Best Ass Poems

This is the donkey; Alice

                 ... follows the rabbit into a hole in the ground

              ...

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If I had to make a choice I would rather hate intelligently than to love stupidly....

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Some say I'm an original and I tend to agree
After popping out they threw away the damn key
He'll never be matched
A weirdo' was hatched
Screamed bloody murder like a hairy ass banshee...

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4 men live on farm
No wife
One Life
Need food
Kill donkey
Eat
Ass...

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Don't love me for what you see but for what I am--
When you cannot know what this is.
For that is more than the skin of a woman or man

                ...

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If two heads are better than one
How much better is three.
For the time has come 
When Translators cannot agree.

Nigel wrote the words in Latin script
And much time has passed 
With many Learned Ones pen’s dipt
In deciding what the story of the Ass encripted.

It is not...

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"Dissection of the Ass Whooping"
by:  Eric L. Boddie

Congratulations to you for winning the election
But when you campaign for this ass whooping, you hate the win section
My foot strikes cerebrals of people so they turn feeble
So don't be next in line for this infinite sequel
Because...

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"Am I Crazy?" If you can ask yourself that you're not, right?
Crazy things have been happening to me lately day and night.
Inanimate objects, non living things,
have been having with me "conversations."
Take my Buddha tea lite candle holder for instance.
We recently had one of those "conversations."
Looking...

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Samson slew a thousand men with the jawbone of an ass!

   The Lord said, "You done good, boy!  You've got a lot of brass!"

      "Thank you, Lord!", as he surveyed the carnage he did that day.

 ...

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Horses Ass
I wonder if you ever think about me
Now that the years have gone by
And who did you finally turn out to be
Once your delusions of grandeur ran dry

Remember we held up in my house for days
Listening to the Dave Matthews band
You weren’t subtle in...

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It’s when you don't have
the money for a hit man.
And you know something
needs to be done.
If you have a hot date
and your boss asked you
to work late.
Dial 1-800 Whoop that ass!

The whoop ass delivery Service,
We will deliver a can of whup ass
anywhere to anyone at...

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A tough four-star general was this man called Curtis LeMay

   We in the ranks remember him as old 'iron-ass' to this very day

      He always had a big cigar stuck in his face and he never smiled

 ...

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democratic choice
obama or hillary
meiser and lover...

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She's short and squatty, all ass, no body
Looks like this one's gonna end up bawdy
Out of control
The censor patrols
Gonna get me unless they're into the hot toddies...

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Written after re-reading the fable ‘the tortoise and the hare’ … I thought I would give the story a little updating!


A racehorse and an old donkey challenged one another to a race
‘I’m sure to win’ said the racehorse with a smirk upon her face

She said...

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