Best Claus Poems
At Christmas he’s a busy chap -
and rarely has time for a nap
But to his surprise
He got a huge rise
When Mrs Claus sat on his lap!
Holiday Themed Limerick Poetry Contest
checked with how many syllables
8,8,5,5,8
(Mrs classed as 1 syllable on soup counter, 2 syllables on how many syllables)
Sponsored by Tania Kitchin
11/17/19
Categories:
claus, christmas, humorous,
Form:
Limerick
'Twas the night before Christmas and it started to snow
Santa Claus was getting ready to go, ho ho ho
To keep himself warm he drank Scotch whiskey from a keg
Then walked to get Rudolph, slipped on ice and broke a leg.
The elves rushed over and put Santa on a stretcher
He told the head elf, Mrs Claus you'd better fetch her
She came out of the house with a big smirk on her face
Santa said" the jokes on you, you'll have to take my place".
She started to protest saying " I don’t know the way"
Santa said "Rudolph does, you just sit back in the sleigh
When you get to the rooftops just slide down the chimney
Drop off the kids presents and put them under the tree".
Things went so well and all the presents got delivered
But temperatures were dropping and Mrs Claus shivered
She made it back to Lapland quite late on Christmas day
Santa was there to greet her and he had this to say.
"All the children of the world today are full of glee
Woke up this morning to find presents under their tree
If it was not for you children would have been so sad
That you stood in for me makes me feel proud and glad".
"A big roaring log fire I've prepared just for you"
Told the elves' to get her in cos she was turning blue
Said "first take her to the kitchen it's nice and warm there
She can start cooking dinner and other Christmas fayre".
Written 22nd November 2019
For The Night Before 2 Poetry Contest.
Sponsored By Joseph May.
Categories:
claus, children, christmas, snow,
Form:
Rhyme
In the chimney Santa got stuck
Sorry kids you’re out of luck
Guess you’re going to have to wait
Till Santa is thin and loses some weight
Jan Allison
4th December 2014
Not for Contest
Categories:
claus, humorous,
Form:
Clerihew
Poor fat old Santa Claus
Had smelly grey dirty drawers
His wife boiled them in the wash
They’re baggy now, so his balls don’t squash
12~04~14
Contest: Christmas Clerihew
Sponsor: Andrea Dietrich
~awarded 2nd place
Categories:
claus, humorous,
Form:
Clerihew
A Letter From Santa Claus
Dear Susy Clemens this is Santa Claus!
I read the letters that you sent because
In mommy’s notes, the English words are strange…
But jagged marks you drew I could arrange
To read what you and baby sister need
For me to bring you Christmas—guaranteed!
In fact, I came myself to safely bring
Your presents down the chimney; one more thing,
I tip-toed in your rooms and left a kiss
Upon your cheeks. Then, where you couldn’t miss
Them, placed your presents right beneath your tree…
And in the morning, you’ll be filled with glee!
But Susy, baby sister, I must say
Two presents you had wanted Christmas day,
I could not bring you since two of my Elves
Were sick, and none were left upon my shelves.
They are the only Elves that make that sweet
Big doll you wanted, and that fuzzy, neat
Warm hat for baby. Dash and Ralphie say
They’re sad, but hope next year they’ll be okay.
If you are good, these will be on your list.
For now, I hope these presents won’t be missed,
And you’ll be pleased with all the special things
I left beneath your tree—and Christmas brings
Good cheer and love to you each day and night…
The joy of Christmas keeps your whole year bright…
And don’t forget you’re always in my sight!
Sandra M. Haight
~1st Place~
Contest: A Story Poem About Santa
Sponsor: Carol Eastman
Judged: 12/28/2015
==========================================
~1st Place~
Contest: A Christmas Tale
Sponsor: Debbie Guzzi
Judged: 01/04/2015
Theme: A Letter From Santa Claus by Mark Twain
Categories:
claus, christmas, night,
Form:
Iambic Pentameter
It was Christmas Eve and growing late;
This was the last of his paid Santa dates.
Still dressed in his red Santa gear,
He stepped inside to have a beer.
One pint soon turned into two,
Then half a dozen before the hour was through.
Nobody was waiting at home for him,
So he chased the beer with three shots of gin.
He stumbled outside the neighborhood bar;
His one bedroom apartment was not too far.
He started walking on unstable feet,
When a father and a young daughter he happened to meet.
“I wonder, Santa, if you can help us out;
My little Sarah is starting to have some doubt.
She told me tonight in her hospital bed,
That she thinks Christmas and Santa both are dead.”
