Best Deputy Poems

Don Knotts played the role of Deputy Fife,

   Whose tomfoolery created much strife!

      He bungled all that he did!

         Sheriff Taylor blew his lid,

      ...

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In a frontier town of Oregon
lives a rascally son of a gun.
He’s taking on louses
that beat up their spouses.
I can hardly believe that’s my son!


For Carolyn Devonshire's Contest:
Lawyer Limericks...

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Four hooves at the ready
one-eyed tall snorting
he one chewed cigar puffing
left on the rope 
right wrapped round horse ear
eye to eye staring down
the trailer at once prize and prison
pawing the air no more
carried by an ear into darkness
Old Smoky the victor again
Sunder was loaded....

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The life of this Fife was inane
No burglars did Barney detain
     Got locked in the cell
     As crooks bade farewell
Seems God gave him just half a brain

In comedy each plays a part
Aunt Bea cooked and huge was...

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I live in Hazzard County and I am Deputy Enos Strate.
I'm a virgin because Daisy Duke is the only girl I want to date.
People like me because I'm Hazzard's only honest cop.
I had my own show over 30 years ago but it was a flop.

I...

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The deputy of this small town
enjoys flashing his police car lights
down main street, 
in the evening, on Saturday nights
Like a one car parade on Easter Sunday
He loves Boss hogging people around;
being a big shot rural tin badge,
who only has the respect of his closest friends
Most...

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A candy cane fell off the tree
And landed on my pussy's knee
She licked sweet hair
'Til it was bare
Some call that, "Serendipity"!...

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Old dogs will not learn new tricks
Young dogs love to play heads and tails and chase after sticks 
Give a dog a bad name
Hi meet my new puppy, I called him Saddam Hussain
Your the man now dog
You son of a *****, thats rich
Every dog has...

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Sheriff Andy’s had his share of strife
with his deputy dope, Barney Fife.
That first time that Barney
showed up full of blarney,
Andy ought to have run for his life!


Feb. 7, 2019...

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Two years ago 
Man started defending 
A war with virus
Now still going on
Man's throne is unstable 
New deputy is rising up one by one 
Soon out of control
Unknown and discouraging 
Many have given up and gone
Pity the man 
Pity the digital world
Pity the innocents who...

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