seaman's soul
When out on a date
Remember their fate
Keep your sausage out of the roll!
Two seamen sought to sail the sea
to see the seething sea, you see.
This could have happened in B.C.
but no — they saw the modern sea.
In 2023 A.D.
the sea was like the sea B.C.
which is unlike the CBC
with no connection to the sea
but somewhat like the BBC
which does resemble the B.C.
without the extra C., you see?
I see.
A cupola shin, prickly dick creed, hoary
testes tossed, master baiting ova all eel trades
crossed the fecund Rubicon and ejaculated
olly olly oxen yawping, in utero seminal raids
with phallic coup d’etat that buck came vasocongested spades
lit torch, where hello kitty Ernst lee screeched
amidst Grafenberg tit parades
bumping uglies during four nuke key eight ting game
where pinkish puckered two lips viz biological
Russian roulette played – birth control relegated as desuetude
hotly contested fee conned, caved heat seminal blitzkrieg overlaid
bilging swamped,
whence olds eye goat ruff fused exiting nightshade
shy ham mull in, and gave way to blast ta cyst
vis a visa viz biological fertilization qua two plump milkmaids
from inchoate seeds juiced beginning
to compress bladder re: lemonades
per diem mother via umbilical cord fueling gestation,
where sonogram shows faint genetic threnody skein
perchance manifold jades
nope – no fallacy when peppy thrust with sucks esse full feint
after thwarting objection against skin flute charmed thence invades
which begot conception from chromosomal traits stitched
via jean S, and her faction of trumpeting handmaids
whose fecund ditty began to feel swell as biological reproduction
showed no uterine back grades
as Tabula rasa In utero endured fusillades per what mother tubby ingested
sustenance promulgated noticeable womb dar full expansion fusillades
of nutriments ordaining future health of progeny
riddling endless questions within the gallimaufry
discombobulated mental, physical fatigue enfilades
and spiritual state of momma me ya in tha family way, whereby baby blueprint an outcome as nano sized atomic bombshells scoured decades
to determine the ontological makeup from when the fluid dynamics
spelling impregnation since time immemorial and into the future cascades
artfully concatenating eminent grise immaculate kindred laminated with waxy substance i.e. vernix, though smooth
doth serve analogous to microscopic switch-blades.
There was a woman from Beeman
Who enraptured all the seamen
With a gentle touch of her hand
She titillated their laughing gland
Making them feel like freemen
Where Seamen Flows
tootsie
booby
flaps wings
that sing
the night
hymns tight
for bread
embed
that fills
her bill
3/20/17
Writer's Notes-fishermen go out to sea, bring in a nice catch. Birds follow the boat in. Fishermen have a big load of cash in their pockets. Music to someone's ear? Booby's (seacoast flyers) get some silver. Fish. Bread/or fish in their bill. Tootsies is slang for prostitutes. With fishermen's bread (slang for cash) set aside (embed) to fill the bill. The title is also a play on words.
A man paid a witch for an hex
To help his wife want much more sex
They went on a cruise
Where she made the news
Obliging the men on all decks
Outstretched hands above the waves
Condemed to deep the cannons slaves
Before the mast they took their place
And take the cat at drumbeats pace
The Kings shilling and a tot of rum
Cannons hauled to the roll of drum
Sawdust strewn the blood to soak
Sweating palms but hearts of oak
A head of sail, battle flags fly
Such gallant men will fear defy
Ball and shot know not age
Only battle named on histories page
Splintered timbers, blooded deck
The surgeons knife hath no respect
Many a man cheated Netunes door
Many a man shall cheat no mre
A plank, a flag, a final prayer
Young and old to sea they stare
Wind it carries the Sirens song
Canvassed souls, the deep belong
Men of duty, born of salt
The Oceans pull cannot halt
That these brave men rule the waves
That we be free and not as slaves
Seven slurring stout sociable salty sailors
Standing stealthily silent
Solo
Sharing secret salacious
Stirring sailing stories.