Best Schnook Poems
The thick numerous shoots of grass have come out,
no more snow shovels til late autumn comes about.
I hear the robins chirp as they tend their nests,
wait....the sound of a cranky lawn mower chugging
to life from its winter's rest!
Quickly, dear, go out and mow before everyone else
does!
our yard needs to look perfect, 'cuz-
the neighborhood spring lawn mowing wars have
just begun,
it's quite serious, not so much fun.
Yard envy is so common in our subdivision,
The HOA "Yard Of The Month" prize brings derision.
If the young couple who just moved in across the
street think their landscaping is the best,
my roses and begonias will put them to the test.
Hubby can't start the riding mower,
he's cursing its parentage midst dandelions
and clover.
The other men in the cul-de-sac are already
halfway done,
as their wives bring out iced tea for them
under the strong sun.
Well, well, tomorrow is the neighborhood
block party,
I've already made an array of warm weather
dishes so hearty,
My potato salad and baked beans will surely
be the envy of the other cooks,
it is in the good 'ol American spirit-
to compete and be a smug schnook! ~
Categories:
schnook, 8th grade, 9th grade,
Form:
Rhyme
My Mother-In-Law
Her last years, were on the Internet spent.
Loving chatrooms and then...Mother found a poetry site.
Heavens! How excited was she!
.
Thus, she spent her waning years writing poetry.
How she loved mankind and her fellow-poets!
She signed her comments, with "Love, Helene."
Poets had no idea in a wheelchair bound, was she!
Her poetry young and vital, like a blooming cherry tree
One day Mom was hysterically crying.
In her mailbox, a threatening email did lay.
Sent her by a far younger, enraged female poet.
Who, oh so wrongly, accused my Mother of being after 'her' man.
As if these dying woman, could cross an ocean.
What did the frenzied poet think?
An older, sick woman was Peter Pan?
I did my best to calm tearful Mother down.
Oh, I wanted to choke this female poetess clown!
Mom is in her grave now~ sorry to say.
But, now I find myself, just like her in love with poetry.
it's such pleasureable play.
The world so full of jealousy,envy, greed and hate.
And we humans, don't understand, this will not end
Until this world is gone and we stand at heaven's gate.
.
Just be kind and generous to one another.
We act as gods who foolishly think,
We can bring peace and the world together?
That will happen one day, read the Good Book!
Lighten up, respect each other and stop acting like a
foolish, egotistical, enlightened schnook.
February 11, 2020
2:15pm PST
Categories:
schnook, family, humor, jealousy, memory,
Form:
Rhyme
They met on line, late one night...
Just looking around on a dating site...
Neither of them knew what to expect...
And within a month they started to text...
The Wi-Fi signal was not one of the best...
So their communication was put to the test.
He asked if she liked to cook...
She thought he said she was a schnook...
Really she asked, how rude is that ?
He thought she said she was an aristocrat...
She thought he was rude...
He thought she was a prude...
But each had a deep curiousity...
So they decided to exchange photos for both to see...
They both liked what they saw..
As each looked like a movie star...
But they each questioned...could this be true ?
Or is this possibly a snafu ?
They decided to meet and make it soon...
Perhaps on Friday in the afternoon ...
At a Coffee shop on Baker’s Street...
See you there and be sure to order something sweet...
She got there early, and was sitting at the corner table...
When a short pudgy man, wearing “bling” and an exposed pierced navel...
Approached and asked, “waiting for someone ?”...
No said she, NOT me and ran to her car...
Driving away as fast as she was able...
It was then a man arrived, and sat down at the corner table...
He looked a lot like Clark Gable...
Categories:
schnook, computer, discrimination, humor, internet,
Form:
Prose Poetry
With body and mind you respond to my touch,
gobbling up kisses, like sweet penuche,
I could not ask for a better lover; there is nonesuch.
When I grind my gears, you become my clutch
and I lean on you like an emotional crutch.
A magic elixir, you quench my heart
like sweet nectar, neither bitter nor tart.
Forged on passion's anvil, your lovemaking's an art.
And paused on the moment, my smile presses restart.
Your granite body buffed to a sheen
has a vulnerable heart; you're not a machine.
And yet, you make the impossible look routine.
With rippled muscles, as though chiseled from stone,
you're a warm schnook where dreams have blown,
You're the wind in my sails, without uttering a sound.
Behind the scenes, you don't speak much,
but like dawn's first light, you offer a new start.
Cushioning my falls, you spot me on life's trampoline
and somewhere between estrogen and testosterone
you find balance, both feet firm on the ground.
(Minuanetta)
1/26/2018
Categories:
schnook, boyfriend, character, emotions, feelings,
Form:
Rhyme
I am small
and gaining WEIGHT
from the chips that I had ATE
Just around the BEND(I can barely do that,FRIEND)
Gut around the MIDDLE while my nephew tells a RIDDLE
Exploding sudden GAS ,it came from my rotund ASS
Chicks no longer LOOK at this unsightly SCHNOOK
as I eat my TWINKIE,the underoos are getting STINKY
What do men and women FEAR-besides an enema to the REAR?
unbearable stomach SIZE of a fatso that we DESPISE
Mother wants to give son TREAT by buying hamburger,Burger King SWEET
Dom Deluise has shown me the WAY to get more pound and flab
by expanding every DAY
Spaghetti and a MEATBALL to placate hunger and it's tasty CALL
Love handles is a feeling WHICH..
I quite fear,
life can be an unfair -ITCH!!
Categories:
schnook, funny,
Form:
Limerick
I woke up this morning at 7 am
Off to labor like a great big schnook
When I got home I sat down to rest
Beside the fireplace with my favorite _______
I soon fell fast asleep
And went into a vivid dream
The skies were ever so blue
And the trees ever so________
Now I’m flying through the air
Along with the birds and the bees
Oh no the alarm went off...work again!
