Best Retard Poems
~Life Support~
Welcome New Poet To Poetry Soup,
I offer you a warm smile, in hopes you come back another day.
From the moment I spot your name on the new poet list,
I roll out the welcome mat, in hopes you will stay
I am not afraid of you, I will approach you to say hello
I will Annoy you until you stop by and say "YELL-OW!"
Please have patience, when my ink has no flame
Don't be intimidated by The Poet Destroyer's name,
I'm sweet looking like a lollipop and fun like a kitten
"Warning!" Don't get too close or you'll be smitten,
You can choose to adore or instigate petitions of envy
When it comes to PD
Even then I am a friendly poet, protected by God's loving levee
It's time to introduce myself, call me Linda or PD
Unless, you're in constant warfare for the dominance of poetry
Then by all means, express yourself retard-ly
Verbalize my name, in any which way you like
Call me The Poet Destroyer, when tapping the mic
All though many here know I'm more of a Poet Supporter
A comment crusader, a poetic hoarder
I have no shame in my game,
I give, I love, I treat everyone the same
Unwind, Enjoy all the Xoolness coming to your direction
Inspiration, Contest, Friendly Poets, Poems, and Dedications
I am not a mentor, I'm not a preacher advocating the perfect poem
I am me, original as can be, in time you will seek out my troupe
Reminiscing, over the time I was your first,
Regale with loving respect, don't judge my hunger and poetic thirst
To all new poets I promise, I'll be faithful and follow you like a star
Unless, you forget to put gas while side showing in my crystalline car
Don't worry, New Poetic Poe, I got your back
Taunting you with a copy paste smack
Call it a "--Statement--" call it what you want
I call it, Love From PD, enjoying the community
With a simple hello, and peace out spree
CONGRATULATIONS, to all who made it through the years
Ain't nobody here worth more than you and your poetry
Take this time, and introduce yourself my new friend
Remember New Poet:
If it weren't for you, this place would be 2005 all over again
Always & Forever
Age Of Poet Destroyer
6-24-14
Categories:
retard, addiction, beautiful, celebration, community,
Form:
Free verse
If you are so proud
of your sensibilities and tastes,
so convinced that your arbitrary judgements
are infallible as heartbeats of angels,
if you are the sole instrument of God's grace and evaluations
then why don't you allow them to stand next to that which you condemn
for your peers and the world to judge,
why deny those immaculate tenets the glory
of intellectual and moral combat
to prove their legitimacy, their spiritual superiority
and not to become what they claim to understand and abhor,
who and what do you believe you are protecting,
its critics like you that retard the development of the Youth,
attempt to shame love and passion,
encourage the madness of tyrannies,
and succor the demons of oppressive cults,
does a rose hide itself in the shade,
does a beautiful sword dignify itself with wild slashes,
does the truth honor itself with silence,
does justice inspire with opinion,
Banish the bullies,
trip the trolls,
excise the malevolent,
leave passionate love alone...
I declare,
let there be contrast,
let there be Art -
J.A.B.
Categories:
retard, art, freedom, love,
Form:
Didactic
Big n hard
well babe its been big n hard,
the dumb retard?
wants planting in pleasures planting pot,
or bring some stole viagra,
just in case its not:)
get a keeper maybe should,
enhance his mood, stiff as wood,
the blood flow enterprising,
could be bloody mystifying,
as any phallus should,
yet babe im shagged, deflated bags,
me ball bags teste-fying,
get back you baitch,
can’t have an inch,
bo-didly aint supplying…
Don Johnson
Categories:
retard, adventure,
Form:
Ballad
Hick Phonics - is a language to be taught in all Southern schools.
Here are some excerpts from the Hick Phonics/English Dictionary.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Heidi - Noun - A Greeting
Hire Yew - Complete Sentence - Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi! Hire yew?"
Bard - Verb - Past tense of the infinitive "To Borrow"
Usage: "My brother bard my pick up truck."
Munts - Noun - A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pick up truck and I ain't seen him in munts."
Jawjah - Noun - A state just north of Florida. Capital is Hatlanta.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pick up truck.
