Best Hopped Poems
Coming from Texas, I knew he’d be loud
And soon I discovered that two is a crowd
Is that the privy? he asked of my house
When he saw my dog he said you’ve got a mouse!
We heard on the news that a bush kangaroo
It might have been two, had escaped from the zoo
He said that in Texas there’s no cangerroose
Don't know what they are but they wouldn't get loose
He bragged that in Texas the average rat
Is three times the size of what we call a cat
He spotted some sheep and a grin touched his lips
Why have you got a field full of Q-tips
And then as we stood there a crow passed us by
The Texan said hey bud, should I swat that fly
He whipped up my carpet and then told me that
He’s going to splat it with this little mat
My pet snake I showed him, I thought he might squirm
He said back in Texas, we call that a worm
He stared at my garage and called it a hive
I was still miffed when we went for a drive
We drove by some cows that were stocky and fat
But Tex said his pigs are far bigger than that
Well, I bit my tongue as I drove, heading south
The only thing big around here was his mouth
Those two missing Roos hopped right into the road
The Texan appeared to think I should have slowed
I sped up and ran them both down with my truck
He cried stone the crows, are you nuts, what the f*ck
He shouted pull over, you must call the coppers
I said that I would for a dog or a cat
But not for a couple of bloody grasshoppers!
He never said much after that
Coco the chocolate bunny,
was so soft, furry and funny.
Loved to fill her little tummy
with green veg ever so yummy!
A little shy with big brown eyes,
loved to read, so she would be wise.
But other bunnies were afraid,
with Coco they never played.
They were white with eyes of blue,
didn't like how loud she would chew.
Told her that she needs to change.
Thought her colour was a bit strange.
One day a new bunny came to stay;
said: 'Hey Coco let's eat and play.'
'My name is Empress, I love to hop,
lets see who can bop to the top.'
Her fur was brown with a blonde brow,
with white patches just like a cow.
The other bunnies looked on in awe,
at how high they jumped from the floor.
'Hey you guys come bop and hop.
It's so fun we don't want to stop.'
As they bopped and hopped in the game,
they realised they were all the same.
He served as a deacon in his church and was as pious as they come.
(But on the side, he sold whiskey from a thirty-gallon drum!)
He taught the junior high Sunday school class and was a Bible scholar.
(But on the side, he 'stilled' moonshine way back up in the holler!)
He was faithful in tithing ten percent of his ill-gotten gain.
(For his John Barleycorn he used only the best obtainable grain!)
He occupied the same pew every Sunday listening with attentive ear.
(It was rumored about that he also brewed some very potent beer!)
He proffered an "amen" at appropriate times and wore a suit and tie.
(He was renowned throughout the county for his very delectable rye!)
His tenor voice blended well when singing, "I Love Thy Kingdom, Lord."
(On back roads he did a bit of bootlegging in his hopped-up V-8 Ford!)
He was the first to offer succor to widows, orphans and others left bereft.
(He'd run his still for years - at evading "revenooers" he was very deft!)
When folks were needed to serve on committees he was first to volunteer.
(When asked his occupation he replied, "I'm a 'Spirit'ual Engineer!")
At Yuletide he was generous with the parson giving him a beef, cash and pork.
(At the annual church picnic he surreptitiously passed a bottle to uncork!)
There couldn't be found a finer saint in all of Boondock County, Kentucky.
(He'll continue to "minister" to parched throats thereabouts - if he's lucky!)
Entry for Tania Kitchin's "Primiere Trophy Contest" Contest
This poem is worthy of a Primiere Trophy since it won First Place in the Poetry Soup International Poetry Contest in April 2011. (Won $50 and an Outstanding Poetic Achievement Certificate).
When Billy Bob Bunny turned one,
his mama said, “Listen up, son.
I’m sure you could get
away from a net,
but beware the guy bearing a gun!
If a gun-toting farmer you see,
you must hip hop away instantly.
If he has good aim,
you might end up lame
or worse yet, rabbit stew you will be.
So do please, Billy Bob, take good care
that you don’t end up being the hare
that loses his life
so Farmer Jack’s wife
has a soft rabbit stole she can wear!”
But it wasn’t Billy Bob’s habit
to listen to his Mama Rabbit.
Without using good sense,
he hopped over the fence,
saw a carrot and started to grab it.
Farmer Jack spied that rascal. Oh, my!
From a gun, bullets started to fly.
When a shot nicked his ear,
Billy fell down from fear.
Then he heard a small sound like a cry.
“Please don’t shoot at the bunny again,”
cried the farmer’s sweet daughter, and then
Billy could feel her
stroking his soft fur,
and at night he was placed in a pen.
Mama came to the pen and she said,
“You are trapped. I’m just glad you’re not dead.”
Though no freedom he had,
Billy Bob was not sad.
