Best Addiction Recovery Poems
Cracked Doors
It offered solace
an escape from life’s torment,
false comfort – oblivion’s
denial of the truth,
the lie of living’s afterlife.
Trembling hands reached out
in search of hope’s lost promise,
a door ajar, a welcome,
open invitation
to shed death’s robe, to live again.
John G. Lawless
contest – Door to a Wayra
7/16/2014
It's like your world is ending
Everything comes crashing down
Can't catch your breath
Down, down, down you drown
Waking in the morning
To another dreaded day
Going through the hustle
Just to keep the pain at bay
Escaping is what you want
You numb yourself just to survive
Hating the world when you're sober
Hate yourself for getting high
Oh yeah-This hollowed life of lies
Going through the rituals
Crushing up your dreams
Drawing back within yourself
That icy devil makes you scream
The storm rages deep inside
Harboring all your guilt and shame
Fighting a losing battle
You think it's too late to change
You hate the world when you're sober
Hate yourself for getting high
Numbing as a way of living
Living your hollowed life of lies
Then one day you see
Someone who used to use
They were happy
No longer broken and confused
They tell you of a man
Who washed away their sins
They had found peace
Oh yeah- found peace within Him
You were tired of the hatred
You were tired of getting high
You were tired of living
Living your hollowed life of lies
You asked for forgiveness
You were hungry for more
You wanted what they had
They had opened the door
Now you're walking free
Free from the shame and guilt
With Jesus in your heart
You had been rebuilt
No more hating the world
No longer getting high
You laid your pain at His feet
You escaped that hollowed life of lies
Day old coffee
in its maker
a cold witness
sometimes
to broken dreams
and war stories
and proclamations
of
getting well
of
new beginnings
of
hearty hope.
Solemn stories and
cloudy memories
and Joe
laughter’s echo
at some obscure
joke but
the window
knows
how schemes get
distorted
deformed
disfigured.
Some have just
flown that way
inevitably
some do go
without ceremony
without fanfare
no hoopla
simply vanish
and all that’s left
are
empty seats
empty room
empty maker
waiting for
the next batch
of sunshine.
(click the picture to buy my poetry book!)
I want to be
the best version of me.
I want to believe
in myself
and my recovery.
I'm tired of living
a life of insanity,
that's not the person
I want to be.
I'm not that person anymore,
now I live in accord.
Harmoniously happy,
thanking God
for my sobriety.
I was once surviving,
now I'm thriving.
This is my time,
I'm really trying.
Forgive me for my past,
the changes I've made
are going to last.
I replied to the beast, “ We are done!”
No longer will I be captive to your powder
of numb thought and emotion.
No longer will I need to have a special
cup, cotton, and spoon next to those
dirty syringes hidden in the vestment.
I will no longer be waking up sick,
scrunching in fits of pain and agony.
I refuse to be pale and thin anymore from lack
of sustenance. "O, Devil! I'm kicking you to the curb."
Today is the day that I am starting a new story.
I am turning my back on you, Morning Star!
With swift pride, I stomp you back to your unholy
glory where your pleasure is no longer my pain.
Don't think I am sorry as I am awakened from
misery. It is time now to find direction otherwise.
Today, O Devil, I take back reign of this
chaotic life mess I have created!
Today I will be strong, as you have tormented me
so long. No longer shall I be off track for today,
I am taking my life back!
Bursting free from these chains;
I am on the way to conquering the flames!
All you need is the will. Where there is a will, there is always a way.
But, my polluted mind couldn't see the path to success ahead.
No map exists to sobriety, or a magical compass to recovery
The lifestyle I once lived, so empty and desolate.
Only able to completely rely on my own self.
For recovery, you need people. And, people are willing to help.
I surrounded myself with all of the acronyms.
AA, NA, MIA. I felt lost in the madness.
A peer in recovery helped me find a start; a Detox program.
These words so unsettling to any real drug addict.
But, this time I was done. Beyond done, Completely over it.
Their medications allowed me to surpass that three day barrier.
A mark of achievement I had so many other times missed.
By day seven, I started to feel slightly more normal.
A pre-dope normal, one that existed before the drugs took over.
