Best Pekinese Poems
"Pet Sit"
When one is involved in “Pet-Sit Panic,”
And all goes wrong you become quite frantic.
Bull dog mated Pekinese,
The union contacted fleas.
Simple mistakes, but problems gigantic.
Just no way to hid all the evidence.
Pekinese scratching while climbing a fence.
The bull dog has swooned,
Barking at the moon,
Homesteading the front door, bolting against.
The only thing left in this race of mine,
Getting passed a swooning bull dog’s front line.
Female gnawing and scratching,
As embryos attaching,
Make haste to the vet. for a pill in time.
For: Pet-Sit Panic
In Honor of: Sharon Tideswell
Lawyers supply inept legalese.
One while defending my Pekinese,
went into a stupor,
made one fatal blooper.
Stripped in front of the judge ridding fleas.
© Aug 23 2010 For Carolyn’s “Lawyer” contest
In Toronto roamed a stray Pekinese
Who learned how to talk from a couple of geese
Now at home in the Bronx
he never barks, just honks
as his owner begs for a little peace
2/27/23
Peter’s pesky Pekinese Pepe
produced puddles of pee
proceeded by piles of pernicious pongy poop
Pauline's plimsolls got plastered!
PLEASE use plastic pooper pouches Peter
Pick up your pestilent pets' pooh!
Fiction poem - but my 'pet hate' is folks who don't clean up after their pooch and for now Pauline's plimsoll's are poop free!
2/16/19
V1
Connie was a looker, forty years ago.
Connie's still a looker, she looks like cookie dough.
You'll often find sweet Connie, talking to a mirror
Sayin, "Mirror mirror on the wall, please shrink my saggy rear!"
Chorus:
Connie, Connie camp queen,
Queen of the motor home park.
V2
Earl was a looker, forty years ago.
Earl's still a looker, though you wouldn't know,
By looking at old Earl cause you're blinded by his nose
and just like Rudolph Reindeer's, you'd even say it glows.
Repeat Chorus
V3
Well Connie married Earl, back in sixty-six,
some would say the both of them had passed up better picks,
but to this very day, they're very much in love,
they stick together firmly, like fingers on a glove.
Repeat Chorus
V4
Earl drives the motorhome, Connie rides along,
With her with dog menagerie, what a throbbing throng,
of Pekinese and Poodles, a Pit Bull and a Pom,
Now tell me this, Amigos, what could possibly go wrong?
Repeat Chorus
V5
When campin' at the RV park, Connie soon takes charge,
of anything and anyone, ain't bigger than a barge.
No one's crossed ol' Connie up and lived to tell it yet.
I wouldn't cross ol' Connie on a million dollar bet!
Repeat Chorus
V6
Earl likes to disappear, he heads off to the bar,
But Connie keeps a tight leash, he don't get very far.
Keepin' Earl's sanity requires many beers.
I think it's a miracle, he's made it all these years!
Repeat Chorus
V7
Connie went commando one day, went back to her roots,
wearin' nuttin' 'neath her miniskirt, above her GoGo boots.
Someone hollered: "Go find Earl, I think he oughta know,
his favorite girl Connie is puttin' on a show!"
Repeat Chorus
V8
Well listen little doggies, you never more will roam.
'Cause Connie and old Earl are in an old folk's home,
but Earl is just as happy as if he had good sense,
when he wants to drink a beer, he climbs the wire fence.
Repeat Chorus
Sunday Afternoon
Never a more beautiful day,
Marvel upon marvel of
The grace upon grace
Which God sends.
Pieces of heaven,
I know he has prepared.
A symphony of birds,
Basses to lyric sopranos,
Lawn mowers adding
Deep sounds of low violas.
Soft harmonies soft thunder, soft rain,
A peacefully sleeping Pekinese,
Contentment in the kitchen.
The scent of chocolate chip cookies…
With my love.
Horn Hilarity Hiaku Tree
If away all my
Time I have spent where in world
Has all of it went?
If I did dipsey
Doodle would I do it with
Pekinese or Poodle?
If Southern was way
I had been talking will I
Be hard of hearing?
If twilight it was
Nearing are you glad that I
Will be disappearing.
To run over most
People I have to and must
Go from coast to coast.
If an old Brit I
Happen to be then who will
Have to care for me.
What if Almighty
Were female will she then be
Probably flighty.
Being obnoxious
And big-mouthed would my bad breath
Have been atrocious.
Person who puckers
Will they do it for breakfast
Lunch and their suppers.
If slave to each thought
And from store things were not bought
When will they get caught.
If by now you are
Not laughing or smiling should
More poems be writing.
Horn Hilarity
Haiku Tree it sure should be
Such a sight to see.