“I’m a loved pet,” he said, “and well fed!”
The moral of this story is: You can tolerate any condition as long as you are loved and well fed!
Ferdinand the frog was as mute as a swan
as his friends hopped to school one by one
he would sit on the rocks and silently cry
as the rest of the frogs sang a sweet lullaby
His sister and brother both had a fine voice
While Ferdinand just watched; he had no choice
they would choose the best spot and harmonise
serenading the group brought tears to his eyes
He puckered his mouth and pursed his lips
alas nothing came out except silence in drips
he stood on his back legs and tried to scream
but it was all in vain as he fell in the stream
It made him quite sad and his skin went pale
he broke out in warts, his health started to fail
his friends all gathered and laughed and joked
as Ferdinand slumped… then he finally croaked.
© 10/2/2014
Spotted Fawn and I
I whispered quietly to you, just a foot away
"I am not here to harm you, just gathering
wild ramps on this limestone bluff" curled up
next to a beach tree, one eye peaking at me
near the ground, ears alert, you lay so peacefully
enrobed in golden fur with brilliant ivory spots!
I will never see you again, dear one, but I know
I will always remember your ebony eye looking
at me revealing the wonders of our universe,
for that I am in your gratitude.
As I moved away, she gently lifted to spindly
legs & effortlessly hopped away, leaving me
alone on the bluff, tired, weak, a bit dizzy
from effort, filled with solitary silence, inner
peace I only feel after talking with animals
in the wild, knowing I belong.
I was a sitting duck when the tide came in.
No idea it would go past my chin.
I struggled and I flopped.
I bucked and I hopped.
It took me way out to sea.
I went under quickly, poor little me.
But a dolphin came along and gave me a push.
That old water threw me up in a whoosh.
I found myself all safe and sound.
To say thanks I looked all around.
But the dolphin was gone with a flip and a wink,
And I resumed washing dishes in our old kitchen sink.
So, once upon a time, there was a cat
that had no real home, and all alone,
she'd wander here and there amid the yards
in a community with lovely lawns
and shady trees and bushes that gave her
some shelter from the sun and pouring rain.
She'd go from house to house and beg for food;
with kind gold eyes and fur of shiny black,
she made some friends, but then, she'd run away.
Except, one day, she found her perfect home
and stayed and stayed till they adopted her.
So, in and out she'd go in her two worlds,
content for shelter and fine tasty meals;
still loving her adventures when outdoors.
But, oh one day, her 'daddy' caught a scene
that put such fear into his loving heart!
For there she was across the street, oh no,
in frozen stance and nearly nose to nose
with a coyote, large and tawny-gray!
For many seconds, neither moved, but then
she lunged into his face- was so surprised
and shocked...the huge coyote ran away!
As Licorice, (her name), came racing home
she flew into the open door and hopped
upon her 'mama's' lap and looked up with
her large gold eyes that twinkled with delight,
as if to say- don't worry about me-
my homeless days made me a warrior.
October 10, 2018
~1st Place~
Contest: Black Cat
Sponsor: Robert James Liguori
Judged: 04/04/2022
~1st Place~
Contest: Fiction October 2018 Writing Challenge
Sponsor: Dear Heart a.k.a. Broken Wings
Judged: 10/25/2018
Before reading this one, please read one and two, it will help you make sense of the tale.
I became startled when the car came to an abrupt stop. Ricky reached into the bag and pulled me out again. I have to admit it was good to feel the light shining through my glass. There was also something comforting about Ricky's little hand wrapped around my neck. I'm sure if I was human that might be an entirely different experience. Ricky hopped out of the car and ran towards the front door of his home. I am not sure how to describe it. The house was more like half a house, they lived on one side and another family lived on the other. The building was not fancy, except two large picture window and several small ones the building was all brick. To the left of their home there was what looked like a vacant lot which was more a hole in the ground with a pathway rocks and trees. I could see other kids playing there and it looked like they had built a fort of sorts. It looked like a whole lot of fun.
I'm not sure when it happened, but who really does when it comes to such things. I began to hear Ricky's thoughts. Some of them were beyond the capacity of a mere Soda Pop like myself to understand. It was almost as clear as how you might see through my glass. I must say that it made my simple existance a whole lot more interesting. As Ricky's mom unlocked the front door I could see a staircase to the left and there was a living room to the right where the picture window was. The wall separating the two homes was made of concrete cinder blocks painted a creamy colour. Ricky ran towards the wall then left past a dining area to the kitchen. He jumped up on a stool to reach the kitchen tap. I don't know why but I really liked the stainless steel sink and the shiney chrome tap with a single lever. Ricky liked it because it felt like a gear shift in a car. He pushed it forward and filled me up with water. What a refreshing feeling although I must admit I missed the feeling of my bubbles and the colour orange.
