Best Arse Poems

Shall I compare thee to your mother's ****?
Thou aren’t more lovely, but more flatulent.
Rough winds do shake it; and bring on a farce
And all her clothes hath all too short a rent

Sometime too hot-headed of hell doth burn,
And often is the true nature exposed;
And every...

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narcissists with huge egos slither and slink ~ hmmm, what would Rumi think

a sly smile on their lips, thinking it's a disguise ~ not from many eyes

having an overly aggressive attitude ~ it's just plain a-rse rude

they are like lemons with sour zest ~ for...

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Some use  hemorrhoid cream on their face
In my eyes,it is not the right place
But they ‘pile’ it all on
Till the tube is all gone
I won’t use our tube just in case

Just imagine if you’d used your finger
On your piles cos you had a humdinger
But...

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When the skydiver leapt from his plane

     What he saw below to his great disdain

          Were 'gators flexing their jaws

            ...

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I had a friend who’s grandfather died someway
The government stole his home away
For his grandmother had Alzheimer’s disease 
Think not for herself anymore if you please
So they stole her home to pay for her care
Don’t you think that is so unfair

Grandfather worked hard all his...

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Tough in spending even in abundance of resources
Indifference shown to priority of any needed purchase
Giving is rendered a gruesome punishment to mankind
Hall of famer to the accuracy of the expression of feelings
Tight fisted, closed minded and currency conscious in all situations.

A swollen wallet ironically ignites...

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Society – me ****


Society, the straight jacket of “socially” acceptable mores,
condemning all to a “one size fits all living coffin.
Social “mores”, cultural cudgels of “independent thought”,
ballyhooing the wonders of our differences
until Society’s sycophancy rears its head in obsequious disapproval.
Societal “Class Warfare” – High Society gazing...

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From poetaster to poet-ass
This ain't no leaf of  grass.
Walden's pond is a stinking morass
And love is but blaring brass.

No Elysian fields lie yore
And the  meadow is a blooming bore.
Nature is reduced to God's only whore
And all I feel is a whole lot sore.

Jealousy...

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I understand that getting old
Is just a stage we pass
But can anybody tell me
What happened to my ****?
It used to be quite lively
And a distance from the ground
Ashamed to say it though I am
It used to get around
It was nifty on the dance floor
And comfy...

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nine rare **** lickers
In Kim’s windows
Sitting on thorns


Ah.....Sew! poem by Deborah Guzzi (Contest)...

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My mother always told me growing up
“Don’t let your humming bird **** get
Your alligator mouth in trouble”
I never thought anything about it then
I took it as a warning not to say what was on my mind~
There are people in society who stay “in line”
Those who...

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She would not understand specificity
If it bit her in the ****,
If it smacked her in the eye, or if it
Rolled her around in a bed.

“All green-eyed people have fat legs,” she says.
What about her? I ask.
“She is the exception,” she states, generalizing everyone.

“All caramel haired...

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**** Hat

The American was an **** hat

A real screw ball idiot

Who didn’t care what people thought

She did this and that what she wanted

A new tattoo left nipple coloured dark green

Right ear extended elf like

Having sex with 70 year old men

Just for the Hell of it

Not...

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running in the groove
needle follows at speed
hear the record
skip as the needle
slices through my lump
Dying in vinyl crevice
oil slick sides
unable to climb
needle coming round again
jumping for the last time...

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"****"


F you
if you

drop
your

"R's"

because
then

friend
becomes

fiend...

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