Jim Horn
I hear the cracklings, combat boots walking
Much I marveled the smelly cocker spaniel
On the leash wearing a sweater I am walking
There’s a hole in the tongue and sole
Of the boots I’m wearing
Deep into that darkness juggling
Once upon a midnight Pekinese
Running from the snow mound and the frozen grounds
My foot prints still crackle
On that day my soul grew happy
In a kingdom full of frozen wet feet and snowmen napping
2/10/2023
Written words by James Edward Lee Sr. 2023©
a privileged, coddled maltese
is so spoiled her demands never cease
eating only fresh fish
from a fine china dish
her sole friend is a smug pekinese
1/1/22
She keeps a loaded barb
in her pocket book.
She once found an unused finger,
and has been thrusting it
at hapless men ever since.
She loves TMZ and Nancy Grace.
She sells space to celebrities
and their attorneys.
She harangues the cosmetologist
at Macy’s,
probing for facial weaknesses.
She carries a Pekinese with diamonds.
She is a mother of cloud-children.
They live on the outskirts
of her other interests.
She diets on crustaceans and couscous.
Her soft parts are pummeled
into snapping turtles
While I was away,
her hard buttocks came to visit.
It left a blank card
and a small unspoken threat.
The ‘threat’ was on the front step
when I returned home.
it is now under my roof,
organizing my life, remodeling it
into something less comfortable.
more ergonomically efficient.
I have informed the authorities.
Once upon a midnight silent
In the Cat's house
Meow
Rabbiting
the thought of the cats
So distracting
'Cats!' said I, 'thing of chat.'
Huh? Waz tat
Rats
My passion is the Pekinese cockapoo
Deep into that darkness vomiting a mouse says boo!
This lonely kitty
Now in self-pity
Meow, come catcalling
Here kitty kitty
kitty
7/2/20
WRITTEN WORDS BY James Edward Lee Sr. 2020©
She keeps a loaded *****
in her shoulder bag.
She once found an unused finger
and has been thrusting it
at hapless men ever since.
She loves TMZ and Nancy Grace.
She sells space to celebrities
and their attorneys.
She harangues her cosmetologists
probing for their facial weaknesses.
She carries a Pekinese with diamonds.
She is a mother of cloud-children
that live on the outskirts
of her other interests.
She diets on crustaceans and couscous.
Her soft parts are pummeled
into snapping turtles.
While I was away,
her hard buttocks came to visit.
they left a card that said:
Your home has been remodeled
to suit a better class of person.
You need to downsize immediately,
contact my office
for further instructions.
I approached the authorities -
they just shrugged.
I will build an art center for those who like to play
Hope to have it finished by next April or May
Will invite youth and others who are merry and gay.
Will throw out contenders who are bullies like Ray.
Will give hospice nurses ten thousand dollars each
letting them redesign the hospital rooms in fuchsia or peach
also handing them five thousand just to have in their hand
will give six thousand dollars to the high school band.
Will give teachers who follow the golden rule twenty thou.
And purchase 4-H youth a pig, chicken, horse, mule or cow.
yes, I mean each one in the state, why not?
this money was gravy, not honestly sought.
My children will be whining, so I will toss them a bone.
Twenty-thousand each year, if they stay in their home.
And share the wealth with others, less fortunate than them.
Then I will buy a comfy chair for my Uncle Jim.
I like my car, and my husband likes his.
So changing vehicles is not part of this biz.
We love dogs so much, I might go back to the pound.
And bring home a poodle, Pekinese, collie, Rottweiler and hound.
We will end up with an orphanage for dogs and wayward moms.
There will be restraining orders for nasty Freds, Dicks and Toms.
A lot of the money will go to my bodyguard crew.
Who will guard us all nightly, and they will benefit too.
1. A Chihuahua, a Pekinese, and a wolf, all circle a tree, sniff, and pee.
But only the wolf circles back and covers its tracks.
2. Even today, there may be more than one species of man.
That might explain why some “develop” real estate
And others are happy to trek across untamed land.
3. What does a tree say about you? (Never mind what we say about them.)
4. If a child was bent on destruction, and later as youth and man, he bullied the rabbit, razed the hill, and broke the creek, then we have us a psychological problem.
5. A fox in a man is not the same thing that a fox around his neck.
6. There are things one can do about gophers and pesky deer.
There are things one can do about men in black suits and shiny shoes
That read your land on a map.
7. There is little that nature can do against raping men except whisper
“Help” downwind.
Mojubjub knew that the Corcoran tree
Was tall and comely and fair to see.
Yet all the worms in the House of Owls
Could not move; for Mojubjub’s scowls
Brought a score of ladies and their Pekinese,
Only to hear Mojubjub sneeze.
His mother said we shouldn’t mind;
For, after all, he is so kind
He gave to the princess who slept on a pea
A bouquet of roses and fleur-de-lis
To let her know there was nothing to dread
From spending a night in the House of the Dead.
And all the flowers on the Corcoran tree
Bent low to kiss Mojubjub’s knee.
While in the walls of the House of Owls
The worms stood still and heard the howls
Of a thousand manacled Pekinese,
Tortured by thousands of manicured fleas.