But, then I opened my eyes and I saw the doors.
I knew exactly where those doors led to...
They led to the street. They led right back to the needle.
So I just stayed, and moved right into their inpatient program.
A place I swore wholeheartedly I would never go.
The twenty-eight days can be summed up in one word: Reassuring.
Each day I grew more confident, and began to feel reassured.
Just when I came to an acceptance that recovery was truly possible.
Once again, I stood weary at those same two doors.
I decided to speak out. It came from a place of fear and despair.
I was directed into a new form of safe haven.
IOP, with an emphasis on the "intensive."
For four hours a day, for four days a week, I worked at recovery.
Each day building upon my new foundation of inner strength.
When, and only when, I felt completely ready.
I left IOP, and again I immersed myself in those acronyms.
I also found a healthy replacement for my abundant time.
The gym became my therapy, relieving me both body and mind.
Working out was my new "high." Only this time it was healthy.
Through the entirety of this life changing experience.
I learned many new things about life, about myself.
Proving that where there's a will, there is definitely a way.
It took first reaching rock bottom, and the absolute lowest of lows.
to learn first hand, that you can't reach the top, without first being at the bottom.
(Year 1)
You try to hide
somewhere deep inside
As the blood spatters on the window
You try to compromise with the needle
Like a hero without a soul
As it throws you to the ground
There are no reasons to hold on
It's like falling in love, just to unfall again.
Like a loop that has an end.
Contradict, as you pretend.
(Year 2)
Your heart is light
I see you in the pure clear night
With so many years of learning
You never learned to keep your chin up
This one way trip leaves you broken
You'll never see your old home again
This resentment builds for the rest of your life
Independent actions from a dependent being
You need to find yourself
And place what you find on a shelf
(Year 3)
You listen to the radio waves
All those bad songs are all the rave
You lose your train of thought so easily
Like you lose your will to live
The pool is clean and crisp
And smells like chlorine tabs
Your mind is easily disturbed
Like the surface of the water
You cast no reflection, that's no surprise
You watch the bubbles as they rise
(Year 4)
You finally found what is right
The words are now easy to write
You stood up to the demons
And salvaged what's left of your life
Are you someone new?
You grew tired of your world gone wrong
The view from the corner of the room is inviting
The fear of death is tucked away in the shadows
As you rock back in your chair
You no longer feel that crushing despair
Dear Sister's,
I remember when you arrived on that very first day.
You looked really sad and had nothing to say. The pain in your eyes told your story all
To well. But I knew in my heart you still had a story to tell. When I looked at your face
I could see your pain. Because what you held inside could drive a sane man insane. You have seen and did a lot of things. Some of them bad. Some of what you did would make a happy person sad. But let me tell you this sister's. Do not despair.
Now that changing your life you are going somewhere. You have told your story and freed your soul. So put those bad things behind you because now they are old. Now you have pep in your step and your swagger is back. And in a matter of time there will be nothing you'll lack. You are beautiful human being's and you deserve the
Best. And so far lady's you have past the test. So keep pushing my sister's. Don't stop trying. You already shed your tears so now you can stop crying. By the grace of God you have gone through the fire. If any one says you didn't they're a bold face liar.
So from the bottom of my heart I know you'll recover.
Sincerely yours,
Your recovery brother.
I walk amongst them but nobody sees
I blend unnoticed
As I inhale my disease
The air is constricted causing me to fall
All the things which once mattered
Now seem not to matter at all
Going nowhere just standing still
Trapped inside of loneliness
Since the day I grew ill
Clocks keep spinning around me so fast
I grow dizzy
As I look back onto my past
I see faint memories of who I used to be
I see myself before I was infected
And remembered what it felt like to be me
I breath in the disease and then hold in my breath
Again & again
Causing me to walk one step closer to death
Given a battle to fight without a chance
I stood there with no weapon
like a dancer without music to dance
The disease has stolen my dreams
I walk beside you unnoticed
unraveling at the seams
After inhaling my disease I’m trapped in one spot
I vanish into a cloud of empty time
Whether I want to or not
I hold out my hands but no one is there for me
I walk beside you
Why can’t u see?
