Best Humpty Poems
(typo just fixed)
Old Humpty Dumpty, the egg on the wall,
had a friend Bacon, who was ten feet tall.
Those two went together like bread goes with jam,
pen goes with paper, or glaze goes with ham!
Friends since their childhood, they’d made a blood pact.
Bacon got fried,and gave up some fat. That’s a fact!
Humpty made a wee crack in his shell. No joke!
The blood that HE used was his very own yolk!
They swore on the good book - Mother Goose Rhymes
they’d always be friends through good times and bad times.
The blood pact was greasy, but no one could sever
their bond! From then on, they’d be best friends forever.
Each day Humpy Dumpty would meet his friend Bacon.
Since both were so large, they had never been taken
by human beings to be cooked up and consumed.
But neither one guessed that their fate was doomed.
They’d thought they were sheltered by all the King’s men,
so they’d sit on the great wall again and again
in plain view of all, and they’d have a long chat
(though Humpty took care not to chew Bacon’s fat).
One day many tourists (Humpty later was told),
had not eaten breakfast, so hungry and bold,
they cut up his friend in bits small enough
to fry him for lunch. Humpty took the news rough.
He went up to the wall where he’d sat with his friend
every day of his life, knowing how things must end.
It’s no mystery now why he had a great fall.
With no Bacon, poor Humpty just ended it all!
July 5, 2018 for The Mystery of Humpty Dumpty Contest of Faraz Ajmal
Categories:
humpty, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
Humpty Trumpty sat on a WALL.
Humpty Trumpty had a great fall.
And all of his lawyers and billionaire friends
Couldn't put Trumpty together again!
By: Carole O'Terry Duet
Copyright: 2017
"All Rights Reserved"
Categories:
humpty, political,
Form:
Clerihew
Humpty Dumpty fell off the top of the wall
He got on the phone and gave his lawyer a call
With help from the lawyer and litigation men
Humpty is rich and won’t have to work again!
09~30~16
Inspired by Three blind mice poem by Ilene Bauer
Categories:
humpty, change, humorous, irony, nursery
Form:
Rhyme
Humpty Dumpty House
A home.
The one he promised you.
That white picket fence,
light flooded rooms.
A swing on a tree in the front yard.
He promised,
I'm sure he did.
He promised,
to fill it with laughter.
It was where you were both supposed to dream.
The gathering place of love,
of family,
of friends.
Sadly,
it was a place of pretend.
For you a dark fairy tale.
Wrapped in a pretty shell,
it’s perfect beautiful lines
Curved away from you.
Then the cracks appeared,
spreading at the speed of his lies.
You so desperately wanted to trust those eyes.
You thought he was different from other guys.
Him presenting his perfect disguise.
No amount of renovations
Could repair the cracks.
The essence of you under attack.
A beautiful dream painted black.
You couldn’t,
you wouldn't
Put it back together again
Your house was no home,
it was a place of pain
Helplessly you watched it crumble.
Forced to walk away from it all.
The cracks too many it had to fall
You had your answers.
You needed to hold your head tall.
You seen a future beyond eggshell walls.
You deserved better,
Your own happily ever after.
The dreams you held matter.
Tears can turn to laughter.
For you
Fairy tales were not enough
You deserved a foundation made of better stuff.
Beyond your broken,
you found your dream.
Thankfully,
wonderfully,
amazingly,
God answered
Both of our prayers.
He gifted us harmony.
Categories:
humpty, hope, i love you,
Form:
Free verse
Humpty Dumpty was in fact a selfish king. A narcissist with a harem of women, many who were under the age of sixteen. He was quite large and disfigured, due to his royal ancestors marrying siblings to preserve their blood. His mum was also his aunt and his dad was also his uncle in relation. He was a hunchback and could hardly walk. He was bold and had a pale complexion with a very small neck and drooping cheeks. He spoke with a lisp and stuttered, always dribbling. He was very cruel and treated his servants very bad. One small mistake like too much sugar in his tea would result in having their heads chopped off. Despite having many wives, he was unable to have children, so he executed six of his sisters, but one remained. Was she the one who pushed him?
King Humpty Dumpty
was a bit of a prat.
A narcissist numpty,
really ugly and fat.
An evil psychopath,
who loved a good bloodbath.
Those afraid of his wrath,
would stay clear from his path.
He was such a rotten egg -
put a foot wrong and you're dead.
Loved to see his servants beg,
all he gave them was some bread.
Unable to have a kid.
He was empty down below.
All fun he would forbid,
or a tantrum we would throw.
His mum felt so much shame,
his behaviour was insane.
In dishonouring their name,
she wanted to end his reign.
Murdered six of his siblings,
but failed to kill the last one.
She was sick of his quibblings,
so she went on the run.
Humpty was a bit small,
servants had to move him around.
Loved to sit on that wall,
to watch kids in the playground,
but no witness would tell,
about that fateful day,
when he stumbled and fell,
nothing - no one would say.
Now Humpty did not die,
but the damage was severe.
He couldn't speak nor cry,
braindead he would appear.
