Best Cooked Over Poems

When you come home late at night
Open the door and turn on the light
You had better be extremely quite
Or your goodly wife you may excite

And I'm sure she will not be polite
When she orders you out of her sight
There is no use trying to be...

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People like spokes of a wheel
Streaming in the church on a Sunday morning hill;
The preacher talks of the prodigal son,
While the gathering ends in a reverend song.

And Mama cooked a roast on Sunday.

The smell of the enticing pot
Of chuck and potatoes and onions, carrots,
Conjure memories...

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I Cooked the Book that Would Not Tap
 
A Doomsday, a nightmare gone wrong,
My hand shot with pain and didn’t stop,
Bandages hid the wound I wove for kong,
The silence echoed round the wheel fop.

I screamed with tears which said the news,
When sirenes had been screened...

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A mathematician, I am not
How to figure I forgot.
Forget the hypotenuse,
For it ain’t no use.

Pythagoras, keep your theorem,
For it causes me delirium.
A mere child said he’d explain,
With a smirk to cover disdain.

“Three 3s are 9; four 4s are 16.
Stay with me, and see what I...

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Mommy and I have to eat home cooked meals
At the restaurant
Because mommy is determined to keep up this 
Fam’ly front.
No one can know we live in misery.
Though we wear Oleg Cassini and 
Carry a Coach purse
We live in love’s poverty.

I think I’m getting an ulcer.
But,...

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#QUICK! FAST! CAN YOU HURRY!

DON'T WORRY!
BECAUSE,  WHATEVER YOU MISSED...

THERE'S THIS...AND THIS....AND THIS...
AND THAT...AND THAT...AND THAT....
IN THE PROCESS, YOU MIGHT DROP MY HAND, 
BUT GOD FORBID YOU DROP YOUR PHONE...
THOSE *TONES* WE OWN, WHERE I'VE WITNESSED CRYING! IF MOMENTARILY THROWN...DOWN, PUT DOWN, PLACED DOWN; BUT,...

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I cannot anymore say “I do not give a hoot!” 
When a policeman pulls over my car, 
First thing I say is, “Officer, please don’t shoot!” 

Now, I am afraid to go--to venture very far 
From the security of my very own back yard 
I...

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Cigarettes are the cornerstone 
Of any nutritious breakfast:
Try them in omelettes, 
Over easy - Or sunny side up!

Crumble them on cereals, 
Hot or cold
- For a flavor combination 
That is absurdly 
Out of this time zone!

It'll put curly hair on your legs and chest 
-...

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Smoked ribs cooked to perfection,
Slow with anticipation.
Like love, is much better savored –
Than quick hot cooking.

Ó November 15, 2011
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen...

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Sauna Or Getting Cooked

Going viral, a video clip of a hairy burly Caucasian man in a white towel...
Approaches a steamed up glass door of a presumably hot sauna cubicle....
Opened the door, stepped in and flicked off his white towel about his waist...
Settled his white posterior...

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The First Time I Cooked Pinto Beans

By Elton Camp

I wanted to eat some pintos

So I cooked up a pot of those

And when done, I tried a bite

Found they didn’t seem right 

Didn’t know stones to dispose...

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Every now and then,
When the moon is in the right quarter,
I think of my daughter,
And then, 
I want to bake a cheesecake that is even better,
Than the one I baked to impress her then.

An invitation to tea when the moon was in the right quarter,
So...

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I was raised in one of those white nationalist churches,
passing itself off as a Christian evangelical Bible church,
where "evangelical" meant fundamental
and "fundamental" meant we did not interpret scripture
but accepted it as God's literal trans-historical Word
of universal white male dominant
Bible thumping supremacy,
transcendently un-changing like...
like...
like nothing I've...

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A curve of sky
in a corner cusps a smooth,
thick dusting 

of carrot-mauve hues 
tonight. Drapes over heather
trees 

whose arms 
and hands bend with this drowsy sky
as it starts

to fall asleep-
the cyrean "silk" upon 
which this 

cantaloupe tint 
is traced, daubed, by the brushstrokes 
of Mother...

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Cooked

If Mr Ramsey tasted my food
His head would crease, and say something rude
But I do my best with what I’ve got
And I bung it all-in a great big pot

No one listens to my excuses
And my eggs gratin has several strange uses
My pis de resistance is...

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