Ignernt - Adjective - Not smart. See Arkansas Native.
Usage: "Them two boys sure are ignernt."
Ranch - Noun - A tool used for tightening bolts.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pick up truck my brother from Jawjah bard a few munts ago."
All - Noun - A petroleum based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjah puts all in my pick up."
Far - Noun - A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjah don't change the all in my pick up that thang's gonna ketch far."
Bahs - Noun - A supervisor
Usage: "If you don't stop readin' these Southern words your bahs is gonna far you."
Tar - Noun - A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee I hope that brother of mine from Jawjah don't git a flat tar in my pick up."
Tire - Noun - A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise I hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris someday."
Retard - Verb - To stop working.
Usage: "My Grampaw retard at 65."
Tarred - Adverb - Exhausted.
Usage: "I jest flew in from Hatlanta and boy my arms are tarred."
Categories:
retard, funny,
Form:
Free verse
In the heavens above on any given day
Countless stars are born to blaze the skies
Trillions speak their truth through verse and song
As they praise, inspire and light the path
Fallen star brings joy he twinkles and shines
Both Man and creature in wonderment gaze
In the middle of the winter of ‘78
Formed and fashioned in love by the Master’s hands
The young star set forth toward his destiny
‘cross millions of galaxies constellations far
Reaching earth’s galaxy along the Milky Way
To add brilliance and illuminate our world
This perilous journey he was called to make
Proved daunting too complex to accomplish alone
Distracted by forces beyond his strength
He strayed and fell as countless before
Anger and pride as companions he chose
Would retard his progress yet for a while
The Master keeping watch over his universe
Saw the young star unguided he stumbled he fell
God projected his will providing another way out
In wisdom with calm resolution he allowed him to fall
Through the fire refined like silver and gold
Preparation confirmed the journey to complete
There’s a new day coming just over the horizon
When Fallen star will arise fired and strong
In the interim all plans are made fool proof
Tools are honed cleaned and sharpened
For this journey a lifetime to make
Fallen star aims high to blaze the skies
For Jimmy M. with love--*
Categories:
retard, dedication, friendship, lifestar, journey,
Form:
Free verse
Push-Pull leaders
demand your gripe
at either end of their
hangman's rope
Your willing hoist
of their own petard,
the Devil's foist
of his own retard.
"retard" in this sense="delay," as in delaying tactics.
1John 5:19.
Luke 4:5-8.
John 17:14-16.
Daniel 2:44,45.
"For tis the sport to have the enginer
Hoist with his own petar, and't shall go hard
But I will delve one yard below their mines
And blow them to the moon"
Hamlet.
Categories:
retard, conflict, word play,
Form:
Rhyme
The room is dark but the light of the window.
She wants to hide
Hiding herself
The words she hears makes her want to cover her face
Covering herself from existing.
She thinks that the world is against her
She wishes to become somebody else
She grabs a white mask with a mouth,
Nose, and eyes.
The mask is pale like a piece of paper
She writes the words that she hears from the world
She cannot ignore the words that are tearing her
All she wrote are words like “fat”, “ugly” , “retard”, “disgrace”, and “Nothing”.
She wears the mask
She is no longer herself
All the flesh from her face is gone
The mask remains on her face.
Categories:
retard, art, dark, depression,
Form:
Free verse
. Slammed by
Mother...President...Teacher...Poet...&...Form
A MOTHERS LOVE
Mother always called me a lousy kid, with a shove
I was the only kid she wanted to get rid of
On my head she always smacked me hard.
She would always slam me calling me a retard
My mother gave me the best slamming love.
((( my mother the best slammer there ever was)))
_______________________________________________
WE ARE THE WORLD
Slam back at any country, at any given event
I feel bad for any so called President.
"WE THE PEOPLE" the Republic and the Democrat.
Slamming each other talking crap.
In a world full of slam and argument.
((( The world toughest fight is slam not war )))
_______________________________________________
TEACHERS PET
Our teachers kept on and on how we where wrong with a fuzz.
She just stood there and slammed each and everyone of us.
Making us write an essay on broken rules.
