Best Grouch Poems
(SHORT) SONG OF AN OLD GROUCH
Itty bitty pretty kitty
Sing a sentimental ditty
Furry puppy woofy wuffy
Wrapped in toilet tissue fluffy
Daffodilly bright and frilly
Flutter like a girl’s Chantilly
Maids in dresses white with lace
Smiles as void as outer space
Package them in fresh brown paper
Tie with string - and light with taper
Free of all that cuteness sweet
Give me plate of raw red meat
'Twas the night before Christmas, and there sat the Grouch,
waiting for Santa and his present filled pouch.
I'm sure that all of you have heard of the Grinch,
but the Grouch is far worse, at least by one inch.
That vile and distasteful sixty-six year old man
had been writing poems which he pitched in a can.
To tell you the truth, I don't think you've met a
man with a more implacable vendetta.
His heart was cold as a hard frozen icicle.
As a kid, Santa never brought him a bicycle.
So, when the fat fella came down through the chute,
the Grouch was there waiting to lodge his dispute.
The grumpy man challenged St. Nick to twelve rounds,
and the two commenced boxing, no holds out of bounds.
The two of them danced, and they bobbed, and they weaved.
If it wasn't true, it could not be believed.
I must say, it was an incredible fight.
There were jabs, upper cuts, a left hook and a right,
but in the twelfth round, to the sound of a crunch,
Santa connected with a strong roundhouse punch.
The Grouch smiled as he looked up from the ground,
and he saw little birds, heard a sweet tweeting sound.
He saw so many things that anyone would like,
and he saw a shining candy-apple red bike.
From that day on, he was happy as a joker.
He even invited Santa Claus to play poker.
I'm happy to say, he's no longer the Grouch,
and the townsfolk, with feeling, say, "he's no slouch."
Once I saw an oddly grouchy grouch,
grousing away on an old couch,
gaping menacingly,
as I eat happily,
my juicy chicken soupy lunch.
Jack doesn't smile 24/7, sometimes he's a mean old grouch
So Cathie says, “till you're happy again, go sit on the couch!”
He mumbles and sneers
A spoiled brat he appears
Till a dirty big grin reappears on his snout
© Jack Ellison 2015
I suppose in every neighborhood there is bound to be,
An old grouch who with everything tends to disagree.
It matters not whether it happens to be a her or him;
He or she will zoom into orbit at the slightest whim!
The neighbor's pooch performed an indiscretion upon his lawn.
With that a figurative line in the sand was severely drawn.
Said he, "If again over that fence your scruffy cur hops,
Me and you will have a little chat with the local cops!"
A car flew down the street like a bat out of you know where.
All the old grouch could do was shake his fist and swear!
A kid with his boom-box on max drove him out of his mind.
The grouch told him to cool it or he'd kick his scrawny behind!
The old crab was kept awake all night by packs of barking mutts.
The sheriff he will call tomorrow, no ifs, ands or buts!
When the neighbor kids trampled all over his blooming flowers,
They scurried home to mommy as a result of his fiendish glowers!
The old curmudgeon has had many acrimonious conversations,
As upon the neighbors he has expressed his manifold frustrations!
The old grouser will undoubtedly start a heated debate,
When attempting to enter Saint Peter's Golden Gate!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(© All Rights Reserved)
SONG OF AN OLD GROUCH
Itty bitty pretty kitty
Sing a sentimental ditty
Furry puppy woofy wuffy
Wrapped in toilet tissue fluffy
Flutter little butterfly
Butter me treacle pie
Daffodilly bright and frilly
Flutter like a girl’s Chantilly
Rain-dripped roses, dew drop noses
Little hats like wool tea cosies
Maids in dresses white with lace
Smiles as void as outer space
Package them in fresh brown paper
Tie with string - and light with taper
Then when they‘re incinerated
Grouchiness all dissipated
Free of all that cuteness sweet
Give me plate of raw red meat
1/24/2018
Contest - BUNNY JUMP
Caren Krutsinger
You
Too rotten
Know
Love
Lord
Charming child, your apple cheeks
give an appearance which bespeaks
of girlish innocence.
I have ten dollars and ten cents -
Now that you have gained my trust,
do with me what you must.
Sell me cookies, 'lil booger,
and kill me with loads of sugar.
A Neanderthal me comes at night,
He’s storm and grumpy, an ugly blight.
You will not see him with human eyesight.
But he’ll be unkind, and I don’t mean slight.
Jack doesn't smile 24/7, sometimes he's a mean old grouch
So Cathie says, “till you're happy again, go sit on the couch!”
He mumbles and sneers
A spoiled brat he appears
Till a dirty big grin reappears on his snout
Jack doesn't smile 24/7, sometimes he's a mean old grouch
So Cathie says, “till you're happy again, go sit on the couch!”
He mumbles and sneers
A spoiled brat he appears
Till a dirty big grin reappears on his snout
What a grouch
As he sits on his couch
Sloppy with a slouch
Always in doubt
Of what he’s about
He gives out a shout
That lazy big lout
Who runs his mouth
Booming and loud
And frightens his spouse
And woke up the mouse
Who was napping in house
And was suddenly aroused
And was on the prowl
Bit him hard down south
He let out a loud howl
The bite was nasty and fowl
As he wore a scowl
He let out a meek growl
Wanting to lay back somehow!
23.9.2021
Jack doesn't smile 24/7, sometimes he's a mean old grouch
So Cathie says, “till you're happy again, go sit on the couch!”
He mumbles and sneers
A spoiled brat he appears
Till a dirty big grin reappears on his snout
This person is so mean
it is a shame to be this grouchy
sometimes wondering why is this?
it just seems so misleading
what is really going on?
lack of fun?
how can you feel this way most of the time?
you're doing okay financially, without losing a dime
is it something that is missing from day to day
is it that you are not where you want to be in life?
is it because you can't have your way?
is it because you're not satisfied in life?
is it because you are not aware of this meanness?
oh well, give me an answer
mentioned several times
a repeatedly saying, "I don't mean to be so mean"
okay, I heard it over and over again
The Grouch, maybe it is about that time to be alone
because sooner than later I will be gone
PRAYERS for you that maybe one day you'll change
in the meantime, you will not break my soul or name
certain ones that are allowed for them to speak so kind
others get on their last next to last nerves
just like throwing a football to the curve
nice to certain ones as a person in disguise
behind the scenes and sometimes publicly
like a wild bird that flies
in their space, it is like running a race
at certain places, frowns are off just in case
oh well, I do not deserve this type of atmosphere
please put up that sharp-pointed spear
the aim is off and the object is so dull
where are your patience and genuine love?
before long this can not go on
not good for your health
get some professional help
find out what is really REALLY going on.
She was much prettier in death
than any day she had been alive
her mouth softly closed
eyes in gentle repose
no yelling
no grouching
no griping
no complaining
I saw her husband’s genuine smile
For the first time ever
at her funeral luncheon,
And I had lived next door to them for thirty-six years.