The adventure of Soda Pop will continue, thanks for reading.
A Long, Long Time ago, there was a cricket whose name
was Blue, she was named after the sky that she loved so true.
All day long she would look up at the sky while the other
crickets played and hopped merrily on by.
Then one day a dragonfly landed near and he heard the
whispered wish, the cricket held so dear.
Crickets my dear, he said, belong on the ground and if
you fell, well, you may never ever be found.
The little cricket answered yes I know, but to the sky
is where my heart longs to go. I have wings to help me fly
but they only carry me about one foot high.
To the top is where I long to be.
Hey! Maybe you could help me.
I don't know if that is a safe thing to do little cricket
but if you can help me then I will try and help you.
What can I do to help dragonfly, the cricket cheerfully asked?
Some rain would be nice to put in my water flask.
I carry water to those of us who are sick but there seems to be a
water shortage since the farmer filled in the ditch.
I would be more than glad to help and the cricket sung her beautiful song,
then tender raindrops fell from the sky and the dragonfly was pleased
as he carried water half the day long to those in need.
When the sky cleared and there was no more rain, the cricket waited
for the dragonfly to return again, and when he did not come back to her,
the cricket's face had a look of concern.
I know he will return, the cricket whispered to herself low, he just has to
for he promised me so. Just as the sun begin to set low, along came the dragonfly and asked, Are you ready to go?
The cricket said, Yes as her heart for this had cheerfully longed.
The little cricket jumped on the dragonflies back and held tightly on.
To the top of the tree he flew and landed on the tip top as he promised her
he would do. The crickets eyes filled with wonder and tears.
This is what she had been dreaming of, for years.
The dragonfly's days were never worried about drought, whenever his cricket
friend was about and the Cricket took many journeys on the dragonflies back.
She told her story in a song again and again. The tale of how a cricket flew
up into the sky, on the back of her dragonfly friend.
3/09/2017
At night Flossie often went cruising.
With men, she went way beyond schmoozing.
So freely she bed-hopped;
then one day her fun stopped.
How'd she get the clap? So confusing!
Promiscuous people are daring!
While lovin' free, they may be sharing
more than they intended;
and then, to be mended,
they must have long-term doctor's caring.
Clap--gonorrhea
April 27, 2017
She was like Bordeaux,
a tall drink of spirit
He was more a hopped
pale lager like Pilsner,
both gorgeous and
super gingered flavors,
although clashing mid
respective savored aplomb,
one so refined the other
rowdy after hours,
yet they complimented
each other in the way
they blended their
drunken demeanors,
intoxicated by mere
existence of nature's
essential complexities
The snow so deep… That it was over our heads… Was a melting by the hour!
Give it a day, or two at most… and with this heat… it would all be gone, forever!
But in the meantime, we were sadly stuck, in mud, deep, within our own backyard!
The water couldn't run off fast enough; our backyard had become a swamp, marred!
Just then, low and behold my old Volkswagen bubbled up, thru the mud it came!
You know, the one, surely you do! Last year it had floated down the storm drain!
Now, low and behold something got out! OH WHAT I’ll never, ever, really know!
Said he was the REAL Swamp Thing, and tired of spring-cleaning his house, so…
He chained the car to a tree, as he hopped out. Said his name was “Gone Fishing”.
Said his Mama read it on a sign, and used it to name her sweet, baby, Swamp Thing!
But then, he saw our back yard, he shouted in delight and decided to visit for a spell!
After all, it’s turned into a real swamp! And he’s the real Swamp Thing! So, Do Tell!
Dragon, the penguins, and all else, followed him straight, to the swamp so profound..
The penguins slid down the muddy slope, and followed the Swamp Thing all around.
But when Dragon tried, his weight got him stuck! We had to wench him, to the shore.
Mud became the name of the day, with mud and snowball fights going on, in galore!
Everyone was in seventh heaven, ‘Gone Fishing’ the same, as they slide, all about!
Fun ensued! For how often can he vacation about? Only once a year! No doubt!
After 2 days of fun, the snow was almost gone, so we cleaned them, as they played.
Yes, the fire hydrant was turned on! Dragon threw his Penguins, happily, into the spray!
That shot them almost to the moon above! The closest to flying they would ever be!
They soared then slide down the street. Even Dragon did play this time! How sweet!
But ‘Gone Fishing’ knew his vacation was up. So he waved a hearty good bye…
As he jumped into the Volkswagen again, and let it fly, and man, could that baby, fly!
It flew down the street, and back down the drain! Before our very own eyes!
That was the last time we saw the Swamp Thing, as we waved, a sad goodbye!
But next time it snows to mile high deep… as it melts, we’ll be looking for our friend.
