Best Mullet Poems
My dear brother Butch,
Hair are the highlights of my week:
I got a job at the Hairway to Heaven salon!
Our motto: "We color your hair or dye trying"
When the interviewer said "I mustache you a question..."
I answered, "May I mullet over?"
Seriously, working there is a shear delight,
with some nice fringe benefits
They're a real cut above the rest
and I shave a lot of money on hair products...
I bought Dad a comb for Father's Day… I bet he'll never part with it
It is a long drive to the salon, but now I know all the short cuts
Oh hey, I know hair-growth seminars are not your style, but
call up your receding hairline buddies and comb on over!
It was great to see you last week, you are looking so trim!
I still feel terrible about the curling iron incident…
You can rest a-sheared I'll straighten it out
but I mussed warn you, you might get fro straighted
Just remember, $15 for a hairpiece is a small price toupée
You may not like short hair at first, but it will grow on you
...that's the mane thing
Did you hear Mom and Dad had a brush with death?
It was a very hairy situation with a real twist:
buzzing down the highway at a decent clip
someone tried to cut them off
Mom was ready to wig out, curl up and dye, but thankfully
Dad went to great lengths to avoid an accident
so there was no permanent damage
you had to see it to be-weave it
Ok, time for a couple of jokes to lighten the mood:
How does the man on the moon trim his hair?
Eclipse.
Why did Pavlov have such fabulous looking hair?
Conditioning.
Why do felines groom with their tongues?
They can't find their catacombs.
Why did the little girl watch "Black Stallion" more than "Babe"?
She liked pony tales more than pig tales.
What was the barber's sign before he went on vacation?
"Hair today, gone to Maui"
Did you hear about the novelty store selling fake piles of dung?
It was sham poo.
Just teasing!
Take hair,
Curly
Categories:
mullet, hair, humor,
Form:
Light Verse
It's like a flamin' maze out here
where I'm looking for a name,
where hawthorn hedges line the fences,
and the crossroads look the same.
I'm up and down seems every road;
I've criss-crossed east to west,
as well as going north to south,
where I am cannot be guessed.
I've been through Catani twice,
and three times into Bayles,
so the road and house I'm looking for,
on me mate’s direction fails.
I cannot place just where I am,
with all this wasted time I spent,
then on a crossing close to Caldermeade -
bang! And I'm in an accident.
I was stunned there like a mullet,
with nerves tingling to touch,
I got out to see the damage,
which luckily was nothing much.
Then the fellow in his rusted ute,
stepped out looking pretty grey,
for he'd gone through a give-way sign,
where I had the right of way.
He looked at his car, then mine
with a big sigh of relief,
for there seemed little damage,
were the words of his belief.
So back to the ute he sauntered,
returning with a drink,
saying, “Mate our shattered nerves,
need a steadier I think.”
He handed me the bottle
with the cap on it undone.
I had a drink and then he said,
“Go on you have another one.”
I took a swig and then another,
and me nerves were back on track,
so I handed him the bottle,
and in the ute he put it back.
I said, “You didn't take a drink!”
And he replied to me “I know -
but you can bet that I'll drink plenty
after the coppers go.”
Categories:
mullet, humor,
Form:
Rhyme
Each spring in the Gulf Coast Panhandle
Seafood lovers attend a festival
Honoring the dark meat, oily mullet
That leaps into air shaped like a gullet
But the oddest part of this tradition
Is the mullet tossing competition
Both he-men and ladies take to the beach
To see how far their mullet toss will reach
So if you're beachcombing and see fish fly
Now you have insight to the reason why
A waste of fish? Yes, but fun’s had by all
And winners dance first at the mullet ball
When smoked, the mullet tastes best served with fries
But it’s cool to watch when it’s tossed and flies
Categories:
mullet, funny, sports
Form:
Sonnet
One night an octopus said,
Those whelks should be in bed.
Said the herring to the plaice,
Would you please say grace.
"I say" said a passing whale,
"Is that kipper for sale."
There is somethingvery odd,
Repied a bewildered cod.
"Excuse me" asked the shark,
"Did you hear that dogfish bark".
The haddock with a smile serene,
Said the mermaid is our queen.
May I join you said the seal,
To the mackerel with some appeal.
Of course the snapper replied,
Yes,yes the mullet cried.
Categories:
mullet, nonsense,
Form:
Rhyme
A fuchsia sunset,
a vacant room in the inn
with a vista near the sea,
inhaling your sweet scent
that lingered and excited
as we hugged each other on the porch.
The calm sea flowed into the bay,
the fishermen coming in with their catch,
the red mullet, elegant to see,
tasteful to eat as the bar-b-q flared,
the fish sprinkled in herbed oil,
garnished with garlic,
and an aromatic salsa verde,
plus salad and its vinaigrette.
I remember your fragile face,
your tender mouth munching,
spitting the tiny small bones
the red mullet is renowned for.
