Relapse

I held a blade to my arm last night, Like I have many times before. But this time ended differently, Because this time the skin tore. To others this might look bad, Like I tossed 4 years down the drain. Four years of being “sometimes” happy, Was clearly driving me insane. It felt good to hold a blade again, Even better to feel it slice. My emotions had broken through again, Getting rid of them costs a price. Although in some ironic way, The cuts had healed my pain. I know that I need a better way, To safely numb my brain. And that’s that honesty in this, Recovery is one big mess. But when everything is said and done, I’ll marvel at my success. -A.D.