Here lies our story of ‘Gone Fishing”. It’s real! Honest! To you, I’d never lie! I defend!
And I expect, where ever he really is now… He’s ‘Gone Fishing’…THE END
Dragon found a Fairy Ring and quickly jumped inside! Heaven Forbid!
Dancing round and round, he suddenly disappeared. Yes! He surely did!
As he disappeared I knew that trouble would without doubt, now ensue.
So I blew out my breath, and immediately did the same, I’d seen him do.
As I landed, I followed the mob, knowing Dragon would be in demand.
Sure enough, there he stood with the great sword Excalibur, in his hand.
The future King Arthur was standing empty handed, looking kinda sad.
Merlin, however, not amused, started chasing Dragon and looking mad.
Without Arthur to pull the sword from the stone, Camelot wouldn’t be built.
You might say that Dragon was in deep doo doo, all the way up to the hilt.
Things progressed far worse, as Merlin shot crazy magic at Dragon’s face.
He missed Dragon… leaving ‘Sir Mouse a lot’, in Sir Lancelot’s place.
Dragon dodged a magic bolt, from Merlin, hitting Sir Gwain, like a mace.
Yep, if this kept up, the whole round table was about to end, without a trace.
So I jumped Merlin, bringing him to the ground, as I screamed at Dragon!
Put that blooming sword down!… As in: YEP! BACK IN THE STONE!!!
But by then I was changed to a frog, and a few croaks were the only sounds.
Old England had become the new Mayhem Falls, both alive and now found.
Suddenly, Grandpa Troll appeared, yanking the sword from Dragon’s hand.
Putting it back in the stone, he bowed to Merlin and all of his medieval land.
Next he grabbed Dragon by the ear, and me as I hopped across the ground.
We quickly made an exit… by use of the Fairy Ring, now so very profound.
Camelot’s problems, would no doubt, be from ‘Sir Mouse A Lot’s’ overload.
Imagine what might have been, if we’d never helped see, that day bestowed.
Would the world have been better? Would Camelot have longer survived?
We’ll never know. But the Moral is: Beware of Fairy Rings and Dragons!
For they can bring about the worlds end, as we know it, on any given day!
Camelot had that story put on a Tapestry along with Arthur’s great event.
He dutifully, also, pulled the sword from the stone… Yep… You might say…
For them it had become ‘A Great News Day!’ As I did ribbit and hop away!
Written by Carol Eastman 8-29-2016
Theme for collaboration suggested by Tim Smith
Two enormous old toads crossed the road
On Tom’s back lounged Thomasina toad
Both are ugly and warty
Thomasina’s so naughty
As her bowels on his back she’d download
06-16-17
WRITTEN BY JAN ALLISON
When Thomasina toad dumped on old Tom
He thought her poop explosion was a bomb
He hopped in the air
gave her a mean stare
shouting, "I'm not taking you home to Mom!"
WRITTEN BY LIN LANE
Ribbit rubbit robbit 'n ro
this crazy toad has got to go
She's turning quite mean -
Fifty shades of green
No time to chat but still does crow
WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH
"Why don't we do it in the road?"
Said Thomas, the old horny toad
Thomasina hissed,
"Get a load of this!"
and a "blessing" on him bestowed
WRITTEN BY LIM'RIK FLATS
Thomasina was on a road trip
Her taxi was Tom's back she'd grip
But she strained as she held
And her bottom expelled
So she said "I've just left you a tip"
WRITTEN BY RAY GRIDLEY
Tom and Thomasina were the perfect pair
They were ancient toads without a care
He had a huge wart
She gives a mean fart
Anyone in her vicinity better beware!
WRITTEN BY ALEXIS Y
Now Tom was an over achiever
He wanted the lady, not leave her
He sprayed his back with Scotch-Guard
and rubbed down with lots of lard
the dumper was now the receiver
WRITTEN BY DALE GREGORY COZART
Tom gave Thomasina the boot
Got sick from the smell of her poot
told her to get lost
right after he tossed
She gave him the one finger salute
WRITTEN BY DANIEL TURNER
Thomas and Thomasina loved to hear
the waterboatmen rubbing their gear
Thomas tried and started to croak
causing Thomasina to choke
you two will never get it right I fear
WRITTEN BY SEREN ROBERTS
When T'sina hopped on for a ride
Old Thomas reminded his bride,
"Though you're my sweet dish,
on the road we'll get squished",
"Just do it!" was her terse reply.
WRITTEN BY CRAIG CORNISH
Thomasina and Tom a heavy load
Lingered a little too long on the road
He could have kissed her all night
shocked at the oncoming lights
Croak and ribbit was heard; two flattened toads
WRITTEN BY EVE ROPER
PLEASE SOUP MAIL ME ANY SUBMISSIONS FOR THE COLLABORATION
06-16-17