Your satisfaction of the freshness of the catch,
your pleasure for the craggy crustaceans,
laid out like precious jewels
on a dewy bed of snow-white ice.
Alas I remember,
for it was our last luscious meal together.
Next day you went to war never to return.
29 April 2021
Categories:
mullet, fish, food, love,
Form:
Free verse
I've got a dish of killifish
I wish to eat that silly fish
Baked, or fried in peanut oil
Roasted, dried, or let to boil.
Make me a star-gazy pie
Take me to the Catfish Fry
Lead me to the China Sea
Feed me hermit crabs and brie.
Help me out with rainbow trout
Salt and thyme and wedge of lime
Filet of sole, or snapper red,
Served up whole, or just the head.
Meals of eels caught on reels
You're the star with caviar
Butter clams served with yams
Can't say no to salmon roe.
Tuna eyes baked in pies
Oh so daring pickled herring
In the lurch for snails and perch
Ring the bells for cockle shells.
Canned sardines on toast with greens
Sturgeon, sprat, and stuff like that
Grouper, pike, that's what I like
Smelt and bream that make me dream.
Cajun shrimp for my new pimp
Lutefisk and lobster bisque
Flying squid and yellowfin
Silver carp and capelin.
Give to me a plate of oyster
Eat them raw, that way they're moister
Tilapia and tiger prawn
Eat them 'til my hunger's gone.
Hake or krill would be a thrill
Bass and shad will make me glad
Tasty crappie makes happy
Give a nod to Greenland cod
Oo! I'd like a northern pike
Barramundi served on Sunday
Grouper, alligator gar,
Halibut or no cigar.
Amberjack atop hardtack
Pan-fried kipper for the skipper
Mackerel, tasty as hell,
Lox and mullet down the gullet.
Kokanee or marlin blue
Arowana, bowfin too
Bring to me your soups and stews
Sing for me the dogfish blues.
Categories:
mullet, animal, fish, fishing, food,
Form:
Rhyme
O Liza O my sweet Mullet Creole
On my plate ah heavenly be-all
Sleep on tomato satin
Pepper celery onion
Liza Liza my season's best haul
Notes:
liza, Mugil liza -one type of mullet in the Caribbean region.
©RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY
18 Decekmber 2014
Categories:
mullet, fun, funny,
Form:
Limerick
Sardines on the Sand
Two Sardines danced hand in hand
At their wedding upon the sand
As a Herring played the violin.
A portly porpoise clothed in grey
Greeted guests from far away.
A pair of Cod beheld the scene,
The bride was dressed in seaweed green
And an Octopus sang a gliforal song
As the assembly wept into oyster shells,
While an elderly Crab played whale bone bells.
A gumley Anchovy bore the ring
As the Vicar asked the choir to sing.
Then a choir of Kipper sang on the strand,
And throngs of Mullet from far and wide
Danced by that strong mantigious tide.
Then there came a flumifinous roar
As the tide surged upon that shore
And all the party were swept away.
All on that bright framtitious day.
19/08/16
For the contest 'In the Style of my Favourite Poet.
Sponsored by The Seeker
Categories:
mullet, nonsense,
Form:
Rhyme
Hey you up there!
Flying around in your underwear
I know you’re busy
Saving the world and stuff
but I gotta tell ya
It ain’t enough.
Yes, you can jump buildings
In a single bound
But we really need you
Here on the ground.
Just look around, man.
I don’t understand
How you came to be
But defying gravity
Is not something most folks can do
And unlike you
We can’t stop a bullet
With a mullet and a Mountain Dew.
So you might as well come on down
And help us move some **** around
Cause we got a lot of work to do
And we could use a guy like you.
Or two.
Categories:
mullet, funny, metaphor, political,
Form:
Fair dinkum mate I feel like a Tassie Tiger
And I’m not bullin’ you, and a real galah as well
How come this bloody sheila to such charms succumbs
I’m telling you me heart is racing and I feels like bloody hell
Might as well get stuck on the plonk and not sweat on it
Me life’s not worth a quid, cripes I’m really in a jam
I’m writing nothing but gobbledygook, I’m really up ****creek
Maybe I should kybosh this and shoot through like a Bondi tram
Don’t know if I’m Arthur or Martha and me pins feel bloody weak
She’ll me right mate, me mates all say, he’s got buckley’s chance
So don’t just sit there like a stunned mullet, gal give it a go
Cripes love is in the air, and there are sure no flies on you
So put in the boot, and all bloody caution to the wind blow!
