Best Chintzy Poems
feed me butter
give me pie
gaining weight?
I wonder why
Siting in a recliner
for one hour, now two
kicking off my instincts
Maybe three will do
Sitting sedentary
barely moving at all
bring me chocolate cake
and don’t make the piece that small!
Gaining weight my pretty?
Gee I wonder why.
I want another piece of rhubarb.
Don’t be so chintzy with that pie!
In Spring young thoughts turn to fancy
life around us is renewed
ladies wearing gowns all chintzy
Do entice men with a curtsey
careful least it's a wedding bed
in Spring young thoughts turn to fancy
Now the ladies, a few doxy's
love to spin, their skirts all spread
Ladies wearing gowns all chintzy
Love comes courting in ecstasy
the fashion this year is redheads
in Spring young thoughts turn to fancy
The ladies are so full of moxie
lead men on but no maidenhead
ladies wearing gowns all chintzy
Fluttering eyelids so saucy
men their passions this time unfed
in Spring young thoughts turn to fancy
ladies wearing gowns all chintzy
No Time Like The Present (Cliches Contest)
I need to get out of this place!
So very tired of everyone's bromidic rhetoric.
It's sickening...
The continuous chatter of a dramatic existence.
It's sickening...
Who are these people anyways?
Shhhh! I hear my mother whispering some old cliché, so far away,
"There is no time like the present", she says, and she's right again!
I am tired of this malodorous smelling room.
Tired of all the inferior, chintzy plastic furniture in it.
It's sickening...
And all of the neighbors tumultuous affairs.
It's sickening..
To the birds with it all, I'm better than this!
Have confidence in your own ability to overcome adversity.
Be a doer not a hypocrite of your own dreams.
GET UP! GO! LEAVE, YOU NEED TO LEAVE!
It's sickening...
Grease me up for I am wedged in this room.
It's sickening...
Well I am done being a mouse amongst all of these rats!
I'm looking forward and never turning back!
At Last! The motivation that I need!
The door is opening as I walk right through it,
and never look back...
Ecstatic...
Smiling...
Happy...
Goodbye Harvard University!
03/25/16
Golda and Goofus.
or how a young Baer lost his luncheon and found that man need not live by bread alone.
Deep, deep in a pine-wood in the Adirondacks,
the Baers owned a cabin. [Offset against tax.]
Daddy Baer, it was said, was a Wall Street tycoon.
Red-Hot Momma Baer never rose before noon.
Their son, 'Goofus' Baer, was a no-good lazy bum;
always scratching his groin and chewing pink gum.
On a fine summer's day, the Baers went for a stroll,
left the lunch table set. [which you may think is droll]
Meantime, up wandered Golda, a pubescent blonde lass,
in a bright gingham dirndl and brim-full of sass.
Lost her way in the woods; she was hungry, footsore,
so without hesitation, she knocked on the door.
No answer, walked in, saw comestible display:
Daddy's cold chili 'carne, she passed sans delay.
Momma's limp spinach salad met with sheer disdain,
But Goofus's jelly doughnuts! She couldn’t refrain.
Washing down the repast with the Baer’s best root beer,
she felt so damn' tired - almost fell on her rear.
Climbing the stairs for much-needed repose,
she passed Daddy Baer’s chamber just wrinkling her nose.
Momma's chintzy boudoir was too outre to suit,
but Goofus's macho haven was darling and cute!
[Papered with Harley posters and pneumatic nudes.]
Golda dropped off to sleep - dreamt of muscle-bound pseuds.
Hungry from exertions, the Baers slavered for food:
adults - minor tampering – Goofus’s wakening was rude.
“My favouritest din-din’s been gobbled!" was his whine.
"They only nibbled yours, left the mere smell of mine!
I'm going to bed: don’t expect to see me soon.
There’s goodies stashed there: I'll work-out all afternoon."
Captin revisionist Cat
Form:
Distilled sun invades
to project on whitewashed screen their
chintzy-hotel love,
melding the serenading shades.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 13 / 01 / 2017
Cheated on her three times, said it was her reluctance to marry
Each time she took him back, finally on her finger his ring she’d carry
But even as she wore it, her fickle lover cheated again
She threw the chintzy ring at him -- cheap zirconium
Knowing he had a gun in his car, stealthily she had to act
Purchased a container filled with gas, a lighter in her pocket packed
Drove to his neighborhood, parked down the street in a wooded lot
Saw them making love through the window, her stomach tied in a knot
Suddenly it occurred to her that her own life would be jeopardized
Knowing she would be denied heaven, her fear was energized
She threw the oil can away, made haste to a nearby church
Praying aloud, she asked for guidance as on the pew she perched
Contrite as always, seeking sympathy, next day he appeared at her door
But instead of a man she saw a beast, in flames his soul would rest evermore
Justice has a way of coming about; her murderous thoughts had vanished
But from her life this pathetic loser would forever be banished
*Entry for Susan’s “Getting Away with Murder/Murderous Thoughts”
By Carolyn Devonshire, October 4, 2011
Within these financial times of hardship we all tend to look around for some type of means
for an escape?
At times, it just feels like there is no deliverance from these times and that the Lord has
placed more on our plates than we can actually take?
Some of us suffer through extreme depression, a woeful discouragement of hope, and then
turn to drastic chintzy appearance,
We then tend to just give up on life in general and slowly our minds slip into not functioning
properly; thus becoming completely incoherent!
In a little time you find yourself becoming a vagabond and then the street-life becomes a
second nature for you,
You once owned home, a car, had a job, a loving family, but now look at how the hard times
has now taken a toll on you too?