I call your name but am not heard
I try to scream
But I’m unable to utter a word
My body is tired and my mind is awake
I am numb
I can’t feel yet I continue to ache
Shadows surround me without any signs of light
I walk amongst u
Simply pretending to be alright
The disease has planted its roots deep inside
The day I had been infected
Was the day that I died
I walk beside you smiling as if nothing is wrong
Pretending to be like you
Although I haven’t been for so long
Blending into the crowd until I fade
Vanishing into a realm of sorrow
Inside the lonely life I made
Knowing soon I will meet my end and have to say goodbye
I no longer am afraid
And I no longer cry
The disease made me numb and is all that I feel
I stopped crying
My hopes and dreams no longer have appeal
I take a deep breath but still gasp for air
The disease surrounds me
I can’t find an escape but no longer care
Infected with an illness which has become my only friend
Will anyone remember me
Will anyone be there in the end?
I close my eyes yet no longer dream
The world around me vanishes
Nobody hears me frantically scream
Rock and Roll
Feed me things
That keep me awake
I feel alive
What a perfect date
False friends
Within my circle
False visions
I can't escape
Line after line
Star amongst the sky
Strung out, supernova
Reaching for that first glorious high
Tears welling up
Filling my guitar moon
No more strings to pick
No music to brew
I was born to rock, but now I think it's time to roll
No one is powerless against their addiction.
All that's truly required is to seriously practice self discipline,
and work on those issues of yours unresolved within,
that prompts you to hide behind drugs or abusive drinking.
I celebrated thirty years of sobriety by having a drink.
That was five years ago, and I can count on one hand the drinks I've had since.
life sentence
I can’t go on with my life in addiction
How can I ever have any kind of relations
A week a month a year
I really have no idea
It’s all the not knowing
That’s stops life growling
You build it all up
begin to restore
All the love and respect
from your family once more
There’s is no sane or sensible explanation
Just another day when
Your living in addiction
I can not promise
I can give no guarantee
all your worries and fear
I can never remove or relieve
No one can live with that uncertainty
No faith and stability
Chance after chance you gave to me
I was so blind I just didn’t see
I was killing all you had inside for me
The saddest thing about addiction
Is all your loved ones get caught in your affliction
Most of me can be heeled
addiction though can’t be killed
So what ever Treatment I decide
addiction will forever be right by my side
I once had a Lazy Susan
Adding confusion to choosin'
I gave her a spin
But never could win
And that's why I turned to boozin'
How do we harvest light?
We dig through the darkness.
When light is a turnip
Growing in the rocky Newfoundland soil
Digging through the darkness
Hands bloody and torn
Digging into my past
Through trauma
Stories and roots
Block the path
Rocks and fears
Make the work
Challenging, draining
Often I need to rest
Light is the quest
The digging worthwhile
Golden ears listen
A great gift given
Lessons come
Light lessons
Unlike dirt
Undone by
A good scrub
Light permeates
Till you and it are the same
No washing required
Wishing you love and light
Gordon Martin
February 1, 2019
For Diane
You are young and so alive
and I am old but with the fire still alive
We come from places far apart
and still we connected at the heart
I have fought the fight you face
it happens in a very frightening place
Your troubles lie within your past
and time moves ever so fast
Slow down time - remember who you really are
you're not the person they say you are
Not the one who's lost control
or the one who'll never be whole
you are a very special person with a loving soul
Life is a gift most take for granted
and it's true your past life can't be recanted
It happened as you remember it
With all the pain and all the ****, but you can stop living in it
You can go on by learning to forgive yourself
and live a life not free of trouble, strife or yearning
but ever still a rewarding life of love and learning
I will help if you ask and I'll get right to it
But for now I love you and pray for your recovery
knowing full well that you can do it
As I have fought and so far have won
you can do so as well
to free yourself from your personal hell
Long after I have passed and left this place
please know I left remembering your beautiful face
It is the joy of my life to know when I am dead and gone
that you will go on - doing for someone new
what I have tried to do for you
Your special smile tells me we have won
Although a temporary victory it shall always be
As you will learn and I truly believe
"one day at a time" is the key.
I love you and I know you love me.