Tassie Tiger – extinct species
Bullin’ – kidding
Galah – an idiot
Sheila – woman
Plonk - cheap wine
Not Sweat on- not wait apprehensively
Quid – 2 dollars
Gobbledygook – nonsense
Up *****creek – in trouble
Kybosh – put a stop
Shoot through like a Bondi tram - make a speedy departure
Arthur or Martha - state of confusion
She’ll be right mate - giving reassurance
Buckley’s chance - no chance at al
Give it a go - tryl
No flies on you – you’re smart
Put in the boot -Drive home the advantage
Categories:
mullet, love, me, me,
Form:
Rhyme
Canoeing on the Tomoka River
A cool spring day with gulls leading in line
My male companion had never canoed
So the powerful paddling chore was mine
Heaving breathlessly I rowed us along
Attempting to transport us far upstream
It was then quite a shock came from the blue
A startling splash down my back made me scream
My friend jumped and nearly toppled the boat
I rose carefully and turned ‘round to find
A mullet jumped into my rented canoe
It twisted and flopped to escape its confines
This event preceded my fishing days
And I was happy when the fish flew out
This was the first fish that I’d ever caught
No reel, no hook, and bait I did without
Years later I bought a cabin cruiser
Because seafood is tops on my menu
Many days offshore with nary a bite
Maybe I should have purchased a canoe
*True story for Nikko's Twist and Shock contest
Categories:
mullet, animals, funnyfish,
Form:
Quatrain
The Masque
By Rick Rucker
I go about my daily task,
Covered by my spiffy mask,
I ride Silver into town,
To save those, trodden down,
Accompanied, as I am, by Tonto,
I must get the bad guys, pronto!
It would seem to be my Fate,
To clean up a town in half an hour, never late!
I wear the mask, not as a disguise,
It helps accentuate my eyes,
I should really ride my horse side saddle,
But it would be awkward going into battle!
Next, I am thinking of adding, to my mask, some lace,
I think it would help to frame my face!
I never stay in one place,
Quickly, out of town we race,
I am thinking of growing a mullet,
So much less expensive a memory than a silver bullet!
As we ride out, past the church and steeple,
I think I will join The Village People!
Categories:
mullet, funnysilver,
Form:
Couplet
Since it was Sunday in late December
the sun perched softly behind a dark
swirl - and the distant dust
turned the last ray from red to pink
well before the dainty fingers
of her small hands could count to six
The tide was ebbing but left lopsided
lines of foam-beige brine surrounding
crooked batons of driftwood settling
for the evening - in wait of the dawn’s
salty brush and the mermaid’s call
that only the mullet could hear
Sandpipers skipped across the scrawls
where some spirited soul had neatly
spelled the name Luna and etched
a lazy heart in the sand
made barely legible by the suckle
of less than a half moon of sweet Gruyere
Holiday lamps from the shops in the village,
baptized by a light steam, lifted green and blue
watermarks off the horizon toward the mangroves
and left markings of indelible ink where crow’s feet
tried to sleep and halfhearted whelk
nestled as salt in recesses of aged eyes
The scent of the sea was mild
Then again just the thing to suit
The keenness of the cilia that lined
the inside of the only nostril that still behaved.
And though the Mumps had left one ear utterly deaf
I observed the pelican call
This was neither the place nor time to breathe meekly.
A wordless titter throttled my throat
and I asked myself how life might be sounder
Her lily white hand, half covered in sand
touched the truss in my mind.
Smiling out loud my deaf ear could hear
her juddering blood - for she was totally (and wonderfully) blind
Categories:
mullet, dream, happiness, life, love,
Form:
Free verse
~ can I help you?
"... I'm looking for
a good fire..."
~ do you require
a crackle in one?
it dawned on
the DongKey
that a hotkee
was a tease
who pleased
a long time love ago
and she
"...loves a long time..."
but only when
time is right
you'll know
~ tugs a bow
what color of light
asked the merchant
giving his mule a stare
she wasn't quite sure
how his mullet
was to fair
near the kind
of fire that she
has to ware
his request was
... difficult
so she became
in sync to think
in the thick of it
a quick assault
on the fabric
he was in and
the assessment
returned as
determined
it had a rub
in his eyes real thin
is what she saw...
~ please do
come again
was all she could say
"... drop n' strip
my collars red!...."
she obliges ripe
and did where he lead
describing it right
yet not giving in
to his need...
~ I have much to do
I'll be back to you
in a while indeed
"...Rocinante!
it's time we leave!
the merchant is busy
with much to weave!"
his pride untied
she could see it
hair undone
with it's
color unfit
for that knight
nothing more
she could do
for in this
was a knot to be
a naughty time...
~ he'll come to see
"knygt erraunte"
she could hear
him say as he
and his donkey
made way...
"... green..."
she scribbles
for an order
of thread
one thousand one
for the embers bed...
he wants a girdle
the color of red...
and a rope to pull
his mule...
a tassel for his teir
by the time of Yule...
~ The Merchant
made a note of it here
shes ahead of the game
~ and he returns a year
Categories:
mullet, fantasy, friendship, imagination, lovetime,
Form:
Houston Houston, we have a problem.
My wife has created a mayhem
She is stuck in the gullet
It's not my wife,a mullet
She has just reached her cerebellum
Categories:
mullet, fun, nonsense,
Form:
Limerick