“I snuck her out of her hospital room;
We were really lucky to find you so soon.
Could you please give her just one good reason
To still believe in the holiday season?”
He took a deep breadth of the cold winter air;
Even drunk he could feel the father’s despair.
He simply put his finger to the side of his nose
And let out three hardy, “Ho, ho, ho’s”.
“If you’re the real Santa,” she challenged him,
“Then what is my Christmas wish?”
“If he’s the real Santa,” she said to her Dad,
“He could give me my Christmas gift.”
Charlie looked at the father for a clue
He shrugged, not knowing what to say,
Somehow in an instant Charlie knew
And he answered Sarah in this way:
“You didn’t wish for toys or other things,
The way other kids do when they come to my place.
You just want your father to look at you
Without a sad look upon his face.”
She turned to her father and said through tears,
“I’m sorry Dad, I didn’t mean to make you sad.
But you really did find me Santa Claus,
This is the best Christmas I ever had.”
Charlie turned to the father and softly said,
“Now, I think it’s time you take her back.
Either way, things are going to be okay,
You need to accept that as a matter of fact.”
Charlie was left standing all alone,
As snowflakes started to fall.
In his loudest voice he shouted out,
“Merry Christmas and Good-night to all.”
Categories:
claus, holiday, inspirationalchristmas, father, me,
Form:
Rhyme
Santa showed signs of the virus
a test was less than desirous
swabs rammed up his nose!
he kept his eyes closed
daydreaming of Milee Cyrus
Categories:
claus, christmas,
Form:
Limerick
You better believe it
When I say this because,
Here before you I sit ...
The one and only, Santa Claus
When I say this because
... I want you to believe,
The one and only, Santa Claus
Your eyes do not deceive
I want you to believe
Look at me, if you can,
Your eyes do not deceive
For I am no ordinary man
Look at me, if you can
Be you naughty or nice,
For I am no ordinary man
Speak, but think twice
Be you naughty or nice
The cat's got your tongue,
Speak, but think twice ...
You're quiet for one so young
The cat's got your tongue
With your eyes growing wide,
You're quiet for one so young
There is no need to hide
With your eyes growing wide
Lean close, whisper in my ear,
There is no need to hide ...
What do you want for Christmas, my dear
Lean close, whisper in my ear
Tell me ... a doll or a drum,
What do you want for Christmas, my dear
Roller skates or bubble gum ...
Tell me, a doll or a drum
I'll write it on my list ...
Roller skates or bubble gum
No child will be missed
I'll write it on my list ...
And get to work right away,
No child will be missed ...
On the night before Christmas Day
And get to work right away
For the time is ticking by ...
On the night before Christmas Day
When only the reindeer fly
For the time is ticking by
Counting on your childhood,
When only the reindeer fly
And, I existed, as best I could
Counting on your childhood
... Here before you I sit ...
And, I existed, as best I could
You better believe it ...
Categories:
claus, childhood, children, christmas, growing
Form:
Pantoum
Santa Claus is busy in a Mall
But he will need YOUR help after all
To help meet his goal
Send one lump of coal
So Donald Trump can build his own wall
*SOS= "Save Our Sleigh"
Categories:
claus, christmas,
Form:
Limerick
‘Twas close to the day when Buba Claus,
His red nose and Bowie knife shining,
Would be off to fill the manly's hearths,
With bacon for their frying.
The ground was bare of snow or ice,
The sky was clear of reindeer.
But Buba Claus was loading his sleigh,
Real high, with good stout Yule beer?
Buba Claus was out in force,
His NRA cronies in tow,
To fill naughty radicals stockings,
With tiny bits of coal.
Cigars dangled from their lips,
A spittoon he placed by their feet,
And, before the sleigh rose off the ground;
They tossed in another side of beef.
Each carnivore, they laughingly swore;
Would have their fill this year,
And Bambi blanched as He flew by,
While Teddy Bears ran in fear!
Over New Canaan His courses flew,
Past the homes of vegetarians;
And down their chimneys they did toss;
The views of Libertarians!
And when the last haunch was placed,
Upon the spits of the mighty,
His spat his cud of gnarly gum,
Into the spittoon real tidy!
Then he flew off with a Ho, Ho, Ho,
And, not the ones for plowing
Cause Buba Claus had his own ideas
Of all Santa's sissy endowings!
Categories:
claus, funny,
Form:
Light Verse
Being just four ,that loud knock on the frosted, front glass door!