His sister now returned,
to rule the land as queen.
With all the lessons learned,
she promised to never be obscene.
Categories:
humpty, dark,
Form:
Rhyme
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
But he didn't fall deliberately, he was pushed.
He was smahed to pieces when he landed on his tush.
Now his family is without a father and that is sad.
His family doesn't think it was a yolk, they are mad.
His poor family had to pick up the pieces after Humpty fell
And when I say pieces, I mean the pieces of the egg shell.
After six months, the murderer was finally caught.
He thought he'd get off scott free but he did not.
He killed Humpty Dumpty to get revenge because some eggs made him sick.
He was food poisoned when a chef used rotten eggs when he ordered eggs benedict.
The killer asked the judge to have mercy and he got on his knees and begged.
He doesn't understand why he got life in prison just for breaking an egg.
Categories:
humpty, food, funny, humor,
Form:
Rhyme
Fat egg you're a mess!
I can't believe the scramble where you fell
There's slime dirt and yellow on your shell
Impossible, I must confess
With all the king's horses
all the king's men
and the ovaries of a hen
It seems quite ridiculous
a job so meticulous
Categories:
humpty, confusion, funny, loss
Form:
Free verse
Cute Humpty did sit on a wall-
it's said his shell broke by a fall.
His bottom was round,
and so it was found
it wasn't his fault after all.
You see he got there by mistake:
a farmer who lived by a lake
while gathering eggs,
to hold one, son begs
and promised that it wouldn't break.
While traveling home, they had stopped
to watch a small frog that had hopped,
right by the son's feet-
he looked, oh, so sweet!
Son, top a stone wall, his egg propped.
He bent down to grasp his new pet;
this cute one would be the best yet!
But quick as can be
on wall frog did flee,
and egg's fragile balance upset!
So that's how the true story goes!
The real Humpty didn't wear clothes-
just plain, round, and plump
rocked by a frog's jump.
These odd, hidden facts, I expose!
Categories:
humpty, nursery rhyme, satire, silly,
Form:
Limerick
Remember Humpty Dumpty
Who fell off the wall?
Well, it wasn't no accident
We can prove he didn't fall
It was a government conspiracy
They were testing a new glue
They wanted him to volunteer
But he wasn't wanting to
So, all the king's horses
And all the king's men
Were calling him names
And threatening him
He was pushed to his death
This story is true
(Remember the government
Was testing their glue?)
They want us to think
His feet started to slide
But he didn't just slip
It was a homicide
An eye witness came forward
And told of this news
But there was very little evidence
And so few clues
His DNA was visible
Where that poor egg had broke
The shell was in pieces
And covered in yoke
There wasn't any fingerprints
You understand my reasoning
The egg had been scrambled
Without any seasoning
In chicken coops everywhere
This story's still told
Rumor even has it
That his pieces was sold
So try and remember
When you eat your next egg
If you feel something cruchy
It might be his leg
Categories:
humpty, funny
Form:
Rhyme
"Humpty-Dumpty sat on a wall"
Why would he want to do that?
I'm sure he didn't Want to fall,
Perhaps he was just looking for his cat.
"Humpty-Dumpty had a great fall"
The cat started looking for his master,
Meanwhile, our Humpty was trying to call,
But this only made the cat look faster.
"All the kings horses and all the kings men"
The cat stepped carefully toward his master,
Humpty thought he was saved again,
But all it meant was a real disaster!
"Couldn't put Humpty-Dumpty together again.
The cat started to lick as it started to rain,
Humpty felt himself getting thinner and thinner,
As the cat had more and more of his dinner.
This is the story of our Humpty-the egghead,
Who fell off the wall and made a great splat,
He didn't know the fall would make him spread,
And make a great meal for his fat ole cat.
Poor ole Humpty-Dumpty !
ENJOY everyone
Categories:
humpty, animals, food, funny, imagination,
Form:
Rhyme
Numpty Trumpty plans to build a brick wall
Will it be his election downfall
As all the bricklayers and all the tradesmen
Have vowed not to lay a brick ever again!
05~19~17
Categories:
humpty, america, political, satire,
Form:
Rhyme
Alas, Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall,
Leaving a quivering yolk, that is all!
Then, his nephews and nieces,
Scooped up all of the pieces.
It cracked them up showing atrocious gall!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) 2015 All Rights Reserved
Categories:
humpty, humorous,
Form:
Limerick
Eggs
Scrambled
Fried on toast
Sunny side up
Shell
Categories:
humpty, allegory,
Form:
Lanterne
People yelled to Humpty Dumpty, “DON'T FALL!”
But Humpty never listens, he's a stubborn butterball
Came tumbling down
His undies turned brown
“Not The Brightest Egg” someone did call
© Jack Ellison 2015
Categories:
humpty, nursery rhyme,
Form:
Limerick
Huffy Puffy had a smoke
Huffy Puffy had to choke
All the king’s doctors and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Huffy Puffy’s lungs together again.
Categories:
humpty, funny, health
Form:
Clerihew