A lifestyle that you once praised and took for granted, now no longer exist and you’re now in
search of a new hope,
Some of us get so desperate on living life, that they rather take their lives by hanging
themselves by a well knotted rope!
The road ahead of you might seem hard for you to steer your way around and make your
way through,
But trust me my friends, this road might appear slippery at first; but the Lord has something
marvelous to offer to me and also you!
So take heed in his words and know that no matter what hardship falls upon us; that he
walks not behind us but by our sides,
But there are trails and tribulations that we must cross so that we can bear our true soul and
faith and then conquer that journey with pride!
Yes, our economy has taken a financial hit and it seems that we’re on the verge of suffering
through yet another great depression,
But it is within these times my firend that we must take harkens to the Lord’s words and unto
him we bare our soul confessions!
We all have traveled and fallen waist deep into these muddy and dreadful waters of a
financial crisis and now standing still not sure on what to do?
Trust yourself within the Lord, hold fast and strong to your faith because only with him can
you see yourself through!
“In 2009 you will go through some hardship times…. And also in 2009 the Lord would take
you THROUGH those hardship times! “
Form:
Folderol and balderdash,
nonsensical, sweet whimsy.
Musical, so airily,
she prances round the elm tree.
Mimsy do, in flimsy blue
with bells upon her head, ho!
Where she goes, I do not know,
exquisite, never chintzy.
A woodland sprite, her face alight,
she coyly beckons fireflies.
Off into the dark, they go,
playing out a dance mid-flight.
Mirthfully, her friends in tow,
she’s chasing moonbeams in the night.
Do you see the inner light of God
A love so powerful it could boiled all the oceans
Or are you blinded by earths man made
Chintzy trinkets, bulbs and string lights
Love
A million dollars!
Are you kidding me?
I would have been happy with a million cents,
A million fried shrimp, a million point on Allpoetry.
But a million dollars!
What?
You are not kidding, right?
First I dance around the room, then I get all my lists out.
I have been thinking about this for years.
I want my own fire truck - not a toy one, but a real one.
I want my own art barn, complete with loft, and a spiral staircase.
Three-story, but now, well, why don't we must make it four-stories?
Pop in an elevator too.
Why be chintzy?
An elevator at both ends!
Next I will go to the pound and release all the dogs.
I am the new owner, am I not?
We will need to buy them an island, and I will have to
hire some care-takers; children probably, for they talk dog the best.
A million dollars! I am going to be so selfish! More selfish
Than I have ever been before.
Just ask me for money.
The answer is no.
I am greedy already, and I love it!
Do Decide to Think Upon
Amongst your midst a great poet there now is
James Horn happens to be the name of his
Who other poets always love having around
Each poem often has left them spell-bound.
Out of the ordinary all of Horn's poems are
Exclusively exceeding others way by far
Writing awkward poems is primary attribute
Religiously endowed and of all evil never a root.
By Grace of God will be graciously inspired
And for a few years now has been retired
To Super Duper Poetry Soupers poem is sent
To be one of the day receiving a compliment.
Make compliments wonderful and not chintzy
Just because poem was born of and by me
Had come to a conclusion to write this one
To read and then do decide to think upon.
A staid old art collector in Quincy
dotes on cats but with people is chintzy
He willed old shoes to his wife
and to his son a jackknife
His tabby got a Monet and Da Vinci
Written 2/13/22
I saw it in one of those chintzy antique shops.
I recalled that it was made for travelling musicians
that wanted to work out scores while not being overheard.
It was old and all wood. When I tapped the keys
they clacked, but each key to me seemed to clack
in a slightly different tone,
as if the pianist’s thoughts and intentions
had somehow imprinted
a musical counterpart into the inarticulate wood.
When I got it home
I propped it up against a wall, poured myself a drink
and thought what a fool I was.
The ice cubes in my bourbon tinkled unmusically.
I stared at it.
‘You can’t even play a kazoo you idiot, what the …..!’
Later, a little drunk,
I took it up and placed it on a table,
stretched my stiff fingers and played.
I played like I had never played before!
This was real, not an air-guitar thing.
Chopin and Mozart flowed through my hands
as I sped through deft keyboard exercises,
labelling quarter and eighth notes, dashing off
aurally different meters,
executing perfect pitch and phrase.
After the warm-up I was ready for my public.
With much élan and gusto, I thundered through
a dramatic First Movement.
The Andante I performed next was hauntingly beautiful.
I swayed on my stool in a deep artistic trance.
An invisible audience gasped and yes, they stood and roared
their approval, as the last note of a sonata I had
just composed, concluded a fiery Allegro.
Tomorrow I intend to jazz-duet with Oscar Peterson.
Man, it’s good to be dumb.
Old chintzy flowers on lampshade,
The yellowed tag says ‘half a crown’,
Yet memories ne’er dim nor fade.
The price you paid a whole week’s wage,
Seems nothing in the here and now,
Expensive in old money’s age.
Oh, how the years have hurried by,
The children grown now parents too,
And dreams still dance in the lamp’s sigh.
That ‘Half a crown’ now seems well spent,
A lasting thought that’s here to stay,
Convincing us of love’s intent.
The lamp now sits by my chair,
It brings you here within its light,
And I speak as if you were there.
Form: Enclosed Triplets
We're members of the Gardens;
We pay our yearly dues.
Their parking lot, though (15 bucks!)
We have to pay to use.
They toss in several passes
Each year when we renew,
But why make members pay at all?
I haven't got a clue.
This policy is bogus
And another thing I hate
Is on those chintzy passes
There's an expiration date.
A membership to something
Should have privileges and perks,
For what's the use of joining
When that rule no longer works?