The fierce ringing of the handbell meant only one thing!
That Santa was here with toys, but we have first had to sing.
Then sit on the floor, each had questions to answer and more.
I was so frightened, I would get a black lump of coal?
I looked into Santas soft, blue eyes as I sat on his shiny red thighs.
I relaxed,answered all his questions and with relief, deeply sighed.
But I sensed, Santa had a warm and loving soul.
We cousins, Dennis,Bruce,Madelyn and I, then returned to our places.
Aunt Helen played the piano and we sang to God honoring this season.
As Christmas in our home had a religious reason.
Santa passed out our presents, not one of us got a lump of coal.
Santa had homemade cake and coffee, waved goodbye and left.
He filled us with good, Christmas cheer.
Not one of us was present less nor bereft!
~~~~~~~~~
In fond memory of my younger Cousins, Bruce and Madelyn, who
loved all people, life and the wonder of this planet!
Both are in heaven!
Cousin Panagiota
12/19/2021
Categories:
claus, christmas, cousin, imagery, innocence,
Form:
Quatrain
Under heavy robes of red
and a beard of snowy gray,
worn boots carry him on
...for joy is on the way
A warm smile endures the cold
no blizzard could take away,
the heart of this jolly man
...when joy is on the way
Trinkets to be delivered
before the break of day,
meant to gladden everyone
...since joy is on the way
Brings to us something lost
our happiness gone astray,
returns again this time of year
...as joy is on the way
Spreading cheer over miles
whether on foot or by sleigh,
Christmas magic finds us all
...and joy is on the way!
Categories:
claus, cheer up, christmas, december,
Form:
Quatrain
I Am Santa Claus
I am the wise men bearing thoughtful gifts,
Whether reindeer, camel, both with His star.
Drove by that spirit who wants to give joy,
From North to South and all places afar.
The same Spirit prompted St. Nicholas, too,
To fill the needs of all children and poor.
Though red and white fluffy belly am I,
Someone whispers to me from door to door.
When you are touched with warmth to share yourself,
When you want to make happy someone else,
With gifts and smiles and songs of the Christ Child,
Stop, be still, listen to His peace a while.
Remember the stuff of which I am made,
Peace, joy, love, kindness, gentleness always.
Categories:
claus, christian, christmas,
Form:
Sonnet
What Would Santa Claus Say
by Michael R. Burch
What would Santa Claus say,
I wonder,
about Jesus returning
to Kill and Plunder?
For he’ll likely return
on Christmas Day
to blow the bad
little boys away!
When He flashes like lightning
across the skies
and many a homosexual
dies,
when the harlots and heretics
are ripped asunder,
what will the Easter Bunny think,
I wonder?
NOTE: The biblical book of Revelation says that Jesus will murder children himself for their mother's sins, in the letters to the Churches. But he won't stop there, according to the writer of Revelation, because after all the earth's creatures have sung the praises of God, a third of them will be destroyed in acts of bloody carnage, along with a third of human beings. That's trillions of animals and billions of people. I can't believe the compassionate Jesus of the gospels, who had table fellowship with prostitutes and refused to stone an adulteress, is going to suddenly start murdering their children and become the greatest serial murderer of all time. And how can the man who taught us to put aside religious differences to practice compassion in the Parable of the Good Samaritan not follow his own advice? Jesus reserved all his sternest criticism for hypocrites, so wouldn't he have to live up to his own teaching?
Categories:
claus, bible, christian, god, jesus,
Form:
Verse
Santa Claus was bellowing, things were wacked,
the giant red sleigh was packed,
the reindeer weren't harnessed up,
he stomped in the snow, broke his cocoa cup.
Suddenly, there in the far end of the barn,
what he saw caused alarm,
Rudolph was playing poker,
he was blitzed, being a joker.
Santa's face was beet red,
"Rudolph, get harnessed for the sled!"
Well, Rudolph was lit up in the wrong way,
and slurred his words to disrespectfully say.
"Hey Santa, I'm not freezing my jingle bells,
in the sky tonight, I'm in a drunken spell,"
Morty, the klutzy moose was at the barn door,
"Santa, my fellow moose and I will get you off the floor!"
And, by golly, they took the sleigh into the night,
a team of moose led by Morty's benevolent might,
Christmas Eve was saved,
and Rudolph and his team were in shame.
Santa forgave them in a few days,
because they began to go to AA,
and, in the following New Year,
they were once again Santa's favorite reindeer!
Categories:
claus, celebration, christmas, forgiveness, funny,
Form:
Rhyme