Best Bum Poems

There once was a bum. He was the neighborhood drunk. He had an unkempt demeanor. His salt and pepper hair had not been washed in...

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"England and America are two countries separated by a common language." 
                ...

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Oh cripes I’ve gotta tell yer of a horror ride I had,
	That beat any bronc or bull I’ve rode, and I must say I’m glad,
	I’ll...

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No blue hair or curls for me.
I’ll grow old naturally.
Hanging breasts and flattened bum,
crooked teeth and graying gum.
Sagging knees and chicken skin,
sunny spots and double...

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Day after day I sit, poised deep in thought and contemplation
while tourists stop and stare at me with eyes of admiration
Sometimes they seem hypnotized, looking...

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I'm in me bath here, with a box of red cheer, 
yeah a box of red cheer, beer's too bloody dear.
Me mind's wanderin twixt big...

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The night air flowed over my breath
The covers not quite keeping me warm
Dreams caressing my past
My lover whispers in my ear

Sweet words, with her loving...

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My hands and feet are numb
for I am cold and I have no
home to give me warmth.
A home and warmth are two
things I search for...

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He’s just a dog, a mongrel pup that fitted in me hand,
short haired, tan and white, with needs of high demand,
he’s whingy and he’s whiny,...

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Oops, It was an Accident

I accidentally let one loose
on a blind date with a guy named Bruce.
We went to the movies on that fateful day
happily...

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Today I met a mosquito
It wasn’t very fun
She bit me here, she nipped me there
(she even bit my bum)
But I had the last laugh...
I squashed...

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I was a child of only seven years,
adventurous, bold, I had no fears.
Into the woods I would go
after my Mom told me "No."
But worth the...

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Deceased
Released

Goodbye
I cry

Church pew
Hurts you

My bum
Now numb

No droppin*
The coffin!

4th March 2015
Written before dad’s funeral - I'll take my cushion to sit on lol
* not proper footle...

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A foggy Cuervo morning
I crawl out of my bed
Stagger to the bathroom
With a pounding in my head

It’s just another Sunday
Things can’t get much worse
I think...

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