Best Bum Poems

There once was a bum. He was the neighborhood drunk. He had an unkempt demeanor. His salt and pepper hair had not been washed in years. The clothes he wore were 
ragged. His shirt had giant holes in them. He looked twice his age. In...

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The poor lovely lemon,
     It’s really so unfair
An arbitrary choice?
    Then why not choose a pear?

Why pick on little lemons
     A bit sour to the taste?
An unfair connotation
     Common sense...

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Sitting at the table, with prim and proper guests
We only started eating after the food was blest.
While chatting to the Vicar, I felt a sudden twitch
My voice started trembling, because my bum began to itch.

I wiggled on the chair, hoping to rub the itch away
It...

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There must be something besides love
Another good topic for a poem
Perhaps I'll write about nature and stuff
And the chilly winds a-blowin'

November in Canada has that nip in the air
That foretells of the season ahead
For those that are into those winter sports
Bet you're can't get it...

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                            Bum Burns
              ...

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Oh my word we have such fun,
She has the most amazing bum,
She wiggles buttocks to and forth, 
One goes south, the other north,
And should the day’s pale dusk arrive,
I watch her bottom, duck and dive,
For tis my pleasure with limit not…to 
View her bouncing beauty...

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All you friendlies here on the site
A fire under me bum you always ignite
Can't wait to arise
To converse with you guys
It's a pleasure, a thrill, a tremendous delight


© Jack Ellison 2015...

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She was a barnacle on my bum
Following me around town
getting jealous if I talked to another girl
even if they were 91.

I didn't want to hurt her
because she was so sweet
But every time I turned around
she'd be there on the street
Some times she used to frighten...

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Batter bitter birdie's bum
Fry the fritter for the chum
Peter's picky peaky tum
Tummy crummy dummy dum-dum...

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My tale about the barnacle I bared upon my bum
has now passed into legend and folk law
The  battle I thought was over and now long done
Just when I thought I could sit down and relax
and lick my wounds
and heal my poor bum
I now have...

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A dear friend by the name of John W
Once with his doctor had a rendezvous
Doc figured out how come
He had moss on his bum
It'd been months since John's had a poo

© Jack Ellison 2015...

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Liar Liar Bum on Fire

How do I confess,
The lies I have told?
Which should I address,
Dare I be so bold?
 
The white lies,
I have told my share,
It will come as no surprise
Total truth I can not bare.
 
But what is the biggest,
The badest of them all?
My...

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I remember in my early teens,

being teased about my facial hair was really mean,

people would tease and they would poke,

always trying to make jokes,

but it wasn't just bum fluff to me.


Contest: FLUFF - Carol Brown
M.Mahauariki © 2012 
1st place...

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Once upon a time

I gave a bum a dime

Dropped it in his tin can

I should have ran

He grinned a grin

Filled with sin

Weapon after weapon

He ran me through

First blunt

Then sharp

Left me in the alley to die

Death - What a single dime can buy...

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When did it become kosher to show your butt
Jeans hanging down showing your you-know-what
The crack in your hide
And hairiness besides
Should be a law to control these guys as they strut


© Jack Ellison 2015...

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