Best Kalamazoo Poems
There once was a lass from Kalamazoo
Who got a massive Mickey Mouse tattoo
'Twas inked on her wee fanny
When she became a granny
It sagged looking more like Winnie The Pooh
A Welsh corgi in Kalamazoo
has a whole lot of explaining to do
With no beef or potatoes
or leeks or tomatoes
there’s nothing much left in the stew!
There is a young cricket from Kalamazoo
Who always knows just what to do
Is to rub his legs and chirp tonight
To make beautiful music all night
For a magical evening for me and you
Econo Lodge sign
High
On
Its
Pylon
Best we can do
For you Tedeschi Trucks
To put a moon in the sky
Over this interstate interchange
Jammed with cars and a decrepit minor league hockey stadium
Advertising the glory days and beer swigging of The Wings
Glows over the deadbeat semis and construction cones
Tearing apart I-94 between Chicago and Detroit
Gleaming casino next city over
Mocking us all by suggesting
I’ll see you over here
The last great guitar players and their dwindling fans
In just a few more years
Yes it’s 2024
And for good our children have left the house
Its couches beds and kitchen table chairs
Like unstraightened frames holding all our wall photographs
Our dog doesn’t mind
Wags his tail with the additional luxury choices
For his many daytime naps
My wife and I look for familiar friends
Though we understand the band are total strangers
During these glorious last 14 years together with us
We don’t want to be creeps to Derek and Susan in love on stage
Though we were the first to love them both up there
I give a hearty wave anyway from the front seats
And I think through the spotlights there’s a smile or wink returned to us
The silhouettes
As the two and their band watch one another
Still mesmerized as they saw and sing the epic Shame
And we the audience smash our hands and shake our tambourine heads
How can the whole world not know more
About this travelling family of musical magic?
We know in our minds they’re the best band in the world
On the scale of Zeppelin or the Stones in their prime
But in the now
And here they are
Still looking good and cool and willing to share something better
Kind enough to stop over
Say hello
Between Red Rocks and Milwaukee
To this little rustbelt university town
Stadium filled only three quarters of the way with 4000 people
I’m sure a sop financially for somebody
But the masterful musicianship we joyfully hear
And we respond with whistles and cheers
As good as anyplace
As loud as ever
Afterward
Outdoors
The Econo Lodge moon buzzes and blinks in our rearview mirror
For our long drive home on I-94
Back to Lansing we go
Chasing breadcrumbs the dotted lines
Our hearts filled our ears ringing
Through the quiet speeding dark.
We left on a Wednesday headed for Kalamazoo
Michael and I and my dog named Old Blue.
We were a tiny crew, and a teensy bit cuckoo
But at least we did not bring my brother True Boo.
Boo has a can do attitude, tis true
But he can be a pain with his choppy moo moo
Yes, he thinks he is a cow, and he wants to live in a zoo.
So we left him at home, which is what I meant to do.
We wanted to bring some lively beef stew
But my mother was busy doing an old lady’s hairdo.
So we had to survive on crackers thanks to that shrew.
But at least we had enough, as there was only us two.
Blue ate some dog stuff that we brought inside dad’s shoe.
He ate more than he should have, but that raft fairly flew.
Before you knew it, we had turned away from Kalamazoo
And we were heading home to taste mommy’s delicious beef stew.
They had to notify and call it in.
They had to cordon off and begin.
Apparently, he was middle-aged.
Apparently, he was married.
Apparently, he was a father.
Allegedly he had a mistress.
Allegedly he had left his job.
Allegedly he had embezzled.
A gun was found in his mouth.
A hole was found in his head.
A note was found by his side,
by the bed
No one knew what it said,
until it was read
The note was unfolded,
Bloodstained words decoded,
“Who could have known
I would end up in a cheap motel
With a t.v. chained to the wall.
With a nickel plated gun.
With a bottle of dark rum;
just a hell of a thing.
Just one hell of a thing.
Just one hell of a damn thing” It read,
“and me without a clue
alone in a bloody town
called Kalamazoo,”
the note read.
They had to notify and call it in.
They had to cordon off and begin.
Apparently, he was middle-aged.
Apparently, he was married.
Apparently, he was a father.
Allegedly he had a mistress.
Allegedly he had left his job.
Allegedly he had embezzled.
A gun was found in his mouth.
A hole was found in his head.
A note was found by his side,
by the bed.
No one knew what it said,
until it was read
The note was unfolded,
bloodstains decoded,
a message behold-ed:
“Who could have known
I would end up in a cheap motel
with a TV chained to the wall,
with a nickel plated gun,
and a bottle of spiced rum;
just a hell of a thing.
Just one hell of a thing.
Just one hell of a damn thing” it read,
“and me without a clue
alone in a forking town
called Kalamazoo.”
There once lived a girl with a bonnet of straw
her song was so bad yet they did not outlaw
blame the song not the brain
said the chap, quite insane
at the Kalamazoo bar even whiskey guffawed
Milton the server from the far edge of town
wiped down his bar and then gave her a frown
she did not take heed
she was all voice and greed
at Kalamazoo hub all they drank was the Crown
Her name was Petunia she sang like a spoon
until Mexico John said, " I'll marry you soon"
she married him quick
though thick as a brick
he was cute as can be and played a bassoon.
Whacky? Perhaps but extremely powerful too.
He’s a guinea pig wizard from north Kalamazoo.
We have seen him turn the windows both pink and blue.
He has commanded a crow to fly in from the flue.
We call him Mr. Tibblets Tanglewood Tony Treble Clef Two.
He likes the whole name, he says we simply cannot overdue.
His power and might terrifies my brother and sister too.
He is heading this way, so I suggest you be your best you.
It will be a fine, fabulous, fun, day at Kalamazoo.
Susan will be riding on the back of her golden elephants,
Elise, flying in on her velvet threaded purple magic carpet,
Marie from France, transported by coach pulled by six ebony horses.
We will get into a party bus and make paper lanterns.
A happy, smacking, popping bonfire will be waiting upon our return.
We will watch Elise do acrobatic tricks from her magic carpet
And we will make s'mores, laughing happily.
Hopefully no one will get trampled by elephants
Or forget to feed horses, for they get really peeved.
The darling green-eyed cat from Kalamazoo
Was plotting the death of me and you.
She looked unassuming and sweet and mild.
But she could have eaten a newborn child.
Her eyes are mesmerizing people often said.
Don’t look too closely I cautioned, or you’ll be dead.
They thought I was kidding and laughed themselves silly.
But I am serious; you can ask my Great Uncle Billy.
He used to date a green-eyed cat from Kalamazoo.
She took him for every penny and took his house too.
She looked unassuming, a delicate delectable flower.
But he soon found out she was full of woman power.