But you know what... I can’t find my _______
Wow what a strange and beautiful dream
Maybe I’ll lay down and dream some more
But hey I may still be dreaming
Because I see words all over my_______
Feb.01.2016
Categories:
schnook, dream, humor, satire,
Form:
Free verse
IT’S WHAT IT IS …
If every day you sleep in church; you may not know God
You are not necessarily spiritual; but you are pious
If you’ve grade 99.9%, you’re not most educated; but you’ve first class
You are what you are, and it’s what it is
When she exhibits temperance, then she is neither lustful nor concupiscent
When she’s apparently courageous, she’s neither hotheaded nor irascible
When she adds reason in action, oh yes she be prudent
She is what she is, and it’s what it is
Because he drives he is a driver
And in so far as he plays the flute, ‘flutist’ captures him
Because he plays well the inflated round leather, dub him a footballer
For that is what he is, and it’s what it is
Assuming I be easily deceived and very unintelligent; am foolish and simpleton
What if I be a schmuck or schnook, pity me for I am stupid!
Honest description depicts reality; but malevolent eulogies do not
They give either sheer flattery or mere insults; all in all, it is what it is
Yes! You’re good, because you are
You’re bad, just because you really are
Always, words may not express aptly
But come what may, it’s what it is!
Categories:
schnook, truth,
Form:
Free verse
In spite of my charms and stunning good looks
I'm bad to the core and I'm a bit of a schnook
Knock down old ladies
Scare little babies
Not true, just spewing out a bunch of gobbledegook
© Jack Ellison 2015
Categories:
schnook, humorous,
Form:
Limerick
My favourite poet is ME
I’m obsessed with pooping and pee
So I’m a crap poet
Oh boy do I know it
My poem fans may disagree!
Some people may think I’m a schnook
For writing a second rude book
But I’m not lost for words
Writing of pee and turds
When published, will YOU dare to look!
Categories:
schnook, anti bullying, how i
Form:
Limerick
As well as my charm and amazing good looks
You'd think I had tentacles like an oversexed octopus
My looks tend to make
Young girlies double take
And fight for a piece of this silly old schnook
© Jack Ellison 2015
Dreaming?
Categories:
schnook, silly,
Form:
Limerick
Snipes are a kind of bird, difficult to spot
because they’re quiet and they hide a lot –
a kind of cross ‘twixt stool pigeon and an owl,
it is a bird that deserves to be called fowl.
Maybe a large rooster with antlers like a moose
some guys say they are more like a wild goose.
How do you catch them? Now that is where you
depend on luck; my friend hit one with his shoe.
Some make a cage from an old cardboard box
but pillowcases work. To really outfox
a large snipe, you may need to bring a rope
to tie him up; if it's real dark, you just hope.
First, you start to hear sounds - like gobblety-gook
and you may start to think that you are a schnook
but hang in there. Sometimes it takes all night
especially if the snipe puts up a fight.
First time I went, along about one o’clock
I smelled what I thought was a rat in a crock
quick as a wink, I caught onto a small snipe.
What a night! but I got it, all in one fell swipe.
Categories:
schnook, adventure, night,
Form:
Couplet
Donkey Neigh flaunted his family, hence Sis, the cat, purred,
"My male ancestors are viewed very well in the Good Book."
Whereupon, Sis drives the point home, "I'll wager you’ve NOT heard,
we cats proudly hail from the Lion of Judah, you schnook!"
"My male ancestors are viewed very well in the Good Book,
we donkeys bore His mother, Mary, to Bethlehem town.”
"We cats proudly hail from the Lion of Judah, you schnook!"
Neigh crows, "Jesus rode grandpa wearing Jerusalem’s crown,
we donkeys bore His mother, Mary, to Bethlehem town.”
Cat nuzzles up to donkey. She chides, "Enough bragging, Neigh.”
Neigh crows, "Jesus rode grandpa wearing Jerusalem’s crown
while those conniving humans planned His fate along the way."
Cat nuzzles up to donkey. She chides, "Enough bragging, Neigh!"
Whereupon, Sis drives the point home, "I'll wager you’ve NOT heard,
while those conniving humans planned his fate along the way,
Donkey Neigh flaunted his family.” Hence, Sis, the cat, purred.
April 11, 2020
Gif #2
contest: Pantoum Rhyme Personification
sponsor: Eve Roper
Categories:
schnook, 11th grade, cat, jesus,
Form:
Pantoum
First day
No way
Lost book
He took
No good
A hood
Bad thief
My beef
Loud shout
Found out
Poor schnook
A crook
In court
Have tort
No bail
In jail
Too bad
Not sad
Categories:
schnook, funny, humor, sad,
Form:
Footle
The Book
Written: by Tom Wright
8-15-2016
Each day of my life has been a page of a book,
Many who are reading it may think I’m a schnook.
It’s a book being written, nothing held in reserve,
Not a NY Times best seller or one to preserve.
You’ll find some dog eared pages, yellow and worn,
Others filled with ridicule, complacency or scorn.
This book isn’t fiction but of a life mostly passed,
Many pages were sunny but some were overcast.
Some pages paint a picture of a man filled with rage,
But that was before Jesus began editing that page.
You may form opinions, standing pat in your belief,
But only God will soon judge me, as editor in chief.
Categories:
schnook, judgement, life,
Form:
Couplet
there is beauty before your eyes
red
yellow
blue as white clouds that touches the outer skies
pain?
there is none of where I look between the fragile line
open for the first time,clear away the cobwebs dirt
which covers every crevice of this old floor of mine
the air up there
it is breezy of this I swear
close the homework ma thematic book
and take a look,you,a little child..a shying
and retiring schnook
Categories:
schnook, life,
Form: