Best Bugger Off Poems
Tyranisauris
Tyranisauris Rex said bugger off Tex
This is my swamp today
Fair suck of the sav
Don’t stick our you neck
Or I’ll slap you silly hey
So he buggered off in a cloud of scales
Cos Rex he didn’t play
No love affair
Frustrated yeah
And then he went away
Don Johnson
Bugger off Shingles!
Go away fleas! I don't need
Itchy skin disease!
Talk to the Dead
When you talk to the dead,
They give you advice,
Buzz on your finger,
lightly touch once or twice,
I told Trish about dead Joan's Goldfish,
In her fish pond swimming pool,
When a loud voice said this,(to Trish)
They're bloody Koi not Goldfish,
You silly bloody fool,
Trish and Joan looked much alike,
And sounded alike,same voice too,
Same giggle and sense of humour,
Two parts of one soul connection,
Perhaps this is true?
And one nursed the other before her death?
After Sue died in April 2015,
she jumped in my body too,
And I felt as sick as a dying dog,
Till she jumped right out too true,
Later without her deathly illness,
It was ok for her to,
Jump into my body,
Possession is OK blue,
Sometimes a concept arrives in your head,
The impulse to drive a different road Instead,
Check out my old house Suey did say,
When I drove past house had gone away,
The point of her contact a thread,
You must ask a question,
An answer to get,
Cos they need an invite,
Then words you will get,
Though some of the buggers ain't nice.
Don Johnson
Guess I was blest with the seeing,
At 4 me Kero fridge just went Om Om Om,
The shutter in me head clicked open,
And a room full of Greys. Frowned upon,
Boogie man was I a seeing,
Grumpy Greys round my bed stayed too long,
Unfriendly grey men came at night not no friends,
Till I clicked the door shut, no more Greys in the hut,
Yes bugger off Grays don't belong.
Suey and I had long discussions about possession, and she said she wanted to jump inside me. After her death she did as in the top above poem.
A day before she died in my arms, we were joking about my Granny not paying back a loan . Sue spoke sternly to Grandma and I saw her face above my bed
Grandma was crying and begged my forgiveness, of course I forgave her.
Insight to the other side.
I asked Sue how old she was now,
She said I'm 10 and am confronting child molesting Grandpa
Also confronting her Father for doing nothing about it.
Seems you get to bring justice on the other side of the veil,
And possibly decide the punishment when baby's are Constantly reborn in the Earth, just doing your time, in little Hell Earth.
The time and the place what your worth,
some ladies are annoyed
because boys will be boys
they call it toxic masculinity
based on logic they think they see
feeling there is a need
to teach us boys
how we should be
and that means more pleasant
than we are presently
they say that because they know more
that’s what they say but I’m not too sure
believing they’ve been sent to save us
from our ghastly horrid behaviours
when really they should go away
or understand the way we play
cus they see nastiness in us
interactions torturous
that we banter just because
that's the way been taught to us
by the older males who are horrible
according to these women fools
who fail to understand the difference
between hurtful and hate filled speeches
and banter with our near and dearest
for laughter to make an appearance
through their eyes it’s all just weirdness,
but then again they’ve got no shlong
they ain’t men so they are wrong
don’t like what you’re looking at move along
men and women are not the same
we use humour we call names
while you judge us like we’re insane
then interact just to complain
and tell us our ways can’t remain,
I think you might have half a brain
please remember
we’re different genders
and you can’t mend what you ain’t been
just go on home luv and flick your bean
then try and learn to understand
that men don’t flick they hold in hand
we’ve very different parts on us
and banter isn’t harming rough
because it’s humour look that word up
then look up the word retardedness
that’s you little Miss Marvellous
as you have never been a boy
next time when you feel annoyed
coming our way with your noise
is not a very clever choice
no patience left for your stupid voice
boys will be boys
and since you ain’t one
Bugger off!!
Girls fight behind each other’s backs,
Why don’t you concentrate on that,
not like boys who go face to face,
no, because women prefer to be two faced,
honourless bitterness and all a fake,
behaviour littered with mistakes!
Understand your flipping place!!
Blockage dis-ease fix
Red of blood of Crimson hue,
Begone blockage don't want you,
Breathe deeply on this one,
Orange hue it grows again,
Fills your world a subtle flame,
Tell blockage to bugger off blue,
Yellow light of destinys child,
Growing larger running wild,
the blockage buggers off too,
Green of Hearts the Forrest Glen,
Everywhere is oxygen,
Breathe deeply on it do!
Blue of sky the words will come,
Fill your sky with just this one,
Depart old blockage Blue,
Purple fuzz all seeing eye,
Breathe it grow it bye an bye,
Till white light you break through,
Astral Traveller it is you.
Don Johnson
Ancient technology Chakras, I use the orange one below my navel as an accelator, right hand on it, left hand on bad back or left kidney to fix same, and it works. I fixed broken veterbrae over a few days of doing just that. My Left kidney complains sometimes, so it gets more treatment
NORMAN
Norman was a character a funny man its true,
He was a country copper, till the force said bugger off blue,
He was there in Mungindi when two Squatters piddled on plants,
Grabbed onto ole Carruthers and booted him up the pants,
You cant do that said ole Loostrang, he’s the mayor of Dirran-bandi town…
You must be the bloody horse, said Norman to this drunken slobbery clown,
So he threw ole Carruthers into the Black Maria, {squatter = Land owner}
Loostrang went there swiftly hobnail booted, Ass on bloody fire,
So he got moved to Texas by the Squatter whinging boys,
And Norman booted the wrong asses, in Texas too just to bloody annoy,
{Texas town population 500}
So Norman left the force,
In Dirranbandi town he left his mark,
A drunken guy was whinging,
Bad toothache said the drunken nark,
Dentist, Norman, thoughtful, was a singing,
So he sat on ole Aspro Jack to shut him up,
Jerked a few teeth, till he fixed the squire,
Who Sobered quick, got his mouth to shut,
Cos Norman wheeled the pliers,
Norman found some revolvers,
In a Squatters great collection,
The photo was in the paper,
In my mommas recollection,
Of the guy who held up the bank,
Was Norman to perfection,
Then his wife phoned up, said why,
Is there money not too dry,
In the ice box frozen section?
Don and Nell knew bye and by,
Norm was the master of mis-direction,
Had money parked in all the banks,
On the commercial travelers selection,
So there in Goondiwindi,
he was eating breakfast at the caffe,
when three thugs arrived,
tipped soup into his bloody lap,
so he punched piss n pickhandles,
out of three of the would be stars,
and mopped up the floor,
threw all three out the door,
some really terrified Galahs*
{aussie pink n grey parrots}
I was having a beer with Norman,
He said “we’ll pick the bar,” {fight em all}
I said which end, just the Mormons,
He said “not yet, ah ha ha”:}
Don Johnson
San-Goanna Blue
Morning Halliwell are you right? {rhymer halliwell is 85}
or have your toes tucked up so tight,
are you with us or cantered through,
beyond the vale Saint Peters Zoo,
no brown snakes there tonight?
Or are you dancing an Irish jig,
With some well fed porker pig,
And playing snooker too,
Or bilious Kangaroo,
and on into the bloody night,
with Sand-Goannas what a sight
and lacy Monitors joined in too,
Brownie snake said bugger off Blue,
that Goanna just might bite...
Don Johnson
Green @ Soylent
So then the poor looked and saw,
Some tory bastards thinking,
Depression pills 4 all the dills,
Yer sex life aint fair dinkum,
Dumbing down of the savage clown,
Lobotomy oh so fearsome,
Brain dead is poor ole Fred,
What me worry, insincere-some,
Stay away from lobotomys hey,
Keep yer brain on auto pilot,
Depression bugger off today,
Deprive the green of Soylent ?
Don Johnson
The sun set, the siren wailed
Furtively the Black moved, fearing to be jailed
For being without a pass after dark
In Johannesburg’s Joubert Park
A torch flashed in his face
Quickly establishing his race.
Too late to run
He was spun around
And pushed against a wall
By a big tall policeman.
Please Baas. Don’t call the van
I could be out of town quickly, if I ran.
Suddenly a push and a kick
“Run quick.”
Twenty years on
Apartheid’s gone
The policeman is now a civilian
Working in town.
The sun is setting slowly down
In a ball of crimson red.
Bringing dread
He must leave town quickly
Or he’ll be dead
With a knife in his back
Or a Kerrie on his head.
The City’s not safe after dark
For he has a Pass, printed by God
Embedded in his Page of Life
The DNA of being white.
In Joubert Park
A torch flashed in his face
Quickly establishing his race.
Too late to run
He was spun around
And pushed against the wall
By a big tall Black.
Please don’t kill me
I was the Policeman that let you go free
Suddenly a push and a kick
“Bugger off quick.”
Pickles Graham heard the woosh,
Amber liquid showered his moosch (face)
Startled by the sudden shower,
Aromatic pizzle power,
An Mooga Wilson going crook,
"What are you doing there Pickles,
At this time and hour?"
Empty piddle pot empowered,
Stop moaning theres no grounds ,
for a sook,
And now you've had your early shower,
A bath is all you took,
A sweeter smelling little flower,
So bugger off ole chook...
Don johnson
SEEMS Pickles was on dawn patrol in Dirranbandi
early in 1942, the Japanese were coming???
Aussie Taipan
To be a Taipan lethal quick
Deadliest land snake
Is my pick
Coffin head and longer fang
Watch out for the boomerang
9 foot long full of venom
Send spear thrower off to heaven
Brown snakes are pussy cats
Suck down an scoff big old rats
If I get to snap at you
Daisy pushing is your due
No me name aint ol Bevan
Bugger off or go to heaven
I am Taipan coffin head
hypno eyes a birdie said
does ya wanna be
deadly dud dud Dead
Don Johnson 12mm or 1/2 inch fangs hypodermic 60 mg venom.
This one worries me like the great white shark.
half inch hypodermic fangs...(brown snakes are pussys really.
get em with a shovel )...shot gun 4 taipan!!!
xo
Don
If I was Animal What Would I Be?
angelic kisses from the missus,
no it wasn't she?
bludger had some spiky whiskas
awful bugger werent a 4 me,
watch out for dem shirt-tail lifters,
bugger off stop bugging me...
re: 'sweet nothings' Dave Williams...
good on ya mate.....Don
love is sweet, but incomplete,
if ya strike a gal
with whiskers neat:(
In 1917 the British and Commonwealth forces attacked
In the Ypres Salient in the corner of Belgium they hacked
Through the Third Battle of Ypres that had been raging away
With the battlefield turning to endless mud that would stay
As the rain fell at Poelkapelle at the Sherwood Foresters line
Was just holding on and waiting to be relieved at their time
In the mess that was the trench line a giant jumped in
And the Forester was startled in all of the battle din
He said, 'Who the hell are you? ' As the conversation begun
The giant replied, 'We're the Aussies to relieve you chum! '
The Forester said, 'I can't give you food, ammunition or keep the rain off'
The Aussie said, 'Never mind that, we don't need it, just bugger off.'
So the Foresters left the trench and started the journey back
Through the flooded battlefield and water filled shell holes in a hack
And they lost as many men drowned the slush and mud fields
As the Passchendaele battle continued the murder and bodies yield.
© Paul Warren Poetry
It began as a day like any other,
In the oceans deepest depths,
Until a Kiwi and an Ausi,
Decided to have a picnic at the bottom of the Ocean,
In the deepest part of the Mariana Trench.
They arrived with both flags flying,
Inside the only submersible of its kind,
Nick named The Limiting Factor.
A toast to Sir Edmond they said,
We knocked this bugger off,
And reached two kilometres deeper than
He went higher.
I think we have done enough for an Anzac Biscuit,
And a Vegemite Sandwich,
Even if the rest of the world thinks us nuts,
And can't understand how the two of us,
As different as chalk and cheese,
Can occupy such a small space,
At the same time,
And both come back alive to tell the tale.
Maybe there is a lesson there,
For those who don't know,
How to occupy the same house,
Little own a single room together,
With someone who talks different,
Looks different,
Smells different,
And wears s a different hat.
Of course we do have the advantage of,
Having the supply of,
Anzac Biscuits and Vegemite Sandwiches,
Pretty much sown up
https://www.stuff.co.nz/science/124823189/historymaking-109km-anzac-dive-to-the-bottom-of-the-mariana-trench
It's four thirty in the morning
Pidgeon's cooing, I'm still yawning
Bare feet the stairs I tread
Half asleep and fuzzy head
God! the sugars full of ants
Up my legs and in my pants
Slap! slap! with all my might
The more I slap the more they bite
Grab the broom sweep like hell
The air is blue with every yell
Then around my ear a drone
Blasted wasp wont leave alone
I say bugger off or death shall bring
He said up yours mate have tis sting
With throbbing hand to the garden fled
On lush green grass bare feet tread
Crap! ants black and red
And before another word is said
The pidgeon aims and hits my head
Hopping, jumping as blossoms fall
Nose runs, eyes water, hay fever makes a call
The sun it struck my skin turned red
The bites, the bumps, the stings all bled
That poet scoffed of a summers day
Did he dream the price to pay
Now the sun is high
The pidgeon shot and in a pie
The bed awaits the pillow glows
Sweetest dreams of winter snows
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