Kept us all after school calling us stupid fools
Who knew teachers where allowed to slam and cuss?
((( Teachers words of slam can ruin any future )))
______________________________________________
ROAD BLOCK
Have you ever heard of a poet blocker.
All they are is a slam stocker
They over abuse their blocking right.
Trying to make other poets fight.
Always trying to slam a point across, like a mocker.
((( Hating against any form of poetry is a slam it self )))
_____________________________________________
JUDGING CONTEST
Can you guess that slam is just a risky business
Picking out the best slam words from the rest.
Testing out a form we don't know how to let it flow.
Darn the soup for putting slam on the box below.
Even the best have join my slamming contest.
((( Thank you Soup for SLAMMING us with your A-Z list-form)))
_____________________________________________
Categories:
retard, confusion, lifewords, me, world,
Form:
Limerick
KING ME!!
"Another date you and I !!"
Sharing moments ~ "Eye To Eye!!"
Lost of words and you know why?
Your trophy is to kill,
mine's to hang you out to dry.
Testing your skill,
simmering my skills down to your level.
You play like Mr Sandman, slipping me with a sleeping pill.
You don't have what it takes to pick up the pace.
You think this is like the rabbit and turtle race.
You take up, to much time studying my moves.
"DUH~ YOU DUMMY!!"
"I pull the same ones, THAT'S WHY YOU ALWAYS LOSE!! "
In some games you have me figured out.
Due to that one corner move, that makes me shout.
Another double jump'
You got me off guard!
I love the way you show me~ NEVER UNDERESTIMATE A RETARD~
King me!
You say and I say no way!
Another game you win, when I lose my patients to play.
Every one of your moves has a ploy,
My sweet love, I'm only here to destroy.
I don't know why you think this game is LONG-TERM.
Waiting for you to move, is wearing out my new perm.
I can feel all the mass pass me by, its like watching a worm slowly die.
Sorry if I jumped twice before your piece was confirm.
But, it is very cute to watch you wiggle and squirm.
I don't like the way you bring my race with a slow victory.
It's like killing a roach without glory.
I rejects this formal game to base it on reality.
As our minds are internal contradictory.
I hope you realize you will never be better than me.
All the games you won, lets say there where freebies.
In order to play a flawless game of checkers,
you have to consider "" no winners at all ""
Go ahead and jump, this one's on me.
I love the way you tease and love me tenderly.
KING ME!
There you go with your dirty grin.
So devilish, when I let you win.
by;p.d.
dedicated to: Nate..
Who can't keep up with my wins on CHECKERS.....
Categories:
retard, funny, slam, me, games,
Form:
Narrative
"You're a lot smarter than you look," read the face of my greeting card,
"but then again," the inside stated, "you look like a retard."
Categories:
retard, self, slam,
Form:
Rhyme
The immigration is coming for me
I live in a two bedroom house with eight other families
We will be deported, this process includes a meal, so our stomachs will be full
I dream at night for beans, rice and burritos
I cook my burritos in fat, heavy lard
I check my pockets, now I'm worried, I think I lost my green card
I have gas and burps because of the food
I want to make bambinos, but the senora is not in the mood
She's not ready, she says I'm pushing too hard
Now she's mad, flushes my wallet down the toilet, there goes my green card
Now rice and beans will be my meals three times a day
The immigration is the predator and I'm the prey
I sneak through a hole in the fence
This shows the border patrol is incompetent
I am again caught and sent back across the border
I will miss the reruns of Law and Order
Sam Waterson can't win a case, what a retard
This all goes back to when I lost my green card
Categories:
retard, funny, lost, green, immigration,
Form:
ABC
I am pure Russian and I am the bear
I have deep dark eyes and black , black hair
Russian girls are very pretty and very exciting bare
Straight and tall with features very fair
They are smart and have lots of brains
And apply themselves to learning even if it rains
English is one of our favorite subjects
And it is very hard to explain
Why we want to learn a second language that sometimes is lame
Which at the end of our most severe weather we can barely retain
It is winter now and my English is kind of sad
So I sit and study all night long ,
but after all its only a fad
For when summer comes I will be long, long gone
I try and try but it is so hard,
I can not seem to learn contractions
And sometimes I feel like I a retard,
So I make a list of all my retractions
Grammar is always difficult and I am always correcting my mistakes
But I love hearing English with all its corny cliques ,
and lots of people saying ,for goodness sakes
Thank goodness for this silly poem
Thank goodness this is the end
Thank goodness I will have no more use for this pen
Categories:
retard, funny,
Form:
Free verse
LOVE AND DEATH
ABAB
Love is a thing which perches in soul
and never dies for those who parts
forever and dies reluctantly for all
those who deal it with dull verve hence finally retards.
Its intensity can never be matched
by any way, any sense or any being
the loveliness of soul which initially hatches
in eyes and finally lead to an undying thing.
The iniciated feeling kisses the eye and lead
the body to shiver and form an never ending joy
joy which increases with senses and feed
the soul with luxury of peerless eyes and soothing joy.
When eyes fall on thine god, a material being
a wave travel from eyes to soul
and leave us shocked and lead us to drowse in feeling
of the cosmic one more beauteous, pretty then all.
A word from her soft coloured lips is treat
for your soul and finally try to speak
to that elf, an everlasting meet
in your brain did relive forever and make thee week.
But when you have conversed enough and all
secrets did revealed, the enthusiasm, the joy, the love
starts to retard and mighty love starts to fall
and fall all thy passions, thy deity thine happy dove.
Your drowsing in happy feeling, thine everlasting thing
decrease by degrees, you being unknown
the thing which use to shiver thine ere being
your love dwindles while thine body had grown.
But after ages when ye become pallid and calm
its assistance ye need or when you lay in despair
in this material world, it seems the only balm
which provide thee love and care.
A never ending charm an ethereal soul
which lift the mortal man from dying and and taking birth
and make life and death traveling journey for all
except those in whose nature there is love's dearth.
AKASH SANGWAN
Categories:
retard, fear, inspirational, love,
Form:
Ode
Purpose plays pun
Arc aids alarm
Now nothing numbs
Decide deft ditch
Odd old outreach
Rich rustic raid
Aid arms afraid
Churn charming cheer
Honour host here
Attend aware
Restore ride rare
Apply and aid
Desire drops dead
Embrace empty
Sense sad story
Pleasure primes plot
See stylish slot
Yield yonder yoke
Choose charming choke
Health heaps honey
Endings easy
Calm clever choice
Heavy hearts hoist
Appoint apt art
Roomy retard
Mull million makes
Suffer sweep stakes
Nowhere near now
Aid and avow
Indulge ingrate
Verse voice vibrates
Embrace endow
Mind moves matter
Ask apt answer
Now not never
Keep knocking kind
Itch inks incline
Note nice niche near
Dance doubting dear
Healing hurts here
Explore extend
Real roasting rears
Encroach expanse
Leon Enriquez
09 Apr 2014
Singapore
(Note: This is an Acrostic poem with Alliteration.)
Categories:
retard, celebration,
Form:
Alliteration
A Jim-Jam Mickey-Mouse Poem
I think that you might never see
A poem as weird as this might be
For I’ll use luscious words
That otherwise might sound absurd
This poem may turn out silly-sally
Or even a bit dillydally
In hindsight this whole kit and caboodle
May come across as dipsy-doodle
I’ll find a rhyme for titillated
That’s quintessentially outdated
I might include a foxy lady
But not written like my friend Slim Shady
So there won’t be some randy blowhard
Gender-bender sleaze-ball retard
No hooligan with gizmo manikin
No easy rider glissade shenanigan
No penny pincher prude nitpicker
And of course no cowboy old ****-kicker
And I would be recalcitrant
If I were to use this poem to rant
Though I know at times I vacillate
I shan’t lambaste this tete-a-tete
I haven’t worked in balderdash
Bloke or codger or mish-mash
No Tallulah, no Colleen
No rambunctious Charlie Sheen
And there’s no dubious diddlysquat
But that’s abso-bloody–lutely all I’ve got
Mdailey 3/30/12
Categories:
retard, on writing and words,
Form:
Rhyme